Fury is the instrument of the narcissist. It is a tool that we deploy in furtherance of our aims. The narcissist’s toolbox is a thing to behold. It contains many devices, objects and instruments that we deploy in order to secure our objectives. Other people may use these devices in a similar if diminished form but they will not be anywhere near as dangerous and effective as the ones that lurk in my toolkit. Some of these instruments are used to subjugate, others are deployed to control and yet again there are others that will be used for the purposes of manipulation. The placing of fury in this toolbox recognises its use to the narcissist as one of his prime instruments.
All of our kind bring the fury but what is it? It will be instructive to start by considering what it is not. Fury is not anger. Anger is below fury on the scale of violent responses. Anger is a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure or hostility. It is greater than vexation, it is something more than feeling cross and it is beyond exasperation. Notwithstanding this, it is less than fury. It does not contain the unbridled vitriol that is synonymous with fury. Nor does it contain the violent hostility that one finds with fury. What is most important to know about anger is that it is a normal emotion and thus by comparison, fury is an abnormal emotion, hence why fury sits in our toolkit. Anger is an intense emotional response that is normal in nature and arises as a consequence of real or perceived provocation. Anger in itself is neither good nor bad. It can be used for either purpose and it is down to the manner in which that particular person handles it. An individual may direct it into violence towards another person in order to protect him or herself from a threat. Alternatively, it may manifest in the destruction of property. You as a normal and empathic individual become angry. Indeed, as part of our mission to obtain fuel we strive to provoke anger in you, either through angry gestures or through angry words on your part. This provides us with fuel when you react in this emotional fashion. It is an acceptable and understandable response for an individual to become angry.
It is a normal response to a threat or harm. It also releases pressure that builds up inside a normal person. The expression of anger enables people to dissipate this pressure and thereafter feel spent but better for having been angry, as opposed to suppressing the sensation and allowing the pressure to build even further. Some normal people can only take a small amount of pressure before they blow a fuse whereas other people may be regarded as slow-burners who take a long time before they express anger. In either instance the response is an entirely normal one. People become angry for a host of different reasons.
You may agree that anger certainly serves a purpose and concur that helpful and beneficial consequences can arise from this normal emotion. I should imagine that you will also venture to suggest that there is a downside to anger, that results in destructive behaviour and violence. That is not anger. That is fury. That is when something beyond anger is experienced and this fury is more prevalent amongst my kind.
Interestingly, anger also results in a suspension of empathy by those who behave normally. The individual, through anger, becomes focussed on his or her own needs and requirements. This is not applicable to me. There is no empathy to suspend. That is why we do not deploy anger. We have no need of a device to suspend our empathy because we do not have any. This is a further reason why anger serves no actual purpose to us and why we must deploy fury instead. Anger is a normal reaction. We operate outside of the usual normative values. This normal anger serves certain purposes. None of those purposes are of any use to my kind and me. Anger can be regarded as a force for good. That is not something that we are interested in.
Fury is beyond anger. It is wrath, frenzy and savagery. Someone who is furious has gone the extra emotional mile. One might even consider it to be madness. The wild nature of fury causes it to surpass anger and fury is not to be found in the responses of the normal person. I will emphasise that point. You will not find fury as a response of a normal person. Anger? Yes. Fury? No. The deployment of fury is the hallmark of the abnormal. If fury were a normal reaction there would be chaos as explosions erupted everywhere. Most relationships would disintegrate, more people would be injured, and property broken and destroyed and the repercussions for society as a whole would be severe. The cost in terms of money, emotion and well-being would be enormous. Consider the number of times you have been angry. It has happened has it not? You will also be able to recall when your parents or at least one of them became angry, a friend, a stranger, a colleague or a partner. You have seen anger in everyone and that is because it is normal. They may have used that anger for some purpose, kept it in check or let it flow over them and dissipate with no consequence. For those of you have had an encounter with fury, you will also know it. It will have happened amongst fewer people than the categories that I have just mentioned. This is because the development of people has been such that fury cannot become the norm. If it does then society would begin to break down. You may have seen many instances of fury from one particular individual. That is because that person is not normal. They are the exception.
32 thoughts on “Outrage”
Can anyone point me to the blog about hoovering that had a yellowish label up the top and a man with his back to us looking out toward the mountains(I think). I’ve been trying to find it all day. Search bar didn’t help much.
