The Heart Hooks – No. 7
Did the narcissist ever say this to you (or something similar)? If so, how did you feel and how did you react? What did you understand the comment to mean?
50 thoughts on “The Heart Hooks – No. 7”
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I have said this to him many times!! Does that make ME the Narc?
No.
I knew my ex for 10years before I finally fallen for his seduction & got in 8 years of love & hate ” situation” ( won’t call it as relationship after all ). As of off & on 10years friend period ( off & on because we both in the relationship during these time ) we did quite memorable things we often talk about later. He spit these words constantly & cemented with ” we was great friend ” card. By that, I tried to believe the intention behind of these words but in the end I couldn’t ignore the contradiction create by every time he spits these words. He braked my heart by him insulting my intelligence. He got me cold hearted.
You just get me. ‘Trying to talk to others’ is hard, but with you it’s so f… easy’.
‘You’re always here for me, even when I’ve been a total a……. You’re the best.’
I would hear these things and felt like he appreciated me and my compassion for him. That I was unlike others, who he said often treated him badly.
It made me feel special. He would even say ‘you’re special’.
It meant nothing though. And neither did I.
HG my ET is clouding my judgement here.
I’m starting to doubt he is a narc , I did have a consult with you and described the behaviour you said he is a narc , I need you to tell me again , have you ever made a wrong diagnosis Please I’m being hoovered.
Never wrong. Consult with me as you should be preventing these hoovers.
You get me – me the me no one else sees, the me that devalues you, withdraws from you, makes you feel like you are the problem and that you are going crazy.
You get me and all of me, the rages, the putdowns, the little spare bit of time I begrudgingly give to you but you so wilfully take, the cold stares, the distance despite being in the same physical space.
You get me, you get my disdain, you get my loathing, you get all of what I am projected onto you so I feel power.
You get me along with the others, the others you know nothing about, the ones I’m luring in so I can discard you once and for all as you have become tiring to me.
You get me even when I discard you. You get me because you have no choice, you have no voice. You just get me. Aren’t you lucky?
I got this, and “you’re the only one I can talk to….you understand”.
This was not said to me directly. But my sister’s ex narc husband said it to my sister a couple of times in front of me and that, together with other things he said and did, was enough for me to tell my sister, at the end of my visit, not to marry him because there was something very dark in him and he would not make her happy. It seems I was the only one who saw something was wrong with him. I didn’t know about NPD at the time but I could see he was not good for her.
I guess we fall for different things/lines.
I am easy; I fell for ´I love you and always will’.
Yup, every heart hook available pretty much over here. This is the “grooming” I think. It worked hook, line, and sinker on me. He made me feel so unique, so special, like we were such an amazing fit together. I am an sentimental person and he pulled all the sentimental word shite. He loved to write me e-mails overflowing with the notion that “no one else can do for me what you do”. Pffffft.
He had a girlfriend. He had a wife. He made sure to triangulate her with me. I said all the heart hooks too– but I meant them 100% at the time.
I’m convinced that he thought he meant them at the time but doesn’t know what he is and didn’t know that he’s not actually capable of such feelings.
I don’t think I heard this one. After all, he was so charismatic and wonderful, everything he did/said/was about was relatable to everyone.
‘You get me nobody else does’..
Argh yes…. fuck I tried my hardest to understand him – I really did. I lost myself along the way when my ET was off the Richter Magnitude scale!
Until devaluation/discard when he sent the song by Simply Red ‘If you don’t know me by now’
So.… I tried harder to get back that connection.
My ego wanted it all to be true, i’m as much to blame.
Learning, learning always learning.
Yes! His favourite line to not only justify his actions however it also further confirmed and exposed his narcissistic trait of his over inflated ego.
He would say ‘only you gave me this way (physically), nobody else’ ‘why can’t you just be happy with that’
On finding out that I was actually just his side serving (one of many I’m sure) I imagined he must have used the same line on her (IPPS) ‘only you have me living with you, engaged to you, no one else’
It makes me sick to my stomach.
I can’t lie – ever, or to anyone! So I struggle with understanding how he found it so easy. Thanks to my readings from here I understand that I will never understand the ‘how’ but I now understand the ‘why’. A narcissists brain chemistry is different.
6 months no contact … some toxic leaks by the persistent pest however I feel I’m getting stronger with each passing day.
At your best you still won’t be right for the wrong person, at your very worst the right person will never leave your side 💕
RG, I appreciate you sharing that sentiment in your last paragraph. It’s right.
Thank you KellyD x
I pinched it from Jay Shetty’s pearls of wisdom xx
Another of our kind.
Jay Shetty?? Haha! I 100% believe you!Isn’t everyone in the limelight?! Haha
I think it was more along the lines of ‘I can’t believe we have so much in common, mutual experiences,same taste in clothes,music ‘ etc and he was right. I can’t believe it either…Weird how we’d apparently been at the same parties and had the same friends for years yet I’d never seen him before in my life!.The first time I ever had any contact with him was when I commented on a mutual friends facebook post about a year before I first met him and this was what he used to strike up our very first converstaion. I had no idea who he was but he knew me all right!
Of course he did. Many times, right from the start.
I actually might have said something similar to the Mid Ranger because I really did feel he ‘got’ me. But I really meant it when I said it. That’s why it was so strange when his manner shifted so drastically by the end. It made me question my intuition, doubt myself, and wonder how I could have been so off about him.
These words spoken by her reached deep into the broken inner child of mine and made me feel special. Just as the old stuffed animal that had its arm half torn off by the destructive child, is picked up and half sewn back together. Then patted on the head and heard the words. “ there, there old toy of mine. Those new toys don’t mean anything to me. You’re the best and special. Now sit up here on this shelf while I go see what that new toy I saw has to offer. But I’ll be right back…. just sit here”. And so she continued the praise to me and then the devaluations. But just wait she said I’ll be right back “because you get me”.
