The Third Emotional Battle

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When you have been discarded, you face three battles in order to secure your freedom. The first is the Emotional Battle which you always lose until you learn not fight it. The second is the Heart V Head Battle which must be fought many times until you finally overcome the powerful effects of emotion and allow your cool, hard logic to dictate. Once that battle has been won, you have managed to navigate a way through the emotional ocean and then you have reached dry land on the other side. This is where the third battle is joined. This dry land provides you with a firmer foundation and just like the discovery of the New World, boundless opportunities. You are no longer prone to the vagaries of the swelling and dramatic ocean of emotions. That is not to say that your emotions have been switched off. Far from it. Instead, the solidity of this land is a reflection of the greater control you now have over your emotions as you ally them with the logic that you have regained. No longer do you feel overwhelmed. You are not beset by anxiety. Fear does not maintain a near permanent grip on your stomach. You were repeatedly drowned as you tried to swim the emotional ocean alone in the first battle. You saw yourself swamped and capsized on numerous occasions as reach time you increased your intellect and understanding as you built larger and more seaworthy vessels until finally you navigated your war through that broiling sea of feelings and now you stand on firm, dry and solid land. Your critical thinking has increased, your sense of calm has bloomed and you have gained greater control.

You stand before a land of opportunities and this is where you are now able to make the decisions. In the previous two battles you were overwhelmed and then often on the back foot. Here, in this final battle, you have the opportunity to seize and maintain the upper hand. You have so many choices available to you now.

You may decide to build a large tower and secrete yourself inside. You have the sturdy foundation now on which to construct this edifice. You are safe and secure high up in this tower. You admit visitors but only those that you know can be trusted. Occasionally you hear a knock in the dead of night. You make your way to the balcony and look down from your towering height to see us stood outside knocking on the door and seeking admittance. You may feel the surge of those emotions once more but you have greater control now. You may call out and wave, issuing a polite greeting and no more. You may decide just to turn around and leave us to our ineffectual knocking. Either way in this battle you have seized control and you are far better equipped to make rational decisions which suit you and prevent you from being wholly governed by those turbulent emotions.

You may decide to forge ahead and seek out new adventures in this land. You meet new people and form fresh and lasting friendships, perhaps even finding someone with whom you can share intimacy and romance. As you trek through this land, gathering new friends and revisiting those who were conned into severing the ties with you, you remain vigilant for out of nowhere we might appear. We might strike, lurching through a crowd hurling insults. You are better armed this time and able to shield yourself before moving away, refusing to be drawn into responding and a war of words like you once might have done. It may be the case, as you embrace these new horizons that we appear, smiling and benign, sidling up to you and taking you by surprise. The risk always remains, for if you are abroad within this new land, you cannot place yourself behind sturdy defences. Thus, you remain exposed to ambush and approach. You remain better equipped than you were, as a consequence of your gathered learning, your increased understanding and ongoing recovery. You are in a better position to rebuff the ambush, refusing to engage and making your departure to safer ground. Sometimes you may be caught and those emotions wash about you as we try to haul you back across the sea to a time when you were alone and going under the lashing waves. This risk always remains.

You may opt to establish an estate where you do not take refuge in some tower, but instead you create a place of familiarity where everyone is known to you and you are known to them. You have your supporters in clear view and whilst you may not tread down the path less travelled in search of new territories you reduce your risk of us appearing out of nowhere. These familiar places enable you to maintain clear lines of sight so that if we do make an appearance you are able to take suitable evasive action.

This final battle takes the form of repeated skirmishes as we seek to catch you unawares and drag you back to an earlier battle where our prospects of success are maximised. Sometimes we succeed. Sometimes one of our devious ploys catches you unaware and we scale your tower and appear on your balcony like that once desired Prince Charming again and your defences are breached. Other times you repel our approaches, turning your back or cutting us down with new learned techniques which force us to withdraw. You may see no action for weeks, months and even years as new reaches you that we are fighting on other fronts, seemingly content to leave you be. At least for the time being. Then out of nowhere you may reduce your vigilance and we are by your side, seeking to snake our tendrils around you once again. In this final battle you now know what to look for. When we march on to the battle field you see and take heed of the red flags which stream behind us. You have learned methods by which you can counter and neutralise our manipulations. You have established safe territories to which you might retreat if the need arises. You have fashioned your own armoury in this new land of hope and promise. You now know how you can wound us and now, exerting greater control, you do so which gives us no option but to disengage from the skirmish and skulk away to lick our wounds and regroup.

