It Is All Connected


So your break-up was hard and it left you wounded, the injuries both physical but mainly emotional and you have kept yourself locked away for months now. Seeking isolation as a means to address the upset that you have experienced and vowing never to date again. Your resolve has increased, with daily deliverances as to what he did mounting up as you hear about an accumulation of abhorrent actions. You decided to focus on what mattered to you and thus relationships were consigned to the back of your mind. Feeling stronger, the wounds healing yet not healed you face repeated invitations from your well-meaning friends, friends who have supported you through this unpleasant period of your life, to come out of hiding and let yourself shine once more. You agree and after extensive preparation you emerge,like a hibernating creature and join your friends in that bar that has been refurbished and is a honey pot for all the beautiful creatures.

I see you stood there at the bar. You are stood slightly apart from your friends as if seeking to preserve your personal space. I see conversation is directed your way and recognise that your friends are paying you what I would regard as an excessive level of attention as if they are repeatedly checking that you are okay. Occasionally hands touch your arm by way of reassurance and heads lean in as soft faces radiate kind expressions. I know you are being looked after. I know that you are being protected and that means you have been wounded. I scent the blood that has been spilled in your past and wait until the ‘phones are wielded to take various posed photographs. Time to approach.

I make my way to the bar and slightly turn to observe you and your friends as the photos continue. One catches my eye and I smile. She responds with her own smile and nudges her friend.

“Would you like me to take one of you all?” I ask as I move alongside you. Nods of appreciation follow and I am handed phone after phone as I commit your group photo to a digital memory. I engage in polite yet playful conversation with you all but remain focussed on your reactions. You are hesitant but laughing at my words, seemingly wanting to embrace them yet unsure as to whether you should. I pull out my own phone and take a picture of you all and then alter the focus so the lens homes in on you and you alone as I take a burst of pictures before wishing you an enjoyable evening and withdrawing to my waiting lieutenants. It is not long before a search of your image has given me your name and I am able to ascertain some of your interests from your Face book profile which include the fact that you are a keen dancer and have won several dance competitions. I do some research into dance competitions for young men and prepare my hook of having been a dancer in  my youth although a football injury put paid to my burgeoning progress. I absorb a few key elements of terminology and then make my move towards you. I flick the first domino and it begins to fall into the second.

We talk. We drink. We dance. I learn more about you. I impress judging by your friends’ responses. I secure your number and give you mine. I text courteously the next day. A dinner date is secured. The date goes well. I learn more about you, compiling my dossier about you as a follow-up date is readily agreed to. I surprise you with tickets to a ballet performance. You are delighted. The dominos keep tumbling. Your resistance evaporates. Date three is a pushover and then the dates become more frequent. I am in your house. I am in your bed. I am inside you. Three weeks becomes three months. The dominos keep tumbling as I know all about your past. I know all about your present too from my snooping. I engulf you in my world my lieutenants circling about you. I grab the wool and pull it over your supporters’ eyes, recruiting two of them into my fold. I raise you up. I draw you in. I flatter and charm.

Your time is with me. Your phone full of my love. Your weekends are filled by me. I stay at yours and you at mine. The toothbrush appears and then the overnight bag which remains in place. You wash the clothes for me and then I am there more than I am not. I disconnect those who serve no purpose from your network but you seem not to notice. Your eyes show me how enchanted you are as those dominos continue to tumble. The holidays are booked as I start to invade your future. I check your phone for you and relay messages. I read your post but you do not mind as I do it when you are busy to help you out. Naturally. The salami slices as I impose my world on you and you readily submit. I know all your friends, I know all about your work, your hobbies and your family. I am regarded as the ideal tonic after ‘him’ who we laugh about and who I know is one of my brethren but I never tell you. Your days are mapped out for you by me and you tell me often how lucky you feel. I do not disagree. I move in but keep my own house as ‘the market is not right to sell just now’. That bolthole is going nowhere. The social circle is established. You are elated. The world is offered to you and as the dominos clack clack clack you accept it all. The ring appears and you say yes. A date is set and plans are made as I give you the future. The tendrils are all around you, the fuel lines in place but of course you do not notice. I am with you, in you and around you. You sit at breakfast admiring the glinting ring on your finger as you remark.

