The Player of Games

 

the-player-of-games

 

I love playing games. As I have written before, the games are always being played. I only ever play to win otherwise there is no point. I cannot lose and sit back and smile and accept it was nevertheless an enjoyable experience because if I was to lose then it could not be enjoyable. I would be accepting that you or someone else is better than me. You are not. He is not. They are not. I always have to win. In order to achieve this I operate by a particular set of rules. You think you know what those rules are because when we first come together I deign to play by your rules; I agree to operate by the systems and conventions of your reality. That is easy for me to do because everything is going swimmingly. I am seducing you and therefore you are letting me win because it feels good. I am content to go along with the pretence of agreeing that these are the rules of engagement. You think you are winning because you are getting this wonderful, generous and loving person. In reality, I am winning because I am receiving plenty of positive fuel from you.

It is thereafter that the rules alter because I decide (and it is always my decision) that we will now abide by the rules in my reality. You are not given a rulebook and you have to guess what those rules are. As soon as you think that you have grasped them and got a handle on them, they will suddenly change. It is akin to playing a game of football and I am winning three nil. You score two more goals and you are in the ascendancy and likely to equalise. There would normally be fifteen minutes to go but suddenly I change the rules so there is just one minute left. You fail to score and I win. You protest stating that is not the correct time but it does not matter because here I am the referee, the assistants and the fourth official and what I say goes. If you do not like it, tough. I will just pick up the ball and go home with it. It is like a game of darts where you have to start from 501 and end with a double. I on the other hand start from 51 and do not need a double. You claim it is not fair but why should I care about it? I have to win. Thus, you may realise that I enjoy a lie-in on a Sunday morning so you do not disturb me. I will purposefully set the alarm early and get up waking you early. Or if I do have a lie in, I will concoct some mystery appointment that I have missed because you let me lie in. When you wake me early the following Sunday I will erupt at you for being so selfish and not letting me sleep.

When you think have ascertained what the rules are they will alter. You will do your best to try and keep up but it is exhausting and frustrating. Yet, this manipulation of the rules to allow our kind to win does not end there. Goodness me no. Our driven desire to always be the winner means that not only will we sucker you by pretending to play by your rules and then change them; we will then change the game. One moment you think you are playing Monopoly and then I am telling you it was Professor Plum in the Study with the Candlestick.

“But that is Cluedo,” you will declare rather puzzled.

“I know,” I will smile in return.

“But we are playing monopoly.

“No we are not.”

“Yes we are, look this board has streets from New York on it.”

“No it doesn’t, those are rooms in the stately home.”

“What are you talking about? See here and here, street names.”

“Are you blind? Those are snakes and ladders.”

“What? You’ve changed it again.”

“No I haven’t. You are just making a fuss because you are losing.”

“What are you on about? I am not losing, I was winning.”

“Not at all. Check mate.”

“What?”

Our phenomenal capabilities for lying, blame-shifting, denial and reflection all mean that the game will change. You are wrong footed, unsure of yourself, confused and we keep on doing it. We must win, always and you have to lose, at your cost. We will apply all our methods of manipulation to ensure we are victorious and you lie sprawled in the dirt, broken and defeated. Our success has to be at everything and I mean everything, from the trivial to the substantial, Defeat is never an option for our kind and we will bend, twist and snap the rules and alter the game in order to achieve this. Now, let’s play a game. It is my favourite. You may know it. It is called Guess Who? You have no chance.

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14 Comments

  1. Yep…. he CONSTANTLY shifted the goal posts, the games, the aims…. it was bewildering, confusing and exhausting.

    Even his language showed this side of him. “Your move” “Bad move” “Ball’s in your court” “Checkmate” “You really got me there…. you win Mai” Urgh.

    Ironically, throughout the entire 3 years, he accused ME of constantly playing games. It was very tiring having to defend myself against this accusation, as I am very honest and transparent.

    Another good post HG. Thank you.

    Mai

  2. Why would a mid range narcissist who always tried to portray himself as a rialable man who is searching for real lasting love and who is victimized by bad women who “did him wrong” start to brag about being a player (in public)?

    He loved to play a victim, many pity plays that used to give him fuel and empathic women who wanted to take care of him. Now something has changed and he claim to be a party animal who plays women and seeks only fun. Can it be a way to justify the fact he can’t find a proper IPPS for a long time or is it another way to shock people and gain supply because other methods failed? Or maybe he has plenty of fuel and this is the way to brag about how succesful he is? But on the other hand narcissists need IPPS and confirming to be a player doesn’t look like a great method of finding a woman who will stay abd give him her love and devotion. Is there any other explanation?

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  3. Summed it all up I love to play games I have a question hg does this apply to kids as well?i have a nephew who is always altering the rules and nieces get so pissed at him does this mean we are breeding a narc all I do is when I find out hes doing I say or do something to let him know that his behavior is unacceptable is that good? What is your take on that?

  4. Hello, H.G.Tudor.
    I have to tell you that it will be brilliant and will win all the games. Yes certainly, but have fun in them. I don’t think so. Just play for the fuel.
    Unfortunately when he finishes alone and his physique and the passage of time puts you in his place. With whom will you play? with whom will you have fun?
    You will know very well to play the mental games. But excuse me for saying, you don’t know how to play a game.
    The game of life. I hope you learn to play this game and find your partner. I assure you that if your treatment is successful, you will begin to experience and live unique sensations and emotions. Don’t be afraid to play this game, because you only live once, make the most of your time, be happy, you can step by step, little by little but without fear, without grudges.
    I wish you all the best in this game of life.

  5. This is true literally as well. I tried to play games with my ex.
    First- tennis. I was told that I was laughing at her (which I wasn’t) and we stopped playing and went and had a drink instead. Over the course of several years I heard about my “laughing at her’’ -several times.
    2nd – Gin Rummy. I am kind of lucky at cards- and won too many times I guess. I had to let her win a few hands since I could sense she would’ve got really mad. The narc shortly became disinterested and didn’t wanna play anymore. Never played again.
    3rd- bicycling- Bonarck never wanted to be slower or less able to go farther. Got silent treatment if I’d be ahead on a hill climb.
    4th- hiking- always had to be ahead and not really There to enjoy the day and each other but more of a competition of how fast can I get eight or 10 miles under my belt.
    5th- golf – Never wanted to play with me much because I will admit I am a better player- but I’m not someone who ever says negative things about other players or gives unsolicited advice on course or off. So – I had to go find others to golf with.

    All in all trying to bond and enjoy time together playing games -which I love to do -never panned out…..

    😔
    Sad waste of time trying….

    1. Yep that’s them I remember in a post a couple of days back hg said that his kind dont like being laughed at explains alot now doesnt it

  6. I won two rounds of jeopardy at a work thing geared toward my skill set today—how about you H.G.? Whatcha got today?

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