No Contact No Nos


No Contact is THE key to beating the narcissist.

Most people get it wrong. There are two reasons for this.

1. Not understanding the requirements of a Total No Contact Regime , and

2. The misleading effect of Emotional Thinking.

As part of the first element, the establishment and maintenance of a Total No Contact Regime means not only knowing what you MUST do for your Total No Contact Regime, but also what you MUST NOT do.

No Contact No Nos provides comprehensive information about the fundamental errors and primary risks which exist to your Total No Contact Regime so that you know what they are, how they threaten your regime and what you can do to make sure your Total No Contact Regime is properly implemented and also securely maintained.

This extremely useful and eye-opening guide tackles the weaknesses to your no contact regime in an effective and straightforward manner and is available for just US $ 5.

Obtain it here

23 thoughts on “No Contact No Nos

  1. Still Hurt and confused says:

    What does it mean when they keep an item that you gave them?
    Even though they discarded you and are supposedly with someone else. I’m guessing it doesn’t mean much in the Narc scheme of things, right?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is a trophy and is sub-consciously retained to promote a hoover at a later juncture.

      1. Still Hurt& Confused says:

        I see. Thank you for your reply.
        I broke No Contact after 8 months. I had a specific reason as to why I reached out… but if I’m being honest, my emotions and the fact that I hadn’t heard from him (absolutely nothing in 8 months) got the better of me. I did not get the answers I was looking for, I did not get closure or validation. He said that closure doesn’t exist, only when someone dies. Ha! Sounds familiar, Cruella!

  2. Joanne says:

    I have intense emotions tied to my OWN belongings that now have associations with him. For instance, I’ve had to stash away some clothing that I wore when we were together because the sight of them brings back such strong memories. Some tops and a couple pieces of lingerie (which he never even got to see 😒). This might be filed under “ever presence” though.

  3. EC says:

    I got rid of ALL her shit…..right down to burning pictures. Purged pics on phone too. She was given a specific date by my attorney to get her trash. Never showed. So…out goes the hoes shit. Done. 1.5 yrs of no contact. Nice.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Well done.

  4. VenTenia says:

    Jane Hall, he’s trying to Hoover you back into his web. Burn the stupid card and tell him to eff off.

  5. Jane hall says:

    HG I have had two previous consultations with you. My Husband – I have not seen for a year this month. NC. But our son lives with him, though he is 21. I received a letter from my x the day after valentines day. Our adult daughter lives with me and hid the letter from me at first, but then said I had received a card. In the letter – he blames me for his poor relationship with his children, says his adult son barely bothers with him and that I must have done a right hatchet job on him. He puts a few spiritual things in, says he doesn’t blame me and that I am the most beautiful wonderful woman. What I wondered is – if I had a third consultation with you – instead of asking questions could I send you the letter, so you can tell me your thoughts? You hopefully will have the history of our previous consultations so can refer to them?
    Many thanks HG

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Certainly, you may do so.

      1. Jane hall says:

        Thanks HG

  6. Bekah B says:

    My daughter’s father insisted I keep many of his clothing items and shoes at my house when we were together.. But whenever we had a minor confrontation and it would cause him to not “come home” and spend the night for several days, I would always either put his things in storage, or give them back to him.. This irritated him so much.. He said I should have just kept them at the house all along because he knew (and I should’ve known) he’d be back eventually.. Nope!! Damn that ever presence.. If you aren’t here, your things aren’t about to be here either.. 😉

  7. Cindy says:

    I kept 6 photos after my escape. Before you take me to task HG, hear me out.
    My thirst for understanding what I had been entangled with was unquenchable. That’s how I found you. I was on the brink of insanity and was desperately looking for validation that I was not bat shit crazy. I felt an urgent need to tell everyone that there were narcissists all around us and that they should be warned. Well, that wouldn’t have been beneficial to my proclamation that it was him and not me that was crazy. So I decided to document and prove to the world that there were such things as gaslighting, blame shifting, and history faking.
    I made a Narc Book. I copied your articles (all with your name clearly noted as the author) and stuck them in a binder. I placed photos of the narc relevant to the time period when he was using the behaviors you so expertly taught. From golden to devaluation, I wrote my comments about what was going on, how I was feeling at the time, and what he was doing to me.
    Only one of six photos has a positive connotation, and I’m sure you know which one that is. When a bad memory hits, I write it down and put it in the binder. I don’t document the memories from the golden stage because they are tainted, and were never real anyway.
    I’m done with my confession HG. You can tell me to throw the binder away now.

