Why We Target You


When we set our sights on acquiring our appliances to fuel us, it stands to reason that we dedicate the greatest amount of time to the person who is going to be our primary source of fuel. Of course the amount of time dedicated to this depends on the relevant narcissist but all of our kind are looking for certain traits which are prevalent to empathic individuals.

There are certain core traits which exist in empathic individuals. Normal people will have some of these traits, probably not all and they will not have the traits to the extent and degree of an empathic person. Thus, this is why normal people are rarely made our primary sources. There are also traits which are known as class traits. These are the traits which appeal to the relevant cadre of narcissist, be that person a Victim, Somatic, Cerebral or Elite Narcissist.

The core traits are hugely important to us. Their existence provides us with the three key elements that we take from our victims. Firstly, these traits means that the fuel provision will be high because of their connection to the emotional output from the victim. Secondly, there are certain residual benefits that come from these traits which we want. Thirdly, by attaching ourselves to somebody who has these traits we can pretend we have them too. We do not have these traits. Therefore we want to take them from you to apply to our construct and pass them off as belonging to us. Since we are experts and copying, we do not have these traits for ourselves and we do not feel them, but we are able to replicate what they look like by studying how you behave, because you have these traits. We then apply this to our own behaviour in order to maintain the façade. This fools other people into thinking that we are honest, decent and loving. It also enables us to mirror your traits and reflect them back at you so that you think we have them also. This makes us all the more appealing to you and ensures that you are bound closer to us. Accordingly, identifying these core traits in our victims is extremely important. The more of these traits that you have, the better. The more of these traits that you have, the greater the likelihood of being ensnared by our kind. A combination of the core traits and the class traits appearing in the way you behave and act draws our kind to you. We sense and see these traits and lock our sights on you as a prospective primary source.

There are ten of these core traits. The ideal is to find a victim who has all ten core traits and exhibits them to a considerable degree. We would then also want them to exhibit the relevant class traits which match with the type of narcissist that we are.

The Lesser Narcissist is unaware of these traits but like a hungry wolf sniffing out food he can sense the existence of these traits and know that the person exhibiting them is somebody he wants with him.

The Mid-Range Narcissist recognises these traits as admirable traits for a person to have. He sees them as plus points in the same way as someone might regard someone who is interested in art, travel and classical music, as a good match to start dating. The Mid-Range knows that he values these traits but he does not know the fundamental reason why he is drawn to them.

The Greater Narcissist knows what these traits are and why they are important. He knows the function that they play, he knows better than anybody else how to detect them and the places where (“the hunting grounds”) people can be found who will have these core traits and also the class traits. The Greater can sniff out the existence of these traits and match the target to them before moving in to ensnare that person.

So, what are these traits? Well, here are five of the ten by way of example. It is highly likely that you will have all five of these traits and you will have them in significant amounts because that is why you were ensnared by a narcissist to begin with.

Love Devotee       – we require our targets to be committed to the concept of love. You want to find love, experience love, love and be loved. The idea of love is central to your existence and you truly believe that our purpose on this earth is to love others. Not only does this mean loving those around but above all else you believe in the fulfilment that arises from having that one special person who you are committed to, who you will do anything for and who you will make sacrifices for. The existence of love is a reason, to you to exist and therefore you must find it and once located, obtain it and maintain it. We want love devotees because your dedication to love often blinds you to so much else and accordingly by pretending to give you love we can hook into this trait of yours and it allows us to ensnare you all the more readily.

Compassionate – our target must exhibit compassion. This compassion must be mainly for us although we are content for it to be exhibited for other people and objects such as animals, in order to detect it. If we identify that someone cares more about animals and things and not people however we do not consider that this fulfils our requirement. At an early juncture, if we see evidence of compassion for animals it generally (but not always) follows that this person will be compassionate towards humans as well.

Decent – We look for decent people. People who are well-mannered, polite and understanding. People who have consideration for others, wait their turn in speaking, allowing others to take a slice of cake before anyone else, giving to charity and conducting him or herself in a dignified manner. Decency is an attractive trait because it tells us that you will adhere to certain standards and that you also expect us to do the same. This matters because we know that this is often indicative of the fact that you are therefore unlikely to give up on us when the going gets rough.

Moral Compass –  we prefer a person with a strong moral compass, somebody who would hand a wallet to the police with the contents intact if they found such an item in the street or they would alert the shop assistant if they were handed too much change. This person is monogamous and faithful and believes others should conduct themselves by a similar moral code. Again, this tells us that you are far more likely to hang in there once devaluation starts and our behaviour will offend your moral compass so there will be the accompanying emotional reaction and thus copious fuel.

