The Ten Initial Desires of the Narcissist




I am red of tooth and claw. I seduce, I hurt, I cast to one side and like some malevolent Pied Piper, I play my tunes once again and draw you into my fabricated world. I operate a zero sum policy. I want what you have. If I gain it, I win. I love to win. I must always win. The winner is the conqueror, the strongest and the survivor. This is what I have been taught. That is the reality of my existence. Yet when you have been selected as our targets and the seduction has commenced, we have certain desires that we want to be true. There are initial desires that exist so that we do not have to go down the road so often travelled. We may have ensnared you but might we remain protector rather than persecutor?

We have these wants at the outset of our coupling with you. These are genuine, well-intentioned and considerable in nature. We are imbued with hope, optimism and confidence, every time a new prospect has been embraced by us. We want these things so that the teeth are never bared and the claws remain lowered.

  1. You are the one

I chose you because you are so special. I truly believe that you are the one, this time, to change everything that has happened before. You are the one who will save us, you have been selected beyond everybody else because you are the one. That is why we have such an infatuation with you at the outset of our relationship.

  1. You will not betray us.

The world is a cruel and harsh place and we know better than most how that is the case. We are surrounded by those who would strike us down and grind us into the nothingness which we fear. Those assassins lurk and wait, seeking their moment and we must ensure we remain vigilant so we do not fall prey to them. Traitors and betrayers mill about us, but we are wise to them. We know their game and we have them in our eye. We do not want you to be one of them.

  1. You won’t be like the others

We thought they would be the ones that we desired but they disappointed and dismayed and they left us no choice other than to punish them for their lack of loyalty and their false promises. We had to do so, otherwise a failure to act would only compound the perception of our weakness and we must at all times project to the world our image of success and magnificence. We hope you will not be like them so we need not maintain such a façade and we hope you will prove your worth so that you will not be like the others and let us down.

  1. You will stop the emptiness

Each and every day we must seek to fill the void that lurks within. It is part of what we are and we accept that this is the task which must be addressed because so much rests on being able to perform this important act. It is the reason for our existence but perhaps you can stop that sense of emptiness for us. Perhaps you can take away that void and provide us with the substance that we crave.

  1. You quell the fury

It is always there, churning away, waiting to be unleashed and directed at some transgressor, critic or traitor. I have learned to control it, many of my kind cannot do so and will never do so, it is a mark of my excellence and my superiority. I make it work for me, to advance my plans and to smite my foes. I have no choice for it is always there, waiting to be ignited in an instant. I can control it but I cannot quell it. Can you be the one to do this for me?

  1. You won’t get too close

Perhaps if you avoid getting too close to us you will not then let us down like the others before you have. We hope that you can provide us with all the things that we desire without the need to invade our inner sanctum which must remain locked and shuttered. Do not attempt to enter there for the consequences are too dreadful, for us both. Do not get too close and perhaps we have a chance to achieve the other desires that we wish for.

  1. You really do love us

They all seem to do so at the beginning but then we find ourselves surrounded by charlatans, con-merchants and frauds. Why does this always happen? All we want is for you to love us, unconditionally and eternally. That is what we only ever wanted.

  1. You will not wound us

No matter how grand and imperial we are, no matter how magnificent our achievements and our deportment that signals to the world that we are truly brilliant, a leader in our field, a behemoth and a colossus, we can be wounded with such despicable ease by those who send criticism our way. It hurts, it burns and it wounds and we must defend ourselves against such unwarranted and disgusting behaviour. Perhaps you will be the one who will not wound us in this way.

  1. You will not leave

Don’t leave us. The others have always done so. We do not understand why that is after everything that we have done, all the things we endeavoured to do to please them and then this is what happens. The others leave us twice. They come with such promise and deliver for a time but then they do so no longer and through such an omission they leave us. We want that person to return but struggle to contain the fury which is unleashed from this horrible criticism of us and then you sever all possibility of a return when you walk away from us. Do you know who you are when you do that?

  1. You won’t make us leave you.

Please do not do the things which force us away from you. The others all headed down that path. It causes us to consider that we are cursed, forever burdened by the fate that we will have no choice other than to leave you in order to secure our survival. Perhaps you can be the one who prevents that feeling from happening?

