V- Day

 

v

Today is V-Day. You know it as Valentine’s Day and I know it is Victory Day because whatever happens today, I will come out on top. Valentine’s Day is now a cynical and manufactured event which tells people that they must exhibit love towards another or they ought to expect to be shown that they are loved. Accordingly, people are compelled to send pieces of card which are predominantly coloured red as some kind of token of their love. Florists go in to over drive to meet the demand as roses suffer their annual massacre all in the name of love. Chocolates, stuffed toys, jewellery, perfume, champagne and many other types of gifts are purchased and presented for the purposes of heralding love. A special meal ought to be cooked or attendance at a venue which has invariably over-booked in order to capitalise on this free-for-all for love and attention. Simpering couples stare at one another, still enveloped in the early stages of infatuation, revelling in this materialistic manifestation of love. He hopes to get laid or at least a blow job later for the outlay of his hard-earned, although of course he would ordinarily pour scorn on the notion of ever having to pay for sex. She hopes for a loving and romantic encounter between the sheets as the cherry on the cake for a delightful evening. If they might break their gaze they would see the jaded couples sat around them, struggling to find a sentence to share which does not involve talking about the children, how hard it was to get a booking and wondering when the food will arrive. They give thanks to their own personal god as they grip their ‘phones and post their location and a picture of the over-priced fizz in order to tell the world, “Look at me, someone loves me, I am not a sad loser on V-Day.”

A day of fabrication and artifice. Yet, against this backdrop of manufactured sugary expressions of love, this a day for us to thrive. All of these superficial manifestations of how love should be shown amount to manna from heaven for our kind. There is not a lot of effort involved – buy a card, order some flowers, make a booking and so forth – do this for the expectant appliance which is being seduced and all the buttons are pressed. Maybe add some panache and sophistication in there should we determine that it merits it. Whether it is an over-sized card or an extravagant and classy piece of jewellery, it all amounts to the same thing from us. It is the simple exploitation of a day of expectations and we easily deliver.

Since we operate in the world of illusion, anything which tells us how love should be demonstrated and moreover how love is perceived by people is a bonus. If the expectation is created by this false festival and the ways of satisfying that expectation are legion then we will readily embrace it and join is to allow us to further your seduction. Christmas, your birthday, Valentine’s Day, Easter, summer holidays and other besides are all excellent opportunities for us to deliver in accordance with a pre-conceived idea so that you fall for it. You expect certain things to happen on these days and Valentine’s Day especially. Thus, if you are in the seduction then who are we to disappoint and we will turn it all up to eleven in order to ensure that your expectations are met and even exceeded so that your intoxication with us continues apace.

It is a false day for false emotions and suits us down to the ground. You have been conditioned as to what you expect and when you are being seduced you will get it and then some and we have hit the ball from the park. Plenty of glorious positive fuel and your further embedding into our illusory world. We thank you Gods of Saccharine Verse and Chocolate Hearts, the Goddesses of Red Roses and Shiny Trinkets for blinding your disciples so we can deliver them your piece of heaven and in so doing advance our own agendas.

As you would expect, this day of expectations is one where we will deliver when it is your seduction and one where will fail to deliver when it is your devaluation. You may not expect the grand gestures which once came in those halcyon days of first seduction, but you do at least expect some recognition, if only to provide you with some respite from this slow and lingering death march you are experiencing as we devalue you. You still expect some sign on this day that we love you. Valentine’s Day acts as a huge prompt which you expect us to pay heed to and at the very least there ought to be a card and flowers. Perhaps a pleasant gift to make up for the horrible behaviours we have been exhibiting towards you, something to cling to, to make peace? An evening out at a favourite restaurant or a hot bath with candles and dinner in the oven when you return from another day of toiling for The Man? You tell yourself not to get your hopes up but you will always do so. Just something, anything to give you a sign that all is not lost and that there is some love that remains even if it is just to take the pain away for just one day.

