A Letter to The Narcissist – No. 2

A LETTER TO THE NARCISSIST -JJ'S LETTER

I recently invited readers to pen the letter that they would like to send to the narcissist that they entangled with. Here is the letter which ‘JJ’ would like to send. Does it mirror your sentiments and experience at all? How do you think the narcissist would react to receiving this?

“Hey sorry I didn’t respond to your text. I wanted to, but I wasn’t sure what to say. I mean what do I say to someone as amazing as you. You’re so much better than me. I didn’t want to disappoint you again so I didn’t respond.  I hope you didn’t think it was because I wasn’t interested. I will always love you and I have thought about you every day. I know you are busy with law school and I have no idea how you manage to balance it all. You were always so much smarter than me.  I feel terrible about the way things ended but you were right to break up with me.  You were so good to me and I didn’t deserve you. I was so insecure and dramatic, always starting fights with you. We were so different. You with your superior etiquette, wealth and private schools and me with my inability to keep up. You were right, I took out my insecurity of not being good enough by accusing you of still wanting your ex and for that I was wrong. Of course she still texted you and wanted you. Who wouldn’t. How could I not see that you starting law school in February after quitting your job and deciding to apply in January was way more important than our June wedding. I should have just changed the date like you wanted. You were right. I was so dumb to think you should have discussed it more with me before you quit your job and changed careers.  You decided you wanted to go to law school and I should have not been so selfish to expect you to worry about something as trivial as our wedding. I can’t believe I didn’t listen to someone as smart and cultured as you. Any girl would be lucky to have you. I was so poor and unpolished when you found me. I was insecure about my family not being able to pay for the wedding and I took that out on you. You were right, you were doing my family a favor by paying and planning a wedding we could never afford without you. Everything I am I owe to you. I know you spent a lot of money on the engagement ring and I want to give it back to you. I don’t deserve to keep such an expensive ring. You’re right, you should give that ring to someone who deserves your love. On the back of this letter I wrote down a time and a place for us to meet and for me to give you back the ring. I know it sounds silly but I just want to see you. Please meet me at the location and time on the back of this letter. Hope to see you soon.
Forever yours,
JJ”

(Back of letter)
“Just kidding you lying piece of shit. I know you cheated on me our entire relationship with your fat ex and probably a dozen other people at least. I say people because I am not sure they were all women.  That’s ok though because I know you probably didn’t have sex with any of them since you’re some asexual freak. I also know you didn’t break up with me because I was stressing you out with wedding planning, we were all of the sudden incompatible and you just needed to be single for awhile while you get through law school. It was because when you asked me if I think you are stellar I said no. Who asks someone if they think they are stellar. You are so pathetic. I bet you even thought I really meant the front side of this letter too. Don’t contact me again when you fail out or decide to change careers for the tenth time because I don’t care about you anymore.”

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11 Comments

  1. Everytime I read this one it makes me wonder what happened to jj. I wonder if she met with him or gave the ring back or if she has managed to stay no contact.

  2. HG – do you think it is common for a narcissist to call off their engagement? It seems like that would hurt the facade.

    1. If calling off the engagement is necessary to fulfil the needs of the narcissist, then it will be done. Remember, the narcissist will blame the victim for the need to call it off and thus the façade will be preserved through blameshifting and smearing.

  3. hg, I noticed she talked about the guy being possibly asexual or undercover gay. Is this letter about a cerebral narcissist? I haven’t been able to find much about them and I think my ex was one because he didn’t seem interested in sex.

    1. My observations on the letters will be published at a future time, Nancy. If you require insight with regard to your situation please organise a Narc Detector Consultation.

  4. Actually I don’t think it affected them at all in the way the writer anticipated. I believe the narc got fuel from both sides of the letter. I could almost SEE them smiling their smirk while reading the back.

    And I bet the author of the letter did actually show up at the advised meeting place…. just in case…..

