The Rules of the Online Narcissist





Social media and the internet. When the Romans built those long, straight and effective roads they had no idea what was going to be using those roads in years to come. Similarly, those early pioneers – Tim Berners-Lee, Mark Zuckerberg, Noah Glass, Kevin Systrom et al could not have realised what their various creations might achieve and might still achieve. I daresay none of them realised what fantastic tools they had created for my kind and me. The advance of technology and the various forms of applications and social media have not only contributed to a growth in our numbers, those entitled millennials for example, but our reach has been massively extended beyond the use of the humble telephone. Whereas once my tendrils coiled from my person when I was physically proximate to you, through the use of Lieutenants, elegant hand-crafted letters and those whispered words from landlines and telephone booths, now my tendrils are multiplied a billion times over. They surge across the internet, striking from well-composed e-mails, appearing from the medley of text messages which race to and fro. I surf forums selecting those who are the most appropriate targets and victims and use the vast array of electronic media at my disposal to seduce and ensnare. Messages, photos, videos fly back and forth across the many outlets, across my many devices. In my bolthole the glow from multiple screens would allow you, if I ever admitted you across the threshold, to see my studious gaze and fuel-filled grin as my fingers dart and glide. Opening one application, closing another, composing a message, answering a query, laughing at a comment, reaching out, reeling in, seducing, devaluing, hoovering. Like some grand organist at a technological organ, the screens change and glow, from phone to phone, from PC to laptop, to tablet. The notifications pings and appear, each one the potential for fuel. Yes, the seemingly unstoppable advance of the availability of wireless communication and the many, many methods of connection that are available have been a playground for our kind. We can observe, learn, ply our trade as we cross jurisdictions, mountain ranges and oceans like never before. Once upon a time a bar or a club was a prime hunting ground for some of our kind. Now it invariably begins online and we can broadcast our love-bombs across a massive area, tweaking and adjusting until we refine matters so we can close in on those in a proximate area. The few hundred in a local bar become several million in a city who can then be met face to face and the most potent fuelling begins.

The use of social media and the internet is all pervading throughout your entanglement with our kind We seduce using it, we bombard and charm using it. We harness its formidable power to devalue, to smear, to disseminate the lies about you and then broadcast news of our newest conquest in order to further your misery. Pictures plastered across our timeline. Comments smeared across your own. Others piling into the frenzy of electronic barbs and hooks. The enticing hoover of a late night text message. The blocking, the deleting, the eradicating. The capacity to scour your online profile for information to commence your seduction. The ability to monitor where you are and who you are with as we ready a hoover. The game playing from knowing you can see I have read a message but I won’t respond, leaving you churning, anxious and on the edge of indecision as to whether you ought to try again or remain distant. The carousel of available targets, the endless permutations and possibilities for gathering fuel. Such potential and such excitement. The triangulation across the airwaves, the shuttling of similar messages back and forth to various recipients, a beauty parade where the most effective responders then are chosen for the next stage.

If all of this was taken away I can revert to old school methods. I have that skill set. The junior of our number would be in serious distress, thrashing around and unable to perform effectively as us great sharks cruise easily utilising the older methods to suck up all that fuel to leave the younger of our brethren starving and failing. Not that such an occurrence is likely to happen. No, instead it will only become more and more of a narcissist’s heaven as faster and more intuitive devices are created. How long before the “Find an Empath” application makes its presence known? Watch with glee as the radar sweeps around and notifies me that there are 42 empaths in a one-mile radius. Such sweet delight!

Of course with every new system, every new method of interaction there come rules, obligations, conventions, protocols and procedures. Many are informal, internationally recognised as the dos and don’ts of social media usage. Our kind, naturally, is not isolated from such a development and there is indeed an etiquette (which is just a euphemistic way of saying this is what you really should do) with regard to social media usage involving our kind and your kind. Accordingly, let me introduce you to twenty commandments of social media etiquette as decreed by the Council of Narcissists.


  1. You are never to tag us in any photographs without our prior permission which can be revoked at any time and without reason.


  1. Our relationship status is only updated when we deem it appropriate. Any insistence by you that we reflect your existence will meet with repercussions. Your relationship status? Nobody is interested.


  1. All photographs post discard will show us ecstatically happy and with ourselves draped around your replacement. You should make sure you look and do so regularly.


  1. All adverse comments about you are true and must never be removed, amended or diluted by you.


  1. We have a stock of unlimited likes which we can throw around over other people’s comments and pictures as often as we want and you have to deal with it.


  1. If messenger says I was active five minutes ago, it is lying.


  1. I can block, ban, unblock, revoke bans as and when required. You must facilitate access to all your social media at all times without condition or exclusion.


  1. My tweets are slices of intellectual brilliance. Nobody reads yours (unless they praise me).


  1. All electronic communications used by me never existed. You imagined them.


  1. My 1500 friends of the opposite sex are exactly that. Why else are they described as friends?


  1. All postings by you are subject to scrutiny and questioning as in, “Whose hand is that in the background?” and

“I see two glasses on the table. Who else was there?”


