The Emotional Battle – Part Three



When you have been discarded, you face three battles in order to secure your freedom. The first is the Emotional Battle which you always lose until you learn not fight it. The second is the Heart V Head Battle which must be fought many times until you finally overcome the powerful effects of emotion and allow your cool, hard logic to dictate. Once that battle has been won, you have managed to navigate a way through the emotional ocean and then you have reached dry land on the other side. This is where the third battle is joined. This dry land provides you with a firmer foundation and just like the discovery of the New World, boundless opportunities. You are no longer prone to the vagaries of the swelling and dramatic ocean of emotions. That is not to say that your emotions have been switched off. Far from it. Instead, the solidity of this land is a reflection of the greater control you now have over your emotions as you ally them with the logic that you have regained. No longer do you feel overwhelmed. You are not beset by anxiety. Fear does not maintain a near permanent grip on your stomach. You were repeatedly drowned as you tried to swim the emotional ocean alone in the first battle. You saw yourself swamped and capsized on numerous occasions as reach time you increased your intellect and understanding as you built larger and more seaworthy vessels until finally you navigated your war through that broiling sea of feelings and now you stand on firm, dry and solid land. Your critical thinking has increased, your sense of calm has bloomed and you have gained greater control.

You stand before a land of opportunities and this is where you are now able to make the decisions. In the previous two battles you were overwhelmed and then often on the back foot. Here, in this final battle, you have the opportunity to seize and maintain the upper hand. You have so many choices available to you now.

You may decide to build a large tower and secrete yourself inside. You have the sturdy foundation now on which to construct this edifice. You are safe and secure high up in this tower. You admit visitors but only those that you know can be trusted. Occasionally you hear a knock in the dead of night. You make your way to the balcony and look down from your towering height to see us stood outside knocking on the door and seeking admittance. You may feel the surge of those emotions once more but you have greater control now. You may call out and wave, issuing a polite greeting and no more. You may decide just to turn around and leave us to our ineffectual knocking. Either way in this battle you have seized control and you are far better equipped to make rational decisions which suit you and prevent you from being wholly governed by those turbulent emotions.

You may decide to forge ahead and seek out new adventures in this land. You meet new people and form fresh and lasting friendships, perhaps even finding someone with whom you can share intimacy and romance. As you trek through this land, gathering new friends and revisiting those who were conned into severing the ties with you, you remain vigilant for out of nowhere we might appear. We might strike, lurching through a crowd hurling insults. You are better armed this time and able to shield yourself before moving away, refusing to be drawn into responding and a war of words like you once might have done. It may be the case, as you embrace these new horizons that we appear, smiling and benign, sidling up to you and taking you by surprise. The risk always remains, for if you are abroad within this new land, you cannot place yourself behind sturdy defences. Thus, you remain exposed to ambush and approach. You remain better equipped than you were, as a consequence of your gathered learning, your increased understanding and ongoing recovery. You are in a better position to rebuff the ambush, refusing to engage and making your departure to safer ground. Sometimes you may be caught and those emotions wash about you as we try to haul you back across the sea to a time when you were alone and going under the lashing waves. This risk always remains.

You may opt to establish an estate where you do not take refuge in some tower, but instead you create a place of familiarity where everyone is known to you and you are known to them. You have your supporters in clear view and whilst you may not tread down the path less travelled in search of new territories you reduce your risk of us appearing out of nowhere. These familiar places enable you to maintain clear lines of sight so that if we do make an appearance you are able to take suitable evasive action.

This final battle takes the form of repeated skirmishes as we seek to catch you unawares and drag you back to an earlier battle where our prospects of success are maximised. Sometimes we succeed. Sometimes one of our devious ploys catches you unaware and we scale your tower and appear on your balcony like that once desired Prince Charming again and your defences are breached. Other times you repel our approaches, turning your back or cutting us down with new learned techniques which force us to withdraw. You may see no action for weeks, months and even years as new reaches you that we are fighting on other fronts, seemingly content to leave you be. At least for the time being. Then out of nowhere you may reduce your vigilance and we are by your side, seeking to snake our tendrils around you once again. In this final battle you now know what to look for. When we march on to the battle field you see and take heed of the red flags which stream behind us. You have learned methods by which you can counter and neutralise our manipulations. You have established safe territories to which you might retreat if the need arises. You have fashioned your own armoury in this new land of hope and promise. You now know how you can wound us and now, exerting greater control, you do so which gives us no option but to disengage from the skirmish and skulk away to lick our wounds and regroup.

This final battle takes place in a land where the battlefield, for the first time, is more of your choosing than ours. You have better equipped to fight this battle and whilst there remains a risk of defeat and you being ensnared once again, it is far less than in the previous two battles. You are battle-hardened and those scars are worn as badges of honour as you stand tall for the first time in, well, you cannot recall when that last happened, but it has happened at last.

