Just Leave The Narcissist
What is the response of the narcissist to the threat of the victim’s friends and families urging the victim to leave the narcissist? Those ‘advisers’ are unlikely to recognise a narcissist, however they have seen that certain behaviours are not right and indeed are unpleasant and abusive and they are urging the victim to leave the narcissist. The narcissist detects this and may also be directly aware of what the victim is being told – how might he or she respond?
I know what they say about me. I always know. I know they crowd around, earnest expressions etched across their made-up faces, their mouths flapping as they spout their supposed wisdom to you.
“We will be here for you. You have always got us.”
“If you are unhappy there must be something wrong.”
“Is it right to be treated like this?”
“You are not the person you used to be.”
Who are they to claim what is right for you? Have they held you on that cliff-top with the foaming ocean churning beneath us, the cool Atlantic air brushing past us as a canopy of stars hung overhead? Have they looked into your eyes and seen the pain that I know was there long before I came along, a pain that I have shouldered for you? Where were they when you called at 3am and asked that I tell you a story because you had just had a horrible nightmare? I do not recall them soothing you and keeping those night demons at bay. Do they know you inside out? I think not. They do not know every inch of you in the way that I do. Each delicate piece of you that I have kissed and caressed, so there is no place about your person that has not been embraced by me. They have not done that have they? Have they held your long tresses back and rubbed your back as you spewed those cocktails back up and groaned about what how much money you have just regurgitated? No. It was I who rode to your rescue as they wove their drunken way to another bar. They do not know your favourite ten songs and I will wager more than they earn that they have no inclination that you are frightened of geese.
Oh I know alright. I know about their messages which they send you. I have seen them and it is fortunate that I have so I can spare you from the green-eyed lies. They do not have what we have and nor will they ever. One cannot blame them for their wretched jealousy, they are just flesh and blood, but are they your true friends when they seek to pour such sedition in your ears when my back is turned? Ought they not to be happy for you, delighted that you want to spend so much time with me. Do they not see that your sadness on occasions is borne out of your deep and perfect love for me, that such is our connection that you justifiably feel upset when you irk me or irritate me. I know you do not mean to do it and that is why I have not pushed you aside like those other pretenders who came before you. You understand what it is to have found someone who fulfils all your hopes and your dreams and you understand my pain when you sleight me or let me down. Yet, since you are such a good person, my upset becomes your upset but they do not see it. I suppose if I was charitable I might ascribe their short-sightedness to the fact that they lack your special qualities. Only you understand me and only you have that deep-seated bond with me so that what I feel resonates with you. That is who you are and who they are not.
I heard them caution you about moving in together, their comments about “undue haste” and “it is too early” and “he wants you where he can see you.” Well, why should I not? Why should I not have my number one fan with me as often as I can? Why would you want to be anywhere else? Why would I not want to have someone so pretty and wonderful as you besides me? Does not every winner want to show off his trophy? Of course.
I know they have cautioned you about my temper and urged you to depart, claiming that it will only get worse and you will suffer. They mistake passion for temper, but then they would wouldn’t they, it suits their selfish purposes to try and bring down what you and I have. People usually do that when they do not understand something. It is a predictable and regrettable response. As for their remarks about me controlling you, how can that be so? I chose you for so many things and chief amongst those attributes was the attraction of your strong mind and keen intelligence. So what if I suggest what you might wear and how you should do your hair, I am taking an interest. Would you prefer it if I never commented on how you looked or made no suggestion as to what suited you? I know a couple of them think I stop you seeing them, but that is just more of their campaign of slander. Perhaps it is selfish of me, but the times I have asked you to cancel plans to see some of your friends were only because I wanted to be with you. Perhaps I sounded firmer than I intended, I suppose that might happen when you spend all day working hard to support a relationship, it does make one tired. Do not be concerned by their observations that I make all the decisions about what we do, where we go and how our money is spent. I am happy to bear such a burden for us both and you have admitted, have you not, that I do know more than you about certain things. I am only doing what is right for you, for me and most of all for us. Of course, they do not bother to gain possession of all the facts. They would much rather whisper untruths in your ear based on hearsay and ill-informed perspectives. I suppose that is a price I have to pay for loving you so totally, so completely and so perfectly.
