A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 83

 

A LETTER TO THE NARCISSISTNOT ANYMORE'S LETTER

Dear Not Sorry,
Not that you asked, but I’m fine.  I’m off my knees and standing.  I know that upsets you.  I know that I will be punished.  Is that why you stopped by? To remind me?  Yes, I got your message.
I washed my car before the kids saw what you wrote.  Once more, I blamed misfortune for the nail in my tire. You’re welcome.  Not that you appreciate how I cover for you.  Years of habit and now my default setting.  I do it to keep the peace.  I do it for the sake of the kids.  Not that I like to admit, but I lie to me too.  Not that I will confess… I do it to protect you.  Not without regret.
Now my silence is protection from you.  It is both a weapon and a shield.  Not that I get to choose, that is up to you.  How far will you try to push me?  Will you underestimate me again?  Not that you weren’t sloppy and over-confident.  Not that you worry, but should.  The kids won’t pay for you… not as I did… not if I can help it.  Not that you understand a mother’s love, how could you?  Don’t test it. Don’t test me.  Don’t confuse tired for weak.  Don’t mistake pain for surrender.  Not that I wish to battle.  Not that I didn’t prepare.
Not that you will concede, but love and respect are winning.  The kids are healing.   Fear and control don’t live here… the Anger Games are over.  Not that you’ve noticed, but you’re playing alone.  Not that it bothers you.  Not that you know another game.  Not that you want to learn.
Not that you can learn.  Not that you can’t.  Not that I’ll wait, but I’ll hope.  Not that it matters for us.  Not that I can go back.  Not that I can move forward.  Not that I haven’t tried.  Not that I should have, but loved you.  Not that my love was returned.  Not that I wasn’t deserving.  Not that I wasn’t enough.  Not that you give a damn.  Not that I can forgive you.  Not that you even asked… not that I care.
Sincerely,
Not Blind, Not Stupid, Not Crazy
Truly,
Not Your Mother, Your Maid, or Your Prize
Forever Yours,
Not Really
Love always,
Not Anymore

8 thoughts on “A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 83

  1. KellyD says:

    I love this…
    Forever Yours,
    Not Really
    Love always,
    Not Anymore
    Perfect

  2. Kel says:

    I stomped on the eggshells, and it felt beautiful. I’m over him. I don’t know what I saw in him that kept me ensnared for nine years, but I know I needed to find out about narcissism. He’s disengaged me, and that’s as it should be. I’m not worried if he should feel any need to smear, I’ll deal with it unemotionally. I’m me again. Minus stress, minus the high cortisol & 5 lbs that just dropped, minus the emotional turmoil. I see through narcissists, I handle them gently like I would a child, and I’m embracing friendship with others. I don’t want any revenge, but I think that’s one thing that did keep me with him all that time. I don’t need for him to see me doing well now. He saw that yesterday, and that was my closure. Stomping the eggshells was my closure. I’m not angry with him. I don’t need to correct him. I see his narcissism as all he is. I won’t stop being empathetic, because that’s who I am and what I believe in, but I am wise now and not a victim. I’m healed. Thank you for all the time you put into this blog, it’s worthwhile, and so important.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You’re most welcome

    2. NarcAngel says:

      Kel
      So great to hear you have come to that stage. Thanks for sharing and showing others they too can get there.

      1. Kel says:

        Thanks NarcAngel!

  3. WiserNow says:

    I like the way this letter is written. It has a contradictory, ‘double-negative’ style of saying something and then going backwards to negate what was said. It’s clever. It reminds me of the push and pull and self-questioning, mentally exhausting aspects of being with a narcissist. The mind-games and gaslighting.

    To the writer, I hope you’re in a more constant and peaceful frame of mind now. Thank you for sharing your experience.

  4. Christopher Jackson says:

    Damn never ceases to amaze me how all of the narcs in some type of way work somewhat of the same way.

    1. SO RIGHT CHRISTOPHER. HG. TOUCHES OUR VERY SOUL WITH HIS INFORMATION. I LOVE THE WAY HE GETS THE TRUTH ACROSS .JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOU’VE LEARNED IT ALL H. COMES UP WITH. MORE VALUABLE INFORMATION. I CAN USE IN MY DAILY. COMINGS & GOINGS , MOSTLY WITH MY DEALING OF THE PAST AND CHILDHOOD MEMORIES , H. ANSWERED ALL MY MENTAL TERRORS IN HIS POSTS AND STORIES. 🆓🌟 THANK YOU HG.

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