Love Me, Hate Me, Never Ignore Me
I want your love. I want your hate. I want your joy. I want your tears. I want every single emotional ounce that you possess and I want it directed at me. It is easy to understand why anybody would want to be loved because isn’t that what everybody only ever wants to have? To love and be loved. Of course it is. I only ever wanted to be loved and no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried it was denied to me. Push yourself harder, go further, work harder and you can have it. I was promised that gain repeatedly and I complied. I strove and I toiled and I grafted. I studied, I obeyed, I trained, I ran and I ran fast, I jumped and I jumped higher than anyone else. I tackled, I shot, I pushed, I swam, I wrote, I complied, I answered, I read and I read. I did everything that was ever demanded of me. Does that sound familiar to you? Of course it is. You know what it is like to give your all and it still not be enough. You know what it feels like to keep trying until you feel like you have nothing left to give anymore. Why do you think that we are so effective in extracting that sensation from you? It is because my kind has been schooled in such a technique for so long that it becomes second nature.
Of course I was praised. I was encouraged. I was supported. I was pushed. I was told and instructed and ordered. The plaudits came but there was always the caveat.
“That is an excellent result, next time try for one hundred per cent.”
“Brilliant time but I know you can do it faster. You just need to try harder.”
“It is good but not as good as you can do. You are better than that.”
“Not bad but you will let me down if you do not get to the top of the class.”
Still, although it was conditional praise it was still praise nonetheless and this combined with my endeavours meant that I was never ignored. The achievements accumulated, the prizes were gathered and the accolades were acquired. Upwards, always upwards. Accordingly, your praise and admiration means so much to me. It was always the standard by which I was judged and so it is the same now. I crave the adulation and the passion, that is why I work so hard to cause you to give it to me. I want it, I want to be seen, I want to be recognised and that means I must receive your emotion sodden attention. It does not matter if you are shouting at me or begging me to stop, so long as it is directed towards me. This is why everything I do is calculated to provide a reaction.
When I am seducing you, you must never ignore me. I have too much invested in your acquisition to lose you to someone or something else. My bombardment of you with messages and attention is to draw you to me, but it is also to ensure that you do not venture somewhere else and I am denied your attention. This is why I will text you and if there is not a prompt response I will text you again, then again, then call you and then turn up at your house. I need to know you are responding to my seduction. I need to control you. There is too much at stake to allow you to ignore me.
Once devaluation begins then I need once more the emotionally charged attention that comes from you weeping, shouting and screaming. It never troubles me in the same way that it troubles you to be shouted at. I require it and all it does is make me feel powerful because I know that I can prompt these responses from you by virtue of my manipulations. I know by saying nothing that you will beg and plead with me to explain what is wrong, hang around me, eyes wide in confusion as you beseech me to tell you what you have done wrong.
I am not fussy about the emotions which you pour my way. Good or bad I will take them all. The bad do admittedly make me feel more powerful but the sweet potency of favourable responses and eyes glowing with admiration are most welcome too. That is one of the reasons I alternate back and forth, making you happy and joyful towards me and then full of woe and anger. The contrast reinforces my omnipotence because I am the puppetmaster. One moment I can make you laugh and then with a flick of the switch I have you in tears. That is power. That is control and this is what emphasises my greatness. Yes, I know you consider such behaviour wrong. I am well aware of that and do not be fooled by any pretence to the contrary. I am fully aware that such behaviour is considered, bad, wrong and evil, according to your values but you ought to know that this game is not being played according to your rules. It is played with mine and I always have to win.
Should you be treacherous and be the bad person that I always suspected you to be and ignore me, then I will provoke you all the more in order to gain my reaction. Few of you realise that this is the aim, at least, not until much later. You are unable to understand this sudden escalation, this switching because of the confusion that you are mired in. I am grateful that this is the case for when you ignore me I begin to crumble. The edifice that I have built up begins to crack, splinter and fracture and I must escape your betrayal and seek out the emotions of others in order to compensate for your seditious behaviour. If I cannot bring your love or hate to the fore, I cannot remain to be ignored, for that is my death sentence and I am not allowing you to sign that warrant. I must be loved for I am worthy of the most perfect love, I must be hated because my works are that of the devil and attract your furious ire. Always look my way, always give me your emotions and never turn your back on me. Do that and all will be well. At least, for me, but then, isn’t this all about me anyway?
