The Rules of Ex Club – No. 32

A DISENGAGED EXIS A DELETED EX

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17 thoughts on “The Rules of Ex Club – No. 32”

  1. Hg I know I made some snarky comments about your relationship with SM today.
    It’s just I’m trying my best to hang onto no contact today it’s ex narcs birthday this is the first time ever I haven’t wished him a happy birthday .
    I’m agitated and trying to hold on I’m frightened I’m going to break my no contact today .
    Some one give me some sense

    Best wishes
    Kiki

    1. That’s not an issue. I have not got around to moderating that comment yet, but I shall. You are entitled to express your views, that is part of the reason for this place. Inaccuracy is checked but well-founded opinion is welcomed.

      Whilst I recognise this is somewhat after the event, if you have concerns with regard to your no contact regime I advocate that you consult with me and I will answer the questions and give you the tools to reinforce your resolve.

  2. By disengaged, do you mean NC? By deleted do you mean…the ex does not even enter the 6th sphere of influence?

    1. No.
      No – may rarely enter but highly unlikely that the Hoover Trigger will result in the HEC being met which means that, in effect, it is as if you have been deleted.

  3. I just listened to ‘Twisted’ on you tube…I am touched, weeping…I am moved. Beautifully written, arranged & so eloquently spoken….poignant, deep..amazing. You have a gift, you have turned your demon, your creature into a shining knight…
    Thank-you 🙏🏽

    1. Hello Kristina, because of your passionate comment, I just now listened to Twisted. I agree with your assessment; HG’s narration was well-delivered, as always, but there was something more to his voice in this particular audio that seemed more sincere to me. There was more warmth in his delivery, and I could almost sense real emotion in his beginning lines. It is so easy to be pulled in by the suave properness of that British accent… that I have to remind myself… well, I know that you understand. 🙂 But you are correct; it is a poignant piece and his gift never ceases to impress. What woman wouldn’t want to hear such an explanation of a man’s high hopes in finding “the one.” I know those exact words are partly what helped my own narcissist to ensnare me. Twisted is a tough one … because while those are often “our” words, we want to believe so badly that they are theirs.

  4. I have a request: Would you mind doing a video on a mid-range Narcissist who (in my case) was very sexually driven..with both genders, a sexual exhibitionist, who always wanted me to be there during his sexual sex-capades & had what seemed like an insatiable appetite..yet never ever “made love” or truly connected? can you describe how this would play out or what this would like in detail from your perspective? Thank-you.

    1. Kristina Maclean
      You will find the answers (and many more you didn’t know you had) in the book Sex And The Narcissist. Many have described it as not an easy read (emotionally) but it is necessary to understanding their mindset vs yours and what results from that.

  5. HG, I can understand that the excitement of a new relationship might make many of us “forget” our exes, but do you ever have an ounce of remorse, on occasion, over certain interactions with some of your former IPPSs?

    Also, I enjoyed seeing the similarities in how another country celebrates their special day. I hope that you and the lady enjoyed NCD. 🇧🇻 I assume your presence there indicates that you’ve made your home together up north?

      1. Darn it!
        Not even an ounce?! 😔
        I had already considered that you might exclude an answer to that last question, but I respect your privacy here. But whichever home(s) you’ve chosen, I do hope that you’ll start putting that wet towel in the hamper. (After it has dried, of course.) That’ll score you some points.
        Trust me.

  6. Until they try to come back again, at that point and time they are the ones that are deleted! I have found thinking back before I knew about narcissists and hoovers, I have never let any of them hoover me back into the relationship. Some where in my mind when they would try, I would see the red flags and remember the hurt and embarrassment that they had caused me. I never took any of them back. Now if only I remember all of this when I first see those red flags at the beginning, I will never give myself or my emotions to another narcissist again!

  7. Is this true of a sipss that blocked/unfriended the narcissist when he initiated another silent treatment through text?

Vent Your Spleen!

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