Poll : What Will Valentine’s Day Bring For You?

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It is Valentine’s Day.

Is it a day of excitement, cards from mystery admirers, a new chapter with a loving empathic person or is it a day of regret, hurt feelings over the now departed narcissist? Perhaps you are bracing yourself for unpleasant behaviours or anticipating the narcissist hoovering you with sugary embrace? Then again perhaps you are being left alone and you are grateful for it. Alternatively you might be giving your own V sign to V day and refusing to bow to commercial pressures.

Whatever it might be, please do take the poll and choose all applicable answers and expand as always in the comments section.

Now, how do I get out of my house with all these cards blocking the front door…..

 

What will Valentine's Day bring for you?

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300 thoughts on “Poll : What Will Valentine’s Day Bring For You?

  1. mommypino says:

    A delightful day with a non narcissistic partner. About 80% of Valentine’s Day was really for the kids. Then I made an extra special dinner and hubby did all of the dishes. I got and arranged flowers for the both of us. We exchanged cards and gifts. We shared a box of chocolates that hubby got. And we watched Monster Truck with the kids before putting them to sleep.

    1. BurntKrispyKeen says:

      That sounds like a lovely day… and anytime there’s help with the dishes… even better.

    2. SMH says:

      Ah Mommypino, I see that you did have a very nice Valentine’s Day. I am happy to hear it!

  2. nunya biz says:

    There is no option for “I am going to die alone.” Every person I have said that to over the last six weeks or so has laughed at me or looked at me like I’m crazy, including my therapist, so that’s probably good, but still I’m pretty sure.
    I thought this was cute because they all seemed kind of on point, my INFP one was pretty good..
    https://introvertdear.com/news/introverted-myers-briggs-personality-type-valentine/

    I don’t really care about valentine’s day and I’m not a holiday person or a birthday person. I’d really rather that everyday with someone is amazing and meaningful and then it doesn’t matter. If I’m impressed with someone’s character then I know where they are coming from. Where or who an action is coming from is so much more important than what it looks like. Duh.

    1. Sweetest Perfection says:

      NB, we are all gonna die alone. Unless you are part of a weird cult and the leader convinces everyone to commit mass suicide. Don’t think about how you’re gonna die, focus on how you’re living now and make the best of it. At least that’s my goal, although it’s not easy sometimes.

      1. nunya biz says:

        It’s true, SP, and that’s what I keep coming back to. Challenging.

    2. Bekah B says:

      Nunya Biz,

      So you’re an INFP? I’m a ISFP.. I once was in a relationship with a male INFP, for about 3 years.. He loved really deeply and put me on a pedestal.. He claims he is still in love with me today, but my feelings are not the same..

      This personality type is well attuned with their intuitive side, going on “gut feelings” and instincts.. They are also very good people readers, from what I can tell.. Did you have a relationship with a narcissist? If so, could you not tell something was “off” about them in the beginning? I am just curious..

      1. nunya biz says:

        That is so interesting, Bekah. I deeply enjoy being somewhat worshipful toward someone but I do need it shared and returned in a way that’s fulfilling to me, but that just sounds beautiful to me. It has to be about the person’s character too. If I had to say some things about myself one thing would be that I am a very good people reader and I do it constantly.

        My first live in relationship was with a lesser. He was more than off, he was full on crazy. I don’t know if I could tell in the beginning, I was young and came from a strange home background so what would seem off to most people would probably seem normal to me and I didn’t feel like I had power or choices and I wasn’t taught how to have a relationship, just that I should do my best. Relationships with narcissists since then are similar even though I’m more guarded in the sense that I think boundaries have always been the primary thing more than knowing if something is off, in addition to the fact I tend to see everyone as having challenging parts to their personalities whether a narcissist or not- it depends on what a person’s particular flaws and gifts are which I find complicated. So while I could maybe tell, I couldn’t always understand what aspects of things are permanently futile…the typical empath thing of patience and positivity, wanting what is best. I think the point of focus has to be on myself and what I want. I think I don’t actually like narcissists less just looking at them, I’ve just come to understand that certain aspects of that dynamic make some things pointless so I can hopefully make decisions accordingly. Another thing I think is that I sometimes subconsciously choose particular personality types that offer a balance to mine because I feel some stability and so that can mean a person is less emotional, which can be a bad thing. I have met people who have that same balance to me though who are not at all narcissists and who have similar ethical/moral leanings to me and a depth of feeling.
        I wondered about what you are saying…and ISFP/INFP relationship might be something that would not work for me romantically, but I don’t know. I pondered I might need some stabilizing characteristic, like a T or J quality but you never know quite how things will come together in an individual when adding in personal quirks, etc… A man I respected the most who was not an N I suspect was an ENFJ.

        1. Bekah B says:

          Thanks for your reply, Nunya Biz.. I appreciate you sharing and providing insight into what it’s like to be an INFP, and not only as it relates to being with a narcissist in a romantic relationship/dynamic.. A lot of what you’re saying, I relate to, but not “naturally”.. I have needed to teach myself to establish boundaries and to look past only the surface level of people in order to somewhat understand their motives before keeping up consistent communication with them.. Believe it or not, I attribute the experience with my narcissist with learning this skill.. If not for him and the absolute terrible things I went through, I would not have gone to counselling and learned what I have for the past year and a half.. I also learned a lot from him, as a person.. He is an intuitive thinker who thrives on intellectual conversation (although he won’t admit it), so he often pushed my mind to the limit and really awakened my dormant intuitive side..

          I think that, to a certain extent, as empaths we all are drawn to what we may lack and what we want enhanced in our lives when choosing a partner, or even a friend.. It’s important to have similarities in morals and ethics in order to facilitate true, long-lasting chemistry, though.. The narcissist thrives on this until they can’t anymore.. After a while, it gets tiring to continue to hold that mirror up and pretend to be something they are not..

          I think it makes a lot of sense for you to find great respect in an ENFJ.. You guys were in sync with the intuitive feeler thing.. Lol.. My mother and older sister are both ENFJs.. I love them and value them, but when having conversations, I can really see the differences between how we gather information, perceive it, and draw conclusions about it.. At the time I was with the INFP man, my personality was slightly different–I was a people pleaser.. I leaned more towards the J than the P.. It was only after being in this narcissistic dynamic, subsequently learning to put my needs first, but leaving room open for “interpretation” about many things in life did I become more of a Perceiver rather than Judger.. The balance of F/T and P/J is good, but I *cannot stand* a strong J.. They tend to be too judgmental, close-minded, and set in their ways.. I believe in freedom, spontaneity, and I absolutely love new experiences, always..

      2. nunya biz says:

        Rebekah,

        I relate to teaching yourself boundaries because I was not taught to do so although I always felt like I could “see” things going on around me differently. In fact I was like many on here sort of brainwashed to ignore it. Meaning my parents crossed boundaries and ignored needs with me constantly and so I just never really fully learned what they were, stuff like telling me how to think or expecting me to respond and behave a certain way to please them with very little thought to how I feel and never really addressing how I felt or acknowledging it or just telling me it was wrong. To this day my mother distorts reality, last time she contacted me she unloaded some of her perceptions and some of them were completely made up though I’m sure she doesn’t know that and others were just out of place in context so extremely I didn’t know where to start. Her mother was schizophrenic and I always felt bad for her so I tried for a long time to just accept things, she was also one of the later born children out of eight. She has no idea about things and I can’t discuss with her. I have always been a very deeply feeling and intuitive person, which she is not. I also have some acquiescing kindness to me that she never was able to see and that developed into an unhealthy balance with her demanding and black and white thinking to where I developed some very rebellious parts and I have certain things that I absolutely have to avoid now.

        I also don’t like extreme J. I usually think just enough J to form a conclusion and take an action is good and especially if the J is coming from an accurate and maybe altruistic process it can be wonderful. I am extreme on my NFP parts and in the middle on the I/E. I’ve also been most fascinated with “Sensing” type because it seems like it would be visual/artistic? But yes I am on the same page, freedom, spontaneity and new experiences definitely! I don’t relate to anything else.
        I am going to make another comment because I have too much to say.

      3. nunya biz says:

        Looking for that stability balance in relationships gets me into trouble, but I really do think I am learning and I have started to become very disenchanted with narcissistic behavior, which with HG has become very plain to me, not attracted to it at all. It still causes me frustration and that is a problem. I need similar morals and ethics in a partner/friend, there are things I would never do and boundaries I would never cross, and then I’m also finding in addition to that there is a noticeable layer where I simply cannot tolerate being maneuvered, manipulated, pressured, mirrored, by someone. I have always had a bad internal reaction to it, but it’s gotten so extreme it’s really hard for me to be around and it unfortunately happens a lot.

        I find people will call me to ask for help or to do extra things beyond what the dynamic is or what should be happening but then they sort of lose track of my half of the interaction so it leaves me feeling like I’m being maneuvered or like they are seeking support and validation or whatever they need in a one-sided manner. I also occasionally find people jabbing at me, testing me or being possessive. My therapist suggested for me doing a little more group work because of some stress I’m going through and I expressed some emotional reactivity and anxiety, some related to life change/divorce but I started thinking later…actually some of the stress is coming from the social dynamics of group stuff and is lowering my threshold for stress in other areas, so I’m going to decline for now. I’ve been an advocate for it on here and it really helped me, no question, but I think I’ve hit a tipping point where it’s become obligation and some of the less aware people use me as a spring board and I might be unknowingly paying for that, which I’m learning is a “carrier” trait. I have a way of packaging things in a supportive way for people because I am good at it, I think I have a knack for reorganizing stuff as I learn about it and I learn pretty quick and I also don’t need to be the center of attention so I feel like people just pull on me. It bugs me also because I have a couple of friends where we are just helpful and supportive to each other and I’ve had other good dynamics, so I just don’t want the extra crap all the time. I have to have a balance of being introverted.

        1. Bekah B says:

          Nunya Biz,

          You really do sound like a very interesting person.. You describe aspects of who you are, what you go through, and how you see (perceive) things very well..

          To touch on what you mentioned about being fascinated with the ‘Sensing’ type: it is visual.. it could be artistic.. But I would like to describe it as “concrete” or “grounded”.. I don’t do very well with ideas.. I certainly do admire people who are able to develop them in an instant and communicate them efficiently, but it is just not something I am good at, or at least have perfected enough to use primarily.. I do better with things that are undisputed by facts.. Things that are tangible.. Things I can interact with with one or more of my five senses.. Things that flow in a logical order.. These type of things feel more real to me than what I may believe to be real in my idealistic mind.. To relate this back to the subject of narcissism—I used to get caught up into the idea of my narcissist and who I believed him to be for a *very long* time.. But once we started to interact with each other frequently and the whole narcissistic dynamic commenced (golden period, devaluation, disengagement, repeat), the latter is that of which I knew and believed to be true—truer than what I ever thought he was in the past.. Speaking very generally, in terms of relationships and people within them: some people tend to get caught up into the *idea* of what a person is or can be, as opposed to who they are right here, right now.. In the final months of my engagement with my narcissist, this couldn’t be more true—I began to only show my love for him as he displayed himself to me (because it was all I had to tangibly interact with).. His efforts within our respite periods were directly proportionate to me adulating and exalting him—being the typical “lovey dovey”.. And by the same token, his decline from the respite period into devaluing me was directly proportionate to me beginning to emotionally withdraw from him.. He definitely started to notice these things.. Being the intuitive that he is, I believe he was with me and put forth the efforts that he did during the good times because of the *idea* he came up with of who I was to him.. He also began treating me badly because of the *idea* he came up with of what I had done to him and/or who I turned out to be (that he didn’t believe I could be).. I never could quite convince him that my actions were a result of what he initiated, whether he was idealizing me or devaluing me.. And I definitely couldn’t convince him to stop devaluing me and to just take me for who I am without him having to manipulate any circumstance in the process, whether it be for good or for bad.. I tried to teach him how to love, respect, and appreciate things for what they are.. But it was in these times of very deep, intellectual conversation between us that I would notice the stark difference between how we both gathered and processed information.. I would be so frustrated with him not being able to understand my perspective on certain things.. And he stated several times that I am just an ‘enigma’.. I understood him and appreciated him for what he was (because that is the essence of my ‘Sensing’), but he could never do the same for me..