You may just hit pay dirt and find a Respite Period so that your hopes and dreams are indeed tapped into and allowed to flare in joyous elation as we come good and we greet you with smile and waiting glass of champagne. You border on tears of anxious relief as we meet you from work holding a clothes’ carrier and motion for you to return into the office to get changed as we are going straight to your favourite French restaurant. You might just be granted this and your positive fuel of relief, delight and gratitude is lapped up in contrast to the negativity that has prevailed previously.

More likely is the continuation of the devaluation as you awake to find us already gone to work and no card or gift waiting. No flowers arrive at home or the workplace (although we will have sent flowers to somebody as we work on that prospective primary source). You make the effort for us, but we call and explain there is a crisis at work and we will be late, if we bother to call you at all. You will be stood up, left waiting, given something totally inappropriate, lambasted for expecting something or making a fuss on “a complete con of a day which is only there to line the pockets of card markers, chocolatiers, restaurants and florists”. You can expect to be told

 

“I didn’t think we needed to bother as we have been together for years.”

“Valentine’s Day? It is for kids.”

“I do not have to be told when I can express how I feel.”

“Jesus, why are you wanting to waste money on that tat?”

“I would rather watch the sport and have an early night than sit an over-priced bistro with people who obviously hate one another.”

 

You have expectations of love, pleasure and romance. You can instead expect disappointment, dismay and dejection.

Whatever happens today we achieve victory – positive fuel from those we seduce and negative fuel from those that we disappoint. Whether it is meeting expectations or whether it is dashing them, today can only ever be about a winning outcome for us. Hence it is our Victory Day.

62 thoughts on “V- Day

  1. mommypino says:

    WhoCares, I think dizziness and nausea are listed as symptoms, especially when related to triggers of the past entanglement.

    1. WhoCares says:

      Mommypino,

      Thank-you. Although I have other stressors…with regard to symptoms in response to triggers of the past entanglement; that could explain a lot…I’m having to dig out and review papers from my past (to resolve current stress, lol) and certain things are coming to light (to me) as a result. Part of the issue is those around me who want to ‘help’ make this easier are actually insensitive (simply through ignorance) to what it makes me feel. And these other parties are frustrated because they think I’m just “stalling” and being difficult. But I don’t have the energy to explain to them why this process hurts me and that I need all my focus to get *through* the process.

      I think that’s also why I’m so heavily relying on the blog lately because this is the only place where people might understand.

  2. Melissa says:

    As much as I have educated myself in narcicism and how they behave, I still have difficulty wrapping my head around some behaviors and why things are done…. so I have been no contact for months and was very minimal contact for many months before that, I am in the divorce process with a midrange narc… he basically ruined every Valentine’s Day from the first married one till yesterday’s… at least he attempted. He has had no contact with my beloved parents for 9 months, not a peep and he had the audacity to text them to say he missed them. What the heck was that? What was he trying to accomplish by doing this? I’m looking for a bit of detail, more than “fuel” what specifically would one think he was trying. To accomplish?

    1. NarcAngel says:

      Melissa
      Hoover by proxy?

      1. FYC says:

        That and perhaps facade management? As in, “See your daughter is divorcing a ‘nice’ guy (don’t believe all the nasty stuff she says).”

  3. Ugotit says:

    Woke up this morning on the 15th to discover I had indeed been hoovered last night on Valentine’s after I had gone to bed

  4. lisk says:

    “You might just be granted this…”

    Granting. Yes, that’s the key narc word.

    Seems like the narcissist is always granting…or not.

  5. DEMBunny says:

    Lmao
    ““I do not have to be told when I can express how I feel.” “
    That was my LMR somatic narcoholic.
    In 4 years (albeit on & off) I got ONE gift – a bday present bcuz he had a chance to Hoover me after an 8 month total NC escape & the timing was right at my bday – he was in full on Hoover / bronze period (my only one- I got only one bronze period -after 4 years of nonsense and me leaving him going total NC and quitting alcohol and he knew I was so happy – so he jumped on my (mistaken) offer of friendship.- hoovered , and behold the bronze period . Lasted about …6 weeks – dwindled out slowly ..at 3 months I escaped again – just ghosted. Heh.
    Ghosting a narc is soooo satisfying .

