The Desire To Destroy The Narcissist


I know you hate me. Your kind are filled with love and then filled with hate. There is no need to deny it. It is a normal reaction for someone like you and one which I entirely endorse and encourage. I know you will try and mask that burning anger that you feel by saying you pity me or that you have nothing but contempt for me but I can see it. Those sensational eyes of yours that once blazed with desire, passion and most of all hope, are now filled with the churning, billowing flames of hatred. Some of you will fight to contain this sensation. You fear that by giving in to this hatred that you will somehow be on a level with me. I can ease your fears in that regard. You are nowhere near my level and nor were you. I placed you far higher than me to begin with. Yes it was artificial and all part of my design but you had no complaint then did you? You did not object or demur when I thrust you skywards and planted you on that pedestal. Of course you did not. Who would? Nobody would and least of all somebody like you. Now you are on your true level, way down below me, cast onto stony ground, broken and shattered. Amazing though isn’t it how you managed to summon such an anger from somewhere. How many times had you said to your confidantes that you felt numb (yes they were reporting back to me). Yet now look at you. A seething, glowering fireball of hatred and it is all directed at me. I adore this.

You want to destroy me. I know you do. You all do. The one before you was exactly the same as the one before was and the one before her. The next one will be just the same,although I do still hold out some hope that she might just be different and somehow avoid the mistakes all those who have gone before have made. I have seen this hatred many times and your desire for revenge is strong. Of course it is. I made it this way. Everything I did as I brought you down low was programmed to cause you to eventually explode into hatred. From elation to despair, through broken to numb. Eventually the switch would be flicked and as puppet master I ignite the fire beneath you which stokes the flames of hatred. Despise me, go on, do it. Send those wicked words towards me. Tell me what a bastard I am. Keep it coming. Pull your hair, wave your fist and stamp your feet. Tell me how you are going to scratch my car. Feels good does it not? Believe me, it feels even better being on the receiving end of your bile and hate. Go on, sit with your friends and plot your revenge, I can feel you all huddled around your cauldron as you try and concoct ways at getting back at me. I feel so powerful knowing you are focussed on seeking retribution. This is what I want. I want to bask in the heat of your anger, I want to be covered in the disgust and distaste that you will spew towards me. I want you scheming, hatching and planning. By hurting you so deeply I plant inside you that overwhelming desire to get even with me. It happens every time and is all part of my master plan to ensure you, my beautiful appliance keep pouring fuel in my direction. I make you seek revenge for in doing so, your planning and ham-fisted execution of the same give me what I want. Fuel. You are blinded with your hatred so that you fail to realise you will not succeed in gaining revenge, not by shouting, spitting and scratching. Oh no, this overload of howling anger is just a banshee of fuel to me. I will twist and shift as I thwart your attempts, laughing at your pathetic efforts to try and get one over on me. This will spur you on as I lead you on yet another merry dance as I continue to take from you exactly what I need.

All you will do by obsessing over trying to bring me down is remain ensnared. True, we may no longer be in a Formal Relationship as husband and wife any longer, but you are continuing to engage with me. You are thinking about how to bring me down, you are discussing how hateful I am with your friends, you are stalking my online activity, you drive past where I work and where I live to see what I am doing as you plot and hatch. All you are doing is keeping me alive in your mind, making it easier and easier for me to stay there. Your emotional thinking was too high to begin with as a consequence of the ensnarement and then the unanswered questions when I disengaged from you. You failed to drain your emotional thinking. You failed to allow your logic to gain any kind of foothold. You have read, watched and listened but there is no room for it to sink in because your emotional thinking was too high and furthermore it remains too high. It remains too high because your desire to destroy me, to exact revenge and see me suffer keeps feeding that emotional thinking.

Round and round your thoughts go. You think you are feeling better, no longer sad, no longer hurting, but the anger that has replaced those feelings (or perhaps has temporarily overridden them) means that you have lost insight. Your emotional thinking has you in its grip. It, in its usual cunning way, has conned you into thinking that you have moved forward by causing you to think that this anger, this planning, this desire to destroy is evidence of progress and recovery.

It is not.

It is too soon. Too soon from your disengagement. Too soon from your escape. Too soon from the hoovering.

All you are doing is engaging with me once more. My reactions may seem one of anger and irritation, but that is just my self-defence mechanism responding in order to assert my superiority once again as I draw on your Challenge Fuel. You are not wounding me. I repeat, you are not wounding me.

Your attacks against me are surrounded by venom, anger and annoyance. Thus it is Challenge Fuel. This just fuels me and my responses cause you to think you are getting to me, you are not, those reactions are designed, an instinctive response by my narcissism, to make you think you are getting somewhere, to make you give me more fuel and to allow me to assert my superiority over you as that must always be done.