“Do you know it is six months since we met in that bar? Who’d have thought it?”

I send you that special smile and you fail to notice my eyes blacken for an instant because you are still yet to discover that one thing leads to another.

111 thoughts on “It Is All Connected

  1. Abe Moline says:

    I’m going to try an analysis (a la K 🙂).
    Maybe it’s useful if we try to apply the knowledge we acquired in a formal manner.
    And this is a perfect opportunity, I think, to clarify some notions with a real case.

    1. Replies only to convenient points:
    I had 3 ideas in my comment – sex is not equivalent to fuel, willingly getting involved with a N is not the wisest thing to do and flaunting the doctorate is useless.
    She replied only to the first one, with a bit of reason, but still ignoring the fact that they are not equivalent – sex indeed makes fuel flow, but it’s not only fuel, while fuel also comes from many other interactions, it’s not only sex. And of course, with specific cockyness (“but whatever”).

    2. Ignores inconvenient statements
    She never replied to anybody anything about the (almost) PhD. We were all amused by this display of something which is not even yet accomplished. The mess and mocking would have escalated (with good reason) should she have continued on this track, so I guess that’s why she dropped it.

    3. Deflection
    “Worshipping” remarks – Very few of us made any reference to HG, we just stated our opinions regarding her comments. Those who mentioned him did not do it in a worshipping manner. I certainly did not say anything at all about HG, but she still included me in the worshipers group, in a direct reply to me.
    “I don’t want your opinion nor your advice” – yeah, let’s stop this discussions since it’s going in a direction I don’t like
    “I just made a mindless comment. Just doing research. Everyone can calm down and move along in their lives” – move along people, nothing to see here, let’s chat about the weather

    4. Denial
    This is the most obvious one:
    “let a narcissist totally dominate and control me. And I might even let one do it cause it actually turns me on”
    “I have no intention of being anywhere near a narcissist nor letting one get to first base with me”

    5. Blame shifting
    “We will never be friends. Not after this.” – we’re to blame for all “this”.
    “morons who gang up and insult people on a social media site” – she’s the insulted one, not the “babe”, the worshippers, morons, losers, ignorant children, low quality people, keyboard warriors and so on. (Well, yeah, I did not feel insulted at all, but that is not because she did not try).

    6. Projection
    The jewel: “And you mean nothing.” – that’s like a standard line to say to a narcissist (probably picked it up on this blog). Meaning Caroline is the narcissist…
    Also, almost anything at Blame shifting point applies here too.

    7. Pity play
    Many lines here too:
    “I just made a mindless comment.” – it was just a momentary lapse of reason, let’s be kind and understanding.
    “I’m here to gather information like the rest of you all.” – aren’t we all alike, guys? Let’s all get along… Why are you so mean?
    “I’m not entitled. I’ve had to work for everything I have.” – poor little soul…
    “I stated my opinion. Sorry it bothers all of you.” – the almighty “sorry, but…”
    “I don’t care. I’m here for research, not to make friends.” – because we are so mean and cruel and devoid of understanding, that’s why we can’t be friends

    This could go on and on for long. But it’s already too long.
    Sorry, HG, for having to moderate this one…

    If there’s anything I missed or maybe incorrectly labeled, please correct me.
    Thank you all.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Gold star for you.

    2. NarcAngel says:

      Abe Moline

      Excellent accurate study.

    3. K says:

      Abe Moline
      Very good! I am impressed and keep up the good work. Practice makes perfect and eventually it becomes second nature.

    4. Caroline-is-fine says:

      Love this, Abe Moline~very astute. I think I’ll not reply to anything else on this thread, as maybe if I just tiptoe quietly away now the (ahem) “situation” will end…that’s probably false hope, but I’m still a hopey empath. 😉
      P.S. Thanks, Librarian K!:-)

      1. K says:

        My pleasure Caroline-is-fine!
        Ha ha ha…once you know, you go! Very quietly, tiptoe away from the drama.

