The Narcissist’s Reality Gap
The Lesser Narcissist. Whether it is the out and out loser that is the Lower Lesser, the usually useless Middle Lesser or the successful but overbearing bully that is the Upper Lesser, the three have certain common traits. One of these traits is their delusional state. The Lesser exists in a bubble convinced of his or her good looks or innate strength or irresistible sexiness. They think everybody likes them, they think if you don’t then you must be an idiot and you are not worth bothering with. They believe themselves to be great at sport, or writing, or whatever hobby and if they do not win or receive an accolade well the game was fixed, the paint was the wrong sort or the judges are retarded. After all, anybody who cannot see that the Lesser is a swaggering champion, well, they must need their head seeing to, right?
The Lesser cruises through life doing what he or she wants, taking whatever they want, behaving as they please and nobody is allowed to stop or interfere with this god-given right. They are completely oblivious to their shortcomings – that bloated beer belly just shows a certain joie de vivre, going bald is a sign of virility, wearing that same jacket is a mark of classic attire. Their narcissism enables them to maintain their perceived superiority (where often none exists) through the application of this delusion. They just do not see their failings, their inadequacies and failures. The self-defence mechanism of the Twin Lines of Defence will either deny any such failing or deflect it away by ascribing it to being the fault of someone or something else. Thus, the Lesser escapes culpability, maintains superiority, gathers fuel and barrels through his or her life wreaking havoc all around and never suffering consequences.
Now, the fuel crisis will cause the bubble to burst, but this article is not about the effect of the fuel crisis but rather the reality gap. When fuelled, the Lesser suffers no reality gap whatsoever. He or she is oblivious and served totally by the delusions of their narcissistic perspective because that is what enables them to exist and function.
What then of the Greater? There is no doubting that the Greater can point to substance to support those bold pronouncements. Look at the money, the high status career, the successful public life, the adoring crowds, the power that is wielded, the records made, the books sold, the art created, the countries invaded, the factories opened, the gadgets invented and the elections won. From captain of industry, Olympic champion, pop star, politician, royal, leader, spin doctor, fixer, striving executive, acclaimed actor, feted artists through to hundreds of other positions and roles, the Greater populates the higher echelons of achievement. His or her narcissism has enabled such an ascent. With no sense of remorse, no conscience, the desire to be the best, a total belief in one’s ability, a sense of entitlement and operating with absolute expediency it is little wonder that the Greater narcissists clamber into these positions.
Is there delusion with the Greater? Indeed and it manifests in the form of embellishment and exaggeration because the innate paranoia of the narcissist means that it is never enough. He may be popular but he sees that he is immensely popular because the narcissism demands it. The narcissism enabled him to scale the heights of political power to begin with and then feeds the need to stay there and want more and more and more because non sufficit orbit terrarum.
Thus the Greater will have considerable power but sees its reach as being even further. He has wealth but embellishes its degree. The narcissistic perspective insists on there being a reality greater than there is. It is even better than the real thing. The combination of that which has been achieved and the belief in added achievement results in the application of power on a tremendous scale, which in turns feeds the narcissism. Round and round it goes. There may be a reality gap, but similar to the Lesser, it is not apparent to the Greater save when the effects of a fuel crisis manifest.
What of the Mid-Range Narcissist? He or she can also achieve. Not on the scale of the Greater but beyond the Lesser. The Mid Range Narcissist, particular Middle Mid Range and Upper Mid Range will secure success, good jobs, excellent incomes, academic achievements, sporting achievements and so forth. Many friends, well-liked by family and the community (that good old facade at work there) and convinced of their own innate goodness.
However one of the fundamental differences between the Lesser and Greater Narcissists compared to the Mid Ranger is the basis on which the application the reality gap operates. The Lesser’s superiority is based on aggressive provocation, albeit in a rudimentary and base manner. The Greater’s superiority is also based on aggressive provocation but in a far more streamlined, refined and magnificent manner. The Mid-Ranger’s perceived superiority has its foundation placed on passive provocation – the silent treatments, the jealous smearing, the office politicking, the pity plays and so forth.