This final battle takes place in a land where the battlefield, for the first time, is more of your choosing than ours. You have better equipped to fight this battle and whilst there remains a risk of defeat and you being ensnared once again, it is far less than in the previous two battles. You are battle-hardened and those scars are worn as badges of honour as you stand tall for the first time in, well, you cannot recall when that last happened, but it has happened at last.

Thus, this is the final battle post discard. The battle that takes place on dry land. Should you overcome the first two battles, this is where you will find yourself. Now you understand where you will end up as you deal with the fallout from being discarded. Now you are aware of what will happen, what to expect and how you are in a better position to keep winning the skirmishes in this final battle. This only leaves one question remaining. How long will this final battle last?

It will continue until one of us no longer lives.

14 thoughts on “The Third Emotional Battle

  1. Tamara says:

    Or, Emotional Battle?

  2. Tamara says:

    Is there a book on the Emotional Sea?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Not at present.

  3. Mary says:

    HG

    If that final battle last until either one dies, don’t you think that there isn’t a real victory then?
    I mean for the Super Emphat, or any Emphat.

    For me, at this point, feeling thay i am at the stage of the final fierce battle… i need to win, meaning getting totally purged of my addiction to the narc, thereby when the times of his appearances occurs there will be no confrontation/fuel whatsoever, but total dismissal with cold indifference.

    Until i achieve that, i am a constant looser..

    I think the book that i need ( although not very appealing….) is Exorcism, i’ll probabily need to purchase it, and see and experience your spin on that, because when i went for a religious retreat few years ago in order to achieve the “purge”… didn’t work.

    Curious to see your approach to ” Exorcism”, more than curiousity, it should be more correct to say: desperation.

  4. Aisha says:

    This was heart wrenching… Tears rolled down my eyes….. I finally fought this battle all alone… Now he is licking his own wounds… But still I am sad… I am in a state where life has left me… Something within me is gone… I can’t find myself… I can’t do anything… I am stuck… I won the battle but feel like I have lost… Nothing more than that…. I lost forever… He tore me apart… I am nowhere to be found… It’s my journey to self that has begun I guess….

    1. Getting There says:

      Aisha,
      I’m sorry you are feeling that way. You are not alone in the battle and the wounds that follow. I hope you stay here and keep posting. We are here for you. It will take awhile but you will find a new you.

    2. Mary says:

      Aisha
      😢😢😢😢😢
      I sympathise.
      I have been teared apart constantly, still to this day.

    3. Maria says:

      Aisha,

      Feeling yourself again happens slowly over time. So slowly that you probably won’t be able to pinpoint the exact moment you made it home again.

      We love them (our narcs) so much that they become a huge part of us. We incorporate them into every part of our being. So, when part of us is torn away it’s natural to feel bewildered and lost.

      Over time, I think you will see that you projected all of your good qualities onto this person and they just mirrored them back to you (They are an empty vessel. They are chameleons)… it was you, whom you fell in love with all along and you are still there.

      You will see it eventually. And you will be happy to have gained some new wisdom and a broader sense of boundaries and respect for yourself along the way. You will be stronger than ever before.

      This is such a supportive place and you are not alone on this journey, so as was said before, I hope you will stay.

    4. foolme1time says:

      Aisha,
      I am sorry for what you have suffered, however you will get through this and be stronger because of it. It might may not seem like it now but you will heal and move on, you will smile and be happy once again. Stay here with us and drink up all of HGs knowledge that you possibly can. Consult with him if it is something you are able to do, you will find no one better to lead you through this then HG. Don’t give up sweetie. 🌻

    5. Aisha. That lost phase is part of the journey back to normal. It is the denouement, the post-apocalypse, the day after the war or the disaster, when you wake up and look through all the debris to see if anything is worth saving, before you start over. It is okay to feel the horror and mourn. Give yourself that time to grieve. And day by day, you will feel better. Do not take too long on working on feeling better, but you feel exactly as you should at this point of the process. You are not a rock or a stone. You have feelings. So in time, you will grip up and feel better. And you can always come here and mourn and wail. I sure did. I am much much much better now, since some time has elapsed since the post-apocalyptic phase. Oh, and there are other phases too! But, we can all go over them later, once you start seeing that huge light at the end of your tunnel. First steps, first.

  5. Brigitte Klötzli says:

    Brilliant! I made it ashore! What a crazy trip! At first I took these descriptions as satirical! But the longer the more the laughter stuck in my throat. This is the ultimate guide. He is congruent with the terretorium on planet narcissism (and Empath).

  6. For Life says:

    Impressive article!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

  7. WokeAF says:

    Yeah great. I just got rid of my h vs h battle w my romantic narcs.
    Now I gotta try to stay on dry land w my friggin baby daddy

    AND catch myself in my own ET just in general.

    So that’s fun 🤪

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