Protection
I am just a baby in your arms. I am fragile, brittle and vulnerable. You see I was broken when I was so, so young. I did not know any different and all I wanted was to be told that I was good. I did everything I could to please them but it was never deemed enough. I don’t know why I could not make them love me but it just did not happen. Perhaps if I had tried harder. I know it is my fault really but I did not know any better. They took something from me, I still do not know what it really is, but I think you do. I think you hold the answer because of who you are. I try to be a good person, I really do but there is just something that stops me from being that decent and compassionate person. I see what you and people like you do and I cannot help but wish I was the same. Sometimes I want it so much it makes me do things I should not do because I cannot control the jealousy that rises and makes me do those Bad Things. Believe me, I fight against it but I have not had the strength to defeat the wickedness but I have you now don’t I? You will shield me and give me the fortitude I require to complete my journey to redemption. Everything that has happened before was borne out of me lacking you. Those things that I have done, well, I am not proud of them but I was weak and knew no better. I did not have you to lead and guide me. The others, you see, those others promised me that they would take care of me but they were just pretenders and charlatans who took from me and left me twisted and beaten in the dust. Sometimes I had to fight back. That was when I struck out at them. I did not want to, truly I did not want to do those things, but sometimes I was given no choice. I know all that has gone now because you are here. You are the person I have waited for for so long. I believe in you and how you can save me. You are my caretaker, my salvation and my rock. I look to you and you give me such hope. You show me that there is a better way, a road that leads to salvation. It is a road that will take me away from the Badlands and the darkness. I understand the road may be long, it may wind through difficult places but ultimately, with you holding my hand, I know that I will reach that place where I need not be afraid any longer. I need not hurt and lash out but instead I can harness the real goodness that is somewhere deep inside me.
You told me that it is there and I believe you. You know about these things. That is the way you have been made. You are the carer, the healer and the peacemaker. You must understand why it is that you are so special to me. You are the only one who truly understands what is to be me and you are the only one who can save me. I will place my heart in your hands and let you care for it. I have been broken, I have been broken for far too long, a shattered and fractured creature who has had to endure living this way without any hope of redemption, until you came along. Please, make me a better person. Please care for me and nurse me and hold my hand when the demons come. I look to you and only you and in those optimistic eyes of yours I find absolution.
All I want is to be loved. It is not too much to ask is it. I am a noble yet broken person and you hold the power to make me what I want to be, what I should be. I am like a baby in your arms. I am vulnerable yet with you there anything becomes possible. I know you will love me, care for me and protect me. You will save me. You are the only one.
You fall for this speech.
Every time.
15 thoughts on “Protection”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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JG does the smearing ever end ?
Oops HG 😍😍
Who is JG? If you mean HG, yes – read the book Smeared to understand more, that is why I wrote it.
HG,
when someone tells me I had been like a predator towards him, lol, what do you think that means?
More like … traditional role thinking, or that he is usually the predator, or …. that I’m simply too easily to see through?
It means (assuming this person is a narcissist) that he sees you as the protagonist and he is the victim.
And if he’s a normal?
But either way it’s a way to say he has no responsibility?
It’s been a hot minute since I have logged on to this site. The first time I came here I was emotionally wrecked, knowing something was wrong but not exactly what.
Slowly I garnered insight into the mind of a narcissist as well as myself and other victims. The treacherous path changed many times over, from loss, to fear, to outrage, to revenge. The ultimate goal was apathy.
On this journey I rediscovered myself, and my marriage. My goal of apathy took a turn. I was in the right place. I had the time. I made the choice.
I stayed away. I opted out of revenge and realized that apathy is not a choice. It is not in my nature to be apathetic. As far as revenge – I’ve already had it. The moment that I shut down and walked away and exposed the truth I wrecked havoc.
I don’t need apathy. I don’t need revenge. But rest be assured my love, I will never fall for that speech again.
My thanks, HG. To you as well as the other victims here who have shared their plight. Finally, I can forgive.
You are welcome and well done.
Wounded
That was great to read.
Still in the anal phase, are we?
How do I get him out of my house. He refuses to leave
I need more information to understand context so I can assist you. I recommend you organise a consultation.
Married 5 years and have a 4 year old daughter of who is being traumatized by it all. We have a blended family with adult kids and his pitting them is terrible. Invited his whole family over for Father’s Day and began to make all the plans excluding me. When I told him how I felt he cancelled the BBQ. Worse father’s Day I ever had! Would his 20 year old daughter be a source for supply? Why does he protect his narc mother and blame everything on his poor dad who is obviously a changed man. I’ve asked him to leave he says I’ll have to get a court order and of course love bombing begins followed by the cycle. Btw is there any kind of treatment for narcissists????
Yes. No contact.
You control yourself. You cannot control, treat, heal or fix us.