The consequence of this is that this passive, defensive superiority, as opposed to the driving, thrusting aggressive superiority of the other two schools, results in the Mid Range Narcissist suffering periodic reality gaps. He of course will have them and in a massive way as a consequence of a fuel crisis but as stated above, that is not the subject of this article.
The Mid Range Narcissist is afflicted by episodic instances of a detachment between his narcissistic perspective and reality. This is part of his narcissism because this is what enables him or her to operate in a passive aggressive manner through seeking sympathy, exhibiting jealousy, inviting pity and demanding help and support. The Mid Range Narcissists will occasionally get a glimpse of what he is as opposed to what he wants to be. He suddenly sees he is the middle manager salary man and not on the fast track to the board. Whereas the Lesser sees he is holding a semi-skilled position on the factory floor he either sees that as what is best for him and he wouldn’t want to be a “white collar wanker” or he believes he has never made it to management because the existing managers are cocksuckers who are clueless and have no idea how to run a company. The Greater is either at the board already or on his way. The Mid Range Narcissist once believing he was destined for that executive position suddenly realises he is not. He once believed he brought influence to bear beyond his current status because he was talented and just ripe for promotion, he is suddenly aware that this is not the case. The football career was not as glittering as he wanted it to be. She is not as popular as she wants to be. She isn’t able to win the races as she desires to.
The shortfall between what the Mid Range wants to be and believes him or herself to be and what they actually are manifests and delivers a crushing blow to the Mid Range. It can come out of nowhere, a sudden fountain of self-loathing which surges up unexpected and unwelcome. The Mid Range Narcissist immediately seeks to escape this reality gap by complaining, raging, sulking or smearing. Their jealousy of those who are what the Mid Range wants to be is unfettered. Their dejection at their position requires immediate succour from those around them, to flow with pity and sympathy until the moment has passed and with it the danger to their existence.
Accordingly, should you ever witness a Mid Range Narcissist exhibiting some kind of panic attack, a wailing and bemoaning of his or her lot in life even though there is no fuel crisis evident, then you have witnessed the appearance of the Mid Range narcissist’s reality gap.
51 thoughts on “The Narcissist’s Reality Gap”
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HG
Does a narcissist live in a world that supports there delusions?
Yes,
Thank You
HG, is it common for narcissists who attend therapy to be misdiagnosed? I wonder if the reality gap and grandiosity could be perceived as a mood or thought disorder.
Absolutely because the narcissism will cause most narcissists who attend therapy (Mid Range and Greater) to present in a manner which conceals the narcissism (assuming they go to the therapy to begin with) and thus misdiagnosis occurs.
I think they are more likely to attend group therapy. (Upper Lesser, Mid & Greater). They never take responsibility for their own actions or behaviors it’s always someone else. HG I don’t like the sad avatar, although its fitting for the time being.😊
Dear Mr Tudor,
The Weasel attends therapy for his PTSD
He bragged to me about it and played on it big time because He gets extra money and tea n sympathy from all his fuel sources
Then my mum literally brags she doesn’t have an “addictive” personality ……. sheesh
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Kaydiva3,
Absolutely! Not just their deflection of blame, but therapy is a tool narcissist use. They can use the therapy as evidence to accuse and blame shift, they could use the therapy for a diagnosis to obtain prescriptions for novelty- not out of a real medical need, or to just look good.
