Never Again
I have lost count of the times that I have been told “never again”. I have heard it said by other people who have met my kind even more often. I am entirely relaxed when I hear this phrase because I know that although your intentions are to never go through that dance again with me or one of my kind, it will happen. We may be gone for some time but we will return and when we do we will resurrect all those wonderful memories as we seek to Hoover you back into our reality. The emotional attachment that we create is so great that even though you looked in the mirror every morning and mouthed “Never again” to yourself you will struggle to resist. You cannot help but wonder if this time it will be different. You do not want to say no for fear of someone else receiving our amazing and scintillating love. You want it. You learned the lessons and as the introspective empath that you are (as well as suitably conditioned by us) you will blame certain things on yourself. You will convince yourself, because you want to taste that mesmerising kiss once again, that we have changed and that this time it will be different. Why should someone else get to experience that wonderful love? That is not fair. You put up with the rough and the smooth. You have earned your stripes so it is only right that you get to have us again isn’t it? That is what you want. When we first departed and you saw (for we wanted you to see) that we had found someone new it ripped you apart. Notwithstanding the full horror of your dance with us you hated the fact that someone else now basked in our glorious light. You wanted to warn them not because you cared about that person but because you wanted us back. You wanted us to yourselves. You felt a sense of unfairness that she was now with us. You would lie awake wondering if I was saying the same things to her as I had said to you. You wondered how she would respond to that blazing, heavenly love that you once relished. Would I be the same for her as I was to you? You kept telling yourself that it was only a matter of time before she befell the same fate that you endured, yet the postings and pictures told a different story. You began to worry. Had I changed? Had I become a better person after you? Was she somehow able to please me in a way that you could not? You had to know. You had sworn never again but now you wanted me back. You wanted her to go away and free me to be yours again so that you could apply your learned lessons and everything would be wonderful again. She did not deserve me did she? But you did. You made such sacrifices. You opened your heart to me despite the daggers I drove into it. You served your time and you are entitled to your reward. Not this Jane-come-lately. You want to give us that chance to prove we can do it. You want to show you brought benign influence to bear. You want to prove that the beast can be brought to heel in the most compassionate manner. You might say never again but you do not truly mean it. Not in your heart of hearts.
By contrast when we say “Never again” we most definitely mean it. Never again will your life be the same after meeting us. Never again will you feel able to trust anybody after being subjected to our acid reign. Never again will you be able to smell certain scents, hear certain songs and see certain places without breaking down in tears. Never again will you love someone in the way that you loved us. Never again will you want somebody as much and in such an intense way as you wanted us. Never again will you be able to feel calm and relaxed since for too long you have been subjected to a heightened state of anxiety. Never again will you experience that euphoria you once had with us. So when you declare never again it is never truly meant, but what you fail to realise is just how many things will never again be the same for you.
37 thoughts on “Never Again”
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what happens when you put pictures of a hot hunk when the narc is just giving you crumbs?
If the narcissist notices, it will wound. However, do not think about doing this or do it because you are maintaining a form of engagement and thus it will increase your ET resulting in potential problems for you. GOSO.
I remember saying that things are like chess between men and women in dating. I was kidding? Because “winning” is finding a true friendship after having to deal with the life sucking bullshit of feeling maneuvered and manipulated by assholes who think they are paying a compliment, the battle of avoiding repeated machinations from those who will never be able to see themselves. I was talking about trying to find out what he is about, but I didn’t realize how horrific the metaphor and how accurate to his point of view. To a narcissist that’s all there is, it is the entire story. Nothing more. They are actually empty inside. Completely lacking dimension, any illusion of dimension is a result of mirroring, like an infinity mirror where you really truly are just standing alone inside of a small space that gives the appearance of going on, but it doesn’t and really you are the only sentience in the space. They suck the authenticity from their surroundings and claim superiority over actual people. There is nothing in there. It is so abhorrent and I will never in my life be able to remove the ick from seeing it. The belief that I could give enough to overcome anything or the desire for genuine human contact will never be enough to wash that off.
I kicked my N client out and am moving my work environment permanently. I’m sure he thinks he just lost some match (he was never playing? Not even for a second). His wife told me once that they are “blessed”. Blessed with what, the ability to bullshit yourself into thinking you’re made of something other people aren’t? Less, you’re made of less. Sorry, I’m disgusted watching train wrecks today.
I can tell the difference. Only the most wretched of losers can feel power over another is valuable. I’ve seen actual love, heart joy, and I feel it. Strength is happiness in seeing the one you love protected and thriving. Sheltered by you even when you can’t take their pain away, as much as you would do anything for that. Deception works on the hopeful. Who should one give their hope to.