    5. Abe Moline says:

      Thank you all.

      Where do you think she fits?
      I noticed she’s not very good at silent treatments, also quite aggressive, and the blatant paranoia I saw in other of her comments does not fit very well with the image I had from my Nx (which I believe a MR).
      I’d say it’s some sort of a LN, maybe?

      1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

        Dear Abe Moline,
        Your thought processing structured analysis was fantastic, well done for doing that
        My female intuition is going for a ” L ” for sure
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      2. K says:

        My pleasure Abe Moline
        Right now, I am going with LMRN.

  2. kiki says:


    I do not know your situation but I feel you may have gotten the idea that HG and his followers have some kind of cult going here.

    You most likely heard this from other sources online.

    Firstly HG does NOT run a cult.
    He treats all posters with respect and dignity and never ever have I seen him cross any boundaries with his followers.

    He offers his perspective as a narc and it is up to us to make our meaning on that ,he doesn’t coerce or force people to think anything but to make up their own mind.

    His information here is the best simple as that , the vast majority of posters here treat each other with respect , understanding and support.
    We do not attack each other.
    Heated opinions can crop up of course but that is human nature.

    I hope we can move on from this.


    1. HG Tudor says:


      Remember what I have written about hope, Kiki!

      1. Kiki says:

        Yes , I see HG 😌

  3. Kiki says:

    Bitter no. calling you out on your lack of respect for other posters yes.

  4. Pamela Dianne says:

    Where’s Janet Reno when you need her at Waco?

  5. Kiki says:

    You actually sound like an annoying spoilt teenager not someone with a doctorate ugh

    1. Pamela Dianne says:

      Why are you so upset and bitter??????

    2. Sweetest Perfection says:

      Because she doesn’t have a doctorate, just an attitude.

      1. Claire says:

        Hilariously my friend offered her ex to come do handyman work and he rambled about his doctorate on the phone and I haven’t called him back. Haha—I can’t handle him. He is unemployed for creating a toxic work environment and now his side gig is changing my brake pads/fixing my oven/ garbage disposal?? No thanks. I’d rather have a lesser come over and I can tip with a case of Bud Light.

    3. Bibi says:

      Soon to be doctorate, Kiki. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

      And as I’d like to note, in my town the majority with doctorates actually wait tables for a living while paying off their student loans. They regret their decisions.

      It’s actually free to be an ‘intellectual’. Really, it doesn’t cost anything. It’s called a library. Or Amazon gift cards.

      But there are no letters involved after the name. Bummer.

      1. K says:

        Correct. I use the library and the Google Machine (my computer) and I don’t have a mountain of debt. Life is great!

  6. Kiki says:

    Pamela D
    Please go and find some manners

    1. Pamela Dianne says:

      You do it first, and report back your findings.

  7. olderandwisernow says:

    This is enlightening because, as much as I know the psychopath planned stuffed, it is frightening to see it in such a methodical way.

  8. Pamela Dianne says:

    Not all men are like this.

    1. NarcAngel says:

      “Not all men are like this.”

      ** claps enthusiastically **

      Look at you catching on.

      1. Sweetest Perfection says:

        Alright I can’t even…

      2. Pamela Dianne says:

        All I did was make a half conceding half distrustful inane comment to your post to let you know I read your piece, felt what you were saying, but still not letting it draw me closer to you. (In case you wanted to know my exact thoughts)

        It would take ALOT of action, more than just a meeting, to get me to the point I threw caution to the wind and let a narcissist totally dominate and control me. And I might even let one do it cause it actually turns me on. But which is the right narcissist to give myself 100% sexually too?

        My educated, soon to be Doctorate, supply don’t come for free, babe.

        1. Sweetest Perfection says:

          PD (soon to be PhD), I found NA’s comment funny but didn’t mean to offend you. It is just that we of course know not all men -or women, or non-binary-gender identified people- are like that. The site is about narcs so that’s why it was cute. All narcs are like that. That’s all. You will realize we take everything here with a lot of humor to break the ice but don’t try to be mean at anyone. Unless they are seagulls (it’s a long story).