Your desire for revenge is premature. You must reduce your emotional thinking through a robust no contact, you must build your Logic Defences and allow them to gain a foothold and then bring that reduced emotional thinking under control. This takes time, many months, to achieve.

Yet once done, with that emotional thinking at a far lower level and with logic prevailing, any remaining desire to destroy (and often it has now faded with the diminution of emotional thinking) means that it will be deployed from a distance, with cool, hard calculation and if you do so in accordance with the steps set out in my work Revenge then you will avoid being ensnared, you will avoid messing up the revenge campaign and you are far, far more likely to meet with success.

But if you fail to heed these wise words and think you know better. If you think you are ready now to effect revenge, with ill-preparation and rampant emotional thinking then please do seek it.

You will not get it.



38 thoughts on “The Desire To Destroy The Narcissist

  1. Lavanya Roy says:

    I let my MR do whatever he wanted to, didn’t respond negatively to anything. Whenever he’d call I’d talk enthusiastically as if nothing happened, if he didn’t call I’d go on with life as usual. He tried to manipulate emotionally a few times, i simply ignored. He sent songs and I simply ignored. He tried real hard to woo me. This went on for some 4 months. Then I blocked him everywhere out of the blue (i feel redeemed) and sent a mail saying we were incompatible hence no point continuing. I talked for one last time, i was calm and simply pointed out that we’re very different individuals and I don’t feel anything for him anymore. I pointed out his flaws when he pressed as to what he did wrong, i expressed my “opinions” about his flaws (judgmental, inconsiderate, dismissive, manipulative etc.). I asked him to take some time off and think about it, said he could shoot me a mail whenever he wanted and I’d be a true friend to him. He said he’d think about it and thanked me heartily for my frank “opinions” about him. Its been a while and I haven’t heard from him.
    But yeah! That was my revenge I’d say! I’m rid of him (hopefully) and I’m doing great!

  2. mai51 says:

    I somehow missed this post HG….. it’s quite delectable!

    I have had a seed of a plan formulating in my head for a while, and the pieces are slowly starting to fit…. I think it has the potential to be at worst a non event and at best catastrophic…. fun times!

    This post has made me realise that although I have regained a lot of my power, there is still some distancing from my emotional thinking that is needed, especially if I want this to be a successful and ultimate act of revenge.

    However, my plan is somewhat time sensitive, so I will bunker down with your book and continue to tweak my strategy…

    It’s a shame that my NC will prevent me from knowing if it was successful or not, however, I know in my heart that once I pull the pin on this grenade it will provide complete closure….

    Perhaps I should be thankful to have my strength, integrity, spirit and light intact after my encounter with the ex….. but as you have said, for some, revenge is something they need to heal….


  3. SMH says:

    Wish I’d had time to follow your instructions, HG, before I sought revenge. Mine was too soon – I could have done it better had I waited and had my ET been lower (I couldn’t wait – it was time sensitive).

    But I did get the outcome I sought, so I am fairly certain it worked for ME. An enormous weight was lifted and I am feeling pretty free and unstuck (also thanks to your posts and answers to questions – I owe you, though I know I can never repay you). I should read the book again and see if I can do further damage without it leading to my re-ensnarement.

  4. Whitney says:

    The LMR tortured me because he is tortured and I am peaceful. I wished him peace and happiness as my last message. I could get revenge in many ways but I would hate to. It would add to his torture of others. I would help him if I had the chance.

  5. Kelly B says:

    Tell the narcissist how your going to scratch their car. Sounds like challenge fuel. He told me how he keyed the hell out of someones car. Because they took the parking space he wanted. When asking how his day was he would say “your trying to destroy me”. I could never understand that.

  6. mollyb5 says:

    But what if …by making me hate you ( the narc) I would rather not fill myself full of hatred ( it hurts my skin, my eyes, my head ) what if I would rather find another kind soul to give me feelings of understanding ,calmness , peace , true friendship , kindness , respect ? What if your plan for me to only think of you ..was faked on my part .
    I just used your money instead , used it tell I felt it really was in my best interests to be with another … ….but only showed you the narc ….my back and left the room when you turned nasty , attempting to belittle me …what if I frowned and said “ please don’t be so cruel, and left the room and enjoyed my solitude. ( while he falls asleep to old shows ) What would be the response of a midrange …one who has lost his physical charm …and has no energy to meet new women and can’t perform sexually with his organ anymore . But, I’m sure he could please someone other ways …if he risked it ( disease etc) ..if he found the energy HG what could be some real responses ..wounding , or threats ( fury ). HG…Can I retrain him by my responses ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, you cannot control a narcissist, we are designed to exert control and to reject being controlled.