  5. I like the twist at the end, because I was getting a bit pissed off reading the first part, knowing the fuel it would be giving the Narcissist. I imagine the power to be surging up and up for the Narcissist throughout the letter, therefore making it more of a sudden shock when they read the back – igniting fury.
    The sentiments at the start didn’t match mine because no-one is better than anyone else and I certainly wouldn’t be belittling myself to that extent. I couldn’t imagine any Empath doing that (even more-so after finding this site).

  6. Wow that was an amazing letter! Here is my letter I wanted to send him. You can see my emotional thinking. Can you tell I am a Geyser/Carrier Empath? I am doing much better now, thanks to HG who I will be forever grateful for saving my life:

    My Love

    Tears on my pillow while you sleep soundly!
    I was confused. I wanted you to love me too. What did you want? Power? Control?

    Did you hurt me on purpose while I was pregnant, desperate, helpless, and in love?
    That’s when you became the worst!

    You might impregnate a 16yo. All you wanted to do was fuck 18yos. It would be awkward with me and a baby there. They will just fuck the next guy. Oh I denied you sex- now I can move in. But if I ever do that again you’ll fuck Kelsey right in front of me. It was my birthday that day, which you ignored. I drove you around running errands.

    Did you feel powerful treating me like an animal while I was pregnant and loved you?
    You know I waited my whole life to love my child. How could I be a good mother with how you were treating me?
    You numbed me as a human being. Can you apologise?
    Can you help ease my suffering, the lasting pain- from so many wounds?
    I am just being a victim and it’s unattractive? Maybe you should attack me more since I’m criticising you. You should use that defense mechanism.

    You don’t trust women. You take the love, innocence, and sincerity- and deny it. You think they will leave you. You play out revenge on your mother, who left your father, and later left you. You do it to women who love you. Who are helpless. You don’t trust. Power and control instead. Leave them before they leave you.

    I wouldn’t have left. I tried, tried, tried, tried, tried. Did you ever believe me that I loved you? I did- more than anyone before. And maybe for the first time. And why? I felt a peace and energy from you- that I feel myself inside. I thought we were the same. The inner peace I feel, to relax, in nature, like you. To enjoy beauty together, of nature, of stars, the wonders of life, or of a work of art- like a movie. It was how I felt growing up in NZ and living on the beach. The country makes me feel love for you. It is freedom. We laughed together too. We laughed a lot.

    You didn’t know me you said. But you criticised me so much. Did you maintain control by keeping me in a state of failure? I wanted to please you! Your criticisms sometimes contradictory- what could I ever do? When I saw you after 3 months I was elated. The first thing you said was shhhh. Straight away I couldn’t be myself. I couldn’t express myself. I cannot express my love. I cannot hold your hand. You must be in control. It is on your terms only. It was cruel when you pulled your hand away.

    My love I will hold inside. It is mine to understand. I wish you could understand it, that I could explain it- prove it. I have defense mechanisms too. It wasn’t safe to love you. If it were safe, my love would have grown to the size of the Universe. It would be the most powerful force.

    But I still feel it. It is undeniable. I don’t care anymore about the shit you say. It is inconsistent. I can’t make sense of it. My love is true. In my dreams we live our lives together- that is just how it is. It is painful to wake up from that.

    I saw a photo of my dad when he was younger- he looked like you. I am intrinsically drawn to you. But logically too. You say we don’t get along. But we do. The hours go like minutes. We laugh so much. Touch. Glued together. Talk.

    I made mistakes. I didn’t trust you. I made myself less of a partner to you. I didn’t invite you into all aspects of my life- my social life, my business. I stopped trusting you at the very start while you still trusted me. I knew it wasn’t safe to love you. And you stopped trusting me soon after. But I still loved you. I can’t help that.

    I believe I was afraid of attachment. I did things to prevent it. Not staying for dinner… leaving when you wanted me. And the next time I saw you, you would be agitated, hateful, wanting to end things. Because you thought I’d leave you. You always thought that. But I wouldn’t have.

    And any other man… they are not you. I like laughing and talking with YOU. We get along. Did we not start laughing together as soon as we met? You are irreplaceable. Why is that so hard to understand and believe?

Vent Your Spleen!

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