          It’s good that you are able to recognize narcissistic and other toxic behaviors and that you become disenchanted quite quickly.. As an individual, do you believe you will ever find stability and balance in a relationship with another?

          The part where you mention you essentially feel you’re being maneuvered and possibly manipulated at times when certain people call upon you for support or validation but don’t consider your side of the interaction is something my ex-boyfriend used to complain about.. So I find that very interesting and consistent with the INFP personality, which bolsters my belief in the personality-typing system.. I believe you when you say you have a knack for packaging things in a particular way for people and reorganizing things very well as you learn it quickly.. That is something I have noticed in most intuitive people I have known in my lifetime..

          You are very cool, Nunya Biz.. You’re definitely a one of a kind type of person with a lot to offer people you encounter on a daily basis, I’m sure.. If it is your desire, I do wish you find a person in your lifetime you can be happy with, who has similar morals and ethics as you, and provides that stability and balance that you need to feel complete and at ease within your relationship with them.. I wish you all the best!

          1. nunya biz says:

            Bekah B, what an amazing comment! So much to think about. That sensing versus idealism, that’s why I find the Sensing description so interesting, I go off into idealism so easily, I think my MB description would be
            *Authentic, Intuitive, Idealist*
            and as you say it can lead to trouble with a narcissist because it’s very important to understand HG’s explanations of how they think differently, not how I expect a person to think or the ideal goals I have in my mind. The idealism leads to excess patience I think. I have been practicing being more realistically sensing about my interactions but it helps to have context.

            I think your description of an interaction with a narcissist is very articulately accurate. It describes some of my frustrations, especially how I feel I can accept the way a person is. In reverse it seems that the narcissist likes some abstract thing about you that is undefined, they don’t fully understand, and that’s where the maneuvering comes in- as if you are to do what they like regardless of any give and take dynamic that allows you to be an independent individual or that you behave in a particular way toward them regardless of what they are doing and we make a mistake thinking this is just a faulty thought process that can be explained and corrected. Even if a behavior is adjusted it will resurface in a different way in my experience because it is only a side-effect.

            I think this ends in a catch-22 (as HG says, GOSO) because a relationship is fundamentally impossible unless you can completely detach or endure abuse (especially with the shadow projections), neither has good reasoning behind it. Self-esteem prevents a relationship because with devalue, objectification, maneuvering, N’s will only course-correct and try to conquer one who would escape or pine after one they can’t have, that’s if you are not Black or in silent-treatment. That means they only *want what they cannot have*, which by definition MEANS they *cannot have what they want*. What is already there is only owned, traits and all.

          2. nunya biz says:

            Bekah, I would like to think that I could meet someone. I don’t know about it, I feel defeated sometimes. I feel passionate about my sense of morality and I would love to connect with someone on that level- that is the area where I would like to be understood and related to. But that is unique from person to person, imo and I don’t think my morality is better than anyone’s and some might find my views odd, but I would like to have my processing and decision leanings understood by someone so they would understand what things are important to me and what I fiercely protect, and that I understand those things about them. The thing is, I think that narcissists are very good at feigning connection and understanding, so I get drawn into that. A recent hoover by someone from my past is just furthering my thoughts that I should be fine being independent and alone unless something “real” develops. He can only maneuver into his designs I think and the connection is false and I do feel glad to be disenchanted, it’s just not compelling when looking at it plainly though I find him attractive as a person. I realize that no matter how great a moment is and I do enjoy that, object impermanence prevails and a long term struggle is futile. He could do anything at any time.

            And I feel outside of someone pursuing me specifically, which doesn’t bode well at all for N traits (they pursue), it is unusual to have an opportunity to get to know someone on a very personal level over time. I work alone and most interactions are so surface.
            I think N’s can be very genuine in the moment, which is tricky, just aren’t collaborative or contributing? All mirroring and maneuvering.
            I’m heavily focused on hobby, work, internal stuff right now and very wary! Thank your wishes. I do enjoy that adulating and exalting “lovey dovey” thing you describe, so much and the possibility of mutual understanding with a person. Thank you for sharing about your ex boyfriend, INFP, that is very interesting to me that someone would feel similar, I usually just feel complainy, lol.
            I can’t remember if you’ve said more on here about your experience with the N. It seems you’ve a really great handle on the dynamic and have learned a lot, that’s impressive.

    3. BurntKrispyKeen says:

      Hi, Nunya Biz … I knew I felt a connection to you! When I took that test years ago, I was labeled an ENFP. A lady at work with whom I feel most connected to is an INFP like you. She tells people that I’m her sister from another mister. I think those two personality categories border close on the E/I as she is actually very outgoing where as I can be shy. (When I tell that to my friends, they laugh in my face, but it’s true!)

      Even though I do enjoy “working a room,” when I divorced, for the longest time, I didn’t tell anyone other than my BFF (who stood beside me in court while the judge granted my freedom.) Somethings I do very quietly, and I definitely have to have alone time to de-escalate from the energy I seem to absorb from others. (After a long day of listening to/relating to/feeling everybody else’s pain, I’ll feel either anxious with restless energy or drained, overwhelmed with sadness. It kind of sucks, actually, but if I get a little time to myself, I spring back into action.) I

      I realize those tests are to represent our core, where we *lean* most of the time, but do you feel your extroverted side popping out often?

      And I hear you on the balance of love! Like you, I’ll pour my heart and soul into love, but if I don’t get a little something back, I just can’t keep giving my energy to a man. And while I “love” everybody, I open my heart to few (as far as that special deep place). Are INFPs similar there as well?

      1. Sweetest Perfection says:

        BKK, I’m an ENFP as well. And yes to your above description!

        1. MB says:

          SP, BKK, and others. I’m an ENFP too! But I don’t know how to make that relevant in my life. What does it mean? I didn’t study it other than to take the test and review the results. It was dead on accurate though. (BKK, I can tell we are VERY similar in a lot of ways!)
          We should be friends! Cue the song:

          https://youtu.be/2fOxxRf_3XI

          1. Sweetest Perfection says:

            MB, I was sure you were! It was like an intuition I had. Btw, I joined Instagram just to follow that fascinating story everyone is talking about, and all I saw was a lot of food and a quiet, grey ocean. It’s like the goose gavage before the inevitable… sorry HG, just an impression, of course no one is forcing her to eat, and the food looks mouthwatering, not to mention that bottle of Barolo…

          2. MB says:

            SP, apparently ENFPs are fairly rare. 7% of the population. I’m glad you joined. I saw you there! Welcome to the party. It’s fun making guesses trying to track HG down. As ever, he’s always several steps ahead though.

          3. Sweetest Perfection says:

            MB, I like being rare. Don’t you?

          4. MB says:

            SP, yes! I pride myself on my individualism. I’m one of a kind, y’all!

      2. nunya biz says:

        BKK, it’s funny because I feel shy but I guess it is just introversion because I get told sometimes “you are not shy” or “oh yeah, like you’re shy” as a joke. But I do get a little anxious or nervous in some situations so I guess it just depends.
        I agree I/E NFP’s are similar and I do have traits of both because my I/E point is very close to the middle and I have tested both directions. I definitely need alone/recharge time before I can connect with people again. For being extroverted yes, I can do the “work a room” thing and get into it when I’m in the right mood and state of mind. Everything you describe I relate to. For my job I do quiet one on one work and it is intuitive and feeling for me and it helps me balance introversion/extroversion that way. I love it when I get to work a lot and it blends in with my exercise, social and family time, I can feel pretty balanced when it’s all right.

      3. nunya biz says:

        Bkk, I think I have the “love everybody” learning, especially when I’m happy and I like to be like that. Lately I’m more guarded due to disappointment and I hope I get past it because I am very easy going too.
        But yes, only close to few.

      4. BurntKrispyKeen says:

        Sweetest Perfection, my fellow “Champion of the People” … it’s nice to learn that! Our description says that we are “highly empathic; the ENFP can find something to identify with in almost every person they meet.” From reading your posts, I can definitely see that trait in you, Sweetest Perfection. ❤

        And Nunya Biz, I hear ya (up above 🔝) in your conversation with Bekah B, as our freedom means everything. I was still married when I took my test, so I asked my then-husband, “The results said I’m very independent; do you think I’m THAT independent?” He replied with, “What are you talking about? You are FIERCELY idependent!!!” He said it in a way that made it sound bad. He went on to remind me that I don’t want anybody telling me what to do. I disagree; I CAN take direction/orders from others.. if I agree with them. I like to think that I can lead AND follow, depending on what’s needed. But I guess no one ever sees us in the same light we see ourselves.
        But apparently that stubbornness comes from us being “passionate about our beliefs,” knowing our values and holding a strong conviction to not wanting to waiver. Sound familiar, ladies? No wonder I can’t seem to get along with my narcissist.

        Thanks for your insight, Nunya Biz, on the thin line between the E/I – NFP. I see it that way too. And I know that you have great patience within your personality. I’ve spelled your name Nanya Biz; Nana Biz; Nanyang Biz and Nunyang Biz … and you’ve been gracious every time. 😊

        1. Sweetest Perfection says:

          BKK, we are the champions, my friend!!! ❤️

      5. BurntKrispyKeen says:

        I’m very guarded, too, Nunya Biz. I think it’s due to the way my narcissist has changed me. I haven’t felt compelled to date yet. I’ve had offers, but I’m like “eh” whenever I engage in conversations with them. My narcissist was exciting and sooo charming that I’m learning to adjust to “normal.”

        But in all of these guys, I see red flags. They all seem highly narcissistic to me.

      6. nunya biz says:

        Bkk, I am defensive toward every man who talks to me, very few would i even entertain the thought of a relationship and if I would consider it I don’t see a mental path past suspicious consideration. So good luck to me if there’s someone determined to get past that.
        Red flags, red flags!
        And I hate being bossed unless I feel it is to benefit me and with good intentions, in which case I will purr like a kitty : )

        You know I really so much enjoyed you calling me different names I laughed about it and it was quite a boost to my mood.

        MB I see similarities btw you and BKK and almost called her MB once which is probably more offensive than her calling me Nuna Bing or Ninja Butt because it’s not a typo but a real mistake : p
        Good person to be mistaken for tho!

