Dear Toaster Breath,
I give you this name due to you having partaken of the twelve years of my wares.
I need to inform you that I found your Refridgerator’s phone number. After she and I had lunch a month ago, she slipped your phone away, and cracked your “Set as Secret” numbers, while you were Zannied Up and passed out. She almost duct taped you to the living room table. Luckily I talked her out of it.
We called your Washer, Dryer, Stove and finally your Can Opener. After lunch last week, we discussed your behavior, and you may have started noticing..one by one your Appliances mal-functioning.
Fear not, there are pictures.
P.S. Your Laundry is done. The ashes are in the fireplace.