      1. mollyb5 says:

        So do you feel your dna is different ? Do you think this trait is bred out of people from the past….. has this actually been genetically studied , HG ?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Different to what Mollyb5?

          1. mollyb5 says:

            I marker for narcissim? A dna marker …..just like many other traits , HG ?

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Logically, there must be such a thing for the predisposition for narcissism.

          3. mollyb5 says:

            HG , different meaning different than an empathic persons . Or …could anyone become or be born a narcissist given the same nurture formula .

          4. HG Tudor says:

            See the article ‘To Control is To Cope’

          5. nunya biz says:

            Have you read about NPA theory, HG? I have only seen a little. It felt incomplete to me even before seeing your work.

          6. HG Tudor says:

            Hello Nunya Biz, no I had not read about it, I was unaware of what it was until your post.

          7. SMH says:

            Nunya Biz, I just took that test. Would be curious to hear what HG has to say about it. It seems more of a personality test than one to diagnose a disorder. It describes me pretty accurately as an N sanguine – sociable, non-perfectionist, non-aggressive, even tempered, extroverted, and low on submissiveness, anxiety and depression. Basically, I interpret it as a happily narcissistic attention seeker :). lol. Probably true!

          8. nunya biz says:

            Ha yeah, that seems a reasonable interpretation : ) I don’t remember a lot about it, just certain things stuck with me. I remember it attempting to explain phenotypes specifically. I remember associating the “rage” description with my father, as NPA type. And also with Donald Trump when he ran for president. It was so obvious to me he was a narcissist, but I only had this NPA style basic descriptor and some psych stuff of what that was, but I remember seeing an Atlantic Monthly article about Trump being a narcissist and that the picture they had used of him very much reminded me of one of the NPA resources illustration of an angry narcissistic rage which I thought was interesting, very similar.
            I think it’s interesting the way the “passive aggressive” types are identified. I also think it was the first time I identified narcissistic traits in myself. The narcissistic traits themselves weren’t described as all bad.
            Reading HG, it seems there is a lot missing from it, I was just curious if he’d seen it.
            I didn’t realize there was a quiz, I took it and I think it reflected what I thought many years ago. It said N, sanguine, non-agressive, non-perfectionist, elevated (though not high) submissiveness/anxiety/depression.

          9. nunya biz says:

            Ok, thank you for your answer HG.

          10. HG Tudor says:

            You are welcome.

  7. Hopeless Romantic says:

    Your blog is life saving. I was caught up with a narcissist girl for a year. I had no idea what love bombing, gaslighting, push-pull tactics was. I lost self-esteem and self-respect. I started doubting my own sanity. I am on complete no contact. But sometimes I still think of her. Sometimes I remember the good times and sometimes I am burning with rage to expose her, to make her suffer for what she has put me through. How long does it take to heal completely? Will I ever be the same again?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No you won’t , you will be weaponised and empowered.
      How long does it take? It depends on how good your no contact regime is (and this means stopping talking about her and thinking about her too, not just staying away) and how soon you apply my work to lower your emotional thinking. A total no contact regime will progress recovery much faster so it would take around 4-6 months.

      1. foolme1time says:

        HP, If you listen to HG you will be over all of this by Christmas, if not before! You will never be the same version of yourself, but in some aspects you will be even better, stronger, and smarter! Good luck!

      2. Claire says:

        Absolutely true. Since I quit looking at social media I’ve improved drastically. I know you disagree HG but we still text re, kids stuff for now. I will cast this aside momentarily as court stuff is still high tide. It does impact me yes, but overall the emotional infection is 60% better. The 40% is coming. I am currently amused by him. I logically know it’s masked by emotional thinking entertaining wasting head space. I adore you HG. Adore you but I’m not going to send you love letters or selfies so don’t worry!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I never worry, but I appreciate the resistance to clogging up my inbox!

          1. Claire says:

            Maybe a Christmas family picture card?.. Sorry I couldn’t figure out the google drive thing?? It’s good now!