      7. BurntKrispyKeen says:

        Awww, MB, I enjoyed that video. I saw Miranda in concert a few years back. The way she engages with the audience is cool. I respect that she’s a girl who knows how to keep it real. She’s not afraid to be vulnerable and tough at the same time. Her song “Tin Man” really spoke to me as do many of her other songs. Anybody who’s been entangled with a narcissist can relate to “White Liar.” And many of us can probabably remember having a moment where we wanted to ask where’s the “Kerosene?!” 😀

        So of course MB, “We SHOULD Be Friends!” HG might not want to admit it, but we’d make NYC a fun trip – indeed! 😄

        I’m still learning about what the whole ENFP label means? Some of the description feels spot-on while other detsils don’t exactly hit the spot, but here’s a few links (if they’ll send correctly) that speak to our predominate ENFP traits. I can connect to seeing both my empathic and narcissistic side in some of these descriptions:

        7 Things You Should Know Before You Date An ENFP | Thought Catalog
        https://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2014/11/7-things-you-should-know-before-you-date-an-enfp/

        ENFP Relationships
        http://www.personalitypage.com/html/ENFP_rel.html

      8. BurntKrispyKeen says:

        Hi, Sweetest Perfection… I’m glad that you were inspired to check out/join Instagram. I might join too… just so I can make the occasional observation/comment. But I’m not on any social media (other than here) so it would be a first. (Still, it’s nice knowing that I can view as an outsider.)

        But I don’t want to miss out on anything, especially if HG uses that platform to reveal more of himself. I was trying to encourage him to do just that, on another thread, but I don’t think he bit. I was trying to appeal to a typical narcissistic desire of giving us a glance while he’s still in his “prime.” You know, just trying to use a little logical thinking… especially since I’ve been so worried about him!
        I mean – it appears he was having quite a time with that belt of his. He apparently dropped it straight to the floor while trying to slip it through those loops; and bless his heart, he had that belt in a mess! I’m worried he might be struggling with getting dressed as I’ve been worried about arthritis. I mean – have you ever seen a belt tied in so many knots?!
        Poor guy. ☺

        But I agree, Sweetest Perfection, that fine food is entertaining in itself.

      9. BurntKrispyKeen says:

        I hear ya, Nunya Biz… and you’re right on MB… a compliment indeed! 😊

        1. MB says:

          Nunya and BKK, aww thank you. You ladies are so sweet. Thank you for the compliments!

  3. Jules says:

    Business meetings from 8-6 and now studying til midnight. I am having a glass of wine though! 🤓

    Happy V Day my Liege. Hoping it was all that You desired. ❤️✨

  4. lisk says:

    I got myself a Valentine, in the form of a new therapist. I think I’ll be able to do good work with her.

    1. NarcAngel says:

      Lisk
      Great gift to yourself. Well done Lisk.

      1. lisk says:

        Thank you, NarcAngel!

  5. Kristal Mangham says:

    Is it Benign or malign??

    I picked Benign Hoover.. HG can you clear this up for me….. seems benign BUT …

    1- Fruit bouquet delivered Very large $$
    LOTS of dipped chocolate..

    2- anyone that knows me knows that I think delivery on Valentine’s Day is stupid.,

    LOTS of dipped chocolate. I Hate chocolate.

    3. I have expressed fruit buquets are over priced
    and he has been unemployed for close to a year..

    So is that a BENIGN OR MALIGN Hoover?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Malign but has deniability.

    2. MB says:

      Kristal, the cost is no object. He probably used somebody else’s money anyway!

      1. NarcAngel says:

        MB
        Good focus. I’m still trying to fathom the hating of chocolate.

    3. E. B. says:

      Hi Kristal,
      He did exactly those three things he knew you had mentioned something negative about (V-day, over priced fruit buquets) or did not like (chocolate).
      My narc mother-in-law used to buy me things she knew I did not like and not just one but lots of them!

  6. Joanne says:

    How wonderful it feels that “Waiting for something, anything, from the narcissist” was not in my plan today! Quite a relief after what I put myself through at Christmas, New Year and my birthday.

    For me:

    A day of solitude: I baked treats for my kids and was busy with work. Kept my brain well occupied with constructive thoughts.

    A delightful day owing to a non-narcissist romantic partner: Gave my husband a bag of his favorite goodies and received a nice card from him. Felt contented.

    A benign hoover – electronic: *Although not sure this is a hoover or not* – he messaged me after seeing my valentine cupcake post on FB, saying he wishes I was celebrating with him, to which I replied, “yes, me too.” He replied with a kissy emoji. My fuel flowing all over the place but that is where it ended.

    Feeling very pleased with myself for not needing him today, especially KNOWING how awful he could’ve (and likely would’ve) made me feel. I feel very….free

    1. DoForLuv says:

      So your husband is not a narcissist but you are cheating on him ?? With a narc?!

      Im so confused

      1. Joanne says:

        DFL
        Yes, I am married and I had a brief affair with a narc.

        1. MB says:

          DFL, it is very common due to the innate addiction empaths have to narcissists. You will see many Dirty Empaths here that find themselves in that situation.

      2. Supernova DE says:

        There are many of us here who are married to a non-narcissist and are having/have had affairs with a narc…..

      3. DoForLuv says:

        MB and Supernova DE Yes I understand . I just been thinking a non- narcissitic partner would be “ The redemption “ but realised trough this its not .
        Eventough off course not!

        But I was just really interested in Joanne’s comment and story . Seems like a difficult one to be in .

      4. BurntKrispyKeen says:

        DoForLuv, it’s hard to explain, but MB said it well. The draw is like an addiction. We know that our non-narcissist-husbands are more the man than a narc will ever be, but the narcissist lures an empath away with such effective mirroring and charming seduction… that as Supernova DE implied… it makes it hard for many to resist. So here we are, working it out on Narcsite.

        I can see how perplexing it is to think about giving up a normal man for a narc, because quite frankly, it IS pretty stupid! But again, the energetic pull between a narcissist and an empath is a dynamic like no other.

        My narcissist utilized that my non-narcissist-husband had cheated on me, promising me a life of loyalty and sheer devotion. (That’s almost funny now as I recall his proclamation of how prudent faithfulness is.) My narcissist told me much of his “convictions” as a friend… a friend just sharing his views. (I know better now.) Once I crossed that line, for me, I needed to reset my life so that I could better figure out my issues. So I divorced my husband. Plus, I wanted to make things “right” for all involved; I needed to start over.

        My ex-husband does not know about my affair as he believed that I was just friends with my narcissist. But I stopped being physical with my husband once I became intimate with my narcissist, so I am sure that my now ex-husband was highly suspicious. But after what he put me through with his affair, he was reasonably quiet when I started to withdraw. He conducted himself as if he didn’t think I would actually physically cheat – from a moral standpoint. I had easily (relatively) turned down advances from other men throughout our marriage, so he trusted me. (I got married very young.) But considering his affair, I think my now ex-husband was hoping “it” would pass and perhaps actually help me to accept his transgressions. I don’t know? We are on very good terms as divorced parents, so I hate to inquire. I told him that I sought divorce because I couldn’t completely get over his affair. That is the truth; it’s just not the whole truth. I live with guilt everyday.

        And as disgusting as it sounds, a part of me will always love them both.

    2. DoForLuv says:

      Oh I see thank you for answering me.
      Glad you was able not to wait to hear something from , and wish you well 🤗

      1. SMH says:

        DoForLuv, You will also find many on here like me, who had affairs with married narcs but are not married themselves. That is a Dirty Empath Marriage Breaker (that’s me!!) whereas someone who cheats on a non-narc partner with a narc is a Dirty Empath Infidelity. It took me awhile to figure out that there were two types of Dirty Empaths. But in the end, we are all in the same boat, trying to figure out how we got seduced by narcs and then how to disengage.

      2. Joanne says:

        DFL
        Thank you and same to you! 😊

  7. Cathie says:

    I experienced a Hoover, dinner then walk walk with the dogs after which he yanked my dogs leash so hard he broke it…. jerk!

    1. NarcAngel says:

      Cathie
      Ask yourself how you can actually want to be with someone who would do that? His actions in that moment showed his true colors, and he’ll do worse to get a reaction from you in future. Don’t let him near your dogs. Or you for that matter.

      1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

        NarcAngel
        Here here NarcAngel … . he’s unpredictable, cruel and wants power and control …..get out quick if not sooner

    2. Bubbles 🍾 says:

      Bastard … people who hurt animals are pure evil ….get rid of him asap 😡

      1. Sweetest Perfection says:

        Bubbles, I agree. If he did that in front of me 🔥🔥😡

  8. foolme1time says:

    Happy Valentine’s Day Everyone!!😘❤️

  9. SMH says:

    Ha I had to laugh when I saw the results as I picked the top two (and did not peek). When I got home late tonight after two very long ass work days, during which I travelled almost 600 hundred miles and was in three different cities (it was all good – my true love is my work – I am a bit of a workaholic and every guy I have ever been with has asked me to give it up or somehow tried to disrupt it), the thing that made me happiest was that I knew I would open the door and NO ONE WOULD BE THERE. Also, my niece’s partner brought me flowers recently when he stayed the weekend with me. They are just opening now and they are absolutely gorgeous. So I have my flowers and I don’t have to deal with anyone. It’s a win-win.

    1. mommypino says:

      SMH,

      Sounds like you had a fabulous Valentine’s! It’s wonderful that no guy was able to make you give up your true love – your work. I have been missing working so badly. I miss dressing up for work and not thinking about anything else aside from getting the job done. I will go back to work when the school year starts. I am excited but I am torn about the thought of missing my little kids. But I want them to be proud of me and I know that they don’t need me 24/7 because they are having fun learning and playing with other kids when I work. ☺️

      1. SMH says:

        Mommypino, Thank you! I hope you did too!

        It took me a long time to figure out they all wanted me to quit and then to resent it. I used to think there was something wrong with me for not paying enough attention to them. When I am inspired, I just go and go and go. I don’t want to stop to make dinner.

        When my son was little I hated staying home with him and of course thought there was something wrong with me then too. I mean I could do it occasionally, but day in and day out to me was like death. Luckily, his dad did it for most of the first three years of his life, during which time we moved overseas for awhile. When we came back, my son went to pre-school and loved it. He played all day and he was way ready for kindergarten when it happened. Your kids will be fine – it’s a win-win for everyone. I am happy for you that you have work to look forward to!

        1. mommypino says:

          Thank you SMH! My husband will retire in 2021. When that time comes he will be watching the kids full time when they are not in school. He’s 28 yrs older than me. I’ll start going back to work this year and hopefully establish a good foundation for my career. I need a good job so I can eventually afford to support my husband’s expensive lifestyle. 😉😁

          1. SMH says:

            Mommypino, That sounds ideal, especially if you can get a well-paying job to support your husband’s lifestyle!

            Narc and I were complete opposites that way. He thought I was a hippie chick and I thought he was a high flying alpha male. Neither was entirely accurate but we would laugh about our weird attraction to each other. We figured we were both living vicariously and questioning our choices. Part of him wanted my lack of responsibilities and meaingful (but low paying) work, and part of me wanted his ‘gilded cage’ (as I called it).

  10. DEMBunny says:

    I’ve been married w kids with happy VDs, and I’ve since spent enough VDs single that it doesn’t bother me either way, but I am thinking about the MMR and my position in the matrix, wondering if his IPPS in devaluation is getting a respite , or if it’s shitty for her. I’m reflecting on the past few years with MMR.
    In general today is no different from any other.

  11. Michele says:

    Are you sure it is all the cards blocking your egress, or all the boxes of nappies? 😉

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Cards and panties. No nappies.

  12. Persephone says:

    It’s a Pamper Me day!

