17 Salvos of Silence




Silence is golden. Or rather, it is a golden weapon when deployed by our kind. The use of silent treatment against our victims is a major part of our portfolio of abusive manipulations. Easy to implement, very low in terms of energy expended but capable of reaping such considerable rewards in terms of fuel, control, the assertion of superiority and the administration of power, it is little wonder that we use it regularly. The application of silence can be used virtually at any time and in nearly every situation. This cold fury causes frustration, upset, fearfulness, concern, confusion and bewilderment. It is perfect at drawing fuel from our victims. It is astonishing just how it affects those it is used against, causing the emotional fuel to froth and spill from the perplexed and worried individual. It causes anxiety and has a most unsettling effect which ensures that those who are subjected to it are unable to understand why it is being used. By maintaining a heightened emotional state, we ensure that you never manage to grasp what is happening and why this passive aggressive tactic is being used. It plays to your desire to know what is happening and why, but you do not realise. You hover around us, asking what is wrong, why are you not speaking to me, what is the matter, please just talk to me. Every sentence you utter, ever plea you make and every beseeched demand just makes us continue it all the more. In those instances, where the silent treatment is administered and we remain proximate to you, we will maintain a glacial mask. An impassive fixed expression which may be punctuated by the occasional baleful glare, but underneath this mask we are smiling and laughing at you. Look at how upset she is, see the confusion in her eyes and wait for it, here comes another question, another plea, another request to be put out of her misery. How the fuel flows and we revel in what we see.

Even when the silent treatment is utilised against you from a distance and we are not physically with you, we are savouring just how you will be reacting. We can picture you frantically jabbing your ‘phone as you send text after text asking us to come home, to call you and just explain what the problem is. We listen to your tear-infused voicemails as you ask us to just let you know that we are okay. Your sobbing promises to work things out and “whatever I have done, I am sorry, but please, please don’t do this to me.” Of course your failure to understand what you have done is used against you in two ways so that you are damned either way. Your admission that you do not know what you have done (which of course is entirely correct, how could you know what has happened when we just walked out of the living room when everybody was say quietly watching television?) just serves to underline, in our minds, that we are right to take this course of action. Good Lord, why should we bother to contact you if you cannot even be bothered to work out what you have done wrong. All the more reason to keep this silence going for a while longer yet. Furthermore, because it is so effective at troubling you and keeping you guessing as to what the reason for this icy front is, we want to continue it.

The silent treatment is used for many reasons. First and foremost, as with all manipulations, it is used to draw fuel. It is to exert control over you. It is to keep you in an emotional place and thus paralysed, unable to see what is happening and unable to think clearly. It is to reinforce that we are powerful, superior and mighty, whilst you are useless and pathetic. You do not know how to please us, you do not know how to remedy matter and you cannot even work out what you have done. You are useless.

There is also a further reason why we use the silent treatment. This is our way of killing you. True enough there are those of our kind who actually do kill their victims. Those people are idiots. They lack control, function and competence and allow their knee-jerk response to override their need for fuel and the ability to do as we please. By committing such an act, by losing control and killing, those of our kind who do this (invariably the lesser of our kind) not only destroy their primary source of fuel (often with no true contingency in place) but they then hand themselves on a plate to the authorities, a prison sentence and the attendance diminution in fuel gathering opportunities that arise from incarceration. As I wrote, they are idiots.

Those of us who exert control over our responses, those of us who are of a higher function, who plot and plan and calculate, do not go down such a route. No, instead we slay with silence and here are seventeen salvos which bring about that quiet death.

