The False Exaggeration of the Victim



We would struggle without those twin helpers of exaggeration and embellishment as we make our mediocre achievements impressive and our decent accomplishments spectacular. Good for all occasions, a healthy and liberal sprinkling of exaggeration makes us far more appealing and alluring. Embellishing what I have done ensures I look far better than you and means that I remain the superior individual. Like salt and pepper at meal times, exaggeration and embellishment are never far from our kind. We make everything bigger, better, bolder, brighter and more brilliant. We love to magnify and multiply in order to convey just how great we are, yet, generous souls that our kind are it would not be fair if we did not allow you an opportunity to be seen to exaggerate and embellish, to make a mountain out of a mole hill and blow things out of proportion. Of course, when we provide this opportunity to you, it has none of the self-aggrandizing effects of our behaviour for ourselves but it used as an opportunity to make you see hysterical, unreliable and someone who is trying to pin the blame on us unfairly. We use exaggeration to inflate what we are but also as a means of attacking you. Here are twenty examples of using exaggeration and embellishment to undermine you.

  1. You are hypersensitive
  2. You are over-thinking what has happened
  3. You read too much into what I say
  4. You are paranoid
  5. You are seeing things which are not there
  6. You are making that up
  7. You have to be melodramatic don’t you?
  8. You aren’t that ill really.
  9. You are over-reacting.
  10. You are making a fuss over nothing.
  11. You have lost your sense of perspective.
  12. You take things too far at times
  13. You are going over the top with this now
  14. You press the panic button too soon
  15. You are making something out of nothing
  16. You are responding in a disproportionate manner
  17. You are getting over excited about this
  18. You are losing your sense of proportion
  19. You are putting two and two together and making eight
  20. You are jumping to conclusions


When you hear these comments being made by us, you should become aware that we are using such a comment to deflect what you are saying by trying to trivialise it by suggesting you are exaggerating its effect or importance. The use of phrases such as these are stock tells by us that you have landed a blow against us and we need to reduce its impact promptly. The easiest way to do this is to not only diminish the import of what you have said but then to make you question your own behaviour by making the conversation about you, rather than us. This will also provoke you by frustrating you. You are being denied the opportunity to advance your agenda and this will increase your emotional response. This not only gives us fuel, it also means that you lose sight of your point as you are derailed by conducting the discussion in a logical fashion as you are pushed by us into the territory of emotion. Once emotion has taken hold of your thinking we are far abler to exploit this to our advantage. Recognise these comments and understand their significance when you are engaging with our kind so you are able to withdraw from or neutralise their effect.

16 thoughts on “The False Exaggeration of the Victim

  1. L says:

    Hi HG,

    1. Why did the male narcissist uncle-in-law who took care of me when I was a teenager not congratulate me on finishing my college degree and acting like anything else I have achieved since then as nothing but when I didn’t achieve anything prior, I was so wonderful?

    2. I feel like he did this to keep me from succeeding after I finished college. Is that why as well and why?

    3. I just realized that I have felt less confident ever since this behavior for some reason and it has affected my ability to be focused and confident in interviews and I am struggling with getting hired. Why would his behavior affect me like this?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. Because it suited his needs to treat you that way for the purposes of exerting control and gaining fuel.
      2. Possibly – in order to control you and ensure that he remained ‘above’ you by ‘arresting your own growth’.
      3. Your self-worth has been damaged. It can be remedied.

      1. MB says:

        HG, how can damaged self-worth be remedied? I’d pay some good money for that.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Removal from the agent which damaged it to allow it space to rebuild and then focussing on evidence and the acquisition of constructive behaviours. I can show you how to do it.

          1. MB says:

            Let me ride in your pocket for a day or two!

            Are you working on an assistance package along these lines?

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Not at present, it would be through audio consultation as I would need you to feedback through the process.

          3. MB says:

            Sounds painful. Not talking to you of course! The process.

          4. L says:

            Great! I will definitely keep that in mind. Thank you!

      2. L says:

        Wow!!!! This makes things so much clearer! Thanks, HG! You know everything lol

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Pleasure. Of course I do.

  2. Sarah says:

    The tendency for the N to exaggerate is our friend. It makes their N qualities light them up like a neon hazard. I think the older they get the more this stands out and the less appealing they become. I loved HG’s reference to wounding a narc by informing them they are high on drama and low on substance. It is the absolute essence of their truth.

    My husband and I were watching ‘Married at First Sight’ the other night and he questioned why all the women talked incessantly about wanting a man who will pick them up and throw them down on the bed. My husband is a gentleman (truly).

    I thought back to my younger years when the excitement, passion and chaos of narcissistic love and lust dominated my every waking moment. I turned to him and provided my response, “because the action of the man is an exaggeration of his masculine power. Sometimes women feel like they need more of a man to be more of a woman”. “Did you ever feel that way?”, he asked. “Yes I did my darling”, I said, “but that was before I met the pair of hands who could hold me steady instead”.

    Steady hands, steady heart.

    1. lisk says:

      Thank you for sharing your experience, Sarah. Your husband sounds lovely. I hope to find steady hands, too.

  3. Flavia says:

    Thanks for the article, HD! Can you give an example of how to neutralise their effect of those comments and bring the conversation back to the main point of discussion (us not allowing to get confused and detailed)?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome Fluvia. Certainly, please see the book ‘Escape’.

      1. Kelly says:

        I see you HG

      2. Kelly says:

        I mean, I see what you did there lol

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