    I’ve been out standing in the rain, enjoying my coffee. Now to soak in a hot bath while listening to podcasts. And i have a couple of fatties ready to spark, and a backlog of movies. I have a nice dinner planned, and a grill i can pull under the canopy if it’s still raining.

    Hope you all celebrate your love for yourselves, and if you have a relationship with a non PD person, that’s a bonus!

    XO,
    Perse

    1. NarcAngel says:

      Perse
      (Whispers as not to wake the still peacefully sleeping Perse)

      Sounds heavenly. Glad you enjoyed your day.

      1. Persephone says:

        Thank you NA, It was heavenly. Hope you enjoyed your day!
        And thanks for letting me sleep in!

  13. Anm says:

    Happy Valentines Day! Sending love to everyone! The world would not be so lovely without us Empaths!

  14. Chihuahuamum says:

    I put a day of solitude. I think valentines day is too hyped up. Its what you make of it and theres too much pressure to have to be in a whirlwind romance to be happy in life. Happiness is a choice. The dynamic in my marriage and narc situation isnt huge on romance and ive come to accept this. Instead of having expectations or dwelling on the fact my life doesnt have this romantic love i realise many people dont have that and its quite ok. Where does it say to be fulfilled and happy you need someone you are head over heels in love with? Nowhere thats where. Valentines day is what you want to make it and if thats just being another day then theres nothing wrong with that.
    Im still a romantic at heart but i dont depend on romance to make me happy or fulfill me.
    I put some goodies out for my family and the narc sent me some sweet msgs. I sent the narc some too but by no means do i think this is romance. True romance no. I envy the couples out there together many years that have weathered the storms of life and celebrate each other and are still in love. Not mushy over the top golden period love but being content and making each other feel special love.
    Today will be spent just enjoying my day and being grateful for the little things that make me happy 🙂 happy valentines day whatever way makes you feel special bc you are!💓💓💓💘💓💓💓

  15. Michele says:

    Is it the cards blocking your egress, or the nappies? 😉

  16. Bekah B says:

    I chose: “Wondering where the narcissist is and who he is with”

    I just recently found out he purchased a single train ticket to leave town today.. *sigh*.. I’m starting to wonder if the new IPPS lives out of state.. If that is the case, that means he has to have another source in our home town, because there is no way he could go without proximate fuel for an extended period of time.. If I find out this weekend he has gone where I think he has gone, that means he is maintaining a long distance relationship.. And that is absolutely *new* for him–I’ve never known of him being with and so frequently going to see someone who lives almost 400 miles away from home.. I am truly baffled right now..

    I was honest and chose “Stalking the narcissist in some way to see what he/she is doing with someone else” as an answer too.. Lol.. I just want to know where he is going..

    1. DoForLuv says:

      This just breaks my heart reading this I hope you are ok ??

      It did help me a littlebit knowing his new Primary source If there is one will not change him and its not personal .
      I rather pray for her to spott him ..

      1. Bekah B says:

        Hey DoForLuv,

        I am ok.. Thank you for asking.. I’m just still in a haze of mystification over discovering it is 99.9% likely my narc is carrying on a long distance relationship, one in which he travels frequently to go see this woman.. After finding out the one way ticket he purchased yesterday went straight to the town in Virginia that he had been in for 2 and a half weeks in January, it only makes sense [to me] that she lives there.. I actually do know her.. We went to middle school together in the early 2000s.. She’s originally from the hometown of all three of us.. That’s why I thought they had traveled there together last month.. But she graduated from grad school in Virginia, so now I think she actually resides there and just makes frequent trips back home–and they happened to meet one another during one of her trips here this past October.. I’m waiting to gather some insight from HG on how these long distant narcissistic dynamics go.. My guess is they will be drawn out even further than if the two were closer together in proximity on a consistent basis.. I’ll pray for her, but my guess is it’s going to take her longer to find out about the true him..

    2. Joanne says:

      Bekah B
      The wondering is really torture 🙁

      1. Bekah B says:

        Joanne,

        It is.. The true definition of anxiety.. I use my VERY strong truth seeker trait to quell it, though.. I know this breeches full no contact, but sometimes I just need to know so I can feel better, knowing the *true* circumstances.. And once I find out what I need to know, I feel better physically and emotionally..

        1. Joanne says:

          Bekah B
          Yes, I understand. Of course the healthy thing is to just delete them from your mind/life, but I also find that when I see what he’s doing, it’s a reminder of how *average* he really is, and how in reality he is no comparison to this version of him I’ve built up in my own mind.
          I also think in your circumstances it’s EXTRA hard to not wonder. (If I’m remembering correctly) 🙁

          1. Bekah B says:

            Joanne,

            Yes, if you’re referring to the fact he’s the father of our 2 year old daughter and I am pregnant with our second child that he has refused to acknowledge for these entire 19 weeks of my pregnancy so far, you are remembering correctly.. Lol..

            Great point to bring up, about being reminded the narcissist is really average and not actually living up to the version you have created in your own mind of them.. It’s reassuring to know this, for a fact.. Reality sets in and you realize you really are much better off without them because there’s nothing truly special about them.. I believe it really is just a matter of *time* before one is able to naturally let go of the impulse to “check up” on the narcissist and all that they may be doing.. Of course, the repeated practice and strict adherence to No Contact facilitates this.. I know one day it will come for me.. I just accept today is not that day yet..

          2. Joanne says:

            Bekah,
            Yesterday he posted a photo and all I could think was “meh.” He looked bloated and pale. Also, his life is incredibly boring and basic and it’s and obvious to me how his posts are just pleas for attention. I get my own private laugh out of seeing his pathetic displays.

            And how does your narc manage to not acknowledge your pregnancy?! I’m sure you’ve explained this already 😟What is he going to do when this child is born!?

          3. Bekah B says:

            Joanne,

            “He looked bloated and pale.” Lol!! “Meh” would’ve been my reaction too.. Lol..

            I wish I could describe exactly what non-acknowledgement of your daughter’s mother’s latest pregnancy is.. Lol.. But it’s like whenever I texted him last year when I first found out, he did not respond.. When I saw him one time in December, he did not say anything about it.. When I had a phone call with him right at the end of December, I literally asked him if he even believed me when I was telling him I was pregnant and the reason why I was asking was because every time I bring it up, he doesn’t have anything to say.. He said, “what do you want me to say?” I told him I don’t know but that again, I am pregnant and the baby is due in July.. When he called at the end of January and asked how everybody was, I was sure to include in my report of all having ten fingers and toes *the baby* as well.. All he said is, “that’s nice to hear” and then I ended that call.. I saw him recently on February 6 and by now, my stomach is showing.. Again, no mention of this physical change.. And in the last communication I had with him, leaving him a voice message explaining to him why I couldn’t do what he asked (which is the reason we met up on Feb. 6), again, I told him that no matter how many times and how many different ways you hear about or see this pregnancy manifesting, you refuse to acknowledge it.. He replied to my voicemail by sending me a text message, just telling me it was a bad idea for him to ask me to do that favor for him and that he heard my voicemail.. And he said “Thanks”.. That’s it.. Nothing has ever come out of his mouth to me about me being pregnant at all, ever.. And now I’ve found out he’s been carrying on with this girl that lives in Virginia.. She more than likely doesn’t even know I am pregnant.. It’s as if he’s literally decided to adopt a fantasy life, one in which he removes himself 400 miles away from home and carries on in a relationship with somebody else, acting as if this is his new primary life and that he doesn’t have a 2 yr old who will be 3 in May and an infant child due to be born two months after that.. (typing that part out just now really made me feel that he is disordered.. I mean, who does that???) Smh.. I just wrote a very short journal entry the other day, very simply stating “I really wonder how this is all going to play out..” Because I promise you, I am completely dumbfounded by this whole situation.. I am almost sure I would feel better if he just came to me and flat out said “I don’t want these children and I’m not going to be there for them, ever”.. But that isn’t the case.. He has literally said nothing, so I don’t even remotely know how he “feels”..

          4. Joanne says:

            Bekah
            😡😡😡
            This makes me so angry. Here I am whining and feeling sorry for my adulterous self, while you’ve got a BABY on the way and this jerk is acting like it’s not happening!! OMG!! How is that even possible?! You are very strong to be holding this together, although I’m sure it’s not easy. I’m glad you’re aware of what you’re dealing with so that you know how to level set your expectations, and prevent the hurt — but at some point very soon reality is going to hit really hard for him and denial will no longer be an option. It really infuriates me that these narcs just decide their own realities and get away with it!! And the selfishness of not taking any decision at all – just floating in and out of whichever reality suits them at any given moment 😡

          5. SMH says:

            Bekah B, It does sound like he is in a fantasy world and the more reality stares him in the face the more he retreats. Maybe he has some sort of dissociative disorder? That is just one of the conclusions I drew about my narc – it was like he had multiple personalities and could easily switch from one to the other. I even had names for the different personalities.

          6. Bekah B says:

            SMH,

            Oh wow, that sounds kind of frightening to experience, firsthand, in somebody.. It’s cool of you to have given a name to each personality your narc had..

            I’m not sure if my narc has a dissociative disorder.. It is a very interesting thing to ponder on, though.. 🤔

      2. Bekah B says:

        “And the selfishness of not taking any decision at all – just floating in and out of whichever reality suits them at any given moment”

        You said this perfectly.. That is a very frustrating component in this narcissistic dynamic.. I suppose that is why it is our jobs to remove ourselves as options of which reality they want to entertain at any given moment.. Although I know my association to my narc in being the mother of his now two younger children and the substance that is supposed to have in his life, the substance just isn’t there, to him.. So since it is not, I have to remove it altogether.. Since he will not acknowledge me or these children when we need it the most, I will remove the option of him doing so from this moment forward..

        I just do not care what he may bring my way this time–whether it has to do with our daughter and her upcoming birthday; whether it has to do with a death or illness in his family; whether it has to do with my baby and his upcoming birth–I don’t care.. I am not replying to my narcissist.. Not until at least my baby is born and I am home from the hospital for 3 days..

        1. Joanne says:

          Bekah
          Stay strong girl. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for you to deal with such callousness especially during this time. And how sad for your children. I really hope that when the time is right you find a partner who’s going to love and treat you all with the love and care you so deserve making this narc a distant memory. How sad and unfortunate that he is incapable of true love for his own children.

          Mine on the other hand, the more I understand, uses his young children as the ultimate sources of fuel. Such sick and pathetic creatures 🤬

    3. DoForLuv says:

      Good to know you are ok .
      Sounds like you onto something it feels good to know the truth eventough it can be really Ugly but I can tell you are very strong and you’ll heal just fine ..
      Consulting with H.G will be a great very personal experience .. yes she may will have a harder time
      with seeing his true nature so sad. I’ll pray for you too btw 🤗

      1. Bekah B says:

        Thanks, DoForLuv.. You are right, it feels *so much better* to know the truth, even though it may hurt, initially.. I feel the faster I know about it, the faster I can move on from that initial astonishment, hurt, and pain.. And that’s where I am now, thankfully..

        Thanks for your prayers.. I pray all is well with you.. 🙂

  17. flutterbymorpho says:

    Not even a grunt out of the pig. 🙂 he did do well for years though.. flowers and a pair of gold earings set with rubies one year!

  18. DoForLuv says:

    Nothing – I refused to comply with commercial entities trying to influence my feelings and behaviour

    Like always ..