  1. Remaining in the room and saying nothing and not even acknowledging you.
  2. Remaining silent but staring malevolently at you.
  3. Talking to others in a social gathering but blanking you.
  4. Ignoring your telephone calls.
  5. Answering your telephone calls but saying nothing as we listen to you beg and plea before ending the call.
  6. Ignoring your text messages.
  7. Allowing you to know we have read your messages but never responding.
  8. Responding to everybody else’s comments on a social media post but not yours.
  9. Inviting everybody in a social group to which you belong, to an event, but not inviting you.
  10. Agreeing to meet for a date and not turn up.
  11. Sleeping in the spare room or on the sofa, anywhere but in the bed with you.
  12. Walking out all of a sudden and completely disappearing.
  13. Not engaging with you directly but acknowledging your existence through a third party – “John, did you hear something then? I thought I heard something squeak/whine/moan” used when you speak.
  14. Extending the silent treatment so it is meted out by lieutenants and members of the coterie.
  15. Responding to any written communication from you by writing “I do not recognise the sender of this letter/message/e-mail”
  16. We talk to you but only about our day, what we want to discuss and do not allow you to speak. We talk over you, ignore what you have to say and behave as if we are talking to ourselves in the mirror.
  17. You hear from other parties that we have been talking in terms as if you do not exist – “Yes, I am going to the wedding next week, I am happy to do so on my own, I am not being controlled then.” Even though you had no idea that we have such a plan in mind. Your existence has been eradicated and deleted by us and relayed back to you by proxy.

Yes, the application of the silent treatment is powerful indeed. It is regarded as a “death blow” against you.

Murdering without feeling has never been so damn appealing.

6 thoughts on “17 Salvos of Silence

  1. Lori says:

    Mr Lesser has taught me that you can be fought with controlled and correctively devalued without a single word for a year with silence and the implementation of blocking and unblocking from his phone. Never a word. I say something he didn’t like bam block only to be unblocked 2 days later. I am happy to say I have no idea if I’m blocked or unblocked right now and I’m not interested in finding out because it doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t. He’s a Narcissist

    1. NarcAngel says:

      Good for you. You’re right – it really doesn’t matter and there is no point. You are far more valuable than to be reduced to checking to see if someone deigns to acknowledge you only for the purpose of controlling you by continued game play.

  2. blackunicorn123 says:

    My mother was the master of silent treatments – covertly, of course. My earliest memories of her are of being ignored. She would hardly ever acknowledge me when we were on our own, but would always do so if there was somebody else in the room. I couldn’t see past the rage I felt emanating from her, it used to overwhelm me when I was little, and it took me until I’d left home to see it clearly for what it was. To paraphrase WiserNow on a different thread – my emotional difficulties were definitely caused by her personality disorder!!! Bitch!

  3. Debs says:

    This was one of the first posts I read that made me realise I had been in a relationship long term with a narcissist.

    Tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick to virtually all of these!

    Variations of silence as a manipulation were the worst. You feel like you don’t exist, like you are not worth even talking to. It doesn’t just affect you with your narc but it effects you outside of this too and really damages your self esteem.

    I used to hate the one word replies in conversations, the either saying nothing or yep, nope, ok etc etc. It was humiliating and frustrating.

    I’d get the hang up calls, no replies to texts, no answering my calls or answering then listening to me sobbing asking what I’d done wrong repeatedly only to have him say nothing. Then after a few hours he’d turn up acting like nothing had happened and tell me I was imagining it he was talking to me he wasn’t ignoring me he hadn’t hung up on me my phone must be playing up?!?!?

    He’d also sit as far away from me as possible once the love bomb phase had ended. Gone were the days of snuggling up on the sofa. He’d go and sit in the armchair and get his laptop out and ignore me.

    Then the just not talking to you at all, the sulks, the inviting you over with lots of earlier talk of the great plans for that night for him to then go to his room shut the door and not speak to you at all and then push you out of the house shut the front door and leave you on the doorstep confused, crying and not being able to understand wtf just happened and have to make your way home alone.

    Plonking you down at a table on a night out and speaking to everyone else but you and you feel humiliated trying to hold it together and keep a smile on your face whilst he’s off talking to everyone else but you.

    I could go on and on and on!

    It makes you feel less than human. I can still see myself silent tears rolling down my face after another one word answer conversation feeling like there’s something wrong with me while his phone then rings and he answers and proceeds to talk to his mate for over an hour in front of me. When the call ends silence again. Mindf**kery at its best.

    Getting stronger each day HG thank you. In fact the last few days I’ve felt the best I have in a long time.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Good to read and you are welcome.

  4. Tamara says:

    I have learned to enjoy the silence since everything that comes out of their mouths are all lies, anyway. In fact, their actions are lies, too, for the most part.

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