        2. Caroline-is-fine says:

          Who — exactly — are you talking to, Pamela Dianne?

          If you’re talking to the narcissist who runs this site… his purpose is to educate the masses on narcissism — and get clientele who need help getting away from narcissists. His goals, in no way, have anything to do with empathy toward others — but are his own personal, practical goals, which go hand-in-hand with him being a narcissist. So…

          The narcissist isn’t sitting around wondering if you are pleased with his blog, nor fretting if you will come to him for help or not — nor is he probably interested in your thoughts, unless he sees a key, productive reason in them — he’s a NARCISSIST!

          Your weird sexual statement is a non-hot mess… and who brings up their next degree level, unless to act like an ass above others? Who says “babe” in that context, except someone who bound & determined to (again) act like an ass?

          I am no fan of narcissists… but the narcissist who runs this site acts more measured & polite than what your posts display…

          Maybe that’s something for you to ponder.

          If you want help, get it.
          If you don’t need help & are just being contrary, what’s the point/how are you helping?

          1. Pamela Dianne says:

            You need to calm down.

          2. Pamela Dianne says:

            I don’t want anything from you, not your opinion nor your advice. You assume too much from a comment which tells me you came into answering with the knowledge of who I am before this…..

            And you mean nothing.

          3. HG Tudor says:

            Unfortunately for you PD, when you express an opinion here, you are likely to receive the opinion of others. You appear unable to recognise that this is what happens and exhibit an entitlement to express yourself without the ability to assume accountability for the content of what you state.

        3. lisk says:


          HG is saying exactly that: It would take more than just a meeting.

          And to be more accurate, it would take ALOT of Salami Slices.

        4. WiserNow says:

          Pamela Dianne,

          I can understand what you’re saying. I can understand you and at the same time, I had a giggle at NarcAngel’s comment too.

          Your initial comment wasn’t all that inane on further thought. Also, the more you read here on the blog, the more you’ll get used to NarcAngel’s humour and comments, along with everyone else’s.

          Men (in general) are not that easy to trust, especially the ones who have the self-confidence to walk up to a group of women and charm them all like the one in this article.

          In fact, testosterone levels are linked to narcissistic behaviour (in both men and women). So, since men have much higher levels of testosterone than women, it’s more likely that men will have more narcissistic traits and behaviour than women. It’s difficult to know at face value which men are ‘narcissistic’ and which ones are ‘narcissists’.

          Also, having a doctorate or being well-educated doesn’t have a lot of impact on ’emotional thinking’. Some of the ‘victims’ of narcissistic abuse here on the blog are very well-educated, being doctors, psychologists, engineers, scientists etc etc etc, and they still got ensnared by narcissists. Education doesn’t make you immune.

          Also, your words “My educated, soon to be Doctorate, supply don’t come for free, babe.” made me think twice. If you think that you can control your ‘supply’ and only grant it willingly to the highest bidders, I don’t think you understand the concept of ‘fuel’ very well or how to control your thinking and protect yourself.

          I’m not saying this to insult you or offend you. It’s just that the more you understand NPD, the more you’ll see the meaning behind HG’s articles. It really is worthwhile reading to understand and to protect yourself.

          1. Pamela Dianne says:

            Meh. I just made a mindless comment. I must have triggered people.

          2. WiserNow says:

            No PD, my comment was a reply to your comments and also, to your attitude and mindset. It was an exchange of ideas and knowledge.

            Oh well, I tried. There’s not much point in continuing to sift the chaff.

            Good luck with your Doctorate babe.

        5. Abe Moline says:


          I think you mistake sex for fuel.
          Flirting with the idea of actually letting a narcissist control you shows either naivety or lack of knowledge/understanding of what this involves.
          Flaunting your (almost) doctorate doesn’t win you any additional points either.

          I’m writing this from a man’s point of view.

          1. Pamela Dianne says:

            I could have sworn he said he watches the woman while she comes for fuel, but whatever.

