Victim or Volunteer-Part One

I seduced you. There is no doubt that this happened. I was the protagonist and I brought you under my spell. But let us go a little further back. I chose you. I identified you as a prospect and then undertook my investigative work to determine that you had what I was looking for (you did) and then I began to gather the material that would aid my seduction of you. You had no idea that you had walked into my sights. You had no idea that my gaze followed you around the room, that I observed where you worked, where you lived and began the careful assimilation of information about who you are from your friends and your online presence. In fact, your social media contribution was instrumental in allowing me to ascertain that you fitted the profile that I require in those I target. Not only that, your tendency to plaster your life over the internet provided me with a plethora of material to use in my seduction. More than most I felt I really did know you before I even met you. There are enough warnings about remaining safe on-line, plenty of guides about how to be secure in your internet dealings and to chart the waters of cyberspace in an enjoyable yet cautious manner. Not that you paid any regard to this as comments, photographs, location tags and such like were thrown like broadcasted seeds out into cyberspace. You posted photographs which showed inside your home, it was easy enough from your frequent location tags to work out the neighbourhood where you lived and then using the photographs to identify which was your house. You didn’t see me sat in the car outside as I waited one morning for the confirmation that was where you lived. I had a good look through your windows as well seeing as how you opened all the blinds and that hedge meant nobody saw me taking note of what lay within you house. Some might say that such an approach meant you asked for what happened. Would it be uncharitable to suggest that your lax approach to sharing your life on social media caused you to stand out as a ready target?

It was not difficult to engage you. You are after all a bright and vivacious person with many friends. Indeed, those friends enjoy talking about you to people and they offered up more information about you. Perhaps you should re-consider who you trust with information about you. I was always pushing on an open door with you and even the surprising hesitancy you showed when I suggested we sit in a booth together in that bar was soon overcome as I began to mirror you.

Did you not think it strange that I just happened to like jet ski-ing and was apparently a member of the same club as you, that I loved Thai food and enjoyed dance music? Our mutual love of rugby (I had to swot up on that admittedly) provided the opening for a date at a rugby match. Did you not think it was unusual that we clicked on so many levels or were you just swept away by the fact we did and therefore never gave it a second thought? Some might suggest that this was opening yourself up to my charms rather too quickly or are they being unduly critical of you?

We attended the rugby in the afternoon and I had already arranged dinner at a restaurant I knew you often frequented. You expressed such delight at this surprise by planting a huge kiss on my lips. I knew you are an excitable person but did you ever stop to think how, out of the thousands of restaurants in this city, I knew this was your favourite? You actually did ask me, as we dined, how I knew about this place and I explained a client had recommended it to me. When you explained it was your favourite I feigned surprise and added that I just thought you might like it. You did not pick up on how I was able to secure a booking on a Saturday and an excellent table to boot, but then how were you to know about the slipped notes passed to a member of staff. After all, I move with an air of considered confidence so it all fitted together didn’t it that I would command such close attention from the waiting staff through the evening.

You even missed the fact that somewhat inebriated I was able to tell the taxi driver where you lived. I had become somewhat amused at how easy this was proving to be. Your readiness to down glass after glass of wine in the company of someone you had not long ago met. Was that remiss of you or was it understandable given the way I made myself seem so familiar to you through my background work on you. I decided to let slip your address to the taxi driver, even though you had not given it to me, yet you completely missed this. As I helped you into the taxi, ever the gent, you missed the almost reptilian smile I gave. I didn’t. I saw it reflected back at me in the window of the taxi.

I had earlier plied you with plaudits and listened to you offer me up even more information, telling me where you worked, what you did there, information about your colleagues, taking me through your relationships with your family, your favourite musicals and so on. I logged it all as you opened up to me, pouring so much knowledge in my direction. There are those who might consider that to be a natural thing to do, the social lubrication which makes the interpersonal relationship easier and who is to say they are wrong? You accepted my compliments with good grace and returned them which pleased me considerably. I had to stop myself laughing out loud as you declared those phrases which told me that all lights are green.