No.Never heard that one. I think mine is so far gone she’s more like “just admire me and don’t point out my craziness”
One time Early on she kind a yelled at me “This is who I am”.
I didn’t get it or was perplexed?? But it was the truth I can’t remember the scenario but it wasn’t something great it was a bit of a disagreement or me calling her out on something shitty…One of the many times I knew I should leave but I didn’t
“I’m glad you understand, I was gonna say the same. I love you. We are the same. Thanks for being so wonderful and understanding. I totally trust you.” Hey, my narc was good right? I think he’s scoring all of HG’s hooks so far.
SP, I heard something like this from all of them! You are the only one that understands me. Blah Blah Blah! How pathetic! 🤦🏼♀️
FM1T in all honesty, sometimes words like these made me giggle because I could see the absurdity, but I still wanted to believe them because it all felt exciting and because I was infatuated too. I imagine him saying that to me and making a forward copy to 4 other victims (and viceversa, forwarding from them to me) and I want to laugh at the idiocy of the situation. Sometimes I dream that we all get together and compare notes.
Sweetest perfection- I did compare notes with one of the girls I knew he was messing with, it was devastating/relieving/gutting/empowering all at the same time. I think in the end I wouldn’t recommend- it put him back in my head and reopened the wound.
I’m guessing HG might say it’s a way of breaking NC by inviting the narc back into your head, reigniting the flames of infatuation.
The narchole who infected me used words similar to this to try and reel me back in; I wanted it to all be true, I was able to suspend disbelief for a while and believe that what we had was special and different but it was all based on lies. I couldn’t lie to myself for long.
Yes Iris, suspension of disbelief is the ingredient they rely on for us to ignore the red flags. I am sure if I had compared notes with other IPSS while I was still under his spell I would have suffered immensely, but after a year it all gets absolutely ridiculous and hilarious. I wouldn’t suffer an iota. I’m proud of you for having done that though! And yes, HG alerts us that gossiping about the narc is a form of breaking NC but that’s what we all do here anyway…
It is but doing so here is a constructive exception because of the logical input you receive – you would not get that in a ‘narc bashing session’ with friends, hence the difference, SP.
You’re absolutely right. Hence, I only talk about him with you here, HG.
HG approves.
Yeah, n-ex-husband said it. How I felt? Special. Like I really did understand him and that I could save him from all the hurt out there. That we had something unique together that nobody else would ever understand. I took it to mean that he was somewhat troubled but had the most gentle inner core that he only trusted me to see. Boy I’m really embarrassed as to how identikit it all was, how much self – aggrandizement was part of it then (on both sides). But honestly I don’t want to be intimate with a guy nobody else gets anymore! Very glad about this development.
Neither of my narcs seemed to have received the handbook on hooks to use. I have been trying to think what they did say to hook me as I can’t think of anything like these. I wonder if it matters on school of narcissists.
Getting There, I’m not sure but I can tell you you’re missing a lot of fun at this point. I love seeing how mine repeated HG’s textbook like a parrot!
LOL, SP! I can see how it would be fun to match.
I believe my two are cerebrals. I can only imagine what actual hooks caught me. LOL
That last line was supposed to be a joke, but looking at it, it was a bad one. I don’t think I heard any hooks; I wanted an adult version of “A Walk To Remember” and instead got a not so funny “Big Bang Theory.”
SP
lol, there should be a scorecard with points assigned to each hook 😉
Yesss! Let’s do it! I actually find the dynamic of this blog really fun, moving from recognizing hooks to polls, then letters by angry empaths, HG’s personal stories, adapted fairy tales… of course every time HG disappears we are like children without their favorite candy!
SP
Me too! I always find some comic relief along my narcsite blog visits. There is so much ridiculousness involved in these relationships that only we can relate to. And HG, no more longgggg absences, please 🙂
We could play Heart Hooks Bingo! 😂
Pleaaaaseeeee!!!!!! I’m gonna win, I’m gonna win!!! 🤓
Of course those words would make us feel special.. in the first golden period. But boy, do we get them now. We’re the lucky ones, aren’t we? Yesterday I told him he’s a f*cking asshole.
I do get him thanks to the knowledge gained here on npd but that only serves to help me not the relationship per say.
He has said that im good for him and have helped him grow as a person which i took as a compliment but actions speak louder…this was just a hook. Hes quite content staying the way he is.
They always are Dear Chi. 🥰
“You get my jokes.”
As if his jokes were so unique and required someone special to decipher them. This made me feel like we had a special connection.
After all that I’ve learned here, I now wonder from whom he stole all “my jokes.”
Lisk, “As if his jokes were so unique and required someone special to decipher them.” Hahaha!!!
Again yes it made me feel like they understand me I am a misfit most of the time it feels good to have someone who you can really connect with and they become very important to me I have done everything I can to keep the relationship between them and me good very common among both male and female narcissists a bit of a weakness for me and devastating when I realised it was an act to suck me in even though they are not who they claimed to be I feel the loss as if they were
Yep! I heard this from both a MMRN and a LMRN about how well I understood them. It made me feel special to hear it (though I was also confused because the LMRN mentioned it again when she was breaking up with me/putting me on the shelf), but now I know it’s just BS and they said the same thing to god knows how many other appliances.
Thank you HG for continuing to post these. It helps to counter the ET.
You are welcome and that is the right way to use them.
Sorry, what does ET mean?
Emotional Thinking.