“You don’t want to end up like him do you now?”

Years later those words still echo through my mind. They act as some cruel guardian which ensures that I will never stumble, never flounder and never fall victim to the injustices which this world has in store for me. I was shown what happens to those who are weak, those who fail to seize control and grasp the power for themselves. The consequences of failure were paraded before me on an almost daily basis to allow me to witness the full horror of what it was to be sub-standard, below par and just not good enough.

I knew that this fate must not befall me and that it became necessary for me to clamber higher than everybody else no matter what it took or what the cost was. So long as there was somebody underneath me on that ladder as I climbed, then, as the saying goes, the devil would take the hindmost.

Onwards and upwards, climbing higher and higher to escape the consequences of vulnerability, weakness and failure. I was given a swift induction into learning how to stay ahead and protect myself. There were two routes available to ensure that you stayed number one and the best. Strive to stay ahead of the opposition and by the opposition I was taught that this means everybody else and furthermore bring the opposition down so that they become subsumed into the quagmire of failure.

If your opponent is taller, chop him off at the knees. If he is better looking, fling acid in his face. If he is smarter, batter his brains out. If he is stronger, poison him into weakness. If he is wealthier, sap him of penny and cent. If he lives in a pleasant place, pollute the neighbourhood. If he has a good job, get him sacked. Figuratively speaking some of the time of course and that means to do all of those things, that it is necessary to play the scapegoat card. Become proficient at pointing the finger elsewhere, cultivate persuasiveness so that the allocation of blame falls on the shoulders of another, practise plausible deniability so the mantle of fault never rests on my head. Never be the one at fault. Ever. Those were my instructions.

The indoctrination continued. You are not to blame, you are not guilty, you are not the problem, you did not cause the problem either. Erase sorry from your vocabulary as you do not feel it, remove the idea of apologising as you have nothing to apologise for, do not express anything which might be regarded as guilt as that is an alien concept.

There is always somebody else who can be blamed. It does not take long for the repeated mantra of it never being my fault to engender that sense of impregnability and a lack of accountability. Since it is the fault of everyone else it is impeccable logic is it not that it can never be my fault? It therefore follows that if it is never my fault then such a fault-free individual is truly superior and stands above all others.

To facilitate this it therefore becomes necessary to identify a scapegoat or more accurately scapegoats. The role of scapegoat slots seamlessly into our thinking. Fault is an intangible concept but it exists. Someone is always to blame. I was taught that from the beginning. Things do not just happen, they happen for a reason and the reason that she was always crying, that he was always failing, that they were socially ostracised, that she could not pass her exam, that he never scored a goal, that they never went on holiday, that he could not hold down a job, that she was a single mother, that he had a drink problem, that she was ugly, that he lived in a poor area, that she was never invited out, that he died alone, that she was beaten, that he was arrested, that she was raped, that he was murdered was because they were scapegoats.

Make others the scapegoat and immunity from fault and blame follows and thus one can move without hindrance, barrier or boundary. Make him or her a scapegoat because if you do not get in first they will do it to you. Make sure you blame them before they can turn that accusing eye in your direction. Stay one, no ten, steps ahead. They deserve to be blamed. If they had any value they would not be stigmatised in such a fashion, it is their own fault.

I learnt that they may come with smiles but the blade of blame is held behind their back ready to strike, so plunge your dagger of fault deep into them first. Do not be taken in by the false proclamations of love and compassion, they are but veils to place across my eyes so a crown of accountability can be thrust on my head.

Soon, the lessons that I learned began to automatically teach me. Not feeling enough attention at a party? The guests are ignorant and impolite. Tell one that this is a case and see how the attention shifts. Served slowly at the bar? The bar man is incompetent and he should be reminded of this fact. See how he has responded now? Report not completed on time? Find a junior colleague and point out how he has failed to provide the necessary information. Criticised for not earning enough? Blame the bosses for running the company into the ground and failing to reward an achiever such as I. Feeling restless and unloved? Lash out at her so she seeks to make amends. Stuck in a traffic jam? Blame the department of transport for the ill-thought out road works. Struggling to sleep? Must be those damned neighbours and their late-night music, go and give them a piece of your mind and see how much better you feel when you point out they are at fault.

But what if it is not those things and it is because I am not interesting enough to talk to, or not attractive enough to catch the server’s eye, or not good enough at my job, or not hitting the targets because I cannot apply the required effort, or because I do not show her any affection any longer, or because I set off late from the house, or because I fell asleep this afternoon?

Never. That is what they want you to think. That is the control that they seek to exert over you. That is how they get inside your mind and try to make you think that you are weak, when you are not. Remember, they want you to be the scapegoat. They want you to be the failure, they want you to be the subject of their blaming, so you take the rap, take the hit and become the patsy. Yes, you are right, I remember now.

