Exposed – 5 Further Ways To Flush Out the Narcisisst



Here are five further opportunities to flush out whether the person you are interacting with is potentially one of our kind.

  1. Ask which parent we liked the best

The Lesser will launch into an uncontrolled tirade about the one he hates because that is the one that has made his life a misery since childhood. He despises that person and will relish the opportunity to share his vitriol with you.

The Mid-Range will not opt for fury but rather will speak in melancholic terms for the purposes drawing some kind of sympathy about how he misses a particular parent (one will be preferred over the other and this will be the one who he wanted to love him but did not) and he will describe how he does so much for this parent but is underappreciated. He will not actually choose one parent over the other but instead he will use the question as an opportunity to convey his woes.

The Greater will tell you that his parents died in a car crash, or left the country, or that he was abandoned as child purely for the purposes of gathering fuel from you and making him appear to be a troubled soul, whilst every time you look in the other direction he will be smirking. When you eventually meet his parents he will use your bewilderment at their appearance to make a joke and display how he loves his parents immensely. This is all show. He actually wishes they were dead.

The Normal will not pick one over the other usually, but if he does, this will be done after emphasising the good points of both parents so that one only just shades it.

  1. Ask what our favourite toy was during childhood

The Lesser will recount a tale about how his favourite toy was broken by a parent, a sibling or stolen by a supposed friend. The rant he will engage in will seem like this toy was hugely expensive and that the event happened yesterday.

The Mid-Range will most likely point to a board game and remark about how he won every game that he ever played and may even admit to cheating at the game. He will answer this question quickly, as if it is something that is often at the forefront of his mind.

The Greater will dismiss having played with toys and will explain how he was too busy studying, playing sport or chasing girls. Indeed, there is every chance that he will explain he was doing all three. He does not want too many reminders of childhood because the memories remain painful and all too clear, not that he will admit that to you. He will instead ask you about your favourite toy.

The Normal will smile and identify something which will be straight-forward and simple but he will speak about it with fond enthusiasm.

  1. Ask when did we last cry

The Lesser will relate it to some personal slight that he has suffered. It will not be because he was upset about someone else, but rather that he was upset for himself. He will not be able to provide a precise time.

The Mid-Range will profess it was as a consequence of a sad film or on seeing some campaign to help blind gay whales find their parents. He wants you to think he cares and is compassionate so will align his supposed crying with such an event. The reality is he cried when he thought his last supply was leaving because he felt bad for himself and he knew that turning on the water works is a sure fire way of stopping the departure and garnering sympathy.

The Greater will say that he does not cry. He will be proud of that fact and not wish to mask it. He will then ask you what makes you cry and make a careful note of what your answers are.

The Normal will explain it was when his grandmother passed away, when his dog died or when Bambi’s mother was killed by the hunter in the film. It may also be when his team last won the championship or when he was re-united with a long lost friend.

  1. Apply a gentle criticism to us

The Lesser will reject the assertion and argue that you are wrong. He will initially keep a lid on his ignited fury because this has been done during the seduction but if you press the point he will erupt.

The Mid-Range will fall silent as he tries to prevent the criticism from igniting his fury. He cannot respond because he is exerting his control to keep his ignited fury under control. Once he feels it abating he will either change topic pretending that he never heard it or he will depart from your company for a few minutes as he regains his composure. Say hello to your first, short silent treatment.

The Greater will smile and laugh. The smile will be false and the laugh hollow. He has plenty of control during this seduction to prevent his ignited fury from manifesting. Expect however a back-handed compliment later in the interaction and he has filed away your comment which will be revisited on you during devaluation.

“Remember when you said you did not like this tie? I certainly do. Well, Louise loves this tie and thinks it suits me. Who is Louise? Wouldn’t you like to know?”

The Normal will smile and laugh it off, asking you “Do you think so, why do you say that?” interested to know why you have said what you have said. He may reject it but will do so pleasantly or he may take the comment on board with good grace.

  1. Observe our interactions with a minion

The Lesser will go out of his way to be haughty and demonstrate that he is the boss in order to try to impress you.

The Mid-Range will be charming and pleasant in order to draw fuel from both you and the minion. His obsequiousness will be noticeable and he will spend more time than he ought to deal with the minion.

The Greater will be flirtatious and point out that “They love me in here because of how much I spend, I always get a great table and great service.” It will be all about how great he is and how the minion is there to serve him.

The Normal will be polite and have minimal interaction with the minion because he will be concentrating on you.


15 thoughts on “Exposed – 5 Further Ways To Flush Out the Narcisisst”

  1. Thank you for taking me out of so many doubts, my partner I’m sure he does not want to know about his mom who always talks bad about her even to the children, he prefers to spend time with his dad but only for a few hours, the only time I saw him crying he was totally drunk and when we are going out he prefers to flirt with other women leaving me aside as if I did not exist also depends on where we are.

  2. Gosh I wouldn’t even think of a person as a minion.. I had to look up what a minion was.. it’s a negative term and used for underlings, servants, henchmen, people that are considered unimportant.. what a horrible term to put people in..because of what? Job position or financial status.. it was probably used here for description so not getting at you . The fact that anyone I was with thought anyone else was a minion and lower class or beneath them would put me off them staight away! Let alone to treat another human in that way..

    1. If you watch Despicable Me, there’s plenty of minions in that. Bright coloured fun-bags of custard, with eyes.

      They modelled Gru on Mr Tudor (tee hee).

  3. Thank you – these situational posts are great. Scrubbing that dirty material in order to make those red flags look like they’ve been washed with Daz Ultra.

    “…to help blind gay whales find their parents”

    So, the reality of the last time a Greater cried is similar to the Mid-Ranger (over a lost fuel supply) or does he really not cry at all?

      1. Wow. I find that difficult to sink in. I thought every one cried.

        I can understand jealousy being present without tears, but anger/rage has brought me to tears many times – albeit through ET. Interesting.

        1. I have seen one of my very close friends cry (only) once who I believe to be co-dep. I have never seen my dad cry. I see a heap of N traits so he could be an LMR but he has too much empathy. Or else I’ve been blinded! Maybe the latter given my relationships with other Ns are always identical to that of my father. What I need vs what they can give. Aka, a 2 way relationship not something that feels askew where I do the chasing, or they.

          Thanks for the therapy session SJ!

          1. I think my dad is a LMR too NarcNoob (but with the knee-jerk fury reactions of a lesser) – and similarly to you, my relationships with Narcissists seems to be me clinging to the same kind of traits that my dad has. Never seen my dad cry either. The only one time I saw my UMR female friend of 20+ years cry, was when I told her I’d had enough and for her to get out of my house.

          1. Those go without saying, NarcNoob in the Empath world.

            Also, confusion/frustration/an emotional over-load/anxiety/feeling over-whelmed/feeling left out or odd. And the tears of happiness too, which I believe are a direct link of being able to feel and know those horrible emotions and the joy they bring for the fact something good is happening for a change.

            And, for me, it’s adverts about starving children/people in third world countries, witnessing cruelty/abuse on animals and children, a romantic film when the couple ‘get together’, loneliness, hopelessness, hearing a really good joke and laughing till you can’t breathe and crying, when you attend a funeral, when you hear a song that reminds you of good/bad memories, when a loved one is having a hard time or has some good news of their own.

Vent Your Spleen!

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