I Want
26 thoughts on “I Want”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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That was hillarious! And What happens when the “victim” doesn’t give a shit ?
Their emotional thinking is being kept low. If your ambivalence is noticed by the narcissist, it causes wounding.
Ditto
I wan’t you to see the beast that lives inside of you every morning when you look at the mirror and every night, when you look at your partner in bed. That’s what I want and I’ll make sure I get it… ithis is not dedicated to you dear HG, you know I like you…;-)
How can I look up to him when everything he does is beneath me?
All I ever wanted was to be treated respectfully, and to hear something positive about what I’d managed to accomplish. He acted more like an enemy competing with me than a boss on the same team, Manipulation and control. He knocks me down and delights in the sweet fuel of my anger over his injustices.
So I put on a mask, and I tell him everything he wants to hear. I keep my fury and disgust for him hidden underneath. I’ve learned a lot. It’s a win win for both of us.
HG,
1. When acts of malice are perpetrated against your victims and the victim reacts emotionally, is it more likely to satisfy your wants and therefore you cease the malign campaign or does it power you to continue it?
2. From what age are your earliest memories of purposely acting in a malign way toward others?
3. Is no contact a likely trigger for a malign campaign?
Thank you HG.
1. The malice campaign is driven by a need to destroy and therefore is actually quite rare because
a. Most narcissists do not have the time, energy or ability to engage in it
b. A destroyed appliance is of no use (thus the narcissist must have a large fuel matrix to facilitate the destruction)
Of course fuel is obtained through the campaign but that is not its purpose, thus an emotional response will not spare the individual from the campaign continuing. Indeed it will power it.
There is a distinction between malign behaviour and malign hoovers (which all narcissists engage in) and a malice campaign (which is not engaged in by all narcissists). Further, sustained devaluation is not a malic campaign, even if it may feel ike it is.
2. As a young child.
3. It could be, but is not likely to be.
Thank you for your very detailed response to further my understanding HG.
The distinctions are now clear in my mind and I can see there is a book required for almost every line you write here. Your capacity to answer so many questions, balance so many priorities and provide insights which are everpresent (see what I did there?!) is incredible.
You are welcome.
Yes, there is often a lot of variable outcomes based on differing factors and a lot of detail to convey. That is why I direct people to consultations in some instances, existing books which cover the point (to save my fingers) but there are instances where I want to expand in greater detail but time constraint prevents me from doing so – thus I may refer to a forthcoming work which will in time, address the issue in the detail I wish to convey.
Thanking you kindly HG – your balance is better than that of an acrobat on a high wire. I am grateful.
Ooh this was a while back.
Thanking you kindly sir.
HG,
If a malice campaign is driven by a need to destroy, what need/desire is a malign hoover driven by?
Also, is challenge fuel followed by no contact a likely trigger for a malign hoover?
1. Fuel and the need to assert supremacy and control – e.g. you contact the narcissist repeatedly wanting to talk because you have been disengaged from, he is in a new golden period with a new IPPS and wants you stay away as you are painted black and seen as an unnecessary and interfering nuisance, thus your contact is the hoover trigger, the HEC are met and because you are challenging the narcissist (“Why did you do this to me? Why have you been so horrible?”) and interfering by appearing when you are not wanted he needs to
a. Suppress your challenge (you are suggesting he is a bad person and he has done something wrong, thus you are challenging his perception of being right, decent etc – remember his perspective is different to yours);
b. Control – make you go away and stop being a interference;
c. Fuel – always welcome.
Thus he takes your call, or rings you back, or stops to speak to you and is unpleasant to you, insulting you and saying you are a stalking nutjob and you had better stay away or he will get a restraining order – there’s the malign part. Thus you get a malign hoover.
Thank you so much, HG, for expanding on that.. Now I really understand the difference between malign campaigns and malign hoovers..
Good and you are welcome.
Hmmmmm. If you caused significant wounding to an N but you’re fairly low in his fuel matrix and it’s not usually his style to go on a campaign of malign behaviour. Is it possible they would? Or more likely just cut you out?
1. What is the nature of the cause of the wounding?
2. What do you mean by fairly low in his fuel matrix – what is the position actually?
Thanks for reply HG. I shall give the situation a little more thought.
HG
I am not sure the voice you gave this when writing it, but I read it as starting out in a controlled but conversational tone and then growing in speed and intensity until reaching an almost maniacal crescendo with “ I want you to understand I will not stop. I want you to realise I am unstoppable” , before lowering in tone again to almost spit “I want you to lose control. I want you to lose”. Powerful.
Thank you NA.
You nailed that one NA!
Uhh.. This is kind of scary..
But I sooo admire the way it is eloquently written.. The anticipation builds with every, “I want..” Not for a minute did I deviate from reading this.. That’s how well it is composed..
Bravo, HG..
Thank you.
Interesting that often you narcs are referred to as demons. I don’t really buy into that theory. But the one experience I had with ,..let’s just call it a negative entity – it seem like it wanted the same thing. Just to scare the ever living shit out of me and make me feel like I was powerless and pointless.
So all I did was declare my 100% alignment with the Light, told it to fuck off ,and laughed at it ….that was pretty much the end of that
Which can also be done with your kind, although I do feel very sorry for the poor women that get super entangled with you financially and otherwise.
Why. Did. This. Make. Me. Laugh. So. hard. I love the vicious rant posts! Oh honey yes
#baleful gaze meets expressionless lump
One of the creepiest and most scary of all the articles you’ve written. Mixing control issues with malice…not a good formula for the empath.