13 thoughts on “Love Me, Hate Me, Never Ignore Me”
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Was seeing an narcissist man recently. Things escalated quickly once I agreed to date him and within a month he gifted me a promise ring and several gifts. Needless to say I considered this a form a commitment, which he verbalized frequently. Within that month he “fell in love with me”. I recognized the red flags, understood there was no way an individual could fall in love with someone this fast, it felt like lust, it was lust but I was lonely and needed something and someone to keep me awake during finals. He would hook me up with cocaine for free, I needed the help; having moved to a new city entirely on my own, I considered him an outlet, though at the time I had not developed any affection towards him, nor was I physically or emotionally attracted to him, he managed to pursue and love bomb me relentlessly and soon enough, I gave in. However, as soon as I became intimate with him, about two months in, the mind games began. He began pulling away, blaming his drug business or side hustle for the long nights, inability to talk on the phone for more than five minutes or drive to see me. If he did, it was on his terms. I myself, before coming to terms that I was dealing with a narcissistic began to pull away too. He began posting videos of himself at bars, filming the bar tenders, pushing as many boundaries he could. I recognize now, it was to gain some sort of reaction from me, fuel if you will. When confronted, he would make me feel like I was excessively jealous, psychotic and claiming that “he hoped I was happy with all the drama I had created over nothing”. Eventually I was emotionally drained, was failing my classes and cut him off without notice.
Before that, I made him drive to my house to deliver a package I had purposefully ordered and addressed to his house. I did so only so he could find that I was dressed up, face and hair done and ready to head out. In actuality I had no plans, I made it seem as if I was going on a date, though I never confirmed this with him. He was thrown off guard, I had to put my best poker face on, which was extremely difficult to do because I was fuming with anger, internally. I ghosted him for two days after that, he eventually decided to reached out. Knowing well, the mind games he was up to I naively decided to go along with it. He claimed I was seeing someone else to which I replied to that I was dating and not committed to anyone, that if he wanted a serious relationship he would need to prove himself and care for me financially. Yup I said it, financially (the guy is a drug dealer and financially secure, claimed he would take care of me towards the beginning of this false relationship). Ultimately we decided to go our separate way, claiming I knew where to find him if I ever wanted to reach out.
Though in the following weeks I added him on another social media platform after I had humiliated and made fun of him for his poor sexual performance, the appearance of his baby’s mother and penis size, all through a series of memes, visible to my former and his current coworkers. He contacted me about this shortly, claiming I was harsh but he was not surprised of my reaction, as he was aware he lack much in this department. Honestly, I could have cared less about his sexual performance, I was just enraged, running on pure emotion.
Anyhow the intent for adding him on this new platform was so that he could see what I was up too, that I too was capable of socializing and having fun, big mistake, I know. It reached a point where I was posting on a daily basis just so he could view my postS, I realize now, I was seeking validation from him. After a month, he proposed we remain friends and grab a cup of coffee or drink sometime, out of desperation I agreed. I pursued him shortly after to grab a drink, he agreed, and then canceled our arrangement, claiming he had fallen asleep. I made two more attempts afterwards and finally realized what he was up too. I went no contact for a month, until he reached out. He had been in a car accident in which he broke his shoulder and ankle, this was three weeks ago. He claimed “he fucked up”, “took me for granted” and that “I was such a catch and understood he didn’t deserve me”. Again focusing on only my physical attributes, son of a bitch. I told him he was a piece of shit, had a weak ass ego, would never value a woman because he didn’t love himself and that the fact that he emotionally manipulated women to get a reaction out of them in order to use that as fuel exposed just how insecure he was, told he to leave me the fuck alone, again, big mistake, as I should have just gone no contact. As usual I was not expecting much of a response, when I did, I was able to finally see the type of person I had been dealing with. His response was more of a “no worries, I’ll delete your number, at least I tried”, pathetic.
I found out later that night that he had been “smearing” me at my previous job, telling anyone that would listen that I was a gold digger (he was right about that, I was), that I was desperate and psychotic, and that he agreed to meet with me knowing well that he wasn’t planning on going through with these arrangements. I also discovered he was attempting to hook up with one of my former coworkers, we were close. However I now understand why she went no contact with me, she was/is also falling for the narcissist, that charming and seductive fucker I feel for.
It’s been three weeks and there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of him….
I’m using this page as an outlet to vent, good day people.
