Sins of the Empath : Positivity
Positivity. Positive outlook. Optimism. The empathic individual which is the target for our kind is blessed with positivity. This ingrained positivity allows them to see the good in people, it enables them to find the silver lining in the gathered storm clouds and grants a motivating factor. By adopting a positive outlook in their life, the empathic individual is inspired to achieve more, to dispel the bad and seize on whatever goodness they can identify, even if it is the merest kernel. This trait enables the empathic individual to cast their optimistic eyes over the bleakest of scenarios and see that there is something good which can be learned from the experience, something decent which is in the pipeline and something to be cherished. In its purest form it manifests as a blind optimism and this powers the empathic individual so they are able to overcome what might be regarded as insurmountable by lesser individuals.
This empathic trait causes the relevant person to reflect on what they have learned from an experience, how the occasion was good for them in testing them, causing them to utilise their resources and to work out a way forward when faced with a problem. Whilst a normal individual might bemoan the situation that has befallen them (and indeed our kind would address it by blaming everybody else and leaving them to pick up the pieces), the empathic individual’s innate positivity causes them to see an opportunity. They see the chance to enrich their own experience, to grow as a person and to demonstrate that with positive thought, positive action and positive attitude no problem is too great, no issue is incapable of resolution and no setback is forever.
Whilst being imbued with this sense of positivity allows an empathic individual to demonstrate fortitude, pragmatism and optimism in their lives and thus they bring with them the capacity to enrich the lives of others, the trait of positivity also generates problems when dealing with our kind.
The positivity invariably blinds the empathic person to what they are actually dealing with. The false positivity which we radiated through our love bombing and the golden period convinces the empathic person that we are indeed a ‘good’ person. Thus, when the monster appears during devaluation, rather than see it for what it is, the manipulations and machinations of a twisted and abusive person, the positive empath strives to harness the good which once existed again. This creates a near indefatigable spirit which in turn causes the empathic person to remain in our grip for far longer than is good for them.
Naturally, this is of no concern to us since we want you to remain in our grip. We want you bound to us and your unrelenting belief that the goodness that you have seen can be brought to the fore again is a weakness of this positivity and invariably puts you at risk. When others would retreat in the face of the eroding and savage manipulations, the empathic individual remains positive. Not only do they wish to sweep away the darkness and find the good in us once again, they regard it as a test of their resolve and therefore increase their positive outlook in order to cater with the slings and arrows which are sent their way.
This positivity lend itself to the making of excuses. Rather than realise that they have been entangled by a deceitful, manipulative abuser, the empathic individual will look to environmental factors – such as the fact that we are tired, stressed or over-worked since that must be what it is that is clouding our innate and once seen inner goodness. If those external factors continue to fail to explain our behaviours, the empathic individual will become introspective and consider that the problem has arisen as a consequence of some failing on their part. They consider that they have not shown us enough love, not asked us how our days has gone, not been supportive enough when we have faced a challenge, not cooked our steak correctly and ever more trivial and meaningless excuses which are trotted out in order to maintain a positive outlook and not give in.
By adopting positivity, the empathic individual places stock in the fact that with the right effort and application things will be worked out and once more will be good again. When a respite period is granted by us during the devaluation, the empathic individual will seize on this as evidence of how their positive outlook has reaped rewards. By hanging in there, never giving up and remaining upbeat they have allowed their positivity to shine through and this has saved the day. Once again however, this dedication to remaining positive has caused the empathic person to fail to notice that this is all part of the ongoing manipulation and is just a brief and passing restoration of the illusion that is the golden period and is done to exploit this belief in remaining positive.
Positivity causes the empath to misguidedly believe that we can be fixed and healed. This positive outlook means that when an objective third party points out the reality of the situation to the empath, they smile and thank them for their observation but find an excuse and point to how remaining true to being positive will once again resolve the issues. The viewpoint is one of if you want something enough then the universe will provide it to you and those with a positive outlook do not waste time wondering why things do not happen as they wish, but rather they do something to bring about what they want and to change things. This attitude may be appropriate to securing a promotion at work, saving to purchase your dream home or being thought of as a kind person by your friends, but it only serves to blind you to what you have been entangled with when it comes to our kind.
It means you are enmeshed with us for longer than you ought to be. It means you suffer the devaluation and all of its awful outcomes to a greater degree than you should. It means that you remain highly susceptible to being hoovered post discard because you believe that we will ultimately see the error of our ways and that we will recognise we have done wrong so that we return to the wonderful, loving and charming person that once seduced you.
Those with this empathic trait in intense amounts will not countenance the manifestation of negativity. They will fight down their anger and replace it with concern. They will dissolve their frustration and exhibit caring instead. This sublimation of emotions only serves to encourage our devaluation as we strive to shatter the positivity and see the tears, the hurt and the despair. Your rejection of negativity means you will not hear ill spoken of us, you will not blame us for what we do and rather than take heed of the negative thoughts which will and do manifest in your mind, you try to force them to one side by engaging in your trait of positivity.