The diktat still resonates even now, reminding and emphasising. That is not your role. You are better than all of them. You will rise above them and to do that you must work hard at everything and ensure that they are the ones who are to blame, because they are. They are the ones who are trying to stop you achieving and claiming what is rightfully yours. They are the traitors, the insidious foes, the treacherous betrayers who spout sedition and practise disloyalty. Let them know who they are, scapegoat them.

Thus this carries into everything that we do. We find a scapegoat in every aspect of our lives. The put-upon sibling, the browbeaten colleague, the lambasted neighbour, the oddball in the local superstore, the subjugated underling, the butt of the social circle and most of all you, the intimate partner who becomes the ultimate scapegoat.

It is you that becomes the receptacle for our domineering, hectoring, nagging, bullying, blaming, intimidating, coercing, blaming, accusing, menacing, terrorising, bludgeoning and oppressive persecutions. You burnt dinner, you made the white shirt turn pink, you forgot to get that present that we wanted, you failed to satisfy our sexual appetite, you made us be unfaithful, you made us break that mirror, you made us slap you, you made us ill, you made our team lose, you cost us that promotion, you woke us too early, you woke us too late, you let us fall asleep, you kept us awake, you didn’t do it, you did it. Again.

This conditioning ensured that the only way to stay ahead, to win and to succeed was to find someone else to blame and that does not change because we know you are just waiting to try to blame us, well we know your game. We have you in our eyes and it is you who is to blame, not us.

The only way to prevent the hell of being a scapegoat is to make others a scapegoat instead.

And so I do as I do, I say as I say and I am what I am so that I do not end up like him, like her, like them, like you.

Can you really blame me for doing that?

26 thoughts on “Scapegoat

  1. positivenudge says:

    Very interesting! ♥️

  2. PrincessSuperEmpath says:

    Dearest HG: Those words and messages in this post, rival the greatest psychological horror story writers known to mankind. Stephen King comes to my mind, as well. I find this read shockingly devastating, and I conclude unfortunately that mental illness of other sorts, added to the Narcissism of your mom, could be involved. I hope the good doctors currently or in the future explain and elaborate to you some of all that you grew up with, with the main persons in your upbringing. If they can not, I hope you do it on your own, if you have not already done so. It is amazing that you found a way to function at all with people. I would not have lasted, I am sure. ~~~~~I was reminded of a movie that I once saw by famous horror writer, Stephen King, titled the Langoliers (entities whose job is to eat up time and space and history–my personal synopsis), where a character tells a little blind boy that the Langoliers came and ate up lazy little boys,etc. Your post HG, reminded me of this movie (your post is a scripted movie in itself), and I searched for a clip for your convenience, and it starts at around 1:30 (one hour and thirty minutes) into the movie on Youtube.

  3. WhoCares says:


    Hm; moody..maybe that’s why I like them; they match my personality lately.

    On an artistic note; I like many from the new pool images he is drawing on…I enjoy the contrast, the composition and the ‘grainy’ feel to them – as if they are like charcoal drawings on heavy quality paper with a bit of a tooth (although they clearly are digital compositions with some photography involved.)

    1. PrincessSuperEmpath says:

      WhoCares. Do you have an interpretation of it? I took an art class once, and we had to write 500 words on a specific art piece. I`d fold on interpreting this one. What would you say it is about?

      1. WhoCares says:


        “Do you have an interpretation of it? I took an art class once, and we had to write 500 words on a specific art piece. I`d fold on interpreting this one. What would you say it is about?”

        I don’t know; art critique and criticism was never my strong point in my art training (for example I could never appreciate art that was created simply for a social statement) my strength was in studio credits…and I like art that both makes me feel something and clearly shows a practiced skill set or particular style of the artist (doesn’t have to be realistic) Art that is purely conceptual or only designed to provoke does little for me.

        My thoughts: this image is ominous…the clouds are threatening…I can’t tell if the dark figure is walking on land or water…I think maybe the angelic figure is meant to represent the “cruel guardian” mentioned in the writing. ..hard to it a caring guardian angel… reminds me of some greek sculptures but can’t be sure…is it going to save someone? I doubt it since it is half sinking into the earth/water itself. Are those birds crows or are they sea gulls? Over all I get a sense of foreboding and precariousness. And I have no guess about the dark figure.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thank you for your observations, I found them interesting and of some accuracy.

          1. WhoCares says:

            “Thank you for your observations, I found them interesting and of some accuracy.”

            Thank-you HG.

            Are the images often created to directly reflect or connect to your articles?… (the symbols etc.); as sometimes it is not clear.