        6. Abe Moline says:

          I think what actually triggered me is this mentality that a woman’s good will, love or sex is for sale (“does not come for free”).

          My narc did not actually say this directly to me, but all her behavior was actually saying this – “If you start questioning me in any way, or disagree with me, I’ll get upset” (we either had a fight or she withdrew in silence).

          I actually highly suspect she is literally doing it with her other IPSS (for money and position).

          Well, if it’s for sale, then I don’t want it, babe! Keep it for yourself or go get a higher bidder.

          I think she understood this about me quite early on, so she never pushed it that far with me.

          1. Pamela Dianne says:

            I usually don’t think twice or second guess comments on a WordPress site. I’m here to gather information like the rest of you all.

            I have no intention of being anywhere near a narcissist nor letting one get to first base with me. But I am not going to be one of other worshiping commenters either.

            Just doing research. That is all. Everyone can calm down and move along in their lives.

          2. Sweetest Perfection says:

            PD, you are a little bit entitled and are making use of an agency that you still don’t have, you are just a graduate student. Do not underestimate the people here, many people here are higher ranked than you. YOU calm down, mostly because if you use that attitude to defend your dissertation they are gonna eat you alive. Good luck not finding narcs with a doctoral degree!

          3. Caroline-is-consistent says:

            Well, interesting…I’ve never been told to “calm down” in RL, even by a Greater, lol… however, somewhere way back in the threads, I stood up to a poster who had much the same attitude — who also responded by stating that I mean “nothing”/and or/ I am “nobody.”

            I guess that makes me consistent as to the specific type of person who will irritate me enough to say a little something.


          4. Claire says:

            My profession is saturated with mid range (mostly) female Ph.D. narcs! Ugh.. My greatest mentor is probably a cold as ice narcissist! Haha

          5. HG Tudor says:

            Not probably Claire, I am.

          6. Claire says:

            Alright HG—I meant in my work! She was good and a class act. Love her. You aren’t too shabby.

          7. Twilight says:

            Pamela Dianne

            Showing gratitude towards a man who has provided answers to so many unanswered questions is not worshiping. Just because it is shown in a way you do not approve of doesn’t give you the right to be condescending towards them.

          8. Claire says:

            I don’t think most of us are worshipping commentators though. HG knows I adore what he does—but I wouldn’t go to dinner with him alone! I’d order him a pizza maybe??

          9. Abe Moline says:

            I really missed this type of discussions where the other replies only to some convenient points, completely disregarding other statements, wriggling their way out with a little bit of deflection, denial, blame-shifting, pity plays, holier-than-you attitude and so on.

            Sorry, babe, been there, done that.

            Anyway, thank you for reminding me how it feels like 🙂

            Case closed.

          10. Caroline-is-fine says:

            Abe Moline,
            All’s well that ends well. The big reveal: this entire thread was cooked up just to ensure you weren’t missing your N-ex.

            Wasn’t it convincing?

            Good job, everyone! I even swore (When does that happen?)…NA provided the humor… everyone else had intelligent, thoughtful comments to add…HG kept his cool, yet was fair & insightful.


            (And to think I wondered why K initially said she was getting the popcorn machine…)

          11. K says:

            Ha ha ha….I sensed a disturbance in the force.

          12. Caroline-is-fine says:

            Ha – you called it! (And I’m seriously beginning to wonder if I have a hyper-sensitive, massive aversion to the, ahem, *type* that appears represented & that so irks me…’cause the behavior is highly suspect to me from the get-go & then *really* oozes out when countered — and matches up with, er, content we’ve viewed… and the posters ensnared by such too).

            Anyway, interesting… very interesting.

          13. Kim e says:

            I just finished my homework assignment and am waiting for Professor HG to post it. In the mean time, I am just watching and loving this thread. This is why I have such a hard time staying away from here. It is a great show to watch as the “poor picked on newbie” gets their come uppings.

          14. K says:

            Ha ha ha…just a little Clash of The Titans action going on. I got suspicious on this thread and several others. Just sit back and enjoy the show, there is plenty of popcorn for everyone.