    1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

      Dearest DoForLuv….. and Mr Tudor

      I hear what you’re saying precious and I know a lot of people feel the same, however, your name suggests otherwise
      I believe life’s too short … we celebrate “everything”. Mr Bubbles n I absolutely relish in the “fun” of it …. it also helps men get off their butts to do something special, seeing as most hate shopping and they’re hopeful they’ll get lucky …. haha
      We gave each other “little gifties” that we knew each other wanted and would’ve bought anyway…..he also surprised me with my favourite flowers (not roses)
      I decorated with a few red n white balloons (that I already had) and made Mexican wraps which we love, dining on a white tablecloth with red placemats and white napkins with silver ring holders, red n silver luv heart scatters, lots of candles and a few too many bubbles 🍾

      We then sat down to watch a bit of telly and both feel asleep 🤣
      Perhaps a Happy Valentines to yourself gorgeous one, because that’s where the love starts ♥️

      Ps …we’re a day a head of all you lovelies, we’ve already celebrated …. hmmmm, we can always celebrate twice twice 🤣

      1. DoForLuv says:

        Sounds like a wonderfull day and I’am
        Happy you and your Husband enjoy each other so much and like to celebrate everything life is absolutely short ! …

        Well my oldest son came home from school surprised me with a beautiful drawing I felt special and appreciated .

        I just try to love , give and appreciate everyone everyday and dodge holidays because off past trauma’s growing up with MatriNarc and narc siblings my two exes are both narcs too who didn’t care for holidays and birthdays … Maybe in time I’ll change my Mind when I got myself back together but one year cant change 29 years .. I have to be patient .

        Much love to you Bubbles you know I’ll always DoForLuv❤️

    2. Bubbles 🍾 says:

      Dearest DoForLuv,
      Thank you precious for your kind reply
      That was such a beautiful gesture from your son ….. it truly warmed the cockles of my heart
      Never let him lose sight of it because someday he will treasure his own “love of his life” …. we must give them hope and pay it forward
      Nothing wrong with showing love to your kids on valentines …..makes them feel special too

      I grew up not enjoying birthdays and other celebrations because of my homelife and all the pyscho nitwits, however, I turned it around for myself and my family. I go nuts and decorate, bake, celebrate and make it happy… I want the best memories for them, that I never had (but it strangely comes naturally from me anyhoo)

      It’s a very hard hurdle to jump DoForLuv (I know, boy do I know) …. patience is a blessing
      It’s sad we invested in the wrong people who tricked us
      I’ve had to learn to luv and believe in myself ….. soooooo bloody hard.
      I try to turn it around and tell myself … they did it to me because “I’m fabulous and that’s what they wanted” all because of their own issues and insecurities
      So are you gorgeous …. you’re fabulous and you Do because you are
      happy ♥️ beautiful lady
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      1. DoForLuv says:

        Thank you for the advice Bubbles appreciated as always …
        Yes hes such a sweatheart huge heart amazing soul the little one too we
        Enjoy life together alot i’m so thankfull something so beautiful came in my life so blessed .. you went trough hell with heaven living inside
        Of you thats a soldier off love created your beautiful unit and it will live on ! I’m
        so proud off you and enjoy knowing you are surrounded by love as well ❤️🤗… I did celebrate extra this year for my kids NO narcs invited lol it was amazing ! . But Valentines I’m so
        used to skipp it that I just forget it untill I read or hear about it .. i’m a littlebit “happy” I’ve had The chance to expierence the “Ugly” from these “dark indivuduals”to be able to reconize The power off happiness and most of all love all the Ugly comes/ came off the energy fear espicially from them …
        I’m just moving on to the better things fearlessly enjoying the light inside .. 29 years old there are so many beautiful things yet to come 🦋🙏🏽❤️❤️

      2. Bubbles 🍾 says:

        Dear DoForLove,
        Thank you for your beautiful reply lovely one
        29 years old …. your life just begins
        I’m on the final chapter of mine, but at least its new n improved
        We have a fantastic family and our kids are good kindhearted caring respectable, independent thinking people
        My family are my priority ….. nothing else
        Make the most of it gorgeous lady and luv those precious children
        Never let the turkeys get you down …. stuff em instead 🦃🤣
        Hugs sweet pea
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  19. Lou says:

    I voted nothing but tonight I will try to either make my taxes or fix my bicycle.
    Happy Valentines Day!

  20. freedgypsysoul says:

    The closest I could come was ‘a day of solitude, thankfully’ though to be honest, that does not really reflect how I feel about my day. I neither miss him, want him, have any desire to engage in their theatrics NOR am I distressed about being single and alone on this day. The reason being is that I tend treat this day the same as I treat MY birthday, the key word is MY; it’s a day that I have traditionally made a point of focusing on and engaging in self-love actions. What that means is that I don’t leave it to anyone else or wait for anyone else to make it special for me; I make it special for me. I make ME a priority (if others chi-contribute to making the day special, then so be it). Today, I will be heading out to enjoy an hours worth of reflexology and acupressure work for the benefit of me, and then I’ll treat myself to a good meal at any if my favorite places in the city. If so inclined, I may even take myself to the movies. It is all about ME and what gives me pleasure and joy.

    I suppose I should have also ticked the box for benign hoover – electronic but he’s been at that for the past couple of weeks already! I can’t be expecting something new when it’s been going on non-stop. I have gotten quite a few calls on both my home and cell from unknown numbers (to me) and my strategy is that I don’t answer I’d I don’t recognize it. Yesterday my cell rang and I hit the button on my bluetooth headset by accident without looking (as I was expecting a call from a friend); the person hung up. I searched the phone number on Google, didn’t get a lot of info, called it back from my land line (after blocking the system from showing my number) and was not surprised to find out that the number was ‘not in service’. He’s using a program on his cell to SPOOF his number (mask what it displays to the person he calls). Makes me laugh to be honest. Oh, and as I was typing out this comment, I got one of those calls on my house line! So benign electronic hoover received and it’s ONLY 0945 in the morning. LMAO

    HG….I know self-care and self-love likely doesn’t hit the top of your radar too often as something your kind may take pleasure in (kind of understanding us empaths being peaceful and content) but it could potentially be an option for next year’s poll; nothing wrong with a day at the spa and pampering ourselves on a day meant to celebrate love!

    PS. I’m also expecting to see or hear about him getting engaged to the new supply to be honest. He got custody of his 11 year old daughter last Tuesday and ‘officially’ moved his ‘wonderful girlfriend’ in over the weekend (she’s essentially been living with him since he moved out from me so official in words only not actions). He needs a mother to look after his daughter when he’s required to leave town for his job and has manipulated the whole situation but not a lot are seeing that yet. Or seeing that he likely manipulated things so her mom lost her job and her apartment so was forced to hand the daughter over so the little girl wouldn’t be homeless. The steps he has taken and is taking are crystal clear to me!

    1. NarcAngel says:

      Freedgypsysoul
      I’m glad you raised (and are doing) things for yourself on this day that is supposed to represent Love. What better way to celebrate it than to show it to ourselves first. Enjoy your day.

    2. Bekah B says:

      Good for you, freedgypsysoul.. I wish I was strong enough to do the same..

    3. S. Grace says:

      Freedgypysoul,

      Good for you for taking care of you! I admire your strength and logical thinking. I’m sorry you had to go through this. You sound like a woman of strength and integrity modelling a positive attitude for your daughter.
      Happy Valentines to you from a sister survivor who understands.
      ❤💚💙💗🧡💜💗💖

  21. Attention seeker says:

    Been cleaning the narcs house today, because cleaning is to humiliating for him and because I love him to death.
    Hope he’ll die soon.

    1. BurntKrispyKeen says:

      Oh, Attention Seeker!
      But you have a point.
      Death fixes many things.

      1. Persephone says:

        BKK,

        It does indeed!

    2. DoForLuv says:

      I like your name and comment cant stop laughing 🤣🤣

    3. shesaw says:

      Attention Seeker
      Pour more love!

  22. Rebecca Sager says:

    You need a “It’s another day but with cards” option. Besides my child’s Valentine’s Day party at school that requires me recognizing the day my husband and I are to busy for fawning about it. I got meetings, groceries, practices, homework… It’s Thursday man!

  23. SpiritualDiva says:

    Thankfully a quite Narc free Valentine’s … first time in 4 years. Divorce is in motion, and he is also locked up. HOOVER FREE HOLIDAY! CHEERS to everyone & THANK YOU HG!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

      1. kathy0720 says:

        I would send you a basket of puppies to care for if I could! Haha!

  24. J.G says:

    Hello, H.G.Tudor.
    My Valentine’s Day, working outside the city where I live. On the other hand I’m not used to this kind of festivities so it’s not a thing that keeps me awake.
    The interesting thing about Valentine’s Day is that the day before I saw my narcissist. I was having an iced coffee in a cafeteria in my city, when he showed up accompanied.
    I saw him in the distance and observed him, I really found him extremely strange, because I didn’t observe him, if not the situation in which I was always a main part, walking next to him.
    He also saw me, but he tried not to look at me with a scornful gesture, but I did not observe him. I preferred to place my eyes on the companion. This one spoke and spoke looking at my narcissist, giving him more than attention and admiration, I would even say that he exuded through the pores of his skin devotion to my narcissist. Actually his companion was already out of date, quite old. I unconsciously raised my eyebrow in a critical gesture: Saying inside me: This is what you can get? I really know my narcissist and inside he probably felt ashamed of his companions. Or it was devoid of fuel and made hand of the first one that passed by there. Or is that with the years and is out of the market. Really, I was a little sorry for his companion, and in my mind I said: You do not know what awaits you, darling. It’s all yours.
    Too bad you haven’t read my dear Tudor.
    The image of the painting or scene was taken from my memory 20 years ago. It was identical to what I did with him in my youth, but 20 years later with a slight change of actor. The scene was pathetic, the truth is that everything has to be said. I suppose that when I occupied that same position, it would be just as pathetic. But as I wanted to observe the scene from a point as aseptic as possible I did not show any kind of emotionality, but rationality with touches of pretended disinterest not to give fuel. The truth is that the scene was unpleasant for me, because I could feel as my narcissist what he was doing to his new poor victim was absorbing his fuel, and that the victim delivered with total detachment. The somewhat haughty attitude of my narcissist, I don’t know if by my presence, he ignored his interlocutor and looked at the front with lost sight, head high. He listened or pretended to listen, but the gestures of his face, which were null, indicated that although he listened, what his interlocutor said did not interest him in the least at that precise moment.
    While I was watching this scene, I was incredibly well dressed, and dressed, perfumed and what I think bothered him more because he was criticized for it. Accompanied by my current partner.
    This must have been a massive criticism of her Ego. I had a funny and funny conversation while smiling at my partner and I made the effort to look at my partner with the glow of absolute infatuation, paying more attention to him than I was paying moments before this small instant that only lasted about 30 seconds.
    Actually, the image I could observe of me is that he is totally out of my life and its reach and above all that does not awaken in me any kind of attention. And it was forgotten.
    I suppose you asked yourself, what happened to me? How is it possible that he is forgotten? How does he not turn to see me? How is it possible that this whore, has escaped me and is not lying crying like the bitch she is?
    And what you don’t know, my dear little narcissist, is that I have a great tutor and teacher. And that I’m an advanced student of H.G. Tudor.
    I guess I won’t be painted black, but black oil.
    This meeting was not scheduled and was just yesterday so it can be interpreted as a pre Valentine’s gift for my ex narcissist and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. jajajajajajaj.