“I feel like I have known you for years.”

“This is wonderful; we have so much in common.”

“You know me so well, it is fantastic.”

I threw a few of our well-used favourites back at you,

“I think we were fated to meet.”

“I’ve never clicked with anybody the way I have with you.”

“I know it is only the second time we have spent together but I feel a connection with you.”

I may as well have stood on the restaurant table and waved a huge red flag in front of you with klaxons blaring in the background. You did not notice. Was that negligent of you? Ought you, as a self-professed intelligent and independent person, to have seen these warning signs and acted on them? Perhaps you did and decided that the risk was worth taking. If that was the case, I know that there are people who would regard you as consenting to our entanglement with some degree of knowledge that something was not quite right but you were happy to waive this concern, it was too tempting to miss out on someone like me. Was that how it flashed through your mind?

The dates came and went and my tendrils wrapped around you. I stayed over in your house on the second date. You yielded readily to my overtures and we engaged in frenetic, athletic love-making which enabled me to play one of my aces. It was following one such energetic coupling that you held me and with sincerity shining from your eyes whispered that you felt you were falling in love with me. I smiled and nodded because after all, love comes quickly with our type and I was positively delighted that you had given this indication even before I had opportunity to play that particular card. Did you replay that conversation and all the other beautiful ones we had that evening of love-making? Of course you did. You always do because the recall of such scintillating times causes a soaring sensation in your chest. Did you evaluate what this meant? Did you consider it against other relationships in order to benchmark your feelings? Some might suggest that the cautious and sensible would do so and apply some slowing touches and undertake some verification of everything that you were being told, but you did not. Was that slipshod of you? You were given the signs. You were handed the warnings. They were plain enough to see. Many of them were conventional in nature. I only hid them in plain sight, as I always do. Perhaps you are at fault for not paying heed to them? Then again how could you be expected to resist me? I have done this so many times and you (surprisingly) have not been seduced by my kind behaviour. I bet you have said the label attached to my type less than half a dozen times. How could you be expected to put up any resistance when you are being flattered and wooed in such a convincing manner? Why would you stop someone from being so pleasant? Who would? Maybe it is an entirely unfeeling and harsh judge who expected you to know better and remain vigilant?

You let me in. You opened the door and left it open whilst providing me with a key to it and the back door too. You allowed me to permeate every element of your life from your bed to your buddies. Should you have listened to that one friend who cautioned you against moving so quickly? She was just bitter wasn’t she? After all, that is what we told you and why on earth would you have any reason to disagree with us? Your family all felt I was wonderful, even your sister who in the past has been notoriously difficult to please (actually she isn’t, you just need to know what to say but that’s a different story) so you could be forgiven for deeming their reactions as an accurate weather gauge of who I was. How could you have known what was coming? You are no clairvoyant and who would not have taken advantage of being chosen by such a wonderful, charming, magnetic and loving person as I? All my friends spoke highly of me. Did you not pick up on how rehearsed they often sounded when lauding my attributes? No, never mind, it was too much to expect you to do so wasn’t it.

On went our relationship, two entwined lovers, the world at our feet, happiness all around us, a beautiful and enchanting romance. Who would not want such a thing? You have to have an open heart haven’t you otherwise you can never be happy? You have to trust don’t you otherwise you will never find anybody? You have to bare your chest and lift your throat to the world. Nothing ventured, nothing gained and so on. Anybody else would have done the same, surely? Are you to be judged by the universal standard and forgiven for not seeing a predator making his way towards you, snaking his tendrils about you and sinking those sugar-coated fangs into your naïve neck? Or ought you have noticed but became too caught up in your fantasy of perfect love that you blinded yourself. Does that make you culpable? Then again, did you see the signs but actually ignored them, content to brush them to one side because your heart told you this was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be with me.

Were you a victim?

Or did you volunteer?

