Plagued – Malign Follow Up Hoovers

KTN Plagued

 

Hurt and pain are integral in the narcissist dynamic. Whether your narcissist is male or female, an intimate partner, a family member, friend or colleague, there will at some juncture be the appearance of hurt. It is the primary source, usually an intimate partner, who carries the largest burden of this hurt, since it is they who spends the most time with our kind, is entwined in our manipulations and suffers the worst of the devaluation and discard. Whilst the incidence of hurtful behaviour cannot be denied in the devaluation, there may be some comprehension that it occurs because the Formal Relationship between narcissist and victim is continuing. Judged by the victim and a normal person’s standards, that hurt should not occur at all, but once one understands the nature of our behaviour, it is understandable, albeit not accepted, that it occurs during devaluation.
The hurt that is occasioned by the discard is like any that occurs when somebody has found their romantic and intimate relationship terminated. It is safe to say however that when the cessation occurs as a consequence of our discarding, the hurt is amplified by the cruel nature of the discard, the confusion that surrounds it and the contrast with the golden period that once shone so brilliantly. From pedestal to the thorny ground. Often in a matter of weeks.
The hurt is understandable and recognisable when it occurs in the context of the devaluation period and the consequent discard. Yet, what of the aftermath and the hereafter? The hurt invariably continues following the discard. I do not refer to those dark, lonely days as you attempt to piece together what happened. That howling wilderness where nothing makes sense and you are left to pick yourself up and tackle the daily agony of what has happened to you. The gnawing hurt of wanting us back, the bewildering mystery of why somebody who supposedly loved you could do such a thing to you, the stark realisation that we have moved on to someone else without so much as a backwards glance towards you. The misery of unanswered questions, the wretchedness of the emptiness that hangs around your day like a spectre and the shame as the drip, drip, drip of realisation causes you to ascertain you have been conned.
Harsh as those things are, they are the residue of your entanglement with us. The collateral effects of us taking from you. These are all difficult enough to comprehend and deal with, especially in an eroded and worn down state. But why do we return and pile hatred onto the pain, misery onto the woe and malice onto the hurt? Why do we engage in the Malign Follow-Up Hoover?
The Malign Hoover occurs when we revisit you, in many different ways, sometimes in person, sometimes through technology and sometimes through others with the intent of hurting your further. Why do we do this? Have we not made you suffer enough? Have we not had our fill of your begging, pleading, loving, attempts to make us happy? Why can we not just leave you be? You do not even have the less hurtful experience of benign follow-up hoovers where we seek positive fuel and to charm you back into the Formal Relationship. This is pure, unadulterated malice, directed at you time and time again.
Let us start by ascertaining which of our kind utilises this hoover? The answer is, all of our kind. The Lesser. The Mid-Range and the Greater all engage in the application of the Malign FUH. It may not happen with every victim, but it part of each school of narcissist’s arsenal.
When is it used? It occurs when the Formal Relationship has ended, thus when you have been discarded or if you have managed to escape.
How does it occur? As ever, since it is a hoover, it relies on the Hoover Trigger and the Hoover Execution Criteria being fulfilled but there are additional considerations and motivations which you ought to be aware of.
The Greater Narcissist. If you have been discarded, you can expect a Malign FUH reasonably soon post discard, because the energy levels and intrinsic malevolence of the Greater will facilitate this type of hoover more than the Mid-Range or the Lesser. The Greater has an enhanced desire to punish you for failing us (hence why you were devalued and discarded) but those treatments are not deemed enough. You failed. We see this as a criticism of us and therefore it is justifiable to punish you. The Malign FUH is also deployed because the fuel we gain from your negative emotional responses to being hurt, assists us in powering our ongoing seduction of your replacement. Thus, not only are you being punished for your perceived failures, you are being used to ensure that your replacement is embedded and seduced.
The Malign FUH allows us to triangulate you with the new replacement and it allows us to demonstrate to the façade that you are trouble and this is why we have to be harsh with you (we have been left with no choice but to do this – or so the façade is made to believe).
The Greater may switch to a Benign FUH at a later stage (usually when your replacement is being devalued) and some positive hoover fuel is required or even to tee you up to return to the position of primary source. It is the case however that following your discard you will face Malign FUHs and they will arise shortly after the discard has happened so long as the trigger and criteria occur.
