The Sense of Loss


People always struggle with loss. It might be at the top of the scale where you have suffered a bereavement and lost a well-loved family member. It could be the loss of your home where you have lived for twenty years, owing to damage or repossession. It may be the loss of your job, a loss of good health all the way down to something far less important but a loss never the same, of your favourite restaurant when it closes or your daily caffeine injection from a coffee shop because you are economising. Take something away from someone and they will experience sadness, frustration, upset, anger and sometimes confusion. Since people are governed by emotions rather than cool, hard logic, the loss of something often has a devastating and traumatic effect, especially in respect of major losses such as a spouse or partner. Once uponΒ  a time your parents seemed as if they would live forever. They were always there. They raised you, guided you and supported you. They let you find your own way through life but if ever you needed them they were always there to listen and help and then one day you find they have gone and you are left with a huge black hole in your life. Your best friend who you have known for over twenty-five years was a huge part of your life. You spoke daily, laughed about your younger selves and the scrapes you got into, supported one another and cruised through life like the dynamic duo until they have gone and you feel a massive void since their departure to the next life or another continent, dependent on the circumstances. Remove something from a person’s life and they are left with hurt, despondency and despair. This is all the more so when it is something or someone wonderful and delightful. Then the emptiness becomes a howling wilderness.

Of course we are fully aware of how loss affects people from our repeated study of people. We also know that being able to gift someone something wonderful and then remove it, is a sign of considerable power. A power that can be wielded with considerable effects. The power of withdrawal, even if just threatened, can bring about an extreme reaction in the subject. This is something we are fully aware of and something which we take advantage of.

We gave you everything in the beginning. We provided you with a love beyond compare, a dizzying array of compliments, a barrage of desire and a tsunami of flattery. We raised you up, higher and higher and sprayed you with affection, passion and generosity. The light was bright, warm and golden and we let it shine every day just for you. We allowed you to bask in this golden period of utter ecstasy and in return you gave us everything that you had in pursuit of the maintenance of this golden period. Without warning we withdrew it. The door was closed and the shutters lowered and once where you had walked happily and freely you too found yourself transported to the howling wilderness where you stood alone beneath grey, leaden skies as a cold and unforgiving wind whipped around you. It felt like someone had died.

Whereas once we uttered such sweet, sweet words to you, there is now only silence. The reassuring embrace of our arms and lips has somehow vanished and you feel stripped and vulnerable. All of the places we took you to and shared seem so distant and you begin to wonder whether they really happened. Alone and distraught,you wander this wilderness searching for us. Occasionally you catch a glimpse of us but in an instant we have disappeared as you stumble along. The kindness has been removed. The long nights of sexual congress which went beyond anything you have experienced before has been taken away, leaving your bed a cold,hard slab where rest is to be endured rather than enjoyed. If we even grace you with our presence in that place where we once coupled each and every night, a writhing mass of limbs and mouths that explored and pleasured, all you know now is our back which is defiantly presented to you each night. That’s if we even come to bed at all. The spare room or the sofa seem to attract us more than you these days.

We know that taking away this passion, desire, interest, largesse and kindness is like a hammer blow. It is as if we have died but yet you can still see us, touch us and hear us which makes the sense of loss even greater and all the more confusing. Like a pet-owner dangling a bone in front of a salivating puppy, we occasionally open the shutters and allow the golden period to return and the joy and the relief which washes over you at the restoration of his oh most glorious time is electrifying and so is the extent of your gratitude and delight. Yet it is ephemeral. It is like a wonderful dream that has transported you away from all the hurt and misery, but just like a dream when you open your eyes in the morning, it has gone.

The power that comes with withdrawal and your predictable reaction to it, mean that it is a method of manipulation that cannot be ignored. To bestow and then deny has you caught in the strings of our puppetry as we jerk you back and forth between granting those things that you desire the most and then taking them away from you. Your reactions and the control this grants us means that it is so simple yet so effective and something we can never withdraw from doing.

44 thoughts on “The Sense of Loss

  1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

    Dear Bekah B,
    Hope little one n beautiful mum are both doing well
    Best wishes and congratulations gorgeous
    Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  2. Bekah B says:


    My son was born today in the USA.. He weighs 6 pounds, 1 ounce and is 19.5 inches long..

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Congratulations. Did you play Bruce Springsteen as he was delivered.

      1. Bekah B says:

        Thanks, HG.. And Lol!! I did not.. All I heard was the sound of my own anguish.. So glad it’s all over.. πŸ™‚

        1. HG Tudor says:

          One of my Lieutenants was born champagne cork style and the midwife had to catch him.
          I of course was not born but drawn from the spawning vat.

          1. Lou says:

            Oh, I thought you just came down to Earth smelling like freshly baked cookies and surrounded by angels and demons singing hallelujah.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Only when I am seducing someone religious.