  1. Just because it shows I have read your message is not determinative proof that I have done so.



  1. It shows my message to you has been read. You have ten seconds to reply.


  1. You are duty bound post discard or escape to accept follower and friend requests from utter strangers with unusual profile pictures.


  1. Notifications do not appear on my lock screen to save battery power. Honest.


  1. All my postings must be liked and commented, re-tweeted etc. by you within one hour of their creation. All comments must reflect my brilliance and incisive insights on the topic du jour.


  1. The fact my device automatically logs in at a location is not evidence I have been before. It merely shows how welcome I am.


  1. You are not permitted to demonstrate favour to other posts, tweets, pictures etc. over mine.


  1. I filter everything that might appear on my timeline. Popularity requires such a step. No, I have not got anything to hide.


  1. If my response is a non-sequitur when we are messaging this does not mean I am messaging someone else at the same time. It means you are not keeping up with me.

38 thoughts on “The Rules of the Online Narcissist

  1. NarcAngel says:

    Seriously, how can anyone give a fiddlers fuck about likes or the number of them on facebook? It can be an indicator that people are like minded sure, but looking for them to validate you? Wtf. If someone placing their finger on a like button has that much importance that you actually look for it, that points to a problem internally and not the other persons behaviour.

    1. nfl3 says:

      I see your point, NA. However it’s not validating anything. Just noticed the changed behaviour, and was wondering why. Being intimate shouldn’t hamper one to have shared interests. Intimacy doesn’t preclude friendship.

      1. NarcAngel says:

        That wasn’t specific to your post – just prompted by it. I have read that numerous times in my time here and hear it repeatedly outside of the blog.

  2. nfl3 says:

    Back when the narc and I were FB friends, he would like or comment on many of my posts. After we became intimate, he completely stopped liking any of my posts. However I would see him online and could see all the likes he was giving to his other friends, many of which were women.

    HG, was this a form of triangulation?

    1. HG Tudor says:


  3. Joanne says:

    This made me laugh and annoyed me at the same time. I am sat here picturing my narc with his stupid phone in hand: open one app/close another blah blah 🙄 He puts on this overly self confident, conceited front (he is very handsome), yet he is pretty awkward in person at first and even verbally by phone. Technology certainly makes things so much easier for him – CONSTANT texting. Long paragraphs, photos etc. Makes me wonder how he ran his game before this all existed (he is mid 40s).

  4. candacemarie1212 says:

    H G
    I know this is off subject but I was curious about something. I know you said you cannot feel happiness, compassion or love. But you can feel anger, hate and envy. So on a normal day when everything in your life is going ok and you are not angry etc. how do you feel? Do you ever worry about things that might happen?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Powerful. No, I do not worry.

  5. Lori says:

    They do seem to love Facebook more than any other platform

  6. Presque Vu says:

    All 20!
    Au revoir ex fuckface!

  7. pascaleshealingjourney says:

    Number 6 was the one that made me so confused that I actually googled “is it possible for messenger (in that case it was Telegram messenger) to show you were active when you were not!!!” Talk about cognitive dissonance. They really drive us insane. He eventually admitted that he had been using it after three days of denying he even had the app installed. “Yes I have the app and I was on it, are you happy now?” BTW Sam Vaknin reckons that the internet was invented BY narcissists…

  8. Hoot says:

    Is the greater the main one to do this research? What of those that use these same platforms but ask questions of their victim’s. Are they just securing what they already think they know or are they the lesser among you?

    Questions that enquire as to how emotional someone is, who their friends/family are, if they are close, whether they were popular or not, how their relationship is with their spouse, etc etc.

    1. HG Tudor says:


  9. lacajadepandra says:

    Hello, H.G. Tudor.
    The technology is not the problem is the misuse that is made of it by narcissists. That’s another thing.
    But as you say well you have to know how to handle it and is very aware that technology can also be misused.

    And speaking of technology today I entered Facebook, really my Facebook that had it for years, was abandoned and with cobwebs not to use it. Like the one who doesn’t want it, I got a little Disney vintage video.
    I know that you have a book that talks about children’s stories and the relationship they have with the narcissistic theme. Snow White, Little Red Riding Hood among others. There are many mentions or references in his writings. In spite of everything, I always ask myself and I wonder how it is possible that his species is believed. The other day I found a documentary that talked about Empathy, and they talked about children who were not empathic because of the war. It said that lack of love and continued abuse and violence were the causes of these dysfunctions. I suppose that these abuses from early childhood in the full formation of the neural network of the child 0-5 years ago of a healthy child. An entity devoid of any kind of empathy.
    The causes of the parents’ rejection of our narcissists are not clear, since they do not usually talk about it either. But there are also stories that talk about this problem of the parents’ rejection of the narcissist. Disney masterfully embodied this in The Ugly Duckling.
    An unloved child, devalued, mistreated in a violent environment
    since childhood…
    Learned behaviors that evolve with the passage of time, experience and evil.
    This is how our beloved narcissists are created and bred.