Hi Madam Bubbles! I have been waiting for you to post. I had to borrow your description of a person: Weasel! I had to relocate to a different branch of my gym membership to remove myself from the Narcissist and his Lieutenants and Coterie. A lot of work and strategy and decision making and emotional pain. And to my disbelief, a peripheral person of the coterie of the Narcissist is in this gym, shocked to see me after I ghosted all of them, and now he is attempting to talk to me, and I just run from him each time. He is a weird unsociable fellow. Yet, he wants the Narcissist`s attention, and the Narcissist, I observed, does not like people that demand that he works for their attention, so this weasel guy was always on the periphery of the Coterie. And, always with a sort of angry looking face. I pretended in the beginning that I did not see him at my new gym location. Plus, we never spoke to each before at the job. But now he tries to say Hi and to talk to me?? Weasel. He is a nosy Weasel, and thus far he has not been able to talk to me to gather reconnaissance to take additional info., other than seeing me, back to the Narcissist. Weasel! He never talked to me before, but now he is trying to put himself in my physical proximate sphere to ask me a few questions, but I know what he is doing, and I remove myself immediately. Even a woman at the new gym location said to him, why are you on this side lately, I like when you are on the other side?? She outed him. I did not know it was odd that he was now working out around my general area that I like to workout, because this location and these people are unfamiliar and new to me. Weasel. After all the work I am doing to disappear myself from these people, here comes a Weasel. Weasel!
Dearest PrincessSuperEmpath,
Hi gorgeous …. I’m not far … just trying to catch up … Mr Tudor has been strict lately with loads of homework, I’ll be sent to the naughty corner soon for not completing any assignments … haha
You may use the title as much as you like with my blessing 🥂
Nasty pieces of relentless vermin …. I truly sympathise
Perhaps enter the gym with your earphones in, do your workout and go, or better yet, try go at a different time or day (I stopped going to the gym …. too peopley for me now)
If he tries to talk to you again, be polite but firm and say “I really need to work out and not talk, enjoy your session, bye”
Good luck Princess, I’ll be thinking of you
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Madam Bubbles: Exactly! HG said, as well, that there is no need to be polite to people that want to destroy us. HG is so clear about things, yes? Hahaha. So be it. I read often about `your` weasel. Now I have one. a weasel. I thought about you right away. Unbelievable. Thank you.
Dear Princess,
Your more than welcome my sweet
Your “weasel” sounds utterly disgusting however he appears to be on a mission
If he approaches, walk away to another piece of equipment
Mention you have a bug, rash, herpes and it’s contagious ….. whatever works ….he’ll scurry ….. haha
Don’t forget Princess …. weasels are dangerous, they have sharp claws n teeth and are untrustworthy …. you owe it nothing …. Mr Tudor always knows best … haha
Feel free to discuss the rituals of these little critters anytime 🤣
Happy training lovely one
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Wow this really explains several odd Mid Range narc episodes to a T. I remember thinking “seriously, who does that?”
Thx HG.
Dear Mr. HG Tudor,
You are super terrific. That is really what I think about you.
Pity plays. This was my dad (MR). He refused to spend the night at my new place I moved into after my husband and I separated. He was practically in tears when he saw the place. Then he decided it wasn’t good enough and left. Then spent ten minutes crying on the phone with my sister about how horrible the place was. Of course she felt sorry for him. The place was small, a one bedroom apartment. But was in a good neighborhood and all I could afford. Next day he emailed me and asked if I would tell everyone at my daughter’s birthday party he couldn’t make it because he wasn’t well. Nope, I told them what happened. I’m not lying for him. Most were not surprised considering his past treatment of me. But were shocked he would skip his granddaughters birthday party for such a dumb reason.
Don’t know if this is duplicate not sure my previous post went thru bad connection. Anyway he unblocked me then blocked again after nearly a month. He pulled a couple shenanigans to see if I’d notice and I neither contacted nor reacted then I was blocked again. What is the reason behind this for me to react and he gets confirmation that I noticed he unblocked me? Is it furt what is it? I have no contact with him but as of late I have been on his mind and he’s done things that would indicate that. Why is he blocking me I didn’t even say a word or acknowledge him? I’ve come to the expert for the answer.