Safe to say there is zero risk of succumbing to my ex. There isn’t enough Scopalamine, Phenergan, Zofran, Penicillin, antiretroviral therapy in the world to thwart off the disease and disgust.. The risk is another one with a different face. Good job Foolme!
Well I would hope not HG! But it had to do with food! Everyone now knows you are a foody! Plus it would of been great to see the comments of where in world they thought you were! Haha.
HG, This has nothing to do with this post. I have just seen an article that they have finished a restaurant in Southern Norway that is actually partially under the Sea. Have you heard of it? Also are planning on trying it on your next visit? I think I know the answer?! You must wait and see, FM1T.
I know it, it’s called ‘Under’. Am I planning on trying it? We’ve already been.
Oh! I thought it had only opened yesterday? Must of been an old article! Was it as amazing as it looked? I loved the idea of it continuously changing so that it will benefit the environment. They also have a research lab below the restaurant! Which I’m sure you already know! Haha! I got carried away! Was the food good?
I’m sorry HG, you’ve been there yet you post pictures of IKEA?! Have you fallen and injured your head?! Geez HG! 🤦🏼♀️
I’m not showing you everything I do you know!!
Lol, you are both cracking me up!
FYC, From time to time HG and I will have a little dance with each other. Usually it is light and humorous. Sometimes however he has been known to push my buttons and set off all kinds of triggers! Always for my own good of course. 🙃🤪
Are you a foodie? I didn’t get that when I read the rules… “absolutely no bakery or food posts”?
I enjoy dining out. I find discussion about baking etc boring and more to the point invariably off topic.
I’m pretty sure you felt the same way when we went off topic about animals also?! 😂 🦚
True
Ha ha. Well at least you like to eat out. I’ll make the comment cring worthy enough and let you know I don’t eat meat. I’m guessing one of your IPPS would have had to of been vegan 😉
Narc noob,
I don’t know if HG has ever had an IPPS that is vegan but I once suggested that HG could never go ‘vegan’ himself for an IPPS…I think he said he could do it – or has done things more challenging…but *I’m* pretty sure he would miss his sanguine steak.
Narc noob, I’m not sure HG himself is not a vegetarian? We have never seen a picture with any type of red meat on his plate. Usually only fish and vegetables.
I eat the occasional steak but not a lot of red meat. The empaths I slay are all the flesh I require.
Indeed HG! Indeed! 😈
Dear Mr Tudor,
My home “baking” influenced one of our kids to become a “chef”
Best of both worlds …. haha
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Haha – you guys are too funny.
HG – Narc noob has a point; if one looks objectively at your Instagram feed, you do come off a bit as a ‘foodie.’
FM1T – the animal thread was a great one 😉
I do enjoy dining out, that’s true.
Dining out is so much fun and it means no baking, or dishes! 😁
WhoCares, The pictures he takes of his food could be posted in a fine dining magazine! 😂. OMG! The animal thread was hilarious as the great NA came forward with her reply to his comment about it being a bloody zoo in here! Hahaha! It still makes me laugh!! That will go down as one of my all time favorites! 🤣🤣🤣
FM1T, Cheers to you! I hope saying those words gave you the relief you deserve.
I don’t know how many times I’ve wanted to say them in that way, but something or perhaps someone has always held me back. I carried that four letter word around with me long enough! Hope is something you can not hold onto when dealing with narcissists, in fact I haven’t found any use for that word as of late. Yes Mercy, it felt amazing!! 😘
Fm1t, good for you! I’m right there with you.
Yes Mercy it actually was a great relief. It was a fear I carried with me in saying those words and finally making it final. Now I’ve done it and the world is still spinning. We are all still here and I’m now in a much better place!
I was one of those people who said never again, over and over again. Last evening a very old and dear friend of mine stopped by for a visit. After he left I realized I can read and read, have consult after consult. But until I make that decision in my mind to say never again I’m done, I will fail every time! I think it’s finally time for me to wise up and accept the fact that it never was and never will be what I thought at the time it truly was. It was all just a game! To someone who is an over thinker and sensitive this is a very dangerous game to play. I don’t want to play anymore. I can finally say it and mean. Never Again! I’m Done!
So true, FM1T. I understand and am so happy for you. Bravo on your breakthrough. It’s a painful process letting go of what you believed in and held dear, but when it’s only an illusion, there really was nothing to hold onto from the start. Now you are free to be happy! And being free in heart and mind is worth everything.
Dear foolme1time,
You’re now starting to “luv yourself” first …… so proud of you 😊
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Thank you Bubbles. 😘🤗
Dearest foolme1time,
You’re very welcome
💋Mwah
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
🤗🥰