  25. Abw Flying says:

    A hangover.

    1. Sweetest Perfection says:

      Abw Flying, you’re gonna need more than one glass of wine to achieve your goal 😉

      1. Abw Flying says:

        Sweetest Perfection,

        It wasn’t my goal but rather an unpleasant consequences I was expecting as even a small amount of alcohol is bad for me.

        1. Sweetest Perfection says:

          Abw Flying, I didn’t know. In that case, I hope yesterday’s moved past without any bad consequences. I see you got roses, courtesy of AS, today is another day. Fuck Valentine’s Day.

          1. Abw Flying says:

            Thank you. I just wish I could stay away from my phone yesterday…Oh well.

  26. Abw Flying says:

    I’m telling myself “ fuck the Valentines”,” who cares “ I’m happy with what I have “ I’m strong on my own etc… but then deep inside I think I would like to get a bouquet of red roses for once in my life ( although they are not my favourite flowers). I’m not jealous…it’s so good to see people in love.
    I’m gonna have a glass of wine tonight and I will try to keep my phone away as it makes me do bad and embarrassing things.

    1. Attention seeker says:

      🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

      🍷🍷Cheers ABW!!

      1. Abw Flying says:

        Awwww…. thank you ! !You got my attention. 👌🏻

      2. Abw Flying says:

        I can tick ✅ this box now.

    2. Joanne says:

      ABW
      Did you stay away from the phone?

      1. Abw Flying says:

        No Joanne. I failed and it had a bad consequences. Unfortunately.

  27. K says:

    Day of solitude, thankfully.
    I have never celebrated Valentine’s Day like everyone else. All that lovey-dovey stuff is silly. But, I have always made sure the children have cards and homemade heart-shaped sugar cookies for their classmates, and I read them Valentine’s Day stories at bedtime.

    1. BurntKrispyKeen says:

      Aww… 😊 That makes me want to get all snuggly with my mama… and she’s not the snuggly type. Though now that she’s older, she did tell me the other day that I’m stingy with my hugs. Whaaat!? I remember craving them so much from her when I was little. She is not a narcissist, just more of a hard ass, but a good mother nonetheless. I’m gonna go call her…

    2. NarcAngel says:

      You’re a great Mom, Librarian, and virtual friend. I appreciate you K. HVD.

      1. Nuit Étoilée says:

        HVD to you two, too, NA & K 🙂
        I’d share my chocolat with you both!

      2. K says:

        Awwww….thank you NarcAngel.
        You are fearless with an epic sense of humor and a fabulous virtual friend, as well. HVD.

        This may be a repeat, the first one went POOF!

      3. K says:

        Nuit Étoilée
        HVD to you, too! I love chocolate.

    3. Bekah B says:

      Good for you, K.. I bought a set of 6 Valentine’s decorated cupcakes last night, two for each of my children and myself, that we’ll have after dinner tonight.. I made sure my son had treats to bring to his classmates at school today and I dressed my daughter up extra pretty for daycare today.. It really is all about the kids and making sure they celebrate the holiday, if nothing else..

      1. K says:

        Bekah B
        Honestly, I always thought that Valentine’s Day was for kids (V-DAY) so I actually look forward to it every year. My daughter showed me her cards and candy and told me she had fun celebrating with her classmates.

        Holidays are more about the children than the adults, I think.

        1. Bekah B says:

          I agree with you, K.. Especially Christmas.. I’m glad your daughter enjoyed herself yesterday.. And I’m sure you enjoyed hearing her news as well.. 🙂

  28. Sweetest Perfection says:

    I don’t conform with models of capitalist consumption that try to appeal to our emotions, and which invariably make people feel worse than better when being forced to celebrate these “special dates.” Having said that, my husband, who is absolutely the most non- romantic person, has left three notes for me this morning (written on old bills because he probably forgot to buy a card): one next to the coffee maker saying just I love you; one inside the fridge saying my life with you is an adventure; and one on the coffee table saying I can’t wait to see you tonight.
    On the other side of the spectrum is Mr. narc, aka “I love you. And I always will.” I don’t expect to receive anything from him, I don’t think he cares -I’m not on the shelf, I must be buried in the garage by now- and he is also blocked from everything so no chances. BUT I can predict what he will do: he will cook something luscious for his IPPS just so that he can post it on Facebook and thus, 1) show his cooking skills to the whole world 2) show how much they love each other -haa haa, oh, sorry- and 3) insert some stupid French in describing his dish because oh là là that sounds cosmopolitan. He may even try to cook something from my original city in the hopes that I will be watching and die inside, which I of course won’t. At around 9, the IPPS will go to bed (did I mention she is always sleeping?) and he will proceed to celebrate this lovely day with his other IPSS (make it plural if you wish) by sending pictures of his lovely dick to whomever is interested.
    I’ll be celebrating with my analytical though cute husband and thinking of all of you, my new loves. Happy Valentine’s, everyone! ❤️❤️❤️

    1. Sweetest Perfection says:

      Oh, I didn’t mean French is stupid; I meant the narc is when doing that. I thought I needed to clarify that.

    2. BurntKrispyKeen says:

      Notes written on old bills – too funny – but sweet nonetheless. I hope you two have a fun day. ❤

      It’s good to prepare for all of the expected narc’s antics, but it sounds as if you’re in a really good place there, Sweetest Perfection. (Minimally affected to zip – not a drop? I am not that far along – for sure – but getting closer every day.)
      Is the new IPPS highly-medicated to cope or just worn down by him? Or do you think he’s slipping something in her morning tea so that he has time for the others?

      1. Sweetest Perfection says:

        BKK, thank you. I was his IPSS (and he was mine if we look at it that way). His IPPS is probably exhausted because he sucks her soul, I don’t know but I used to wonder why she was always napping. I’m not that safe, we both live in the same city, and have the same job. I will see him
        soon actually in a professional event. He is going with his other IPSS I just learned. I didn’t break NC, we just received an update of the attendants and she was in the list. I may be able to dodge them. Otherwise, sunglasses on, poker face out, talk about the weather if asked, “I wasn’t there” if reminded about us. I doubt he will even talk to me anyway. I just got 3 missed anonymous calls, maybe it’s him telling me how much he loves me, ha ha.

      2. BurntKrispyKeen says:

        Dear Sweetest Perfection,
        Three missed mystery calls, eh?
        OK – Yes! You got a great plan: Definitely dark sunglasses as you waltz about with the aloofness of Snoopy while showcasing a Poker Face that would inspire Lady Gaga to write a sequel. If his IPSS looks your way, give her a nod of sympathy. But his eyes will quickly follow, so you’ll need to immediately shift into one of those blank yet disturbing looks like Kristen Stewart can hold when she’s throwing out her RBF. You Got This, SP! But I do hope that you’ll wear your Kentucky Bourbon Trail outfit … just to rub in it in a little.
        Best wishes to you when The Encounter occurs. 😎

        1. Sweetest Perfection says:

          BKK, you can bet I’ll look my best. But not for him, just to feel confident because I know I will cry as soon as I am alone in my hotel room. And she is a poor soul like me, I have nothing against her.

        2. Sweetest Perfection says:

          BKK, I’m still laughing after your comment. I love Kristen Stewart (I have a crush on her). I’ll try to think of her RBF. I’ll need to practice.

      3. BurntKrispyKeen says:

        I know what you mean there, SP. I felt sorry for the other women too. I’m sure they didn’t know about me just as I didn’t know about them. But once I knew for sure, it was natural for me to compare myself to them. I had a key to his house, so I do think that I was his main supply. But one day it really sank in that when he was with me, he was also cheating on them. That helped me to realize that this had little to do with us and everything to do with him.

        I know this event will be hard, and it might not be without tears, but I have a feeling you will own the moment and will go back to your hotel with your head held high. ☺

    3. Abw Flying says:

      I think what your husband did for you is very cute.
      But then…. we always tend to crave for something we don’t have.

  29. Todd says:

    My narc is still with her heroin/methadone junkie ugly ass fire crotch new supply. So probably womt hear shit if they are still in the golden period after 4 months

    1. BurntKrispyKeen says:

      Well, Todd, if she’s with a druggie who has a “fire crotch” you are probably better off without her, narcissist or not.

    2. Kathleen says:

      Glad you’re out of that mess! Stay strong!

    3. lisk says:

      How can anyone be in a golden period with a junkie?

      1. HG Tudor says:

        It must be a golden brown period

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Haha. Shit flecked with glitter.

  30. Pb says:

    Hes never bought me one thing ….

    1. BurntKrispyKeen says:

      Pb, have you ever heard about the “love languages?” The theory speaks of how we have different ways of showing affection and encourages us to “tell” our partners the method of delivery we prefer… in how we’ll most feel loved. (Acts of service vs. a present and such.) I don’t know your situation at all, but have you expressed your needs?

      Or are you speaking of an individual with whom you are trying to stay in No Contact? I’m not trying to be invasive; your comment just struck me as one to address, so I’ll at least say hello.

      1. lisk says:

        I don’t think the “five love languages” work with a narcissist, though they probably work *for* a narcissist who’s trying to seduce.

      2. BurntKrispyKeen says:

        That’s certainly a valid point, Lisk, but I wasn’t certain if PB was speaking of a narcissist of an inconsiderate partner? Sadly, I know of some regular folks who just don’t believe in gifts. I don’t know if PB is a regular contributor here, so that’s why I asked if the stingy partner was an individual in NC … because your point is exactly what I was going to make had PB responded: If it’s a narcissist, the lack of gifting is intentional. (Cheap Bastards)

        Perhaps I was thrown off because it was Valentine’s Day, which seemed to be pulling in new commentators. With all the “love” talk, I’m sure some have stumbled upon this site just looking for relationship advice. And if HG would ever add those butterflies to his logo as I long ago suggested, I bet he could run a whole dating advice column off to the side. With all the empaths on here, I think it would work as long as we directed all of the sex questions to Bubbles and Narc Angel.

        But since we’re on the subject Lisk, what would you say is your primary love language?

      3. lisk says:

        That’s a tough one, BurntKrispyKeen, mainly because I don’t think my love language is listed. I guess the love language that comes closest to mine is “quality time,” during which time there occurs mutual respect and real listening to each other’s ideas, etc.

        Thank you for asking and getting me to think about this!

      4. BurntKrispyKeen says:

        I think you just now described the epitome of love in general. Nice job, Lisk. I agree with you… Quality Time shows me love the most, too, but I definitely want the other four! I think it’s fair to say that my Love Language speaks a different language depending on my mood.
        Have a good day, Lisk …

  31. Supernova DE says:

    I have never received any gesture or even a “Happy Valentine’s Day” “Happy Birthday” or other such sentiments from the MMRN.

    My husband and I are far past exchanging cards for days like Valentines’ day. Why spend $5 on a card that says the EXACT same thing as every other card I’ve ever given him haha.
    He did give me flowers (I think more to show my daughters that he loves mommy), and also gave each of our girls a pink rose, and bought the girls donuts with heart sprinkles and made them strawberry milk (so it would be pink) for breakfast. Super dad award!

  32. kathy0720 says:

    I got a virtual bouquet of flowers from someone’s ex wife I dated 25-27 years ago. A narcissist who left she and his children. (Not for me!) It made my day. He’s deceased now. It was better than all the shitty flowers he ever gave me!