Favourite! Esp for all the mids who believe they are greaters! That’s deserving of a laughing emoji, even you have to agree with that one HG
You get a like but no emoji!
Dearest HG: Are you saying that you give, Likes, to posts at times???? I could have plenty of likes from you and not know it? I can not tell who Likes any post at all, and I can rarely give a Like to anyone from my computer for some reason, either. So far, I have only one: HG approves. One HG: Ha Ha. 2 HG: Jolly Good. and One HG: Very Good! With an exclamation mark (too bad it took Courtney love for me to receive a Very Good! with exclamation mark). Darn, I wish I knew if you ever gave a like to anything I have posted. Technology: Exposes too much when one does not wish it to do so, and Exposes too little when one desires it to do more.
If I moderate from my ´phone (which I do quite a lot as it enables me to keep the moderation flowing when I am in a meeting, hiding in a bush or parachuting) I can like the comments so I do so, but I am not able to do so from my desktops and laptops (I do not know why) and therefore it may appear somewhat sporadic.
strange! I can like from my laptop but not my phone? I used to be able to like from both?
Gas lighting by technology. The bastards!
Dear Mr Tudor,
I see what’s going on here …..
you have your own business …two pilots taking turns in buddy parachute jumping ……and helicopters tours over London …. cute
🤣
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Damn, rumbled.
Dearest HG: It seems readers can not see on WordPress when the Moderators Likes ones post in the manner that Youtube and Facebook shows the Moderators` Avatar when they like ones posts. That is why I was surprised when you said you gave a Like to a post. So, unless you say something to us, we can not tell if you, in particular, gave a Like to one of our posts, or not. I say all this to say, please Like any of my posts if you will. It boosts my morale, even though the Likes are anonymous on here. I need some boosting. The thought does count! And posting and following-up and responding and reading does take a bit of work and time and thought, although it is very rewarding to do so. All this talk about empaths being self regulating is rough sometimes to hear at times, and I find the notion to be an over-simplification of our constitiution. Or, so many of us would not fall for lovebombing and hoovering so much, nor attach to others so much. We All have needs outside of what we can provide for own selves. Well, I can surely speak for myself and say that I sure do. Thank you, HG. ~~PSE
PSE, do you use the WordPress app on your phone? If so, you can see who likes your posts. I get a notification through there and through an email also when someone likes my posts.
I must say though, I am a bit troubled by your fixation on HGs attention. I’ve had my ET spike with him at times myself so I do understand. Keeping score of his likes, HG approves, etc and comparing to how many others get can feel like rejection and is not his intent I am sure. You don’t need those toxic feelings in your life. I have to believe HG WOULD NOT approve of you getting hurt. Taking a break from the blog can be a breath of fresh air to bring the ET down. You are a sweetheart and I enjoy your contributions here, but just be sure you are looking after yourself too. ❤️
MB
I suddenly ceased being able to like the comments of others a few months ago. I am logged into WordPress and receive comments by email as has always been the case. Shortly after that I stopped getting the notifications of who liked my comments. Not sure how it happened or why. I can’t like HG’s articles either and wonder if this is affecting others and thereby the count. It’s bullshit but I’ve tried everything I know. Just putting it out there in case others have found it to be the case for them also.
NA
I have read this before from some other’s on here as well. I still receive my likes and can also like what others comment. I noticed HGs articles were not receiving as many likes and thought it a bit odd, I can also still like his articles. When I set up my word press I did set it up as though I was going to have a blog and then made it private. I don’t know if you have done the same thing or not? Also when I was not receiving my comments a few months ago I did go to the WordPress help desk and they searched for a problem. They said they could not found anything wrong anywhere but after that things were back to normal.
I have no problem with Word Press, likes or comments either.
Sometimes I see likes via the app but sometimes I get an email “like” with no word press notification. It’s not a perfect platform for sure.