          15. NarcAngel says:

            I too saw the behaviour previous to this post, and although people may have found my comment funny, it was not merely a joke in the sense that I expected HER to laugh, but rather an opportunity for her to show us a little more of herself. She did not disappoint. They rarely do – can’t help themselves.

          16. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Ohhh wow! I see she has a loooong history here! No wonder why she has not completed her dissertation yet! I can predict a very low quality PhD.

          17. K says:

            You were on to her right away! I saw it on the No Contact mistakes No-2.
            I laughed when I read: Seagull in the tower!!!!!!!

            And it just kept getting better and better until it exploded on this thread.

      3. K says:

        Ha ha ha… I have the popcorn machine out and ready to go NA!

        1. Bibi says:

          I thought NA’s comment was funny. But speaking of inane comments, I actually have one of my own.

          I read this article and twice my eyes read ‘bolthole’ as ‘butthole’ and then couple that with images of salamis and you know I am hopeless.

          1. lisk says:

            😮 LOL Bibi

          2. WiserNow says:

            Lol Bibi 😂 ..your comment cracked me up! Jesus, girl, get your mind out of the gutter haha 😂

        2. foolme1time says:

          Hi K, So what did I miss? Hahaha! Been on the road all day, think I’ll sit back with you and enjoy the show, if that’s ok with you? 🙃🤣

          1. K says:

            Ha ha ha…do you like butter with your popcorn?

          2. foolme1time says:

            But of course my dear. What is popcorn without butter?! 🙃😊

          3. K says:

            I know, right. Popcorn needs butter or what’s the point.

          4. foolme1time says:

            Indeed hee hee 🙃

        3. WhoCares says:

          Ooh, this thread’s cracking me up…good idea K! (NA is on a role, isn’t she?) First thing that gets unboxed when I finally get my stuff to my new place: the hot air popcorn maker!!

          1. K says:

            Ha ha ha….she is always on a role! Bust out the popcorn maker because this thread is like a horror movie spoof. One laugh after another.

      4. lisk says:

        I thought about “Angered,” but my guess is now leaning more toward: “Stater of the Obvious.”

      5. Pamela Dianne says:

        *shrugs* Thanks superstar.

        1. NarcAngel says:

          You’re welcome Special Needs.

          1. Pamela Dianne says:

            Did I walk onto a 6th grade recess lot and all the spoiled children with rich parents are here today. Never had a tough life or worked from nothing. I’m not entitled. I’ve had to work for everything I have.

            But you all keep discussing this like the ignorant children that you are and will always be.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Do keep digging.

          3. Twilight says:

            You do realized your true colours are beginning to shine brightly don’t you, yet I doubt you do.

          4. Pamela Dianne says:

            I just visited your blog and one pathetic quote is all it is. You are an epic loser who has a Word press account to troll.

            I feel better about myself. At least I have content.

          5. HG Tudor says:

            Keep digging.

          6. NarcAngel says:

            You get me! No one else does. Full points for continuing to provide examples of your intellect when there’s definitely a hole in your marble bag. You hang in there Sparky. You’re special and I dig you.

          7. Pamela Dianne says:

            We will never be friends. Not after this.

            I’m picky with my friends and people I pal around with. Not morons who gang up and insult people on a social media site. I don’t like you, don’t want to know you, will never be loyal to you nor help you in any way shape or form.

          8. foolme1time says:

            I’m sorry did you just call yourself a moron? “ Not morons who gang up and insult people on a social media site” Did you not insult the man who has given thousands of people that have been hurt and destroyed by narcissists, the answers and knowledge they need to heal and move on? Not only with your comment today on this post, but by comments you have made on previous post. That man has more knowledge in his little pinky, then you will ever have with all of your so called years of schooling! Did you not insult the people on this blog by calling them low quality? Who do you think you are coming on here acting like you’re all high and mighty! You have no clue what the people on this blog have gone through just to survive! So before you start calling people names you should really look in a mirror at yourself, oh wait that’s right, you have no idea what you are, we are the ones that are wrong! One of the first lessons HG teaches us, I almost forgot! Your disgusting and are not of good enough quality to be on this blog! You’re the moron!!!