    As for holidays…
    He used to say that , he was the type to show his love with random flowers or such just because — and wouldn’t be forced into all that by holidays. He of course NEVER ONCE produced a random bouquet or anything else.
    He was the epitome of The Grinch at Xmas. If he got gifts from tertiary sources he was happy, but never reciprocated. And a gift from me was met with a mix of sheepish welcome and annoyance at me bothering. Never reciprocated.

  6. Renarde says:

    Oh HG, how you are correct. Valentines Day, the day when we should actually honour the very person who has supported us throughout this past year. To not do so is a very big devaluement indeed. It’s indescribably, incredibly hurtful, rude and almost beyond manners. People who do this are almost invariably not aware. They are very silly people indeed that would role this one out against an aware Empath. You might as well highlight their words (or lack of them), draw a circle around it and fire it out.

    You’re not even worth a card.

    It doesn’t really matter if we perceive Valentines’ Day to be a commercial exercise but it’s a day that a lot of Empaths find important. For all the reasons. Why shouldn’t you make that special person feel special? Oh yes, we know, boys and girls. NPD!

    So no, HG, I agree and disagree. People who care should have a day where we are made to feel special; that’s normal; that’s human. The ‘Hallmark’, (please excuse me, I simply could not resist), of someone who does care is that they want to make it special for you without any thought for themselves. Just the joy they provide in giving to another and seeing and rejoying in the delight in their happiness.

    Funnily enough, V day has been fraught for me over the years. I cannot ever say I have ever had a nice one. Maybe, once, when I was 17. It’s just a day designed to create hurt and pain. To raise expectations and then dash them. Or as you say, at some point fulfill those expectations.

    V day for me, is as you say HG, a day of Victory also. Because I will judge you depending on how you treat me on this day. It’s one of the most singular markers to NPD behaviour.

    Victory for us both I think HG.

  7. V is for Victory Over Valentines Day says:

    I love this post. Happy V Day, HG! LOL

    Although I am a weaponized love devotee (thanks to your teachings), I could not agree more that V day is a marketing scam of epic proportions. It pains me when people feel their self esteem negatively affected by any outcome of such a farsical celebration.

    Now if Valentine’s Day focused on healthy love, not materialism, etc, it might actually be a great day. Hopefully some will simply use the day to give genuine love and appreciation to their beloved—and save a bit of lhealthy love and appreciation for their own self.

    To those who are alone today, know that you are loved more than you realize. Don’t buy into the hype!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

  8. lisa says:

    My ex narcissist thought everything was fake , he continously spoke about things on TV being fake , people being fake. It’s bloody laughable really. I actually said to him once , your the fakest person i’ve ever met in my life and he didn’t respond, the mask was off on that particular day. He also said all the time “Im Real” he would just say this as a random comment , in the early days , I just took this as him meaning he’s a down to earth type. Him being such a loser he’d hardly be in a position to be anything other than down to earth. He actually is completely delusion .
    HG do you think he said these things a lot and not in any defence of anything just randomly , do you think he knows there’s something fake about him ?
    Who says “I’m Real” all the time ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      This is the narcissism seeking to cement the false self by declaring itself to be ‘real’ – he of course thinks he is real, his perspective causes him to think that it is everyone else who is fake.

      1. lisa says:

        Thanks HG, yes your right , he truly does see so many things and people as fake , like he’s got some inside knowledge to the real world. I’m not talking about a realistic view of the world or slightly cynical , i’m talking about completely delusional.
        It’s interesting when you say
        This is the narcissism cementing the fake self ? It’s almost like your talking about The Narcissism as a seperate entity ? If that makes sense .

        1. HG Tudor says:

          The narcissism creates the fake self, thus the fake self is part of the narcissism but is not the whole. In a way, it is easier to think of there being a Host (the physical person and the true self) and the Narcissism. The narcissism must protect the host and does so through the creation of the false self and everything that goes alongside that, such as the manipulations. Thus the narcissism recognises (the Host does not recognise it) threats and thus responds appropriately before the threat can cause a major problem, this is why narcissism cannot be cured. It is a bit like you seeing a doctor approaching with a pill to cure the disease you have and running from it – if you cannot get ‘near’ to cure, the cure cannot happen. The narcissism apprehend the threat before it can take effect.