  33. Lori says:

    I feel remarkably good but the day is still young. I expect nothing. He would never be that obvious. I can honestly say this year much better than last as this time adt year began the shelf.

  34. Kathleen says:

    I selected nothing, wondering about the narc and a day of solitude (both happily and unhappily).
    I do wish for a new romance but am happy to be free and awake to the manipulations of the narcissist. I wonder about the doors in them I remember how it felt 99% of the time when involved… Knotted up stomach, anxiety, feeling bad, etc.so it is pretty easy for me too not imagine the narc in some idyllic scene with the primary fuel. I’m sure she will sprinkle in some doubt or punishment to the primary today. So that I don’t envy!

    I plan to wish as many people as possible a happy Valentines…Including all of you here. We are having nice stormy weather in Northern California so I look forward to working all day and coming home to my beautiful 18-year-old cat wholoves me unconditionally and is my very best friend.
    HVD

  35. Mary says:

    My plans were not listed as it involves “A delightful day in some way in spite of a narcissist romantic partner.” My narc is usually okay with Valentine’s Day and we have a nice dinner out. Last year, for the first time in over a decade, he brought me flowers the day before. Then I got a silent treatment the night of Valentine’s Day because I screwed up and to pay our water bill (it can’t be set up automatically), and it was cut off so we had no water. I felt sick about it, like the worst partner ever. I still can’t tell if I am the worst partner ever. He did buy me flowers the day before then came home to that and it would upset anyone. On the other hand, it’s the first time that happened ever, and I paid and had the water reconnected in less than 24 hours. So, I don’t know if his pulling the covers over his head and sulking and grunting was called for, or if that was just the narc hot and cold cycle.

    1. BurntKrispyKeen says:

      Those narcs, Mary… seems they look for any excuse to get mad and pull away… for a variety of reasons. What you did was a simple mistake, so his treatment of you was unjust. I used to work with the girl who set up most of her family’s bills on autopay. Somehow she messed up the timing of withdrawal, and they bounced the payment on about five bills at one time. Needless to say, she came to work to tell us about how upset her husband was at her. But he didn’t stop talking to her. Whether your fellow wants to embrace this fact or not, please know that you deserve to at least be acknowledged, so Happy Valentine’s Day to you, Mary!

      1. Mary says:

        BurntKrispyKeen,

        Thank you for sharing that story, and for the Valentine wishes, that was very sweet of you! I hope you had a lovely Valentine’s Day also. In agreement that frustration and even anger at a partner should not lead to a silent treatment. I did later ask my hub later why he did not speak to me the whole evening, and he said it was because he was so angry he would say something unforgivable so he chose to be quiet knowing it would blow over. Still though, pulling the covers of his head was a major sulk move.

        Mary

        1. BurntKrispyKeen says:

          Hi, Mary … My narc would say the same thing! He told me that he withdrew just to keep from doing/saying something he’d later regret. He informed me that his words could cut me off at the knees if he wanted. He proclaimed that he did not want to hurt me… say something he’d later regret, so he chose to retreat instead.
          I get that – for a NORMAL man – to need a bit of time as men (in general) don’t seem to be able to process their feelings as quickly or easily as we females. (Sorry gentlemen for the stereotype.) I see that some males need time to process, think and plan, as we females pretty much “know” our true feelings with each word we utter (within an argument or casual conversation).
          But my guy was a narcissist! I sensed he was using his silence to manipulate me and it pisses me off to this day! 🤨
          If it weren’t for his cheating and immature silent treatments, I probably could have overlooked his other issues (which were plenty.)
          I did have a lovely Valentine’s Day. I spent it in bed, alone, snuggled up under an incredibly soft blanket, reading Narcsite most of the night. It wasn’t my most exciting V-Day ever, but I didn’t *feel* alone. I had moments were I felt sad, but I allowed the wisdom of this site to help me feel empowered. Thank you for asking, Mary. ❤ And best wishes to you.

  36. cb says:

    Hm. If the guy I’m meeting tomorrow for the 3rd time, who is often on social media (all feeds are usually plastered with “Happy Valentine’s Day, people!”),
    texting yesterday that he “can hardly wait to see you Friday CB! :-)”
    is totally silent today,

    Then I will ponder a bit if it might be a statement or a sulk.

    Such is the symbolic power of V-day.

    1. BurntKrispyKeen says:

      Gosh CB, those situations are always hard to say. I don’t think it’s been long enough to say he’s ghosted you. ❔ And if your last conversation went well, with him expressing excitement, then perhaps he’s just busy… and I do hope that’s “busy” in a way you’d approve. But I think it’s simply too early to tell?

      Perhaps you’ll see him pop up soon, but I’d resist texting him since he was so enthusiastic about seeing you. He already established his intentions there. Valentine’s Day is so hard for couples just starting to meet. It is hard to know how to proceed when you’re just two dates in? Some guys feel this is a day for already established lovers, so he may be quiet (intentionally) as to not want to overstep. It’s also possible he’s waiting to see if you reach out first, but it’s V-Day… let him take the lead!

      (Just humble advice from a sucker who has over-texted in the past.)

      I have a feeling that you will hear from him soon, especially if you don’t have a time and such already set for Friday, but if he goes M.I.A on Friday… then he’s not a good catch, CB… not if he can’t touch base with you to follow through with a promise. So he BETTER be in the hospital!
      (Just kidding but you know what I mean.)

      Best wishes to you on this matter, CB.

      1. cb says:

        Thanks so much for caring, BurntKrispyKeen!
        Radio silence Thur but then showed up on time to our date Frid. Took him 1 1/2 h by public transport. I feel respect for this.

      2. BurntKrispyKeen says:

        Glad to hear that, CB. He was probably just trying to lay-low due to the whole uncertainty of what to do with V-Day? This might actually be a good sign, because a narc might not would have let that holiday slide… not without seducing or reaching out to simply guage what you were doing. So perhaps that’s a sign that you’re dealing with a “normal” fellow!
        Traveling that long to see you is definitely a good sign, so do keep is posted on where this goes. 😊

    2. Joanne says:

      This is the kind of thing that twisted me up like a pretzel on all the previous holidays 😖 Any update, cb?

      1. BurntKrispyKeen says:

        I know, Joanne – I’m curious too!
        The not knowing is hard whenever we’re wondering “what he’s thinking; what he’s doing?” And it’s hard when we don’t know how this little ordeal ends?! 😺 (I’m worse than a curious cat.)
        This feels like waiting for a to-be-continued TV drama, but part-two got cancelled. Maybe CB will come back with an update. 📺
        (((Hello)))

        1. Joanne says:

          🗣 CB!

      2. cb says:

        Thanks Joanne!
        Idk, he just simply turned up on time, like on previous dates. Only this time his travel was not 65 minutes, but 90.
        Was pleasant, curious to see how it pans out
        I’m a bit special on the dating scene
        I don’t ask if “we’re still on for tonight?”
        I just wait for the guy and assume that he will be there. Never been stood up yet. Not even by narcissists.
        Maybe just luck
        Or maybe guys like it when we assume they are capable of making it?
        I do not know the answer to this,

        but I think HG’s posts on baiting or triangulating text-messages of devaluation,
        when read carefully, is a great exclusion filter for noticing baiters/manipulators in the online dating scene.
        Plus e g posts about their typical energetic gaze, ‘The Stare’.
        Has helped me tremendously.

        People say it takes time, sometimes months to feel the red flags. But I was thinking, feck it, I don’t have time for that. I bet there are ways of spotting a baiter, someone who has severe empathy-impairment,
        much quicker than that.
        Observing someone we only met maybe once or twice, textmessaging.
        And yes there are.
        People with NPD are very stuck in a pattern, (described by HG) and that pattern is easiest spotted in the world of textmessaging.

      3. CB says:

        Maybe my comment fell away, but Thank you Joanne
        He was on time Frid, doing nice things

        1. Joanne says:

          CB
          Ok, happy to hear that it was a good day 🤗

  37. 69Revolver says:

    *eye rolling*
    Good luck wading through all those cards HG.

    1. NarcAngel says:

      69Revolver
      I was hoping I’d see you around. I thought of you on Jan 31st.

  38. John says:

    I have no Narc in my life, nor do I have a significant other. I am fine with this, as I am not forced to stress over needing to go through the motions and hoping I made the correct decision.

    1. NarcAngel says:

      John
      Welcome. I must say that is an enviable position to be in.

    2. BurntKrispyKeen says:

      There is something to be said about that sort of freedom, John.

  39. MB says:

    I’m surprised at the number of “delightful day with non narc partner answers”. Pleasantly surprised in fact!

    The restaurants are so crowded today! I hate crowds, I hate feeling rushed for the restaurant to turn the tables. I hate the sub par food due to the volume. I’m going to select some beef filet mignon and prepare a scrumptious, quiet dinner at home cause I got mad steak skills! I might even light some candles. Hell, I might even turn out the lights and get on top after dinner! #hubbygetsmygoodies

    N can kick rocks!

    1. NarcAngel says:

      MB
      A thousand likes.

      1. MB says:

        NA, thank you! Is it 1000 likes for telling the N to kick rocks or for making dinner (and dessert) for the one that’s been my unwavering Valentine for 32 years now?

        1. NarcAngel says:

          MB
          All of it.

          1. MB says:

            NA, thank you. My steaks were perfect and the evening was wonderful!

    2. BurntKrispyKeen says:

      Dang, MB … I am happy for you! 😄
      You might want to read up on Bubbles’/Narc Angel’s tips on such matters … It ain’t on how to prepare a juicy steak. (Not that you need a tip cuz it sounds as if you-got-the-skills-going-on in ALL rooms of the house!) But if you haven’t already seen their expert advice… you should check out… hold on….
      Alexa, where can we find that?

      1. MB says:

        BKK, I’ve been following along in their naughty convo. Bubbles & NA make me giggle often. That’s why said I’ll have to turn the lights out if I get on top!

      2. MB says:

        BKK, thanks for saying you are happy for me. I don’t appreciate what I have nearly enough. I’m trying to do better with my gratitude.

      3. BurntKrispyKeen says:

        See, I glossed over the “lights out” as being a nod to “”The Tips” because at my age, I pretty much like it dark no matter the position. (Not that I haven’t been brave enough to bare it all in the blaring sunlight on more than a few occasions (that’s still better than florescent lighting) but yeah… sorry I missed your reference to Narcsite’s version of Masters & Johnson… and I’m glad you saw it; they are so funny!

        MB, anytime a woman has a man who truly loves her, it’s a beautiful thing. For anybody who has somebody, squeeze ’em hard tonight and take MB’s lead.
        Share the Goodies. 🏇

      4. Bubbles 🍾 says:

        Dear BurntKrispyKeen,
        🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

        😘

    3. Sweetest Perfection says:

      I’m glad you have great plans, MB! I don’t eat meat but I’m sure your steak will be excellent. We’re going out, although you’re right, it’s always crowded. That’s why we do it in reverse: we drink first and have dinner later. By the time we eat, most people have gone home already. Yes, the food tonight will be subpar but after a couple of drinks we won’t care, hehe. And then I will leave the lights on … 😉 we are lucky, MB. Like you said, we don’t always appreciate what we have.

      1. MB says:

        SP, as a top model, the lights on works for you! Ha ha. I’m probably not as visually appealing in bright lights! Enjoy your evening. I’ll raise an early toast for being grateful and loving the one you’re with.