          9. Bibi says:


            I’z just sayin’ and I don’t know much, but I think your reactions are a bit defensive and heavy handed. It was just a joke NA initially made, which has since blown a nuclear core 4 reactor.

            If you really didn’t care, you wouldn’t comment. But whatever. No one is against you. I myself have said so much dumb shit that I can’t help but laugh about it.

            I have to continually tell myself to not take life that seriously, lest I’d be in the loony bin. It was just a joke, she made. No big deal.

            And we are not ‘worshipers.’ I don’t worship anyone. I appreciate and respect HG for his hard work and insights, but I won’t be building a shrine anytime soon. (Luv ya HG but this is the truth.)

            After all, what would I use? Your legs?

          10. Lori says:

            Oh lord.

            He’s an “Epic Loser with a Word Press account” that you keep visiting I might add. What does that say about you then ?

            Just sayin … you can thank me for enlightening you anytime

            “Not morons who are going to insult people” I’m sorry I’m a little confused that sounded like an insult to me. Oh Lord it seems one of your type shoe up herd once a month thinking they are a badass saying how stupid everyone is yet keep showing up it’s funny AF. I have to admit I do find it wildly entertaining

          11. lisk says:

            I think I’m going to change it to “Unwitting Narcissist.”

          12. Lori says:

            I’m just laughing at “we will never be friends “ who the hell comes here looking for “loyal” friends ?

            Good Lord.

            I’m sorry this sounds mean but I am always shocked at the entitlement some show when come here to someone’s blog and act as if THEY are running the show qbs educating everyone. Go to your blog for that shit. You are not entitled to that on someone else’s. Take the info or leave it. It’s quite simple

    2. fauxfur5 says:

      Nor women! I did not hibernate, nor do I discuss the details of my relationships with my friends. I drink in the same bar as my narc ex. I don’t acknowledge him.. I wasn’t crippled after I left . I thrive. He is nothing…!

    3. Pamela Dianne says:


      I stated my opinion. Sorry it bothers all of you. I didn’t mean to trigger people.

      1. Whitney says:

        Hi Pamela, I’m not bothered by anything you said. I am guilty of worshipping HG 😆 (Not his fault).

        Why are you doing research? Is it because of personal experience, just out of interest, or tied to your PhD?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It’s because of grandiosity Whitney. I never realised there was a PhD in burger flipping.

          1. Desirée says:

            Grandiosity, sense of entitlement, lack of accountability, projection, denial, deflection…quite the laundry list I am spotting here.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Indeed, every so often a walking, talking example wanders along and it is useful for the cast majority of constructive readers to exercise their new-found learning.

          3. Desirée says:

            I do enjoy these case studies. I would love to have them in a book of yours for both entertainment and educational purposes…but what a weighty tome that would make!

          4. HG Tudor says:

            I have plenty of them. You should see what arrives in my inbox!

          5. Whitney says:

            She’s felt on the defense this whole time

          6. Whitney says:

            I’m sorry, just saw how she attacked someone on a post preceding this and I understand now

    4. Pamela Dianne says:

      Well, HG I had another response to you that must have been deleted.

      Truth is, I just don’t care one way or another. I don’t give over emotional commenters any of my time or understanding. They are anonymous people, keyboard warriors, trying to pick a fight.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        1. It will be in moderation. See the rules.

        2. No, they are not.

        1. Pamela Dianne says:

          Whatever. Trolling is the first form of attack from cult leader like narcs and their blithering followers.
          Be mean in your little 6th grade school yard. Have at it. You guys knock yourselves out.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            PD, the gift which keeps on giving.

    5. Pamela Dianne says:

      Sweetest Perfection, Caroline, et al.

      I don’t care. I’m here for research, not to make friends.

      Have a great day.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        That’s fortunate since you’re not making any.