HG if a narcissist is exhibiting cold fury the one were they glare at you from across the room with the blackened eyes something that had previously seemed to rattled the victim and the victim showed no negative response like fear and just smiled at the narcissist and everyone else around outwardly seemed unaffected would this provoke challenge fuel or wound the narcissist upper mid
Challenge Fuel because you are responding with positive fuel and you are not accepting the attempt to exert supremacy over you.
Thanks HG you are awesome 😎
Veronica had mentioned her narc would glare from across the room with blackened eyes.
My narc wears contacts that make his eyes a lite shade of brown. But yesterday while at lunch, they were black. Why does this happen?
An angry Shelf IPSS must have punched him.
or hit him with the shelf 😉
i count myself with @marinathemermaid3 . However, I do not think i am completely normal. It is not possible for me to be. Trauma that i sustained due to violence at a formative age dictates that. I am aware of it and try to keep it in check. however, by nature in a confrontation with a “normal” person who becomes angry, I am not known to react with fury. Actually I am passive most of the time. However, with the romantic partner that i believe to be narc, i have lost my cool. I am responsible for that. i could blame him, but he didn’t put a gun to my head. however, his repeated relentless character attacks, then you add him repeating an event over and over replacing the reality with his own version which is a lie. depicting me as a monster and him as a victim. He will talk over me, and refuse to allow me to correct his mistake or misunderstanding of the events. it feels intentional to me. like a child i have lashed out with “fury” violently after frustration built with my voice being drowned out over and over. This is following an episode i describe more than once before i fly into a rage. The episode with the same actions he would repeat i would estimate 3-12 times before i lost it. i broke my phone when i thru it. the other time i prefer to leave it at saying it is inexcusable and shameful. i still can not believe i did that. so mr. Tudor. i am not normal. how abnormal is my fear.
You bet your sweet bippy it’s intentional. He LIKES it when you lose your cool. It’s all fuel to him.
You have no reason to feel shame. He’s provoking your response. You’re just trying to defend yourself.
How does his fury manifest?
I totally agree and we should not to feel shame
Everything a narc does is intentional …they delight in “button pushing” until they ignite our frustration and then it turns to anger
I didn’t throw things (but they sure help us build the compulsion to) For me, it built up internally and my head was ready to explode ( they want you to appear to be the crazy one )
My “weasel” friend used to subtly smirk… I imagine he even did a happy dance when I left
I never saw him angry, or my mum and step dad … they were always composed, cool calm and collected
We are the most loving giving beings and then “along comes a spider”
I know that line ….” you bet your sweet bippy” ……are you a baby bip or a big bippy ? Veeeerrrrrrrryy inter – esting ! 🤣 Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In ….. fabulous show …. thank you for the great memory …hahaahha
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Mr Tudor, really informative article, thank you for your explanation and understanding the difference ….. does your kind of ” fury” affect your health in any way?
No, it does not.
That’s what I wondered also. Having no guilt or remorse, not feeling anything toward your actions and behaviour is likely the reason why.
Metaphysical Anotomy, Evette Rose…. I think is the title, goes into disease and why we (emotionally) get sick
The benefits of projecting outward vs inward……health is rarely affected due to the stress.
Dear Mr Tudor,
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
I have not pushed him into fury many times…. He has left an impression to.the degree that i fear his explosions. They are rare. I am usually dutiful even stepford at one point like hg describes. I don’t often give him a reason to explode. His fury manifest in a couple ways. He has literally taken all my belongings walls and all as punishment. Sexual punishment happened a couple times. Meaning rough painful etc. He only hit me twice and that was awhile back. I can take all that. Once he gets that mad i am punished for days. Even weeks sometimes. No affection or kindness. I start to feel invisible. Trapped….but formulating a plan. He has held me this long because we have a child b that died. That broke me. I have not put up much of a fight since. Until now. I feel like i woke up. I am rambling. Sorry.
Maddox. I am sorry if you stated this somewhere and I missed it but what type of Narc is he?
I am not sure of the flavour narc he is. I’m self educating. He has control of all things. I am pretty isolated. I do not get money of my own often so my resources are limited. I am not qualified to diagnose him but i do not doubt he is a narc at this point. I feel he is either a greater that is very very smart or a mid level. He plsys stupid but he isn’t. I am unsure if he knows what he is.