          2. HG Tudor says:


  4. PrincessSuperEmpath says:

    Dearest HG: This is a shocking read. Beyond Machiavellian. Beyond Rules of Power and of War. I do not know the speakers that are being heard. Who hears these scapegoat sort of things. Did you personally hear all this from a person, or a combination of people. Are these things that you taught yourself? Please help me with this. I find it quite disturbing.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I heard it from MatriNarc.

      1. PrincessSuperEmpath says:

        Dearest HG: It is outrageous. I have to read it again today. Because it was so profoundly disturbing to me yesterday, I had to ask you first for the origins, before I re-read it, to get a grip on it, so to speak. It is Unbelievable. In all seriousness.

  5. SJ says:

    No, you’re not to blame for thinking that being a scapegoat is shameful. It’s not.

    You ought to try it some time – it’s therapeutic.
    I understand your need to compete because it brings drama and then drama brings fuel and I respect you because you tell us the truth. But obviously, someone who has been duped by you, personally, is going to blame you.

  6. Christine says:

    Yes. I can and do blame you.

    You’re even trying to scapegoat someone else in this very post. As if your choices as an adult are not your own. I thought “Greater” narcs like you didn’t play the Poor Little Me card, but you sure do it a lot.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Do understand that articles are written from the perspective of Mid Range and Lesser Narcissists also, therefore it will not always be my perspective as a Greater.

      1. SMH says:

        Sounds exactly like my LesserExH. Even the failure of his favourite leisure activity was the fault of someone else.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          But of course, SMH.

      2. SJ says:

        Scapegoating your fellow narcs 😂

        1. SMH says:

          lol SJ

      3. SMH says:

        That’s clear, HG. This describes my Lesser ExH perfectly. Even the failure of his favourite leisure activity was the fault of someone else.

        1. SMH says:

          Oops my previous response came through twice.

          I am sorry that Matrinarc did that to you, HG. My matrinarc did it too, but I turned out differently (knowing when to blame myself for my failures) because I guess I was not genetically predisposed to be a narc. My parents were actually surprised that I was such a success in my profession because I was such a fuck up in my teens. I still feel like I am proving something to them.

          Lesser exH – I always thought his problems were due to his father, who abandoned the family and was definitely a narc. But his mother too – I liked her cutting wit, but she was both cold and childish. I know that she was disappointed in Lesser exH because he did poorly on his A levels and never went on to HE. No one in the family did but she had great hopes for him. He is smart and talented in many areas but never got the recognition he thought he was due. When we split up he said something very telling ‘you are so competent that it makes me feel incompetent.’ Of course I already knew that everything was MY fault but what was I supposed to do? Be a bumbling idiot to appease him? Just a rhetorical question.

  7. WhoCares says:

    I don’t know where you are getting your images as of late – but I LOVE them!

    1. SJ says:

      I think the man is Mr Tudor’s silhouette on a nice beach walk, made dark and moody, using photoshop.

    2. WhoCares. I can not decipher the image. It does seem moody, though.

  8. wounded says:

    Due to my interest in narcissism I have come across the Dark Triad more than once. While I’ve always had a passing interest in psychology, because of my involvement with an actual narcissist that interest has shifted. I finished a biography on Senor Machiavelli two days ago. While I am literally two days into The Prince I can see the resemblances of his mindset in modern life. It is actually quite shocking to see this because, as Machiavelli notes, our natures are fixed. We cannot change.

    While this at least Is partially true in the sense of core personality traits, there are other traits that can be toughened. Being scapegoated may very well be a residual trait that makes the cut.

  9. J.G THE ONE says:

    Hello, H.G.Tudor.
    I understand the point, nobody wants to be a loser and even society the world in general is narcissistic.
    This is simply also natural selection, the best and most acts, prevail etc.
    We see this even in the most microscopic race of sperm to fertilize an egg. The first one wins.
    In real life, nature and work alike, if you have to cut someone’s throat, other than yours.
    But I wanted to ask you one thing.
    I wanted to ask you, who indoctrinated you? His mother or his inner voice, his superego scornful, devaluing?
    In the post, there seems to be an inner dialogue, a dialogue with your “narcissistic thought” where you try to justify your own actions.
    A narcissistic thought that needs to look for a culprit, his scapegoat, in order not to recognize his own limitations, faults and defects.
    I have entered into this form of thought, and I can see in this writing this type of narcissistic thought and reasoning.
    I doubt it was an indoctrination of his mother alone.
    It is possible that this narcissistic way of thinking was initiated by her behaviors or verbalizations. But then her mind or her superego depreciating, devaluing, would go on and evolve, grow, and dominate her empathetic side. With these types of narcissistic thoughts.
    They will solidify, they will settle down creating what is today. A new way of thinking and imagining the world (magical thinking), The new conception of your narcissistic inner world.
    What can you tell me about this type of dialogue that I observe in your writing?

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