A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 50

YA DANCER
Hi ,

I don’t know if you’ll remember but last time we met at a mutual friend’s party, you said that you were going to text me that weekend to arrange to meet to ‘try to sort things out’. Maybe you were drunk, maybe you did forget, but most likely you just wanted to see how I’d react to that suggestion . The wild U turn out of the blue. My face gave away my lack of interest, I know. That must have gone down badly, as in your mind, I should have been all too delighted to get a chance to see you again.

I don’t have your number and you blocked me anyway. I can’t phone you so I’m sending you this letter instead.The truth is I didn’t expect to hear from you. And more importantly I can’t keep trying to ‘fix’ the unfixable.

I realise your expectations in life are very different from mine. You don’t see the need to apologise, ever, as in your eyes (but only yours), you’ve never done anything requiring any apology anyway.

It’s your massive sense of entitlement that drives that nonsense. So misplaced really, in one so lacking in genuine positive qualities. But I understand it now. You’ve got to compensate and cover up that real sense of inadequacy that you’ll never be able to admit to. That wounded small child, who never got enough love or attention, hiding deep inside you, controlling you even now, without you even knowing it must be masked with that false pomposity and arrogant superiority.

I  still feel a wee bit sorry for you but not like before. I now see that all you can do with empathy and love is abuse it, use it, manipulate it, and twist it into something that you can berate with. “Oh so sensitive, oh so quick to take offence, oh so stupid, so messed up, so dull”…oh so.. whatever negative flaws you had to project onto me. I get it now. It’s all about you really, as it always was. You can’t bear to see any flaws in yourself so spew them out onto others.

You reveal your own truths so blatantly through this behaviour.  But, I guess I have to thank you for  something at least. You shone a light onto parts of me that needed to be looked at and nurtured. My dealings with you have taught me that my instincts are bang on and need to be listened to.Not ignored or submerged.

My boundaries are not ever going to be eroded away to the extent I allowed them to be by your fake charm, your pretences, your sob stories, your lies and your ultimate devaluation.  You saw emotional honesty as weakness.  Yes, I can be sensitive but I’m far from weak as I suspect you also now realise.

The greatest irony in this sorry tale is that you are the weak one, the needy one, the one lacking in self-awareness, the dysfunctional one, and not me as you tried so hard to convince me. It took me a while but I really am now utterly indifferent to you. You’ve faded to a small dot on the horizon in my memory. You won’t like that I know but you always did express your own opinions with no regard to how they would be received so I’m doing the same here.

I hold no real bitterness now but I also have no desire to ever see you again. I wont ever entirely forget you but you’ve ceased to matter now. It took a while but I got there as I hoped I would. It made me very sad but I saw how the cycle would continue if I kept trying to keep you as part of my life.

Take care of yourself and know that whilst I did genuinely care about you, this is a real goodbye. Not a  manipulative silent treatment to exert control like you employed, but a genuine and sincere…… farewell.
Ya dancer.

4 thoughts on “A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 50

  1. KellyD says:

    I couldn’t even get to the end before needing to say that I really get this letter. The words are what I feel and think about myself and my burden.
    “Oh so sensitive, oh so quick to take offence, oh so stupid, so messed up, so dull”…oh so.. whatever negative flaws you had to project onto me”, yes, all that was said at one time or another. He says I’m predictable because of my honest emotional reactions. He says it as an insult. I find him predictable in his coldness and his inability to meet someone halfway. Yes, I’m sensitive. A loving partner would embrace that and be gentle with that, not manipulate and hurt.
    “You shone a light onto parts of me that needed to be looked at and nurtured. My dealings with you have taught me that my instincts are bang on and need to be listened to.Not ignored or submerged.” Yes, all is not lost in these relationships. Lessons can be learned.

  2. Lillith says:

    This letter is so similar to the last one I sent to my ex-narc. Even better. Wish I would have seen this first. Thank you, Ya Dancer!

  3. Joanne says:

    Love this letter. Crisp and concise and strong while keeping fuel levels flat. Well done!

  4. Supernova DE says:

    “Yes, I can be sensitive but I’m far from weak as I suspect you also now realise.” – Love this line!!
    Logic dispels the weakness, amen!

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