Spectre

Whether you believe in ghosts or not, we certainly behave with certain similar attributes. We appear out of thin air. It is similar to how you can never remember the beginning of a dream can you? You cannot remember quite how we appeared. We just did. We seemed to coalesce into your life with the ease of a ghost walking through a wall. We arrive and ghost into your life. In the same way as seeing a ghost, when you experience us, it is not an event that you will forget in a hurry. We sidle up to you, insert ourselves into our lives and make connection after connection with you as we feed from you. Like some wraith we attach outselves to you and steadily begin to suck the life force from you as we gorge on the fuel that you provide.

Often we will vanish just as we arrived, without any warning or announcement and try as you might you cannot find us again. It is as if we have disappeared off the face of the earth. Naturally we chose the moment of our vanishing act without any concern for its effect on you. We slip away like a mist evaporating. Once we were everywhere, woven around you and captivating you. Much in the same way as one might be transfixed by the appearance of some spirit. You are entranced by our appearance, there is something ethereal and mysterious about us that causes you to be drawn to us and then we are gone.

We are that elusive spirit that can now not be found. You might go to the same place where we first manifested but there is no sign of us. We have left no footprint, no trace of our existence when you try and seek us out, just like our spectral cousins and then suddenly we have returned. We ghost back into your life and continuing our haunting of you. We are incessant and ever present, drifting about you as we resume our extraction of fuel. We resume our draining of your spirit, leeching it from you as our cold, dead hands take hold of you once again.

People have many theories as to what ghosts are if they indeed exist. Some suggest that where there has been a sudden explosion of emotion, a heightened experience, then an imprint has been made on the fabric of existence. This imprint appears to those who are attuned to seeing it. That imprint is seen doing the same thing over and over again. It walks the same route, passes through the same wall and then vanishes only to appear the next night in the same place. The spirit follows the same routine like a piece of video film stuck in an endless loop. Just like such a ghost we engage in the same behaviours over and over again. The same actions all designed to haunt you as we extract our fuel. The same gestures, the same actions all of which must be replayed. Some believe that a ghost is the soul of someone who has suffered eternal damnation. He or she has been denied entry to heaven or hell and instead has been consigned to walk the earth for eternity, stuck in an unceasing routine. Our endless quest for fuel finds us in such a similar position. We must make our way through life, restless and never finding peace. We move from place to place, unable to rest and be satisfied. Instead we are driven onwards, plagued by the curse of our need for fuel. Thus we must haunt others, our appearance bringing dread and fear in the same way as terror follows the appearance of a spectre.

Unable to quite fit in we are ghost at the feast. Even when we have vanished there is a lingering coldness that strikes you to your core. You still sense us, able to feel the effect of our chilling appearance. You are wary and anxious as you know we will appear once again. Quite when is a mystery but as we first arrived and as we first disappeared we will ghost into your life and continue our haunting of you. Better consult that exorcist.

7 thoughts on “Spectre

  1. Tamara says:

    I don’t find their ‘ghosting habits’ any great mystery… the last one I dated simply dodged with his tail between his legs (a most embarrassing getaway), and left his elderly Enabler to clean up after him.

  2. Julie says:

    Where do you go? What is physically done on your part to make it seem as if you have fallen off the face of the earth? Thats always fascinated me

    1. Alexissmith2016 says:

      JUlie, keep reading the blog and it will become very clear that sadly for us, they just go and do the same ole thing but with someone else.

  3. KM says:

    I felt this. He appeared, took me for a whirlwind and then disappeared. I still miss him so much and I think of him every day. He’s always with me, even though he’s not.

  4. Lara says:

    This is so true.

    What you wrote is the same as what my narcissist does.

    As you well know, I think my adoptive mother is narcissistic. I have no words to express the torture that has been my life.

    Once, when I was 15, I found the phone number of a boy from my country who was adopted at the same time as me, and was also adopted in the same country as me.
    This boy and I were together at the orphanage.

    When I found his phone at age 15, I thought I could talk to him about the situation in my house, but … It wasn’t like that.

    Now I understand that what he did to me was the bombardment of love.

    Now 11 years have passed, and he still appears in my life when he wants to, because “I am the woman of his life”.

    What surprises me about him is that he has never cared about how I am or how my life has been.
    He only talks to me to talk to me superficially.

    Once I dared to tell him that I have been mistreated in my adoptive home, and the answer he gave me surprised me, he told me: Life is like that. I was recently living with my girlfriend and I felt like a king, and not now, because she left me.

    Not only did he ignore what I told him and he didn’t care, but I think in that sentence he admitted that he only came back for me when a “girlfriend” failed him.

    Thank you Tudor.

    PS: Sorry if my English is not good.

    1. Joanne says:

      “What surprises me about him is that he has never cared about how I am or how my life has been.
      He only talks to me to talk to me superficially.” Wow. They are really just all the same 🙄

  5. WokeAF says:

    “We appear out of thin air. It is similar to how you can never remember the beginning of a dream can you? You cannot remember quite how we appeared. We just did. We seemed to coalesce into your life -“

    So true. My friend introduced me to her student , my MMRN. One night spent , then didn’t see or think about him for a month. There was no real initial attraction.

    Then suddenly it was ON and I don’t know how it happened. How and when did I become addicted? Within a few weeks I know that. Zero to a million and I can’t even remember WHY. HOW. He was just my perfect match and why and how did he even pull that off?! Lol obv mirroring but I didn’t know it then.
    So strange.

    I’ve not ever been ghosted as far as a ghost-out.
    I escaped all my narcs, so I don’t know the ghosted-out feeling – except the one initial disengagement until I was brought off the shelf- but I went back to college and got a NEW narc to bang so I didn’t much feel it for long

    But yes- just ghosted right in…

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