  9. Bekah B says:

    😢😢😢😢😢
    😔😔😔😔😔

    This makes me so sad.. I’m going to go home and curl up into a ball this evening.. Take an overdose of melatonin so I can just sleep this day and night off..

  10. Kim e says:

    Not that I know it will help anyone out there that needs it BUT I do appreciate you all. HAPPY VALENTINES DAY from this Empath to you all. It is their loss.

    1. windstorm says:

      Kim e
      Happy V-day to you, too! Yes, technically it was yesterday, but we’re still celebrating today here. V-day candy was 50% off at Walmart this morning!! We buy our own and celebrate!

  11. ava101 says:

    Hello all,
    anyone who has some insight into brain chemistry / neurotransmitters & stuff, which have been affected by abuse:
    Do you think it possible that someone non-narc can affect my post-abuse brain in a really bad way, so that it is nothing but foggy again?
    Because … I am pretty sure he isn’t a narc, but he is very back and forth … one day very close / intimate, the next day all distanced …
    One moment talking to me deeply, really caring, next moment retreating again … Communicating with me, then suddenly gone …
    So … well … reminds me a bit of the ex narc …
    Anyways, do you think this could trigger responses in my brain chemistry and all, which had been conditioned by narc abuse?
    I am not well able to take these up and downs either way, but I feel like my brain is all cloudy, completely … soft, mushy, …

    1. FYC says:

      Hi Ava101, I’m sorry you are experiencing this. A consult with HG might be prudent to be certain he is not a narcissist. If not, he may have a fear of intimacy/love (see Dr. Robert Firestone works). Either way, if it triggers your past trauma (yes this can happen—search Complex PTSD), you may want to take a break and address your own care. The emotional rip current of love and empathy for another can be overwhelming. Consider what you truly want. A relationship with someone who does not trigger your past trauma and can be fully present in a relationship could be more healing for you.

      1. ava101 says:

        Thank you, FYC!
        I have set stronger boundaries … and will see what happens.
        I still get fearful moments all the time with him, though he does absolutely nothing to cause them. Still so messed up …. :/

      2. mommypino says:

        FYC,

        I think I have symptoms of CPTSD based on what I have read and the little free online test that I took. I have never had any therapy or professional psychiatric help ever. I was raised by a volatile and violent matrinarc and lived with her until I was 26. Then lived my narcissist half sister for almost a year although she wasn’t abusive in the beginning. Then I have gone through a toxic relationship with my adult stepdaughter who bullied me together and used a lot of silent treatments and hurtful words on me on and off for about 10 years although I didn’t live with them. I just went No Contact last fall. I just found out that my life was infested with narcissists last year. Do I have to see a therapist or will the CPTSD heal on its own eventually if that is what I really have?

      3. FYC says:

        MPino,

        Sorry for the delay. I replied but it did not appear here.

        Given the newness of this area of study/practice, I don’t think there are yet definitive answers. My best guess would be to better understand it’s underpinnings (intermittent reinforcement, trauma, abuse, conflict, etc.). Given what you shared, google Darlene Lancer. I think you will find her work helpful in your recovery. Further, you can try practices of mindfulness and breathing techniques to help with your healing. Therapy can help if you can find a non-judgemental therapist that is experienced in addressing both trauma and the effects of a narcissistic relationship. Wishing you peace and love in your healing journey.

      4. FYC says:

        MPino, Another technique used for standard PTSD recovery that may be helpful is to write out in detail what you can remember about the events you feel hurt by or feel in conflict with and include all of you current feelings that remain. Take your writings (can be hand written or printed) and release them through destroying them (the paper) and disposing of the remains of the paper (scatter, burial, etc.). This process is meant to assist in releasing pent up trauma and offer a formal action of release. No one can change the past. But we can heal. Events do not define us. How we let go and grow from pain can create a greater peace and strengh.