    The Ugly Duckling. 1938

    1. foolme1time says:

      Laca, I’m sorry to say, it is not just narcissists that are bred because of this treatment.😪

      1. lacajadepandra says:

        If you’re absolutely right, that’s why some become narcissistic others on the contrary Empaticos. Both sides of the same coin.

        1. foolme1time says:

          Laca The same but yet different. Both really wanting the same thing, but neither really knowing how to get it! So we continue the dance.

    2. poitiersdoe says:


  10. candacemarie1212 says:

    The last few years of my relationship with my ex narc, he would never like or comment on anything I posted. Only time he liked it was when I posted a picture of my daughter. It used to drive me crazy. I don’t think he even bothered to read anything I posted. It made me feel like he didn’t care, which of course now I know he didn’t.
    And of course when messenger said he was online at a certain time he would deny it and say it was wrong.

    1. Joanne says:

      Omg mine does the same thing. Yet he views all my stories and replies to them (as long as it’s some picture of me). It used to bother me, now it’s just so predictable 🙄 and in truth, he rarely likes anyone’s anything. Why should he? It’s all about him, so….

    2. mommypino says:


      That’s what I hate about social media. The only reason that I still have FB is because majority of my relatives and old time friends are in another country and that’s a convenient way of keeping in touch with all of them.

      Your ex narc gave you a silent treatment online. The downside of social media is it allows people who are not even around you to hurt you. That’s why I have unfriended all of the narcs in my life on Facebook. I probably still have narc FB friends but I’m not close enough to them for them to pick on me.

      My husband used to get so upset when his Marcy daughters never had any pictures of him on FB and all kinds of pictures of their mom and stepdad who just recently married their mom. This is despite the fact that my husband raised them mostly and was the sole financial supporter for them. So he deleted his FB.

  11. Sarah says:

    Irritating lines:

    ‘I approve’ (just say you like it you posh pretentious twat)

    ‘More soon!’ (and then disappear for a while like he was catch of the century and I had nothing better to do than wait for his return – which I didn’t)

    ‘I know him/her’ I’ve had that too!’ ‘Yes, same as me’ ‘I have one’ ‘I know that band personally, you know, the ones who did that REALLY popular cool song everyone’s talking about. I also hand crochet their willy warmers’ (suggest he gets their autographs for you)… ‘I can’t, I have a bone in my leg’

    ‘Hahahaha, ladies and gentleman, it’s Sarah!’ (whenever I cracked a joke during the golden period, but that wind 💨 whistling silence from Shooting Stars with Vic and Bob during the discard)

    ‘Speak later, my three-toothed alcoholic one-legged friend has popped in uninvited and I must shower the monstrosity with some of my attention. Woe is me. The victim.’ (just say you’re off to flirt with someone else or dish out some dick pics)

    ‘I REALLY want to come down and see you more regularly. We’ve known eachother for several years now – let’s make a go of it’ (when’s my birthday?) ‘Fuck’

  12. Sarah says:

    From a Mid-Range Victim narc…

    Deleting my flirty comments towards him once HE added me on Facebook, telling me to ‘behave’.

    Triangulation from flirting with another girl in plain sight on Facebook, knowing it would piss me off (yet he did this during my golden period with him).

    What bothered me though, was the fact he was always extra talkative and nicer with the guys he interacted with. Women were just sex objects to manipulate.

    He always has to have the last word, too. When I blocked him on WhatsApp – he text “If you’re leaving, I’m going to ‘switch’ back to being bisexual?!?
    Why would he come out with that HG?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is a provocation arising from the wounding caused by your blocking him so that he expects you to respond with fuel.

      1. Sarah says:

        The truth coming from a pathological liar is so much sexier than hearing it from a covert mid-range narc. Empaths are truth seekers. I think the lieing bugs me more than anything.

    2. foolme1time says:

      My MRV made a comment one time he didn’t care who it was with, he would try anything one time just to experience it. I now know ( thanks to HG ) what he really meant was it’s all about the fuel!

  13. Kat says:


  14. SMH says:

    I love this, especially 14. It gave me a good laugh just when I have a moment to relax. Thanks, HG.

    1. HG Tudor says:


  15. Empower Empaths says:

    💯 (#10 👌🤣)

  16. marinathemermaid3 says:

    Glad I’m not on Instagram, Twitter, and deactivated my Facebook account. Not much for social media. Guess I’m not that generation. Sounds like hell.

  17. Sarah Hope says:

    Oh, H.G., when will you opt for life?! Live a little!!!

  18. monetdiamondsnrubies says:

    Wow …..

    From 1~20 , this is precisely what has been done to me .

    Every single one . Hardcore .

  19. Christopher Jackson says:

    Wow just because it says I have read your text doesnt mean I have read it….heard it all before

  20. kel says:

    The last unknown friend request I got on FB was from “Brain” not Brian. Maybe that was a typo? Would someone do that on purpose?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Must have been a cerebral!

      1. kel says:


      2. Christopher Jackson says:

        Lmao score hg on that shit I follow u on that lmao

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