A Glimpse of the Future
It is well known that our kind operate by the wearing of masks. We have learned how to portray those emotions which we do not feel. We have ascertained that in certain situations we are expected to respond in a particular way. We know that by donning a particular mask we are more likely to charm and seduce you. We are aware that maintaining a certain mask the vicious malevolence that lurks beneath can be kept in check so that we achieve acceptability and the advancement of our agendas. There are occasions when we will give you a glimpse of what lies beneath this mask. I am not referring to when we whip the mask off and subject you to devaluation. That is a purposeful and intended act on our part. I am not making reference to when the mask fractures as a consequence of the ignition of our fury and the lesser and mid-range of our kind are unable to keep the mask in place so that the ignited fury erupts and the malicious beast is unleashed. There are occasions however when we provide you with a fleeting glance beneath the mask as to what lies beneath. This will happen during the seduction period. Sometimes it is as a consequence of the effect of a particular agent, such as alcohol. Sometimes, especially with the greater of our kind, it is done as deliberate act in order to gauge your reaction. In such an instance, we tell you of what lies ahead to see if you baulk at the suggestion, or that more likely you respond in a sympathetic manner of even by way of denial.
“I couldn’t ever imagine you doing that.”
“That won’t happen with me though. It might have with other people but I will treat you better than they have.”
“You’re not like that, don’t be silly.”
“I don’t see you doing something like that, you are too nice.”
If you respond in such terms when you have been given such a warning, then this is a green light to us that we have you under our control and that you will accord with our desires and machinations. It also allows us, when we do eventually behave in the manner described down the line during the devaluation, to throw it back in your face by saying.
“I did warn you.”
“Why are you complaining? I was upfront that this would happen.”
“I told you so.”
“It’s no use crying about it now. I told you what I was like.”
“I told you and you chose to stay with me. It is your fault.”
Not only does this enable us to avoid blame, something we must achieve, it will also result in you reacting and providing us with fuel.
With the lesser or mid-range of our kind, these comments are more akin to thinking aloud. The mask does slip, unintentionally for a moment, through the explanation of a future behaviour before it is realised what has been said and the disclosure is brushed to one side, denied or passed off as a silly comment owing to drink or being tired. Why do these comments arise in such a manner from the lesser and mid-range of our kind? Is it guilt or remorse? No, because those emotions are not felt by our kind. It arises from a lack of control. The “bad” behaviour that will arise at some point is lurking beneath the surface and like a cat fighting to get out of a sack, it is always wanting to make an appearance but is prevented from doing so by the maintenance of the mask that is worn. Occasionally, through the loss of control – it may be drink, it may be fatigue, it may be through inattention – what lurks beneath makes a brief and fleeting appearance before the control is exerted once again. Here are fifteen portentous show and tells of our kind. Should you ever hear these comments you ought to pay heed to the warning that you are being given.
- I am a bad person really.
- I will only hurt you.
- You should stay away from me.
- I do bad things. I cannot help it. I always do.
- I will make you wish you had never met me.
- It will go wrong, it always does.
- You will end up hating me.
- You don’t know what you are getting into with me.
- You shouldn’t do this.
- You should leave while you can.
- This is going to turn out badly.
- I have to hurt people.
- I don’t want to hurt you, but I will.
- I just want to fit in.
- I’m not what you think I am.
11 thoughts on “A Glimpse of the Future”
After a day spent basking in the vibes of Jon Secada’s “Just Another Day” and me reading poetry to him, I hugged him and said “I just love being with you, us getting together just feels so good.” His eyes darkened and a very sad look came on his face and he said, “It could end in a nightmare.” I hugged him again again and said “What?! Of course it wouldn’t! What are you talking about?” Silence. WOW. Scene 1, Act 1.
“You should get away. You’re precious”.
Dearest HG: It is commendable to give the appliances these warnings, no matter what the narcissists` reasonings are. The appliances were forewarned. Question: Are people the main source of fuel for narcissists? In the manner that all cars are fueled by gasoline, but now some are fueled by electricity. Are all clinically pathological narcissists fueled by people?
People provide fuel.
In my case and see that I am a good listener, I never mentioned any of these statements. If I had, I would have remembered it. I also have a high ability to remember things in the smallest detail. I can also observe the smallest details, even if someone has curled their eyelashes. hahahah.
If you had said something to me about this post, I would remember. Although I think that doesn’t matter much. Because, the result would have been exactly the same.
HG, this one I especially liked. But my mid-range had a twist. His original comment was ‘she wasn’t what she was supposed to be. ‘ Then when he eventually painted me black it was ‘you’re not what you were supposed to be .’
Callousness he had in droves but hid it very well….except for fleeting nasties. Admissions of….just horrid thoughtlessness that I attributed to my over thinking. But I never forgot them, nor the implicit warning behind them. I just ignored them.
I found your blog after I figured him out but I could never have understood him or why he did what he did without your blog. And your books which I read voraciously. They gave me peace.
I just want to thank you, again. For this blog (in which I have still so many ‘ah hah’ moments), your consultations which have thrown blinding (and sometimes uncomfortable light) on what I went through, and mostly for your books. If I ever feel….anything…like doubt, I read Fuel again. And am reassured. It’s priceless, being able to grasp sanity again. Thank you.
You are welcome.
Absolutely perfect HG!
My first narc said to me the night we met “Be careful of me. I’m dangerous. “
My second said often “There’s something wrong with me”, “I used to be not a very nice person, but I have changed” “I have lost relationships bc of my temper” and “I don’t hold much hope for our relationship….it will go wrong, it always does”
Both were right on all accounts…. oh, except the second narc…. he hadn’t changed….he is and always will be a grade A dickhead.
Here are a few more you can add to the list if you’d like.
1. I am not as kind as you think I am, I have a dark side.
2. I can’t do this to you, you’re different then the rest of them.
3. I don’t want to mess this up like I always do.
4. I think I am cursed when it comes to women & relationships.
#3 and 4 have I heard, also- from my ex 😊
And also: «I do not want a relationship, that will destroy the good thing we have. It will only end with infidelity»
Leolita he told you basically he was going to cheat from the start! That was a new one for me. 🥰🙃