    2. mommypino says:

      Hi Ava101,

      I know nothing about the brain chemistry but it sounds similar to emotional flashbacks similar to CPTSD that I have been reading currently. Basically similar behaviors or circumstances can give you similar emotions felt during the abuse prior, even though you are no dealing with a narc anymore.

      1. ava101 says:

        Thank you, mommypino!
        Do you think I can get that under control? Because it seems to be automatically triggered …

        1. mommypino says:

          I think yes. I don’t know if that is what you really have, it just seems similar. If that is CPTSD, they said that therapy helps. I’m just starting to learn about CPTSD but I will get therapy when I’m back to work. Somebody recommended Dialectical Behavior Therapy. They have books and YouTube channels about that therapy that I will read while I’m not on therapy yet.

        2. mommypino says:

          Also this one

          https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/322886.php

          I remember that you posted in the poll that narcissism has cost you your ability to be a good listener. Loss of concentration is also a symptom and listening requires ability to concentrate.

          1. ava101 says:

            Did I?
            But yes, it took me four days to get my ability to concentrate on my work back. :/ My brain just turns foggy and to mush.

          2. mommypino says:

            ava101, so sorry that you’re experiencing that. The brain does feel foggy after a toxic entanglement and I think at least that part does get back to normal with No Contact.
            At the poll of what narcissism has cost you I think you posted, “good listener” which I interpreted as you losing your ability to be a good listener but I am probably wrong. But anyways I have experienced the brain fog before and the feeling of having no motivation or direction but it got better when I avoided the toxic person and when I started new projects like learning a new hobby or exercise routine like a new Beachbody workout.

      2. ava101 says:

        Thank you!!

        1. mommypino says:

          My pleasure!

    3. FYC says:

      Hello MommyP, There is no definitive answer. Therapy can be helpful for recovery, but only with a qualified (and non-judgmental) therapist—in this case one that is experienced in both CPTSD and narcissism. This is hard to find as the study of CPTSD is relatively new. I’m so sorry for the pain you have endured.

      1. mommypino says:

        Thank you FYC. I started to look for therapists in my area and I have not found anyone that listed C-PTSD as one of the things that they do. They are mostly about couple’s therapy and other problems. You are absolutely right about it being new and I have read that some specialists do not even recognize it. I have been reading a book by Paul Walker and it describes really well what I have been experiencing for years. I am mostly happy and high functioning but when something bad happens I am overcome with negative feelings that include self hatred and criticism where the memory of my mom beating me up with a bamboo broomstick feels comforting because I am so despicable that i deserve that. I never physically hurt though, it’s just all in my head. I also have death ideation and I shun people away that are related to that ‘event’ that caused these feelings to resurface. It only usually just lasts in about a day or two but it affects my relationship with people. Depending on how bad it is I may also be reclusive for a period. Thank you for your response. It sucks that I was unfortunate with the family I was born into. But at least it didn’t prevent me from having a good family now and being happy most of the time. I just need to learn how to manage this better.

        1. FYC says:

          I’m so sorry to hear of your abuse, Mommypino. I am not a therapist and I do hope you find one you trust. From my research, I understand it is not uncommon for survivors of abuse to have long standing psychological trauma. You may find this article on how to overcome your critical inner “voice” (usually that of a parent) by Dr. Lisa Firestone:
          https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201005/steps-overcoming-your-critical-inner-voice

          Her father, Dr. Robert Firestone pioneered this area of research. In short, you recognize the thought, consider its origin and correct its criticism or shaming (“talk” back to the critical voice).

          Another technique I have read about is healing your childhood experiences. In this effort, try to remember yourself at your earliest memory or use photographs to assist your memory. Look at yourself as if you were your own child. What love and acceptance would you have given that sweet innocent girl? Give yourself that love and acceptance now. You deserved unconditional love without cruelty and still do deserve this. Let that young version of yourself know that you love her and will be there for her always.

          It is understandable you need to retreat when you are triggered. I hope your death ideation more a desire to escape emotional trauma, but please do NOT act on these. Seek immediate assistance if you feel any desire to do self harm. Your deserve healing and peace, not further harm! Your unique soul is a beautiful gift to all of us and very much appreciated.