Caring – an individual who will always look after somebody else. Whether it is through working to provide for us, running the home in an excellent manner, looking after us when we are ill and being concerned about our well-being, the caring trait is very important and must be evident in our primary source especially. Not only will this tell us that you will want to look after us but it also signals to us that when we begin the devaluation of you, you will want to fix us and heal us and therefore you will keep plugging away, trying to do the right thing. It also tells us that we can expect considerable residual benefits from you in terms of you looking after us, which accords with our view of how you should be, subservient and obedient.

19 thoughts on “Why We Target You

  1. Drifa says:

    Good reading…these are my features or should Í say “were”.my relationship with a narc.changed me,broke me,being dragged through his sick,horrifying,ugly,dark world….crushed my soul,took away my faith in people,love…now the world is dangerus,bad and people are not so good aftur all and Í dont feel empathy in my heart…5 Year’s with no conntact ,tough he hoverd Í hid. Dont know how Í wandered on this site but the things I`m reading are helping… with the …shame of allowing my self to be fooled and abused with severale of this kind.
    Thanks again HG

  2. Narc noob says:

    HG, a very thorough explanation. TY 🙏

    Can you comment on this? A MMRN asked questions when we first met about if I was a positive thinker, how my emotions were (as in day to day, up and down) and how I see things, whether in a black or white. It was not worded like this obviously but is that just a cadre that didn’t do their homework well or are they actively giving their instincts a once over, just to be sure?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Assuming this individual is a narcissist, they are gathering information and if a Mid Range Narcissist he or she is doing so instinctively.

  3. Sarah says:

    Lovely night filled with anxiety and feeling like this existence is surreal. Exhausted and deflated once again. I certainly don’t feel like I possess all of the above qualities any more. I suppose that’s the point.

  4. J.G says:

    Hello, H.G.Tudor.
    You speak in the post of ten features of the empathic. But only detail 5, you could tell us the other five.
    In my case I have the 5 that you mention in this post. But out of curiosity I wonder which are the other five you don’t mention.
    I see that apparently having these traits rather than being positive is our Achilles heel.
    Of course you like us because we are so cute that you don’t like us…
    Of cute that we are, we are fools….

    Could you tell me what the other 5 traits are?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Please see Sitting Target.

  5. nfl3 says:

    Time to change!!!

    Sitting Target was one of your first books I read.

  6. FYC says:

    Before I found this site, I wondered why I had attracted so many narcissists in my life. After reading so much of HG’s work I realized it was due to my empathic nature, and also in part because I was groomed from birth to accommodate my narcissistic parent. While my trained skills may have helped me professionally to excel, they greatly hurt me on a personal front. Sadly, when seeking advise from the same parent (foolish of course, but at the time I knew none of this), I was told it was my fault, there was something wrong with me, I chose the wrong people and that I should try harder and do better. After my last encounter with a UMRN (which I did not know at the time), I sought answers for behaviors I could not understand. I found this site and thanks to HG and the clarity he delivers in understanding both empathic and narcissistic orientations and behaviors, and due to the further research he has inspired, I reached a point of clarity that I would not have otherwise. It has been life changing. I now embrace my empathic and narcissistic traits and have learned how to protect myself from being a target and am living a freer, happier life as a result. My magnetic aspect still draws people to me regularly, but I can now discern when a person is a narcissist and limit or escape interaction quickly. Another benefit of this clarity is I retained and even enhanced my empathy for my familial narcissists, but limit contact for preservation. I could not be more grateful.

  7. NarcAngel says:

    If you’re reading. I’m targeting you to say that I am thinking about you and hope you are doing okay.

    1. amanda SNapchat says:

      nobody is targeting or thinking about me :”(

      1. Joanne says:

        How are you doing, Amanda? 💕

      2. brynnstar says:

        Amanda, good news: as soon as you start believing that, that’s when they come for you

      3. Caroline-is-fine says:

        Amanda SNapchat,
        Are you okay? I’ve been thinking about you.


        (Nobody asks if I’m okay either. It’s weird. It’s like they always know I’m fine).

    2. Joanne says:

      I hope all is going well with NC 👊🏼👊🏼

    3. Bubbles 🍾 says:

      Dear NarcAngel,
      How thoughtful and caring of you lovely one
      I’ve missed reading MB’s comments and I, too, hope she’s doing ok
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

    4. Anm says:

      Is everything ok with MB? She is on my Instagram. I haven’t seen much activity from her on there, as well as here. I’m not very good at following everyone’s day to day lives, but I hope she is ok

      1. HG Tudor says:

        She is fine, she has corresponded with me.

        1. WhoCares says:


          Glad you shared that about MB.
          I miss her comments but understand that sometimes we need to take time away from the blog.

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