          2. nunya biz says:

            There is an art to properly receiving a panty-tossing, HG, and Tom Petty has mastered it…

            (forgive me it’s 80’s week at my house)

        2. foolme1time says:

          Claire I understand why you have to stay in contact with him because of your children. It’s tough when you have children with them trying to put yourself and your peace of mine first. I know you will get there! It’s horrible what they can do to children. Unfortunately they will never change! You must be both parents, deciding what’s right and wrong for them. You’ll find out that your children will grow up into beautiful well adjusted adults in spite of him, they will have you. As the legalities begin to work out you find that your emotional thinking will continue to drop also, that 60/40 will soon be, 70/30,80/20,90/10, 💯 No ET of him at all! Yes you will always have to have contact with him as long as they are young, but it will become less and less. Perhaps what will work for you is to simply think of him as a sperm donor! Stay here on the blog and listen to people like, NA, Twilight, FYC, K, and so many others that will help you through this. Of course I would not forget the most important person of all, HG! He will give you the answers and a plan that will work, he will build you up so that you never fall for his kind ever again. See those red flag, listen to your instincts, remember your self worth and your beauty you will come through all of this and be much stronger because of it. I wish you peace and a clear mind. Take care Sweetie. 😘🦒🙃

      3. Bubbles says:

        Dear Mr Tudor,
        4-6 months ? Did I read that correctly ?
        After narcisstic abuse ….you can’t be serious !
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      4. Amanda Snapchat 5 says:

        good luck hopeless romantic! I am now single and ready to mingle btw 😉

        Do others think that HG should open a dating site where empaths can meet other empaths and we can discuss our dates and also out the narcs that appear on the dating site??
        The site could be “HG Dating”.
        Do others think I should create a marketing strategy for HG with all my great ideas I have to share??

    2. J.G THE ONE says:

      Read, find out here, ask your questions to H.G tudor.
      You don’t know, you don’t know what this man will do for you and your circumstances, it will change your life. Cheer up. You already have luck and his name is H.G.Tudor.

    3. 19.19 says:

      You won’t be the same but you will be able to spot people’s ill intentions and pull away before you get invested. You will also be able to more clearly see the actions of genuinely good people and appreciate them more.

  8. J.G THE ONE says:

    Hello, H.G.Tudor.
    In this post, again brilliant a shining jewel that must be reread several times for its complete understanding. H.G. it is true that empathics go through all these faces and one is this hatred as deep as our love.
    I have always thought that this visceral hatred is seen by the narcissist as true love. Because from my point of view, you hate the narcissist because, you care about him. If you didn’t care or didn’t feel anything at all about his narcissist, you wouldn’t feel that hatred. And you would pass from it and forget it. I have seen that the life of the narcissist is a mirror image of the life of the empathic.
    Really, what the empathic lacks is to close and understand what happened and why. To find all the answers, to each one of his questions. And that can only be obtained from you H.G..
    When this happens, the empath enters into another face, acceptance and end of the narcissistic relationship. By controlling his emotional thought, this really leads the empath back to a state of Peace and Tranquility.
    Perhaps the narcissist, neither feels nor suffers pain or suffering, by contemplating how his victim can recover and rise again. I think that deep down it does make him suffer. For several reasons, the first is that you will not understand what has happened to the victim? because your bad arts no longer work with this person? you may ask, I am losing my touch of malignancy? I am no longer good in my own arts ? Would this be my only love and let it escape (magical thought).
    Anyway, the doubts will also assault the narcissist and see that this person is no longer the same and has lost control over her, a hard blow to his narcissist. After all, he has lost a very good fuel of his reserves and knows that he will not be able to approach. For fear of a narcissistic wound. The rejection she fears so much.
    When the victim recovers and is successful again in all aspects of his life, emotional, work, economic, sentimental, and shines again with its own light, light that the narcissist covets because envy. What better revenge than this.
    Don’t you think H.G.? Losing control over your victims and especially in general, is our great and largest revenge.

    Keep in mind that if the victim still wants to take revenge, this still not understood has not occurred the final closure. You will have to work much harder and harder to understand yourself.

    This is my way of thinking and in the narcissistic phase in which I currently find myself.

  9. Claire says:

    What is a good revenge campaign that you have assisted with? Just curious what it looks like. I don’t have the time but I’m interested in a nice story.

    1. foolme1time says:

      Claire I have thought of revenge also, but you know what? They simply aren’t worth my time and energy.

      1. Claire says:

        I once heard thoughts on how life life isn’t fair but thankfully it isn’t. I haven’t maybe gotten my due dose of paybacks either for things I’ve done.

        1. foolme1time says:

          Claire I don’t believe in paybacks from living your life. We do the best we can with what we have. We make mistakes along the way and from them we learn. Now if I only believed what I just wrote to you, we would both be on a better path! Lol 🙃

  10. howikilledbetty says:

    This is extraordinarily familiar … It is of course horrid to hear, but beautifully written.

  11. Toi Dean says:

    Wow! I do want revenge but it’s not worth it! I will keep healing like I’ve been doin but sometimes oooh you just don’t know!!!

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