        1. Pamela Dianne says:

          Not with these low quality people. From your own blog, how good WOULD a friendship be with a narc? No loyalty, methinks. And then you have these Narc worshippers on here looking for popularity with the narc who made this site. Doesn’t sound too healthy both ways, does it to you? Basically I am observing a deep pit that is the narc trying to learn everything from it from a safe distance so I won’t fall in and make a dire mistake. And I can avoid it. But I realize there are insane fan like people who will try to suck onto the shark and leech off it as it swims around looking for prey – hence these over emotional commenters. I must learn to avoid both.
          Thank you for your information, it is rather gracious for you to give it out.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            As ever low on evidence and high on unfounded accusations. You’ve failed to respond logically to my initial observations. Your repeated responses are clear evidence and readers are able to assess what this shows.

          2. Presque Vu says:

            Pamela … reign your ego in here.

            ‘These low quality people’ have all danced with narcissistic relationships, some could never have left them without inside help. No therapist nor other influence could get those people freedom.

            Respect where respect is due. I’m not and never will blow smoke up HG’s arse… but to call us all insane fans leads me very much to your ignorance about what this blog is about.

            We are not worshipers… we are grateful and thankful. I have narc friendships which are just as rewarding as normals… difference is I know what to expect now due to HG’s teachings. They are still valuable friendships to me at least.

            Truth is, the only keyboard warrior I see is you, on the attack.

            Sit down, grab a seat, stay a while. I was very much like you when I first came here. Full of fire and fury because I’d been hurt so much.

            HG is not our narc, he is not the one we loved deeply, but he is a godsend. If you truly want to learn, don’t want to be a ‘groupie’ and want to challenge in an educated manor.. stay and read. Go back to the beginning of the blog. He’s made progress and has a forum of grateful, intelligent, strong, beautiful, and wise women who were ensnared.

            It happens to the best of us. HG despite his confessions.. has helped millions.

            I suggest for someone of your educated lilt.. you research and get your ducks in a row before setting fire to your bridges.

            PS… there was a time I would have crucified you for being so offensive.. power of standing back.. assessing the situation and seeing the bigger picture.. helps.

            Take time to digest what I’ve said.

          3. lisk says:

            You’re too enmeshed to be an impartial observer.

            Surely you learned how to do proper research along the way to your PhD?

          4. Desirée says:

            You will never have to concern yourself with becoming the victim of a narcissist the same way our kind does.
            The information HG provides so graciously is likely lost on you due to your own nature.
            However, the jealousy you display at the gratitude HG receives is unbecoming and your baseless accusations serve no good purpose.
            If you are unable to provide constructive criticism, I suggest you continue your search for validation elsewhere.

          5. NarcAngel says:

            Because we are empaths, we have graciously indulged PD’s goal of gaining a bit of desperate attention through provocation because it is useful for educational purposes in applying what we have learned here, (that she is really just high on drama and low on substance and we all know what that means -except her), but she has not proven to be worth any heavy artillery or further consideration. In short – she is a real snore. Zzzzzzzzzzzzz……

        2. Heather Johnson says:

          HG Tudor!! You are still my hero!! Do u remember me? Bcuz of you & our Sunday afternoon talks back in 2015/2016 I am divorced, free, happy & finally living life again after 10 long horrible years. I dont think I can thank you enough!! 💝💝

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Well done, you’ve seizes the power. You can thank me by spreading the word of my work everywhere.

          2. Whitney says:

            Heather that’s amazing. HG freed me from 2 years of confusion and devastation. He is a hero.

      2. Sweetest Perfection says:

        I’m not here to make friends but I do have good manners, which you don’t. And if anyone has proven to be a spoilt brat so far it is you, little student. Byeeee.

        1. Pamela Dianne says:


      3. Lori says:

        Oh God I have to laugh at this. I have been here long enough to see these “types” on here and they tell you “have a great day” or that they are leaving only to see 12 more responses and we all know they have no intention of stopping. It’s remarkablr how similar their behavior is. Their behavior very predictable like another group of folks we know … hmmmm Lol

        It both annoying and hysterical

  9. misstasia says:

    Thank you for this.Red Flags all over.

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