Hmmm…I’m able to see all likes and comments on Word Press
Alex: Can people on this site see whom likes their post? Can they see the individual name/avatar of the person that likes their posts? I can not on my system. I can see a Like, but I can not see whom the person is that gave the Like.
MB: I never tried on my cell phone. I have an IPhone and it has a touch screen, and I do not like typing on it, so I mostly use my Macbook. If I had a Blackberry phone, I would have a touch screen as well as a pull out qwerty keyboard on the phone to type with, like the important people in many private sector jobs and people that type full lengthy reports on their phones in the govt. with full encryption. Oh well. Sometimes we have the winner, but we do not the best. Apple was the winner. It was not the best.
Dear Mr Tudor,
🤣
Luv ya xx
Dear Mr Tudor,
Enough of these frivolities …. hehe
The weasel, mid ranger, was “Jack of all trades, master of none”
A would be, if he could be and a try hard
My mum’s the same … desperately wanted to get there, but didn’t
So they end up taking it out on every around them
They hang around the so called “elite” people just to rub shoulders and then brag ….. sad really !
I think I caught a “snippet” of the weasel’s “reality gap” at the end
…. absolute desperation …. quite pitiful really
Anyhoo … not my problem 🙏🏻
You’ve nailed it again Mr Tudor… is there any stopping you ?
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
I am unstoppable.
Dear Mr Tudor,
I kinda knew that … haha
Spoken like a true greater
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
I just noticed the geometric silly faces are gone! Replaced by classy designs. Well done HG.
MB: I just felt like enjoying feeling emotional. No worries. I predicted I would get some blowback from that post. I said it all, anyway. I have been so tense and exhausted with the entire dynamic with the 5 people at work, for 3 years straight non-stop, that it felt good for me to express real feelings. I had to hide all my real feelings from that gang. I have been acting like I am above having feelings, and keeping my guard up for 3 years, and pretending that nothiing bothers me while dealing with that clique, as if I do not have feelings. I deserve a medal in diplomacy from that madness. I earned it. They wanted World War III and I never gave them cause to create it, and point to me as the reason. So tiring. I wanted to express vulnerability for a change.. So, I said what I actually felt for once, because I am feeling sort of good. I became exhausted with keeping a stiff upper lip for so long with those 5 at work. I have feelings, and I just expressed them, and I believe HG understands that we emote on him at times. And it rolls right off of him, and he is quite busy with everything in his life. I wanted to feel that I could tell the truth for a change. To remember what it felt like. It felt good. It would not be new to him. But, thanks for being confident to tell me to keep myself in check. I appreciate it, MB. I do not want to become too wild and happy, yes? And I am not jealous I think it may appear of anyone`s HG Approves, etc., except perhaps, Desiree. We joke about it in good form and fun. Desiree has a calendar and each HG approves will be national holidays, she says. She does not have that many, yet, anyway. No worries. I believe I will be fine. Now, the dullness is lifting and I am entering another phase. A lonely phase. I am sure it will lift as well. In fact, some people are starting to say hello to me in the new gym location. I went there already today. This dynamic has been one of the oddest things that has happened to me in my entire life, that is for sure, MB. Thank you.
PSE, I’m glad you are beginning to feel better! I didn’t mean what I said as a criticism and I’m pleased you didn’t see it that way. I was hesitant to say anything because it’s none of my business and I don’t normally meddle. ET is so tricky, a lot of the time we don’t recognize it in ourselves and I takes somebody on the outside looking in to recognize it. If I’m wrong, I say I’m wrong. Nothing wrong with having a little fun! It’s great to hear you’re enjoying your new gym. I trust the Japanese Singing Narc instructor hasn’t reappeared!
MB: I am glad you reminded me to watch my E.T. Meddling has saved many a life on this planet. E.T. is very cunning and clever. I am not sure what is the purpose of E.T. It does seem to cause a lot of trouble. The Japanese guy did not return. Some women asked the regular instructor about him yesterday, and he is a permanent substitute instructor going all over NYC. I do not want him to return. I thought the post about him did not go through to you. I can not remember where I posted it. I am glad you saw it. Do you remember where that post is about the Japanese Gym Boy, MB? HG, I enjoy having a full range of emotions, but will you please tell me what is the purpose of Emotional Thinking, in particular, for empaths?