My ex discarded me 6 months ago when he met someone new during a spat we were having. I lost my mind over it, did somethings im not proud of, begged… a lot… he wanted nothing to do with me. Everything seems to be going well with the new woman but last week he drove past my house with her blaring his music at 11pm (an unnecessary route even though he lives 3 houses down from me) and shortly after he posted a picture from our last vacation we took together (just a scenery shot) he doesnt really use social media and hes been taking a lot of trips with her so it surprised me to see nothing posted from his trips with her but a post from our old vacation? Am i crazy? Reading too much into it?
Hello Sarah,
1. You are not crazy.
2. These are passive indirect hoovers.
What is the point? I tried so hard to not peek at his social media even though he never posts. Its so hard with him living so close, hes always on my mind.
Indeed because your emotional thinking is running riot and controlling your responses. I can assist you in breaking this habit.
OMG , so I escaped from my narcissitic ex who I was crying for online all the time hilarious .
Now I’ve moved back to my old town , so we live in the same town now . I’m just really living here for two days . The first they we crossed each other in trafic I ignored him just like he was a random person .(like its a huge time why from all the people I have too cross paths with him) Today I just had to deliver a letter and I hear my name I looked but didn’t know for sure so I walk away from the Office and hear my name 4 times he slowly gets out off his car and asks me what i’m doing here so I obviously was shocked when I realized it was him and my body language could tell he was all smiles I replied to him I’am living here he asked here ?? I said yes with a look on my face like whyyy ??? He was smiling alot ! So I took a glimpse at his car as I tried to get closer because I didn’t want to make a scène I see a unknown male in the driver seat so I Walked of to say bye quickly and he greets me with a big smile .. omg !! Just terrible . I told him If we ever meet eachother outside just act like we don’t know one another never did .. This is a hoover for sure not quite sure which one and I quess i’m painted white too !! Because he could’ve just let me be and run if he wanted to . What a nightmare HG ! I have to reread everything again to understand this and to go Back to no contact asap !!
Re-reading is a sensible step and a consultation is bound to assist you.
Agreed, Yes I’ll consult with you about this soon . I can see the trouble coming .
I look forward to it
Tudor: So hilarious, I had a family member narcissist tell me this not long ago. They had decided to silent treatment me anytime we were in the same residence of any relatives. I have a habit of unemotionally criticizing their narcissistically subtle, (I understand the language of plausible deniability and how to counter it, whether it’s done jokingly in the name of humor, under the guise of cruel and brutal truth or as a back-handed compliment) mean spirited and bad behaviors. I had no problem with that. I just went about my business. The silent treatment doesn’t bother me in the least. I prefer it to the rudeness, lack of character, uncouthness and ungenteel temper tantrums that all narcissists revert to when their love-filled betters refuse to accept their preposterous, fake facades with no meaningful substance. LOL 😂 Who do they think they are? Such evil creatures made the decision to reject love and kindness in their pursuit of power, control and using hatred as a weapon. Now the only fitting purpose left for these pathetically hateful and selfish wannabe humans is to be in obedient service to good and loving people. Certainly not the other way around. “Now, evil ones, if you want some yummy and meaningful comfort fuel crumbs, go do something for me that is worthy of my attention. Otherwise, I’ll only give you an occasional sparing glacé between more important matters and people. I have more important things to do than waste my time on losers.” 😘
I am currently receiving Malign Hoovers, which I am successfully and easily ignoring. Do Narcissist tend to switch their tactics to see what will work, switch between Bengin and Malign hoovers? I believe the narc I am dealing with is an Upper Midrange or Greater. Just wondering what I may expect. I appreciate your time.
1. Absolutely. Remember this alternating between the types of hoover is almost always instinctive. It also depends on the school of Narcissist – for example, the Middle Mid Range Narcissist would use Benign (Charm/Flattery – ‘we can sort this out, I adore you and we work so brilliantly together), Benign (Pity Play – ‘why are you doing this to me after everything I have done’) Malign (Threat – ‘you’d better speak to me or I will post that pictures of you we took together on the internet). They often alternate through such a cycle and sometimes within a matter of moments.
2. With regard to your specific situation empath007, I’d recommend a Narc Detector Consultation and then an email consultation to receive more information and provide you with a bespoke and accurate response.
Thanks HG. They are indirect Hoover’s as I have him blocked from reaching me directly. But we are in the same social sphere. He really is the most aggressive human being I’ve ever encountered.