Can You Have A Successful Intimate Relationship With A Narcissist?

CAN YOU HAVE A SUCCESSFUL INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP WITH A NARCISSIST_

Surely you can, yes? Just heap on the compliments. Or maybe be completely compliant? Or maybe you need to follow a lot of the awful ‘advice’ out there about how you can control/manipulate/co-exist with the narcissist. Or you could get weaponised and listen to this instead.

Listen to the insight here

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43 Comments

  1. We never forget, your highness! Lean back in that mahogany armchair, put your feet on that teal velvet ottoman and enjoy our gushing praises. Those are excellent candles, you know.

  2. I wish I could have listen to your wisdom long time ago, HG Tudor ! Instead trying to save what cannot be changed – a marriage with a narcs and wasting years in a lost battle. Although I shredded some tears ( painful memories) whilst listening , I must admit your vocabulary and accent. Thank you from the bottom of my heart educating us! I have read many psychological articles about narcissism and even studied a bit at Uni about control, power ( as a part of my studies ) . Honestly, from all those previous studying I had no cue what the narcissism is! Maybe that’s why I was entangled for so long with my ex husband- assuming that he is just difficult, but loved me ; just I needed to be more and more patient and supportive. But you Sir, opened my eyes ! Thanks to the knowledge I gained from you , I was able to spot the reg flags in very early stage into another post divorce relationship so I quit.

  3. Sometimes, you just need both barrels between the eyes. I know I do. No fluff, no putting it gently, no room for manoeuvre, no room to clutch at straws. You shouldn’t be able to walk away from this, even with crippling ET and think “but, it’s different for me…we are special…etc., etc.”. The logic will punch through eventually. You may fight it and deny it, and maybe for a long time, but it will get through.

  4. Hg, so good to hear your unique voice again. As always, precise, factual, and brilliant.

    1. Avoiding and or all of the following – being beaten up, left sobbing, waiting for the phone to ring, undervalued, made to feel sad, made to feel jealous, made to feel worthless, treated like an object, raped, having your money taken, never offered any emotional support, used, never offered or given any financial support, verbally abused, treated like you do not exist, ignored, invalidated, ridiculed, talked over, always a second thought, kept waiting, made to feel frustrated, made to feel anger, teased, violated, having your children abused, ostracised from your family and friends, losing your job, never apologised to, given no respect, left wondering where we are, stood up, having plans cancelled at the last minute without apology or explanation, never having your birthday remembered, having holidays ruined, never being taken anywhere, made to feel cheap, made to feel like a sex object, failing to concentrate on your job, failing to be an effective parent, isolated and secluded, told what to do, shouted at, having your property taken, having your property damaged, unable to sleep, living in fear – shall I go on?

        1. Me too Lorelei. It obliterates the smothering amnesia or silent denial that descends after each and every offense until it becomes one, big life of “this is normal”

      1. I agree, this list is great. I made a very similar list last year, where I wrote down all the negativity. Anyone that suffers from ET and relationship amnesia should save it, print it out, or use it as a screensaver. It’s a universal list.

        I also agree with the comments about your voice, HG. And that is another sign, or reminder, that I’ll never be completely safe from falling for a narcissist, because “my” narc had a voice that made me feel very comfortable, I loved listening to him. He was soft-spoken and that, in combination with his love and taste for music, made him appear very sensitive and deep.
        If I didn’t know anything about your narcissism, HG, I would totally believe you to be a poetic, deep, romantic man that cares. A writer with a troubled soul.
        That probably means I will have to carry Red Flag with me everywhere I go, for the rest of my life.

        1. Indeed and that is how dangerous we are. We not only fit in, we become that which you desire the most.

          1. Rachel, I agree. I also imagine that to people who meet HG in real life, he very much comes across as a Byronic Hero.

          2. There is always something to learn. I also have existing knowledge underlined and reaffirmed.

        2. Desirée, exactly! I like to think HG uses a quill pen at home. Sitting by the fireplace, writing articles and poetry..I bet his home smells like Diptyque Feu de Bois. 😉

          1. Rachel, I was thinking Le Labo Cedre 11, but they share similar notes. HG certainly has something about him that evokes the image of a Lakeside Forrest Villa and heavy, wooden furniture.

          2. Hahaha. What a house. The appliances are talking about the furniture.

        3. H.G. Tudor on Cribs. 😎

          NA: I’m no appliance, I discovered today that, according to the inclusive policy of Narcsite, I am a Tudorite. 😁

      2. HG
        Yes!
        All of the above!
        Well said!
        (Thank you for mentioning raped).

        You’ve sparked a few more thoughts of unwanted N-relationship side effects to be avoided:

        … being unable to get out of bed because of depression, & resulting financial impact of that,
        hair falling out or breaking off from stress, feeling suicidal from despair, having inflammatory illness from stress, loss of your looks from crying and depression, morbid obesity because you are comfort eating as your emotional needs aren’t met, or you develop another eating disorder, or you contract recurrent STIs, becoming disconnected from your emotions and intuition leaving you a shell of yourself, feeling smothered….

      3. This kinda answers my current question about i wrote in today’s issue of this essay– maybe we all could use a clear description of a ltr with a narc- but in bullet form- or numbered. I’ve read that People click most on the numbered lists online….”50 reasons not to stay with Puzzling Peter, Chaotic Carrie, or Triangulating Terry” “45 manipulations you’re getting sick from” “50 ways to leave your narc” slip out the back jack

        1. Also…. “ being lied to, eating word salad, pretending not to notice when narc is stumbling drunk, not asking deep questions about why narc isn’t going to work, being frightened in the automobile, disappearing acts, being left sitting alone at the table at numerous events while narc flittering about. … etc

  5. I had a “successful” relationship with a narcissist, but I’m not sure as HG is implying that anyone wishes this, truly. I was constantly subject to emotional abuse, pressured into having sex when I didn’t want to, and condescended to about my “bourgeois career” as a teacher until I quit my then job to start a business with my exnarc. I think I left him a little over half a dozen times before I became really fed up. I told him if he continued to say nasty things to provoke a fight that I would leave for good, and I did when he told me I would be a bad mother. This was out of the blue as we awoke in the morning. I got up and I left. As I turned to leave he began to cry. He claimed that they were “crocodile tears”. I asked him to remove my name off of our lease and he did. Thankfully, he didn’t reach out to me much after that happened. He tried to hoover me, even helped me to move into my new place and apologize for his shortcomings. We continued to have the business for a bit after, and thankfully the profits earned remained just that as my ex had no power and was just listed as an independent contractor. All in all, I was very lucky and I will never forget the day when I locked myself in our bathroom and wept. I thought, “This is how my mother must’ve felt being married to my dad.” My father had similar traits and was additionally physically abusive. I felt at that moment that I had a second chance, and I didn’t have to follow in my mother’s footsteps.

    1. MB
      Agreed. Love this recording. I always feel like he is speaking directly to me. Everything that I needed to hear (still do).

  6. Good to hear that rich, mellifluous voice again and very well put. I’d say thinking you can have a successful relationship with the narcissist, maybe even using the knowledge you’ve gained here, is heightened ET, always.

    1. I always fall for the voice . At the same time, I consulted HG when I was at the bottom of the baril – so when I hear his voice ( sorry dear HG) but it remains a me of some quote traumatic events and of my worst episode with the Narc. I was really damaged at the time.
      The content is such a good reminder and almost the conclusion to all this – but ET is strong by moment into making us believe that it is all possible again.

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