          Sending you much unconditional love for healing.

          1. mommypino says:

            FYC you brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for being so kind to me. I will definitely do what you told me. As I was growing up I went through phases and trying different perspectives on how to cope with my matrinarc’s abuse. She was a violent and volatile Lower Lesser but in the country where I came from, the Asian Tiger parent is the cultural norm and it is normal to see kids being yelled at and spanked. A few bruises here and there are ignored. So my engulfing matrinarc was able to abuse me physically and verbally without any problems whatsoever. The things that she did would never be acceptable here. Actually there have been a lot of people there as well, teachers, neighbors, relatives who defended me from here but she destroyed all of them with abusive vituperation which even traumatized me so I started to keep a facade that everything was ok so that nobody will get hurt by her ‘because of me’. The mother in Stephen King’s Carrie was very much like her. Her eyes would be bulging out of their sockets when she was on a tirade and she had been calling me a whore since I was probably 3 or 4 when I played with her makeup kit. That was her way of making me compliant. I remember not knowing what exactly a whore is but it just sounded so aweful with the way that she was looking at me and calling me that. I was in my high school and I remember realizing that I haven’t been smiling and I seemed to have lost my spirit. I did look at my photographs and saw myself before I was screwed and I did channel it and that’s what I have always been doing when I go through what I described to you. I have memories in grade school when her engulfing behavior was still tolerable since I was a child and I was absolutely confident, happy, and solid inside. I try to go back to that. But this time I will go further than that and do what you told me. I have seen that described as well in the book and it does feel scary and weird but I should definitely try that. Thank you FYC and more blessings to you. 🙏

          2. mommypino says:

            *sounded awful, sorry for the spelling error.

          3. mommypino says:

            Oh and FYC, thank you for caring but don’t worry about the death ideation, it only stays in my head but I never act on it and I’m sure that I never will. 💕

          4. FYC says:

            Mommypino, you deserve much love and kindness and always did. Your recollections of your childhood are so vivid, I can see and feel the burdens of that sweet, innocent girl. So heartbreaking. Yet your spirit remains strong. You became brave for others at a young age. As an adult, you can release that burden from that little girl. In this moment you are free from all that. Let that little girl of long ago know she is loved unconditionally by you and by all of us here too! So glad to hear you are safe. Wishing you endless blessings.

          5. mommypino says:

            Thank you FYC. ❤️❤️❤️ 😘. I’m feeling chirpy now. I was just so touched by the kind words you wrote to me that I shared what was bothering me about my childhood. Thank you for listening. I borrowed a workbook from Kindle which I am looking forward to start reading. I have been thinking about what you said and I believe that it will help me. ❤️❤️❤️

          6. FYC says:

            You are most welcome, Mommypino.

      2. WhoCares says:

        FYC & mommypino,

        Sorry to jump in here but I was wondering if anyone knows if dizziness and light-headedness (to the point of feeling like you’re about to pass out) is a symptom of Complex PTSD?

        Thank-you.

        1. Sweetest Perfection says:

          WhoCares, in my case, it was. I suffered terrible vertigo spells, lightheadedness, and fear of fainting. After several doctor visits without any apparent physical cause they told me it was caused by my anxiety and stress. I’ve noticed that it tends to go on its own if I simply relax and think that it is an emotional reaction.

          1. WhoCares says:

            Thank-you for sharing that Sweetest Perfection, and I’m sorry that you experienced all of that as a result of your entanglement.
            Yes, fear of fainting…I’ve experienced that a bit but mostly the dizziness/vertigo with poor depth perception and one near panic attack as of late. It has gone hand in hand with mounting stress but no other physical symptoms. Although, right now it is worse than whatever stress I was feeling while still in relationship with my narc.

            I really appreciate you sharing that SweetP ♡

          2. Sweetest Perfection says:

            I’m glad it helps, Who Cares. And I hope you stop feeling that way, I’ve felt much better now after 9 months of NC but I have started to have dreams again because I will see him soon for a professional obligation. I have vivid dreams and it’s hard to continue with real life after one of those. I still feel tired after “our conversation”
            in the dream I had last night.