          3. MB says:

            My niece was born like a slippery champagne cork too. She was almost dropped. If she had been, it would have explained a lot! Ha ha

          4. HG Tudor says:

            Ha ha, perhaps she was more a Prosecco cork?

          5. foolme1time says:

            Seeing you in a delivery room would be quite the sight HG. πŸ€£πŸ™ƒ

          6. HG Tudor says:

            I look good in scrubs

          7. foolme1time says:

            I’m sure you think so HG. Lol I meant everyone in the room giving the attention to the Mother and baby and you desperately trying to turn there attention to you. Although with you there probably would be no desperation you will always find a way in any situation to gather ⛽️. πŸ™ƒ

          8. HG Tudor says:

            Desperately? I think not, FM1T.

          9. foolme1time says:

            Haha HG, I new you would write that, that is why I wrote the second part and still you could not let it go. πŸ™ƒ

          10. Bekah B says:

            Oh wow, I bet that was a sight to see.. Very dramatic, indeed..

            And of course you were, HG.. LOL!! I like the way you put that.. Superior you are, indeed.. πŸ˜‰

    2. foolme1time says:

      Congratulations Bekah! I hope you and the baby are doing well.

      1. Bekah B says:

        Hey, foolme1time!! Thank you so much!! We are doing pretty well, getting adjusted to our new life here at home.. I appreciate you so much!! ❀

        1. foolme1time says:

          Hello Bekah, Thank you for your kind words. I am happy to hear that all is going well with you and your sweet boy! Enjoy him Bekah, they grow up so very fast. Please don’t forget to take care of yourself also sweetie. πŸ˜˜πŸ’ž

    3. NarcAngel says:

      Congratulations Bekah. That is a wonderful new focus to have. I know you will be busy but know we are thinking of you.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Looks like I will have to add some baby wear items to The House of Tudor.

        1. lisk says:

          A GOSO onesie would be the cutest thing.

          And what a message to send to the world at such a young age!

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Or ‘I’m HG’s’ – that would raise a few eyebrows.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Or on the front ‘I’, HG’s’
            and then on the reverse
            ‘Latest Student’.
            That would entertain.

          3. foolme1time says:

            Lisk across the bum of the onesie they could print, Once you know you go. πŸ™ƒ

        2. Bubbles 🍾 says:

          Dear Mr Tudor,
          Little HG baby blankets, n onesies …. how cute !
          Then there’s animal clothing, cats n dogs, horses (FM1T) as well eg
          “I helped, with crossing the emotional sea, I left a piddle”
          “I was part of the logic defence, I bite ”
          “I excorcise too, I (meowed, barked or cried) at 3am”
          ” I can goso , I run fast”
          “Look, at my narcs tale …. it wags”
          Just a thought πŸ’­
          Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      2. Bekah B says:

        Thank you so much, NarcAngel!! And you are absolutely right!! But I’m thinking of you all, as well, and sincerely appreciate your support.. It means so much to me during this time.. ❀

    4. FYC says:

      Congratulations Bekah and Happy Birthday to your new son!

      1. Bekah B says:

        Thank you so much, FYC!! ❀

    5. KellyD says:

      Congratulations Bekah B!! Welcome to the world, your precious new son.

      1. Bekah B says:

        Thank you so much, KellyD!! ❀

    6. Lou says:

      Congratulations, Bekah! I am glad you and your baby are fine.
      All the best.

      1. Bekah B says:

        Thanks, Lou!! I appreciate that!! ❀

    7. mai51 says:

      Brilliant news Bekah! I hope everything went well, and I bet your daughter is beside herself to have a little brother to play with.

      Mai x

      1. Bekah B says:

        Awww, thanks Mai!! She is now always remarking he is “so cute”.. Lol.. It will be a joy to watch them grow together.. Thank you again.. ❀

    8. Mercy says:

      Congratulations Bekah! Such great news. Thank you for letting us know.

      1. Bekah B says:

        Thank you, Mercy!! And absolutely!! I appreciate you all’s support, always.. ❀

    9. MB says:

      Congratulations Bekah B! Thank you for letting us share in your joy.

      1. Bekah B says:

        Thank you so much, MB!! I appreciate everyone’s support always.. ❀

    10. K says:

      Bekah B
      Awwww….congratulations! I am so happy for you!!!!

      1. Bekah B says:

        Thank you, K!! I appreciate you so much!! ❀

    11. blackunicorn123 says:

      Congratulations Bekah!!

      1. Bekah B says:

        Thank you very much!! ❀

  3. KellyD says:

    That’s so mean.

  4. AR says:

    One of my favorite quotes:”Don’t put all your eggs in one basket”. Life taught me to rely only on myself. That’s the reason why it is important to be independent and have solid life foundation before entering a relationship. When you don’t rely on anyone(not necessarily romantic partner) to make you happy, it is much easier to move forward even you lose someone who was important to you as you are able to be happy even without them.

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