This is a dangerous path to tread. Not only does it blind you to what we are and bind us to you for longer, it means that ultimately you are setting yourself up for devastating disappointment. When the full force of our machinations have been unleashed against you and your considerable coping abilities have been stretched beyond endurance, once this all comes crashing down, the height from which you maintained your positivity means that your fall is all the harder, longer and more painful.
When that discard takes you by surprise, you plummet from your perch of positivity and crash into the dirt, bewildered, exhausted and drained. Yet, it does not take long for this positive trait to re-appear as you soon begin to apply it again, making excuses for why we disappeared, making plans for how matters can be resolved if we just sit down and have a constructive conversation together and how it was good for you to experience this despair, because now you know more than you once did and you can apply this learned experience to your and our advantage by winning us back and helping us with our problems. You can tease out that inner goodness because you will not allow yourself to think it does not exist. To do so offends your sense of positivity.
Negative thoughts however can serve a positive purpose for you, if only you would listen to them. Negative thoughts such as fear manifest to tell you to protect yourself, to defend yourself and to get away from the danger. You however remain in the firing line because you reject the negative and embrace the positive. A negative thought such as feeling unappreciated, lonely or hurt should be recognised as a warning and acted upon, however, the strength of your positivity will invariably override this until it is too late. Indeed, there are those whose degree of positivity is so great that they have become deluded as to what we are and how dangerous we are to you. They are blinded and no matter how often we dole out our cruel treatments, no matter how often others point out the harm that is being caused, they cannot see it because of the effect of their innate positivity.
To do so is indeed a sin in the context of being ensnared with our kind.
The positivity which you should embrace ought to be applied to yourself; that your encounter with us should cause you to learn what we are and how to avoid and evade us in the future.
25 thoughts on “Sins of the Empath : Positivity”
Lisk. Amen. And I would not dignify what that robot Lieutenant was saying with such a lovely world as esoteric.
MK I have found that no matter what is written on this blog, someone always will take something of what is written for themselves. Never think you are taking up space! Everyone is of value on here! 🌻
It took me awhile to figure that one out NA. 😘💞
Awww…thank you so much, foolme1time, i appreciate that♡
You are very welcome my! 🤗
(1) I agree.
(2) I agree.
(3) I agree…until the truth is either suspected or learned.
(4) I disagree. Love bombing, red flag. Monster, red flag. I have been snagged, but not won. I want the love; but it has to be truth, not illusion. Analyze. (At this point my spirit already knows, but my head & heart dont want to believe).
(5) I sense danger, risk, impending doom. Does he think I’m stupid? I feel challenged & sad.
(6) I so want to make excuses, but excuses are not truth. Energy has a signature: his words are both positive & neutral, but his energy is negative. I keep him on the hook while I continue to analyze.
(7) At this point I’m only fighting myself. My spirit saw from the beginning; my emotional thinking keeps me mired. My spirit always wins, why do I insist on stupidly “processing!?”
(8) This mindset can be foolish, naive, & seriously endanger my health.
(9) I learned too late in life that real evil exists. Plus evil complicates things, it necessitates a fight. I want easy & I dont have the energy to fight right now.
(10) Not true for me. I’m getting weary at this point.
(11) A new person, I can take being evil–but an old friend… I set myself up. Because I didn’t want to see what I was seeing.
(12) No discard, I escaped. But there is still a plummet & crash. At this point I still don’t know what he is, so I’m still confused as to the why. But it doesn’t matter. My spirit says gently, “Please tell me you’ve had enough now.” I have. My head & heart have collected & analyzed all the evidence they required, finally. He is weak, he is a fool, & he is unworthy. Negativity has no place in my life; he is negative. I don’t want to accept the verdict, but I have no choice–all the damned red flags have me bloodied. My positivity will be used for my healing. One person cannot change another, it is foolish to try.
(13) I view things differently. Yet I would use different words to describe exactly that which you have.
(*) Thank you for your works that I have read, thus far, Mr. Tudor. I know what he is now. Everything makes sense & I now have the answers that my kind seek. I can’t thank you enough.
(**) The above has been a cathartic purge, yes. But I have posted in the event that it might help someone. Hopefully. If not, then I apologize for space taken.
You are welcome and thank you for sharing your experience with regard to this article.
Hi HG I Saw my narcissist today I was with someone else who he knows is my ex it’s the first time I have seen him in ages he made sure we got eye contact crossed his arms and gave me that look then avoided me thankfully .
I was dressed up I ignored him and really happy I know this break your laws of no contact and I’m worried about a Hoover (upper Mid ) narcissists I have had the absent silent treatment for ages and today was the present silent treatment again
Why all of a sudden had he made his presence felt and what are my chances of a Hoover ? malignant I can handle
You either bumped into him by chance and this led to the hoover attempt or there was a Hoover trigger and the Hoover Execution criteria were met which caused him to be where he was in order to hoover.