These lines jumped out at me:
I have not pushed him into fury many times.
I don’t often give him a reason to explode.
He only hit me twice and that was awhile back.
I can take all that.
You do not exist to avoid his fury. These are not things you must endure to receive affection and kindness as some type of reward. That is what he wants you to believe because it meets his needs but it is not true. There are people who will give you those things willingly. They do not have to be earned.
I feel like I woke up.
That line gave me hope for you. You have already endured pain in losing your child. Suffering abuse on top of that serves no purpose and you are now awake to that. Please get out and stay out.
Never be sorry to say what you are feeling. Getting it out is what will help you to identify what is happening to you. To make it real. To finally want to take steps to stop it.
Honour your baby and honour yourself. Get out and stay out. Please.
I am working toward the goal to leave. He won’t stop me. I just have to formulate a plan In regards to housing income etc. I said to someone yesterday, life may have kicked me down, stomped on my head and crapped down my throat and asked if i want more. Well i answered well hell yeah! Is that all you got!? You hit like a girl! Lol hitching up my girdle and heading into the unknown. I’ll find my way.
Thank you for reaching out. It’s nice to talk to sane people.
Wise words – well said
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Lol cindy the below comment was intended forv you. Ty for answering me and making me laugh.
Hi Oracle. I too have lashed out in violence, of which I feel extremely guilty about afterwards, which the partner exploits and says “See what a horrible person you are???” It’s a vicious cycle.
I am sorry you had to go through abuse at a young age. My childhood wasn’t all sunshine and roses but I was not abused. I know that I am a kind and loving person, but like I said, everyone has a breaking point. I’ve broken many things in fits of rage, but at least I’ve never cut off anyone’s penis!☺
Exactly miss mermaid. He uses it exactly as you describe. Ugh
And your right. Web have not lost it completely and taken their penis
Oracle, you say “like a child I have lashed out with “fury” violently” that is not you acting like a child, that’s you being pushed to your limits.
I feel out of control in those moments. Like it’s a tantrum. I am trying to be honest with myself about my behavior and it felt like a tantrum but yes i was pushed to madness. He knows my fear of being an abuser like my father. He uses that.
Maddox, of course you feel out of control. Anyone being manipulated like that would feel the same way. That is his intentions. That out of control feeling is your emotional thinking. Now that you have identified the manipulation you can work on controlling those emotions so you don’t lose control. It’s the beginning of your understanding and ultimately your freedom of the abuse.
Thank you Marcy,
I feel a bit less isolated since finding mr Tudors work and all of you. Are you out and away from your narc?
I am, thanks for asking. I think it’s been close to 4 months since our last encounter. I dont want to look at the date of our last conversation (still some raw emotions) so I can’t say for sure.
I’m glad you feel less isolated now that you found narcsite. It really is comforting to know that other people understand what you’re going through. When I’m having thoughts about the past I know I can come here and have the support of people who have been through the same things.
I can’t begin to understand the pain of losing a child. I’ve heard the expression “it broke me” before, I’ve even used it myself, but when you said it I felt that your pain is the true meaning of those words. I see in your earlier comment that you are making a plan to leave. Keep reading HGs work. His no nonsense logic will give you the mental strength you need to get through this. Keep accepting the readers support. They are the arms that will hold you up when you feel like nobody understands.
Reach out anytime, take care
I don’t know. I’ve always considered myself an empath, or at least “normal”, but I’m pretty sure I’ve been provoked to fury, or rage if you will. I suspect all people are capable of it, if pushed to their limit. Everyone has a breaking point. Anyone watch that mini series about Lorena Bobbitt? For those of you who don’t know, she cut off her husband’s penis. I remember the story at the time but didn’t pay much attention to her side if it. Apparently she was horribly abused by him, physically, sexually, and emotionally. John Wayne Bobbitt is clearly a narcissist, and he even tried to Hoover her after all the trial proceedings were over! She was clearly a meek little empath that just one day snapped! Everyone has their breaking point.
I think everyone can be furious but narcissistic people don’t need pushed to far it could be ignited over something so insignificant you don’t even know what they are affended about