Thus, this is the final battle post discard. The battle that takes place on dry land. Should you overcome the first two battles, this is where you will find yourself. Now you understand where you will end up as you deal with the fallout from being discarded. Now you are aware of what will happen, what to expect and how you are in a better position to keep winning the skirmishes in this final battle. This only leaves one question remaining. How long will this final battle last?

It will continue until one of us no longer lives.

5 thoughts on “The Emotional Battle – Part Three

  1. PrincessSuperEmpath says:

    Dearest HG: I know that it is true what you said, that the NIPSS is rarely discarded, because of where they are placed on the fuel matrix: Unless they do something that the Narcissist feels is abominable in some way. I never did any of that to be discarded. So, it is true that I was never discarded. Also, I have learned that what I thought were some subtle Silent Treatments, were not that. From your work, I now understand that I was being placed on the shelf, at times, for whatever reason, as a SNIPSS, because I was around him a lot to be a NIPSS. But, he did try to make me jealous a lot, and I never knew why, since that behavior did not bind me to him, and was so un-necessary according to my viewpoint, because I was All In, so it seemed odd to me, especially since I was not his girlfriend or anything. And, it did hurt. He triangulated me a lot, as well, and it made people treat him better, out of competition, but it hurt me when I figured it out, with your assistance. But, my point that I am making is that: although I am the one dis-engaging and discarding, it still feels like I am the one being discarded! When I read all about the discard. I do not know why the fact that I am doing the discard feels the same it seems, as if I were being discarded???: Is it the same, somehow, in an entanglement with a Narcissist, in some odd way, I wonder. Also, these 3 works on the emotional battle are fitting my experience exactly.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. You may not actually be escaping, your ET causes you to think you are, when you are not and then logic causes you to see that it is not hence you recognise you are being shelved or disengaged from.
      2. If you are actually escaping, your ET hijacks say your pride to cause you to feel that the narcissist is actually disengaging so you continue to engage say through going to war with the narcissist.

      1. Dearest HG: (1) Shelved sometimes? Yes. It is of late, that I read that you said that an NIPSS could be shelved. Dis-engaged from? I was not being discarded. I do believe now that he treated me according to what unknown others did in his fuel matrix: If an IPPS or IPSS or DLS, etc., were deemed bad, he was probably more pleased with me, and when they were deemed good, he forgot about me at times, because he was full of fuel. And if I were not around him so much, I probably would not have noticed all that, as a NIPSS. Such a thought had not occurred to me all that time. But, I was around him a lot over time, and I noticed some weird behavior, so it hurt me a lot, especially the unpredictability and mysteriousness of it all. (2) Thankfully, my pride has neither the desire to go to war with him, nor the desire to go to war with his 4 lieutenants: One is a somatic narc, one is a bully, one is a bitter person, and the other is a mid ranger. And, none were my friend in reality. One faked being my friend more, the bitter one, and she surely will smear me. She had already started, because I had been informed by an acquaintance that the bitter one was unaware of. The bitter one will tell him that I am lazy and that I do not care about him, etc. or something like that. Ironically, I gave the bitter one some useful tips about his personality, so that she would not get on his nerves so much about certain things, and I informed her of some of his likes and dislikes, that I was surprised that she was unaware of, although she knew him for years before I arrived. No kind deed goes unpunished. Sigh… But, he will grow and change, and I doubt she will be able to keep up. She is not quick on the take. The somatic one lives 3 blocks form me. We did have tea or coffee a few times, so we always had a bit of a neighborhood truce. She is the nurse that loves to test `the health` of his body with her hands. Other people were just tertiary friends inside and outside of the overall coterie. No pain there. So, there is nothing to fight for, except to regain my friend that he recruited, but I have no desire to even fight for her, at this point. Because, although it is no fault of her own–she has an excellent character, I can no longer trust her, because she would be a conduit to them, without knowing it. So, I have to dis-engage from her now, as well. HG: I will miss 3 years of working on his construct. It was fun. It was his best mask, in my opinion. So, if he can manage to hold on to it, I will not be leaving him empty handed. Gosh, I feel like I am talking about a funeral, or something. I guess, something has died. But, I did not die. I am still very much alive.

  2. foolme1time says:

    empath007 So very well done!

  3. empath007 says:

    Very good descriptions. Iā€™m in phase 2 of healing reaching closer to phase 3.

    I would like to say this though…There is nothing wrong with working through emotions after a traumatic event, and being entangled with a narcissist will hardly be the only traumatic event in our lives. Dealing with deaths, job losses etc. We all have to work through it at our own pace. While sometimes I think it would be freeing to simply move on and always apply logic be in the present moment… this is not always possible. In any addiction there is bound to be relapse, and relapse does not equate to failure.

    It is hard work. No doubt. As described so eloquently in these articles. Many of us can relate. But recovery is possible. Give yourself the time you need… and soon even the memories will completely fade and you will look back and think… why did I think they were so important?

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