14 thoughts on “Victim or Volunteer-Part One

  1. AR says:

    I volunteered. I was suspecting that he could be a narcissist since it was obvious for me to notice that he lacked empathy. He laughed out loud when i called my brother narcissist( i wanted to see his reaction). I was obsessed with twin flame concept and actually needed his support. Moreover i enjoy playing with fire and studying people with different personalities. I had been through hell and saw the worst in people. It kinda made me fearless person.

  2. deniseisdone says:

    Ouch! I can honesty say a little bit of both – I questioned myself on some things but in that same breath justified them too! Kinda hard to admit that….

  3. Desirée says:

    I pledge victim, your grace.
    My engagement with your kind was forced upon me by way of parental abuse. Any further contact with your kind was intented to heal the injuries dealt by that very first encouter.
    But really, the point of a lot of empaths semi-willingly participating is a valid one. I would like to think that for the majority of our kind, once you understand what their perspective is truly like and how redundant their behavioral patterns are destined to be, the luster comes right of.
    Doesn’t make us immune because like Lucifer, the narcissist presents himself in the form of everything you ever wanted.
    But I feel like the inherent desire of the empath to engage with the narcissist is for the purpose of reenacting painful patterns to try and resolve them once and for all, even though it can’t be done like that.

  4. Tamara says:

    I am sure that Sociopaths, everywhere, laugh at me.

  5. Tamara says:


  6. Tamara says:

    I feel utterly stupid

  7. Tamara says:

    Sorry, I’m just a bit… mixed up by all of this, really.

    1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

      Dear Tamara,
      No one here is laughing at you precious and please don’t feel stupid
      It’s natural to feel mixed up
      We support one another here
      Just hang in there gorgeous
      We’ve got your back …. ok … and so does Mr Tudor ☺️
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      1. Tamara says:

        Thank you, Bubbles. I thought I was sticking up for a friend; an underdog, but as it turned out, it was, she, who was manipulating me all along.

        I made the mistake of looking through her eyes, and failing to look through my own. I always and forever believe everybody’s sob story.

        And I look back now and realize, why would she have sent me other people’s private emails, but to trigger me, and cause a reaction.

        I believe she was.more than a BPD, but a sadistic Narcissist, as well, playing everybody against everyone else.

        I hope I’m responding to the right comment…lol; I cannot see the comment in which you are referring, Bubbles, but I think I know which one it is.

        The ones I was told were the monsters were the friends, and the ones I was told were the friends were the monsters, all along. This is how it has always been in my life. It has left me confused, and not sure of what I am supposed to believe, or what I am missing.

        Thank you so much for your king comment, Bubbles. It is very much taken to heart with appreciation & gratitude. ♥️ xxxooo

        1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

          Dearest Tamara,
          I’m very saddened to read all you have been endured my sweet
          It’s heartbreaking when you are dealing with so called “friends” who let you down big time ( one friend of mine was so draining I had to stay away from her)….. very negative ! Positive, happy people are the best for you’re overall health n wellbeing
          Unfortunately, there are “users n abusers” out there, who are looking for a dumping ground, a reaction, game playing or just there to stir the pot
          Getting a “reaction” is a tell tale sign ….beware !
          Always trust your female intuition, never second guess
          Don’t believe everything someone tells you ….gossip is also a sign!
          As NarcAngel recently and most brilliantly described, nasty people fly in here as seagulls, squark heaps, flap their wings, crap everywhere. then leave …haha
          The only “evil” person “here” is (with respect ) is Mr Tudor….. he ranks número uno
          Everyone here has suffered immensely my precious, you are not alone
          You’ve come to the best place for understanding, knowledge, help and seizing the power … stone is left unturned here
          Mr Tudor’s exceptional n masterfully crafted work is very raw, confronting, real and hard to digest, however, he’s also extremely humerous and will help you seize the power n set you free precious one
          You sound like a beautiful loving, caring n most intelligent person
          Believe in youself, learn to know yourself and finally love yourself
          With warmest of hugs to you my lovely
          Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          1. Tamara says:


            Thank you; you are the one here whom everyone loves, and with good reason. You build others up, even when they are feeling wretched. I feel inspired after reading your words. Thank you so much.