        1. Sweetest Perfection says:

          MB, it’s all in your head. If you feel sexy, you will look sexy. Although I wouldn’t have sex under a fluorescent light, for example. That would actually be kind of creepy. Was your steak delicious?

          1. MB says:

            SP, my husband is very attracted to me (husband goggles!) So yes, I always feel sexy with him. My filets were perfect! The evening was wonderful. Thank you for asking. I hope your VDay turned out well also.

    4. Persephone says:

      MB,

      Yes, Steak! I was planning bacon wrapped Filet and scallops on the grill.
      Dinner for one, no complaints…..mmmmm!

      1. MB says:

        Perse, scallops 😍 I’ve never been brave enough to cook em, but I sure do like em! I hope you had a good night.

      2. BurntKrispyKeen says:

        Perse, you could have invited ME!
        I hope that all is well your way?

        1. Persephone says:

          BKK,

          I would have loved to throw more steak and scallops on the grill for you!
          It was a nice quiet pleasant evening here. Hope yours was as well.

      3. BurntKrispyKeen says:

        Awww … Thank you, Perse. 🍖🍤 I would have brought the bourbon. Next time?

        I spent a quiet evening snuggled up in bed reading Narcsite. Not my most exciting Valentine’s ever, but pleasant nonetheless. 😊

        1. SMH says:

          BKK, I read narcsite from bed at night too, Valentine’s Day or not! It’s become my way of unwinding. Imagine! God knows what will happen if I ever have a real partner again – I can just hear it now “It’s either me or narcsite, dammit!” Now that will be a difficult choice.

          1. BurntKrispyKeen says:

            Hehehe! 😄 I hear ya, SMH.
            I am reading in bed again, as it’s after 1 a.m. here. I was so tired earlier that when I got home from work, I took a three hour nap. Now I’m wide awake and can’t seem to wind back down. But it’s nice to have the time to try and catch up on Narcsite.

            Your comment regarding when a new partner comes along cracked me up. 😂 Interacting here can become addictive! If HG could just figure out a way to provide virtual foot massages with each loggin, I could be just fine if I don’t find Mr. Right anytime soon.
            As much time as it takes me to read through the comments, I don’t know how HG does it – so I won’t make any further suggestions. But I do miss foot rubs. 🖐🦶

  40. NarcAngel says:

    Oh, forgot to mention, stopping in here to wish all my peeps and HG a wonderful day no matter what you decide to do, and checking out HG’s IG account later for signs of what Over The Top looks like lol.

    1. BurntKrispyKeen says:

      I know! I’m not on IG, but I’m thankful that I’m still allowed to peep in to see how this GP will unfold, especially today. It sounds as if you had one of those nice peaceful days NA. I enjoy looking around those ole antique shops. I agree with you in that those memories are more profound. (Too much pressure for holidays to ever go Norman Rockwell.)
      Enjoy your day, Narc Angel!

  41. NarcAngel says:

    I voted nothing – no surprise there I’m sure. Hubs and I exchanged cards this morning. I asked if he actually read the one he bought for me. We laughed. Our feeling is it’s just another opportunity for retail to benefit at the expense of others. Last weekend we went for breakfast and wandered through some antique shops. An ordinary day that had no special title, but that is the one I will file to memory – not today.

    1. Kim e says:

      NA. Sounds like a wonderful day

  42. Snow White says:

    Good morning HG!
    Happy Valentine’s Day to you. I know u have many plans for today.
    I used to have high hopes for this day but the romance and all the love that this holiday promotes just depreses me. My husband never shared my enthusiasm for this day.
    Fast forward to my narc ex and she sentf flowers to my work and gave me sentimental cards. Now I know that was all part of the game but it was nice.
    Currently I am just reminded of how intimacy and love has changed for me. Two things I have not been able to return to with pleasant feelings.
    I am hating Valentine’s Day.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello SW, good to ‘see you’ again.

      1. Snow White says:

        Hg, you still make me smile, laugh, and continue to be there when I need you. ❤️

        1. Twilight says:

          Hi Snow White

          How are you? Glad to see you pop back in.

    2. NarcAngel says:

      Hi Snow White!
      Don’t hate it. Just make it about something else. I think those who don’t participate in the hearts and flowers should establish it as Fabulous Shoe Day. To buy ourselves that fabulous pair of shoes that are impractical but that we love and would never entrust to someone else to buy for us. Men and women. Now THAT’s a day I could get behind!

      1. MB says:

        NA, Fabulous Shoe Day! Hear! Hear!

      2. Snow White says:

        Hey NA,
        Just saw this and that’s a wonderful idea.
        You have always had many fabulous ideas. I still read your comments and I’m glad you are doing well.

  43. windstorm says:

    There wasn’t an applicable choice for me. I can’t be the only person who will have a happy v-day with friends and family? I will be celebrating with my daughter and grandchildren with an all day celebration and handmade v-day cards. We all are looking forward to it!

    Before I left home for Kansas, Pretzel took me out to dinner at a nice restaurant that I love and even gave me a card that started off “To my wife” (we’ve been divorced for 12 years). The card said, “I’ve always loved how you do that special thing…I call it ‘putting up with me.’” I thought it was both sweet and appropriate. It isn’t a Hoover, though, since we see/talk to each other often.

    1. BurntKrispyKeen says:

      You know, Windstorm… that was very sweet, in a narcissistic way, but sweet nonetheless. There’s no way that wouldn’t have made me smile. 😊 Actually, it warms my heart in that he tried in the best way that he knew how.

      It sounds as if you are in for a fun day, Windstorm. Enjoy!

      1. windstorm says:

        I will, BurntKrispyKeen. And I get to start off with 3 1/2 hours of peace and quiet with all of them gone from the house! It’s the first time I’ve been truly alone since Sunday night. The dogs and I are going to enjoy our freedom!!

    2. NarcAngel says:

      Windstorm
      Thst sounds like a great day and I know you will all enjoy it. I will say that I spend a lot of time to find a card (actually for any occasion) because it is hard to find one that says what I want to say that is sincere. Most of them are not applicable and way too fake, so I see Pretzel as putting thought (and likely time in finding the right one) into his card to you in making it honest to himself while showing his appreciation for you. I find that both sweet and appropriate. Have a wonderful day.

      1. windstorm says:

        Thanks, NarcAngel! I thought that way as well. His choice of card was very appropriate and very true to both our characters. And I thought it was very kind of him to suggest a Valentines dinner early, since he knew I would be gone on the day.

        Of course I’m sure he has told numerous people about it – taking his ex out for Valentines Day – confusing and triangulating and enjoying the subsequent fuel, but that’s just his nature. He finds it amusing that our relationship makes no sense to other people. And in all honesty, so do I. Lol!

        You have a great day too! ❤️

  44. Christopher Jackson says:

    Lmao the cards blocking the front door I’m sure it is fuel city for you today hg…all but for the ghastly fuel….I’m sure you will get it along with the rest of your brethren that walk the earth.

    1. BurntKrispyKeen says:

      Hey, Christopher… if you haven’t already checked it out, you can see how HG’s day goes by looking at his Instagram account. I’m not on social media, but I can still view his posts. I told someone here that it makes me feel like Gladys Kravitz without having to hide behind the curtains. It’s pretty neat… if you haven’t taken a glance… not that dudes get all caught up the romantic escapades of another chap, but you know, it is educational to day the least.

  45. BurntKrispyKeen says:

    Not a damn thing.
    Thanks for rubbing it in HG. 😛

    No, I chose a “delightful day” because I am narc-free. I’ve had a few fellows inquire about my plans, but I’m not interested in them romantically, so I plan to work all day and keep my mind busy. My non-narcissist ex-husband already gave me some dark chocolate treats just because he knows I enjoy these specific ones as he was recently visiting the town where they’re made. It’s not like it used to be, but I am blessed that he and I still do well together.

    We all know that today will be special for you, HG, so do enjoy it to its fullest.
    Happy Valentine’s Day to all. ❤

    1. S. Grace says:

      A low-key day out on a rainy, overcast day with the love of my life. My partner is also an empath who suffered from a long standing toxic marriage. Perhaps run some errands and see a movie. No cards, flowers, expensive dinners and such. Our gift is enjoying each others company since he has the day off. Comfortable day and relationship like a sturdy, but gently worn pair of high quality waterproof hiking boots, not sparkly, sequined, garish and loud pink go go boots that you wear to show off (and look silly.) Simple pleasures born out of the need to put down all the ugly past dramas and hurts caused by narcs and celebrate freedom and contentment.

  46. On My Journey says:

    I received my first gift in 3 years from my Greater.
    Last year I was NC and got a Hoover but ignored it ( text)
    The first year we were on vacations together and I bought him something but him nothing.
    Frankly I am not hooked at all on V day but I was happy I got a nice attention – especially he is outside the country for the week on medical treatment.
    I find it a fake day – never felt romantic on that day .

  47. shesaw says:

    ‘Nothing’ as in having a non-romantic high tea with a friend!

    1. NarcAngel says:

      Shesaw
      I love high tea! That’s a great idea and I wished I’d thought to book one with a friend today.

      1. MB says:

        I’ll go NA! What time is high tea again?

        1. NarcAngel says:

          MB
          Haha. Whenever you book it for here. There are some beautiful spots here for it and I haven’t been since last year. You should book one where you are if you have never. Dress up and go with a friend or friends.

          1. MB says:

            I’ll look into it NA for when I find some friends that aren’t virtual! I enjoy dressing up.

      2. shesaw says:

        I will take you with me in my thoughts, NA 🙂

    2. BurntKrispyKeen says:

      I agree NA… We used to have a tea house near me. Three retired school teachers refurbished an old house, added a gift shop and ran it until they decided they really did want to be retired. They served the typical finger foods or a full meal… delicious food and tea everyone I visited. The Red Hat Society met there and certain ladies in the community would come to play pinochle. (I’m not that old yet.) My friends and I hated to see it close.

      What a great idea, Shesaw! Hope you have a nice time with your in-the-flesh-friend. (MB, my first reaction was gonna be – let’s take the party bus to a tea house in Canada! But I stopped myself… until just now.)

      1. BurntKrispyKeen says:

        everytime* I visited, not everyone.
        Please allow me to apologize for all V-Day typos and mistakes… it’s an emotional day, ya know.
        No, I’m fine.
        Really.
        I just need to keep telling myself that, right?
        Shesaw, when you get back, do tell us about your experience, so that your empathic friends who are working can have a virtual tea experience too.
        Thank you. 🍵

      2. shesaw says:

        Tx BKK! We had a great time watching all the ‘in-love-couples’

        1. shesaw says:

          … guessing the lenght of their involvement by determining their position on the ‘in-love-scale’, guessing ‘who asked who’, ‘who is the dominant one’ etc. etc. Much fun!

      3. BurntKrispyKeen says:

        Ha, Shesaw … I enjoy doing that too!

  48. Michelle says:

    What about a day of pampering, working on personal goals and a night out / meal with a best friend celebrating been single together and narc free 🤷🏼‍♀️😁

    1. Anm says:

      Nice!

  49. Jess says:

    The logical thinkers are leading the poll as of yet.

  50. ava101 says:

    What about “A horrible day in some way owing to a non-narcissist romantic partner”?

    1. BurntKrispyKeen says:

      Ava101, I’m hoping tommorow brings you a better day. But you bring up a good point. Narcissist or not, all relationships are hard.

      1. ava101 says:

        Thank you, BurntKrispyKeen!!

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