Still, I know they urge you to leave me. I am no fool. I have overheard their comments, heard what they say when they telephone you and seen the messages. I know they want you to depart and escape me. Well, do it. Go. Leave everything that we have built up together. Leave my guiding hand and perhaps someone more grateful will come along. I do not want that but why should my largesse and love be abused in this way? Why should I pour my all into an empty hole? Go do it. Pack your bags and leave. I will not stop you. See. If I controlled you would I not be begging you to stay and pleading with you to ignore them? If I pulled your strings as they accuse me of doing so would I not be threatening you now with all manner of terrible consequences if you had the audacity to step through that door and away from me? But I have not and I do not, because you already know don’t you? That is why I chose you. But I shall not stand in your way. If it really is awful being with someone who only ever has your best interests at heart and who loves you perfectly, albeit sometimes clumsily and erratically, then leave me. Just leave.
I know you won’t though. I know.
4 thoughts on “Just Leave The Narcissist”
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Wow
I really hope that one day you can say those words and actually mean them it’s so sad that you have to tear people apart to feel whole I don’t know if you annoy me or if I pity you however I do find you intriguing
I used to watch my mother with men and think how stupid are they ,how is it that they can’t see what she’s doing I’ve watched her destroy people with no real reason she’s just having one of her turns , I know only too well what it’s like to be on the receiving end of that I actually think that’s part of my problem I swore I would never be like her, I don’t like her, I think she’s a terrible person and because of her Ways She’s pretty much lost everyone not one of her children speak to her ,my oldest brother is just waiting for her to die so he can get the inheritance I have a literally no interest in anything that comes from her it’s not worth the bloody you pay
I know you’re confident in your ability to be able to manipulate people but I do believe you will end up alone if you don’t change ,if this is how you treat people you will lose them one way or another I’ve seen it over and over again narcissists thinking that they will always have someone ending up in homes ,with no real love no family and no friends the world is a fickle place and you too can come a victim to it ,It never pays to be overconfident I really hope that your sessions with the good doctors help you learn How to function normally I don’t believe it’s not in you To love someone I just think it’s buried really Deep And as soon as you feel any form of attachment is when you have to do is engage in running them down in your mind so you never become vulnerable but I think you’re leaving yourself open to the biggest hurt of all To genuinely be alone not just feel that way
Hello. I agree with everything you said. Narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths ruin every relationship they are involved in. They destroy family members and friends. People don’t want to be around them so in turn they abandon the narcissist. Yea, they will have many fuel resources, but they will eventually run them all off. The story continues to revolve like a train track until they get old and unable to take care of themselves. Their family or whoever eventually throws them into a nursing home and they are not visited by anyone, because the narcissists has run them all off with their narcissistic behavoir. Nobody wants to be associated with them. They end up lonely and ostracized by everyone, except for the nursing home staff. Soon enough the narcissist takes their manuplative vengeance out on the nursing home staff. They get sick of dealing with them and eventually discharge them once a new nursing home agrees to take them. I have seen this myself first hand. It is like a revolving door until they are deceased.
I feel weird mentioning this on here but I recently got back into South Park and came across an episode called “Doubling Down” that refers to exactly what is in this article.
Cartman is a narcisstic psychopath of epic (albeit cartoonish) proportions who ends up with Heidi, the smart and funny empath.
In the beginning all is rosy – and then the manipulations begin. The gaslighting, playing the victim, deceitfulness, false apologies.
Throughout it all she defends him until she breaks it off while her friends say “I told you so” causing her to double down and try harder to make this twisted relationship work and defend her choice.
It’s funny that of all the TV shows and movies that depict narcissism that South Park would be the one to nail it.
For the record Trump is nicely portrayed here too.