            Still, I am to blame, too. Like that one article that Mr. Tudor wrote, “Victim or Volunteer”. I wonder why I must make myself learn everything the hard way. It would seem as if there might be some “stupidity” involved in my decision-making; but, at the risk of sounding as if I am making excuses, my entire life, from early childhood, until even now, has been a plight of reckless confusion, and Cognitive Dissonance, and without the natural common sense that others seem to have.

            But, I am teachable, able to absorb information, (hopefully, I am taking in the correct information!), and my intentions are well-meaning. So, there is hope for me despite that my actions, sometimes, are duhhhh’mb.

            Sometimes I wonder if Mr. Tudor ever sees my comments or weird Consultation questions, and since he is so intelligent, thinks… “Wow… just f….’ing Wow; WTF??? F….. pathetic”. Or, if he’s been around enough of all kinds to just sort of be like, “Ya…another one of “those””.

          2. Tamara says:

            Forgot to write: Love and big hugs back to you, Bubbles ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ And, thank you.

          3. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest Tamara,
            Thank you my precious for your reply ..your sweet kind words touched my heart immensely
            Do not and I mean….. do not , put yourself down like that
            You are belittling yourself, comparing yourself and making assumptions that are absolutely not there
            Think positive sweet pea
            We are only human, we all make mistakes ….. however…. narcs are something else !
            I helped someone in need, so did you …… is that a blame game ….no ! We thought we were doing the right thing at that time
            We are good people ….we have all been tricked by narcs
            If we knew better, we would’ve
            Life is about participating …. good or bad
            In order to learn, mistakes must be made, which in turn, we mature n grow
            That’s why some people stay at learning institutions longer ….. to learn, that’s what life is all about ….learning
            Mr Tudor would not think about you in that way at all
            He’s here to provide knowledge, for us to seize the power and to leave his legacy
            We are all learning the hard way my lovely and mine started in childhood as well
            “Duhhhh’mb” … are far from it sweet heart
            Everything you say “is relevant” ….no matter how big or small, it means something to you ….. please never forget that
            This is “your” time now precious … forget all the rest
            You’re a winner Tamara , you can do this ….and you will
            Know your worth my lovely, because to me , you are definitely worth it
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  8. Tamara says:

    I went down some of my comments on my blog and wrote this to both those assaulters: “I know now that you are trying to trigger me, Emotion Detective, just like the other one, Tigerchelle, always was doing to me, so stop it. You are full of deceit. And with Michelle, she would go behind the scenes, through my email, trying to trigger me constantly about TIN, and then come on all the comments, even including Twitter, acting all innocent. I wouldn’t be surprised if you two were one, and the same.

    And yet, the commenters on TIN’s blog were always nice to me, but not nice to the two of you. So, you wanted me to turn on them. But, I always said that I was “angry at TIN, but had no issue with his commenters, except for my jealousy due to Triangulation caused by TIN”. But, that is what Sociopath’s do. In the scope of things, Tin was actually much nicer to me than you two ever were to me. He wasn’t tricky with me and underhanded the way you two were.

    Imagine, the Sociopath was nicer to me than you two underhanded, deceptive, manipulative, fake friends had ever been.

    And strange, Michelle, how you got angry at me for having several accounts, (as if it was even any of your business), and yet, from where did you get bad at me from? Why, from your Alternative Account!

    Ya, you two, Michelle (Tigerchelle) and Agnieska (Emotion Detective) are more toxic than anyone I’ve befriended online, as of yet! You purposely trigger people to create drama and discord. It’s horrible! I was so naive! You know who set me straight? HG Tudor! He’s the hero! He’s really does help victims of Narcissistic Abuse. He rescued me from your webs!

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