    1. lisk says:

      Cindy, I think what you’ve done is great. I see it as healthy processing.

      I almost deleted ALL texts and ALL emails 5 months ago, after discard, when I didn’t know what a narcissist really was, when I didn’t know what “Discard” was (even though I have been through FOUR of them, and took him back after the first three).

      I am so thankful that I held onto them. After reading many, many HG articles. I have combed through the texts, emails, and even daily entries in my journals over the years, and found hard evidence of everything that HG details here: Golden Period, Triangulation, Devaluation, Discard, Gas-lighting, Hoovers, Hoovers, Hoovers, Lies, Lies, Lies, Illusion, Illusion, Illusion.

      The texts/emails/entries have allowed me to create a mental sketch of a timeline of my relationship with a narc, a mental sketch that has helped me process my past and helped clear up a ton of doubts, self-blame, and cognitive dissonance.

      And every time I have a flashback of something, I can refer to the documents and revise the timeline.

      All of this helps me detach more and more. I know someday soon, I will no longer need the evidence or the timeline. I will get rid of them when I am ready.

      My Advice: Never throw away anything until you have read and digested HG Theory and applied it to your evidence.

  8. Butterfly says:

    I’m not a “regular” empath. I don’t keep any item that could make me think of him or of any other one from my past life…
    I see you are insisting in full no contact… to what extent could I mantain “grey stone” with him? He’s a work colleague…

    1. HG Tudor says:

      This is a detailed matter and best suited to consultation.

  9. lisk says:

    No, I refuse to get rid of certain items. The Tiffany earrings and the Hermès scarf look too lovely on me.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Emotional thinking.

      1. lisk says:

        Hardly. I was emotional about these gifts in the beginning, definitely, but not in the way you might think.

        I was quite insulted when I first saw the Tiffany box at Christmas: I am not a brand-name kind of girl, even if it is luxury brand. I was insulted because he didn’t see that the jewelry I own is unique and made my artists. The jewelry I own and wear is not mass-produced. “Is he paying attention to me at all?,” I asked myself.

        Fortunately enough, the piece he picked was tasteful enough and quite non-Tiffany in design. It has been 5 months since Discard, and I only wore the earrings once–last week. I have emotionally detached from them. I wear them now because I like them and they look good on me.

        With the Hermès scarf, that, too, is a unique piece with a design that I love. He chose well. However, I knew then (and also know now thanks to you, HG) that he was just going through the motions, and that his main aim was to purchase something that would wow me and also impress others at the Christmas tree and when I wore the scarf. I know there was no real sentiment involved. And thus, there is no sentiment/emotion embedded in the silk.

        These objects, purchased by my narc for HIS benefit, enhance my beauty.

        I can use objects, too.

        1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

          Dear lisk,
          There’s a difference between emotional attachment and common sense
          We have a “cheval mirror” the weasel dumped on the verge for hard waste collection …. I asked if I could have it ..he said “sure”
          So it wasn’t a gift
          I only see “myself” in it 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
          You did good 😊
          Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      2. mommypino says:

        Lisk, I feel the same way with objects. When my MRE sister who owed us money passed away, our brother asked me if there is anything in her items that I would like to take. I took a few items that she inherited from our dad and they were all beautiful antiques that I would rather keep to pass on to my kids. I am so thankful that I didn’t let my resentment of her keep me from taking those items. My whole family loves them. We can enjoy this objects without relating them to the narc.

    2. Michelle says:

      Lisa, I have had to let certain items go as I know after reading these articles that they are used for hoovering you at a later date. For example, my expensive wedding dress that I left in the loft that I asked for back (so I could sell it) not because of any other reason. It seems to have disappeared off the planet when I asked him to bring it back when he collects the kids. He knows where it is, it will fall out of the sky when his current girlfriend finally realises what he is and escapes him. So I told him in an email that if he does find it when he clears out his apartment to just give it to charity please 😁 he didn’t reply back lol

    3. flutterbymorpho says:

      Lisk , yes I agree as there is no sentiment or thought behind gifts given by them.. I chose many of my items as he couldn’t be bothered so he just paid for them. Why shouldn’t you have something to show for it – for putting up with them 🙂 they take much if not everything from us if we are with them long enough. But I do see the other angle too.. gifts were a tactic he used to make me think he was a good guy, to pacify me sometimes.. most stuff was actually household things and plants ,

  10. DEMBunny says:

    I got a 6th for you right now:
    The 12 step desire to “make amends”
    The narc is one of the ones you just don’t.

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Previous article

The Last Word

Next article

HG Tudor On Instagram