Where you have escaped you will face the Initial Grand Hoover first of all in order to suck you back into the Formal Relationship. If this fails you will have a period of respite, many weeks, perhaps months, as we focus on the acquisition of a new primary source and remain away from you as a consequence of your resistance denoting that we are wasting our energy and you are an unattractive fuel prospect. Once our fuel levels have increased again and have done so for a while, then subject to the trigger and criteria the Malign FUHs will occur. As above this is to punish you, but the malice will be greater because you escaped us, the ultimate act of treachery. The new primary source will be in place, therefore there is no need to for the fuel that is generated to seduce this person (although it may be partially used to power the ongoing golden period). More likely, the fuel gathered from these Malign Hoovers is so potent and effective that we use the power generated to keep hammering you with more and more hoovers. This creates a dangerous situation because there will be a combining of a Malicious Obsession and a Fuel Obsession so you are lodged in the sixth sphere thus there are repeated triggers. The fuel has been obtained and thus the criteria is more readily going to be met.
If you have escaped your narcissist and you find that you are being subjected to repeated and sustained malign hoovers of this nature, you have been unfortunate enough to become lodged in the sixth sphere owing to one or probably both of these obsessions.
The Mid-Range and The Lesser Narcissists have far less interest in punishing you. They do occur and if so, they will be shortly after your discard and short and sharp in nature. These narcissists do not have the energy levels to embark on a sustained campaign of Malign Hoovers purely for punishment, they need to utilise the fuel to gain more fuel from their seduction. It can happen, but their concern is to focus on the new primary source and therefore their malign hoovers are designed to power their seduction of your replacement. Accordingly, if you have been discarded, the Mid-Range or Lesser will be focused on your replacement and if they deploy Malign FUHs this will be done to provide them with fuel to secure the seduction and embed this replacement. Once this is achieved, the Malign FUHs will tail off.
If you have escaped, you will also experience an Initial Grand Hoover from these types, but if it fails they will need to focus their efforts on securing a new primary source and gaining that fuel promptly. They will not have the energy or desire to maintain a malicious campaign against you as well. You are more likely to be left alone as they deal with their fuel shortage and then any follow-up hoovers which occur down the line are far more likely to be benign in nature, since the seduction and embedding has already taken place.
Accordingly, Malign FUHs are predominantly, albeit not exclusively, the preserve of the Greater Narcissist.
This is not complete however without some consideration of you, the recipient of these Malign FUHs. Dependent on what category of empathic individual you are, this will also impact on the nature and purpose of the hoovers.
Versus an Empath. This will be done to draw negative fuel and potentially to draw you back in to the Formal Relationship so the pain stops, but Benign FUHs are more likely to be used to achieve this latter aim with the empath.
Versus a Super Empath. This is done to draw fuel only. The Super Empath will not be drawn back into the relationship through Malign FUHs, but they will seek to resist the impact. They may well provide fuel from their responses of frustration, hurt and anger, but we are aware that there is no prospect of returning the Super Empath to the Formal Relationship. That can only be done through the Initial Grand Hoover or Benign FUHs.
Versus a Co-Dependent. Again, the Malign FUH will draw fuel but the Co-Dependent is, of all the empathic types, the one who is most likely to be pulled back in because of a Malign FUH as they see it as the only way to halt the agony that is being caused.
What do Malign FUHs appear like? There are hundreds of different ways they manifest. Here is a selection.
1. Posting your mobile number on a sex website so you receive repeated calls harassing you;
2. Shouting insults at you when we see you;
3. Putting a brick through your window;
4. Slashing the tyres on your car;
5. Following you and glaring at you;
6. Sending funeral wreaths to your home;
7. Sending vicious text messages and e-mails;
8. Having Lieutenants contact you to insult you;
9. Daubing insults in paint on your car or house;
10. Smearing dog mess on your windows;
11. Threatening to contact social services (or indeed contacting them) so you are investigated;
12. Hacking into your computers;
13. Leaving notes and messages containing threats and warnings;
14. Posting comments about you which are unpleasant on social media;
15. Uploading intimate footage of you onto porn sites;
16. Posting intimate pictures of you on the internet and/or to your family and friends;
17. Incurring financial liabilities on your behalf;
18. Setting fire to possessions you have left with us and dumping the charred remains on your drive and/or sending you footage;
19. Threatening to steal/harm your pets;
20. Repeatedly driving by your home or workplace.
21. Reporting you to the police and/or other authorities so you are arrested/investigated;
22. Seeking a restraining order against you on trumped up grounds.
How do you deal with the Malign FUH? Understand whether you are at risk of it happening by considering the points above. Stay out of the spheres of influence, make yourself a F.R.E.E. in the hope that the hoover execution criteria are not met (chief amongst which is reducing all potential contact as far as you can) and thereafter bracing yourself. If they keep happening, avoid giving fuel as best as you can and seek assistance from others to either build a buffer between you and us (thus making the criteria harder to fill for a hoover to take place) or escalate the matter to the relevant authorities on the basis of harassment and/or specific criminal behaviour.
Understand how it happens, why it happens and thus you can prepare yourself.
What has been the nature of the Malign Follow-Up Hoovers that you have experienced?