          3. WhoCares says:

            Sweetest Perfection,

            I’m glad those sensations and symptoms have passed for you.

            But, dreams of conversing with your narc? I don’t envy you that…

          4. FYC says:

            Hello WC, It is not listed as a classic symptom, however, it is a new area of study. Anxiety and stress (certainly part of C-PTSD) can lead to similar symptoms as yours. Do try to rule out physiological causes. If none exist, you may wish to try breathing exercises to reduce your anxiety overwhelm:.

            https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-practice/201607/breathing-techniques-anxiety

            If you can, step away from the trigger and apply these techniques. It will help you release some stress and can actually lower blood pressure in the moment.

            Hope this helps. Wishing you much love and healing.

          5. WhoCares says:

            Thank-you very much FYC, for your input.

            Yes, I think I do have to be more mindful of my breathing – and something more structured in this area may be just the thing…and I do appreciate the reminder of attention to possible physiological causes.

            Thanks again for taking the time to post that link and the well wishes ♡

          6. NarcAngel says:

            WhoCares (and anyone else suffering bouts of vertigo)

            Search Youtube: Colorado Doctor vertigo.
            I used Dr Carol Foster’s half somersault maneuver. It sounds crazy but it’s the only thing that worked. Follow it carefully (you need to determine left or right side) and you may have to do it more than once, (I’ve had to do it twice but never a third time). I also did it on the bed in case I fell over. Vertigo can really be debilitating, and like narcissism, can be very hard to describe to those who have never experienced it lol.

          7. Sweetest Perfection says:

            NA, the doc used that method on me and it didn’t work, that’s one of the reasons they didn’t think it was caused by physiological issues (in this case I think it has something to do with some calcium crystals in your ear). Vertigo is indeed very debilitating and scary. The first time I suffered an attack I was in bed, I woke up and the whole room was spinning. It’s like being drunk minus the fun part.

          8. NarcAngel says:

            SweetP
            I can’t speak to different things that may cause it (PTSD vs ear issues for example) because the doctors (regular GP, Ears/nose/throat specialist, and Sports medicine docs I saw only put stock in the ear/balance explanation. It worked great (and instantly) for me but perhaps there is a difference in what causes it and thats why it wouldn’t work for you? Hope you find something that works. Someone I know had it while driving and drove off the road but managed to miss hitting anything.

          9. Sweetest Perfection says:

            NA, Oh my goodness, that’s dangerous! Luckily for me, I never got it suddenly in the middle of the day but as soon as I woke up, so I could arrange plans to avoid driving, for example. I haven’t experienced it in a while, and hope it stays that way forever. It sucks.

          10. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Wait, where’s my avatar? Wtf is going on, a glitch in the Matrix?

          11. WhoCares says:

            Thanks for sharing that NarcAngel, it is helpful to know…that info, plus SP’s comments help me determine that mine is more a sensation of being slightly dizzy, unsteady and verging on ‘black out’ or fainting.

            But now I know what to do, in the future, when I drink white wine with a high sugar content – cause *that* does make the room spin…;-)

        2. ava101 says:

          I think so, yes.

          1. WhoCares says:

            Thank-you ava101.

        3. mommypino says:

          WhoCares my reply to you got posted at the very top of the comments section lol.

  12. Kathleen says:

    My ex narc was an expert at using greeting cards for all holiday or etc…as seduction and a facade of deep caring and consideration. Totally learned behavior.

    But those gestures go FAR because now so many people are so lazy they often just send a text or a Facebook post instead of taking time to get a card, write something in it and send it. Even on minor holidays.

    I caught on to the manipulation of it when I saw a card she got her ipps when i was a ? dls or iss – signed EXACTLY like my card was signed! “Love You Bunches”

    I’m sure she is signing cards now just like that to her newest fuel/s. Argggg

  13. ava101 says:

    Are there narcs who do emotional abuse only?
    As in — one wouldn’t be able to detect _anything_ in their words?

  14. Sweetest Perfection says:

    This is hysterically funny, I’ll read it again. Poor roses hahaha!

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