Each and every time these ten desires loom large when we commence our engagement with you. Some show such promise and for such a time and then one by one these desires are crushed, shattered and obliterated. We know only one way to respond to the destruction of our desires because we are red of tooth and claw.

14 thoughts on “The Ten Initial Desires of the Narcissist

  1. kel says:

    You know, you can’t even become a nun these days to get away from narcissist’s! I’m feeling overrun by them, every part of my life, I’m suddenly noticing the ones I never suspected, their easily offended sensitive little feelings, and their blame shifting, and projecting, trying to make you feel bad over something they did, and feel sorry for them to boot. Those eggshells are so obvious and crystal clear now. I wish I could see more empaths in the world than narcissist’s, but I don’t. I’m sure some are worst than others, but all of them are invasive. It dawns on me that the vibes empaths pick up from people sometimes might often be just an unsuspecting covert hoisting a word salad all over us.

  2. Sarah Jane says:

    The one desire of an Empath. The truth.

  3. foolme1time says:

    HG, Do you also have to push the likes from comment to comment through, or is it just the comments themselves?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Just comments

      1. foolme1time says:

        Thank you HG. Just curious as usual! 🙃

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You’re welcome

          1. foolme1time says:

            HG, Congratulations! 🎊 looks like they are going to win another one! 🍻🙃

  4. mollyb5 says:

    Hg ..but are we picked because we are less than you or all narcs in their mind and not entitled to the same hopes and desires …because we are weaker In your eyes , less than, and you spotted our weakness right off ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are picked for the reasons explained in Sitting Target.

  5. J.G THE ONE says:

    Hello, H.G.Tudor.
    Once again, a brilliant article.
    A question haunts me these days. And it’s next.
    You have taught us that falling in love with a narcissist is a reflection of ourselves. One of his many manipulations, to seduce the empathic.
    If this love is not real. Because it certainly is not, because of the manipulation. We could say in short, that we were never really in love with our narcissists, because they do not show themselves as they really are and therefore we never really knew them.
    On the basis of this fact, we can say that the victims didn’t really fall in love with the narcissist, because we haven’t met our narcissist because they haven’t really made themselves known.
    Therefore, if love was only a projection of ourselves, we can say that its victims were never really in love with them. It was simply one more hallucination of the thousands they project.
    So, how do they want to be loved? if they themselves prevent it by not really letting themselves be known.
    Or is it that they are not aware that they are projecting, the love that we are supposed to process?
    Because they may think that we haven’t really fallen in love with them, but in reality we have only fallen in love with the projection of ourselves.
    So this reflection is such a crazy one, where does it leave or what is left of the love that the victim feels for his narcissist?
    Obviously as it could not be otherwise in the garbage can I suppose …

    Could you give me your point of view on this? because it really is a little crazy my reflections.
    Me and my reflections …
    And how do you really come to love the narcissist if he doesn’t really let himself be known?
    Have we ever really seen the narcissist as if to say we’ve fallen in love with them, because if, the narcissists move in the leftovers while pretending to be what they’re not, as their companion really knows what they are and how they can fall in love with them?
    How does one stay close to the narcissist, but not enter his sanctuary?
    Does the narcissist claim to have again the love of a pure mother, the love and affection he did not have with his mother, instead of the love of a customary traditional couple?
    You should write how to love a narcissist and not die trying! This would be a post that I would really like to read, it would be extremely interesting, reflective, enlightening, full of answers to many of our doubts. That post, could lead the empath not to a healthy relationship, but if to a relationship as less aggressive as possible, if this for some reason, can not make a zero contact.
    Because seen what you have seen a little difficult and you know …
    Maybe then someone can finally give you what you want so much.

    1. J.G THE ONE says:

      How to love the narcissist and not die in the attempt would be a very good post for you to write, even if this was a Utopia in real life.

  6. lisk says:

    Dear Narc Ex,

    I am sorry I let you down on all ten counts.

    I did love you unconditionally. I almost loved you eternally. And then I learned that you are not you…and that I do not know who I loved or if I really loved.

    I wish you peace, Narc Ex.


    1. Joanne says:

      lisk (+ everyone else)
      I am so comforted to be able to come here and read things like this that make sense to me, things that I have felt myself, that are just unexplainable to the average person. It feels like relief to my soul 😞🤗

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