Your chances depend on there being a Hoover Trigger and if so, whether the HEC are met. I need more information and recommend you organise an email consultation.
I’m like that, everything you’ve exposed has happened to me. For my positivity. Now, I focus this positivity towards myself, instead of towards other people.
I see that I have many factory defectiles.
But that if, my positivity and my new acquired knowledge will prevent any attempt of future Hoover, if this one that this can be given.
I always knew that my duration with my narcissist was caused by me, and my tireless tenacity to maintain such a relationship. I have to say, as you well say, the fall was resounding and devastating. Even so, my positive character trait elevated me again. And this also made me remake my life again. There were always doubts that I put under the carpet for many years. I needed to clean up my life for many years because his ghost always appeared when I least expected it. And I met you.
Even now you continue to surprise me with many of his articles, and to see that I have passed through many of the states. Possibly because of this article. I spent too much time with my narcissist, who repeatedly dedicated himself to psychological abuse.
Too much time!
Now seen in perspective, any time lived with a narcissist is a waste of time, energy and sanity. But the positive thing about it is that I finally discovered the whole truth.
My problem is codependent to work. Your Narcissistic, sadistic problem.
My positivist prolongs that sadism.
To discover, to the hidden enemy emotional thought causes of this hell. Especially my release from burdens and guilt.
With you everything is discovered, clarified, everything is understandable, understandable. Little more can be said about it.
Do you despise positivity in others?
If it is fuel, no.
Ah okay. Thank you. Of course.
This can also be a learned habit from childhood up to adulthood. I don’t remember how many times someone has said to me, “ look at the positive side” “ You can always find good in something that has gone bad”. Oh and this one! “ Everything happens for a reason” sometimes when I hear someone say these things to me, I could just punch them in the throat! Ugh!
Next time someone annoys you with “everything happens for a reason” say : Oh? What’s the reason you say stupid shit like that?
Indeed or punch them and say ‘Yes you are right.’
Very good, HG!
Right upcoming then “I feel that you are a bit aggressive, why do you feel the need to be?”
Very good HG! 🙃
Haha! Perfect NA! 😘
In the spiritual group, where I met the ex-narc, there was this “friend” of mine (the exnarc’s lieutenant), who kept repeating stuff from teachings which I did not really like, … or at least not on that level:
“nobody can hurt you unless you let them”, “nothing anyone says can put you down, you do that yourself / you let them”, “you’re only a victim if you make it so”, “there is no real evil and nothing really bad, it only appears that way”, “we have created that ourselves”, “it is an experience you have put yourself in your way so you can learn from it”, “we only suffer when we let ourselves do so”, “there is no good or bad, it is your interpretation”, and all that crap.
Happy Bealtaine / Beltane! Yes, there are dark times, and now the light becomes stronger again. 🙂
Note to Self: Avoid spiritual groups.
Also, that lieutenant makes a lot of sense. I, ultimately, was responsible for choosing my narc–or, rather, I was responsible for letting him choose me.
lisk. How annoying tha lieutenant is. Pathetic really. That `Stepford` lieutenant sounds programmed to oversimplify the complex and sounds like a bad robot stuck on a repeat. Maybe a rewind is in order or perhaps a fresh battery can be installed into that lieutenant, or it is time for us to place such lieutenants in the pile of our own discards. We too can devalue. We also can disengage. We too can discard. And go Ghost. And deem people as bad. We too can say, you have offended me. and your time is up. At least for now.
Thank you PrincessSuperEmpath! I did discard him.
Lisk: yes, avoid spiritual groups. Groups are bad.
But PrincessSuperEmpath is right about that repeating stuff. He had not understood himself what he was saying. But more importantly, he told me that I had never been abused, that I was no victim. I told him, I am as much a victim, as someone, who doesn’t see a physical blow coming from behind. When you really ARE at a level where you are conscious that EVERYTHING is not real and your own patterns, THEN you can say that there is no good and bad and no hurt, etc., and that nothing should affect you. But then: also no physical pain should affect you, the same way. You body is no more your real self than your personality where you feel emotional abuse. The lady whose teachings that lieutenant had repeated had preached her wisdom while she was totally drunk, to numb her physical pain.
Anyways, verbal & emotional abuse does affect “normal” people at least as much as physical abuse and there are “real” physical changes in the body. So yes, anybody just repeating spiritual saying without having understood either the meaning of those nor the impact of abuse, should get punched, indeed, maybe that would be a good reality check.
That lieutenant was fighting with his new ex-girlfriend about who got to keep the fridge and a cupboard, he also thought they were seeing ghosts in their home. Didn’t leave him unaffected.
The whole issue here is “validation” though, that is one of the ways this blog and HG has helped me so much. It is the most horrible feeling to have survived abused by a malign narc and then hear that esoteric crap.