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17 Comments

  1. I am a super empath who escaped during the beginning of devaluation. I learned from previous narc relationship many years ago and instinct kicked in and I got out. After GIH which of course didn’t work the hoovering did not stop with calls to my work number which had to be blocked and continuing the driving by I got a restraining order. I still have received many, many malignant hoovers in the form of driving by almost daily to my home and work, attempting to hack into accounts online but failing. I had implemented NC from the start of escape, hence the driving and watching/stalking me at my home for GIH and not stopping. Even mentioned in court for restraining order that I ghosted him, which the judge ignored of course. I did not know the state presses charges when you receive a restraining order and that I was to appear in court as witness and victim, he however has not shown up and a warrant for his arrest was issued by the judge. I have no idea if he’s been picked up on the arrest warrant yet as I am still waiting to hear of new court date but he has not stopped the Malign hoovering. Am to always be in the 6th sphere until court is finally over or is he still trying to draw negative fuel from me, I know he has attempted a few new relationships only because my friend watches what he puts on social media, I do not care. But I’m guessing he cannot find a good primary source to last, does that and court have an influence as to the constant malign hoovers? I read almost everything you post HG, and some of your books and I myself have gone to school for psychology and have done a lot of research on narcissists behavior but I can’t seem to understand the non-stop MH. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

    1. Hello Raven, thank you for reading my work. In order to provide you with proper information and an accurate response, I need more information from you and need to convey more detailed information to you and for that reason you are best served by organising a consultation, please see this link
      https://narcsite.com/consultations/

  2. HG, do your exes go no contact with you? I mean are you blocked on telephone or social media by them/some of them? Are there some that broke NC rule and unblocked you (what is your dynamic with them in this case if there is any) and are there some that keep you blocked despite many years passed and you don’t try to contact them? If so, what is the difference between those women, why some are more unbreakable and some who can’t keep the NC? Is it because of their different classes of empathy or something else? Maybe it depends on who ended the relationship? I’d like to read something about this from your experience.

    1. Occasionally this happens. They do not do it because they know what I am, but rather because they are trying to keep me at bay. Those who impose some form of no contact regime end up breaching it.
      None of them are unbreakable, so therefore the question about differences is not appicable. The reality is that the differing success of a no contact regime is down to many different factors such as school of narcisisst, fuel levels, nature of fuel matrix, level of emoitonal thinking, nature of the no contact regime etc

  3. “From pedestal to the thorny ground.” – HG Tudor

    Yes – this! I had never experienced anything like it, and I hope I never do again. (pre-Tudor)

    Oh, that bullshit! I am doing my best to put measures in place to lessen the possibility that a narcissist could ever again get close enough to belch out such cruelty. (post-Tudor)

  4. HG, if the narcissist didn’t use malign hoovers on one IPPS would that automatically mean the same narcissist won’t use it on another?
    If not, what are possible reasons for the difference other than a different fuel structure at those different times?

    1. No it does not mean they will not.
      There are many different reasons why malign hoovers may not be used on a different IPPS, this would include

      1. The narcissist has no hoover triggers therefore no hoover;
      2. The narcissist has hoover triggers but the HEC are not met, therefore no hoover
      3. The narcissist has hoover triggers and the HEC are met, but the hoovers are benign as that is the best response for the narcissist
      4. The narcissist has hoover triggers and the HEC are met, the narcissist tries a malign hoover but the hoover is unexecuted owing to the victims having an excellent no contact regime and thus does not know about the malign hoover attempt.

      1. Thank you so much, HG! I now understand why there might be a difference. I also fully understand what you are saying with #4.

        I have additional questions for you, if you don’t mind. Is it possible to know if different things are indirect malign hoovers? If there are multiple narcissists in a person’s life, is it possible to know who is conducting malign hoovers?

          1. Thank you, HG! I’m glad to hear there is a way.
            Can I further ask how to know for each?

          2. I would need specific information with regard to the nature of what is happening to then explain what the nature of the hoover is and also where it is coming from. This requires detail input on both sides and therefore a consultation is the appropriate forum for addressing this.

  5. Hello, H.G.Tudor.
    In my case I haven’t had any malignant hoovering, or at least I’m not aware of it. Fortunately. And I hope I don’t have to experience it. I think this was due to my total disconnection after the decoupling as my zero contact was absolute.
    Now I know what grace is to you and I know how to act. You’ll never go to bed if you learn something else.

  6. Following my escape there were a series of Grand Hoovers that I ignored, then the malign FUHs started. Shaming my body indirectly on social media. Laughing about our intimate moments with friends on social media. Several “fake” FB accounts tried to befriend me. Lots of reference to how many women he was hooking up with. Misogynist comments. It quite literally was “You’re so hot and I love your body” to a week later “You are the most fat and disgusting woman on Earth.” I like to think I’m stronger than my emotional thinking and that he’d insult anyone in this manner, but it stunned me that someone could do a 180 like that because they were broken up with. HG- what if you’re worried about them posting intimate photos or videos but they haven’t referred to it and you have no proof?

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