PSE, I don’t remember where the post is about the Japanese Gym Guy. I remember replying to you though. The best way I’ve found (the only way to do it right really) is to subscribe to all the comments. I had to stop it though. It’s a full time job keeping up with it. I don’t know how HG has time to do much else!
HG is the one to explain ET’s role in keeping your addiction fed.
I know it when I feel it in myself. I feel my anxiety building and my expectations growing. Getting a hit brings the anxiety down temporarily but the expectations are never met and the anxiety builds again and the cycle continues. An endless loop of hope and then being let down keeping me stuck. At least that’s how it manifests for me. The ultra simplistic version anyway.
Dearest HG: I enjoy having a full range of emotions, but can you please tell me what is the purpose of Emotional Thinking, in particular, for empaths?
To feed your addiction to narcissists.
Need to ask the expert. I was unblocked from his fake profile for a month. I didn’t acknowledge or contact in anyway now I’m re blocked. What is that about? Is it for a reaction? Is it fury because I failed to acknowledge him ?
I think this happened to me once when conversing with Piano Boy. He began trashing himself saying “I am a lying cheating bastard and a horrible husband and father”. Then it was “I wax and wane with compartmentalizing my guilt”. Then he pushed it back on me to say I need to try to “be more balanced”. “We need to sit down and fix this!” he says.
Me: “Do you need space?”
Him: “No, that would be cruel, I am bound to you and responsible for you and I will not abandon you. But if my wife finds out about this I will never speak to you again. Ever.”
It sounds like he tries to juggle 2 different realities. That may or may not be what you write about here though.
He does have these periodic episodes about his guilt and shame and he self loathes. It comes and goes.
Dearest HG: A very brave and courageous photo selection to portray the hidden condition. Amazing. And distressing. This photo puts an image to my thoughts regarding NPD. Thank you so much. Also, I have difficulty attaching to the the label/diagnosis: Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I have come up with my own term, for your consideration, HG: I understand the condition to begin as a Defensive mechanism as a child and young adult, and to progress to essentially a: Survival Mechanism To Offset Early Societal Traumatization (SMTOEST): I can then say that this (SMTOEST) is often called NPD, on one hand and perhaps Codependency on the other hand ( I have not read your articles and thoughts that cover codependency as of yet), so I am just hypothesising on that part. But, I find that the label NPD actually hides what really happened to the diagnosed persons and the label also hides the complexity of what is really going on. And that is a problem for all involved. I am a reasonable person of reasonable intelligence and since I am not under any school of thought or accreditation from the mental practitioner field, I am not under their control, and I do not have to worry if I step on anyone’s toes by thinking reasonably about this condition and moving even further to stepping outside of the box of what they are pushing, especially if I do not agree with all that they say, as a reasonable person.
Thank you.
This perfectly describes my ex lesser. He used to always say he was”a catch” or an amazing bf. It made me want to laugh.
Just watched your video “How the Mid Range Narcissist Projects” and I was stunned!! Had to watch three times just to attempt to wrapped my head around it – amazingly evil and deliberate!’
Let me say you did an EXCELLENT job with the storytelling – you made me feel, at first, like you were a concerned spouse but then……
You were so convincing! So loving and caring – hell I was shocked that was you! The first time hearing it I didn’t understand exactly what had occurred until you went into the fine details hence listened two more times! One of your BEST videos (minus the Q&A) – I felt sorry for the spouse and it was just a story!
Thank you for this knowledge! My prayers to all who have ever endured such evil!
Sorry I know this post doesn’t really belong here but just had to express my thoughts. Have a wonderful evening!
Thank you.