Love Is A Taught Construct



How do you know how to love? Did you sit wide-eyed in front a large screen as colourful costumed characters hugged one another to a saccharine sound-track so this imbued you with the concept of what love was? Did those cartoon characters explain to you what it is to love? Did their exaggerated voices and crazy antics, followed by the moral of the story teach you what love is? Perhaps you read about it in love, heard it in songs and studied the many ways in which this ultimate emotion appears and affects people. Chances are that you have been affected by those hugely affecting passages from the great works dedicated to love. Chances are you have been captured by haunting lyrics and catchy jingles which also profess to tell you what love is. They have all played a part. You may have learned about love from the version churned out by the media, of Hollywood romance, dashing heroes, fair maidens, tarts with golden hearts, the good man who rides to the rescue, the wayward soul saved by love. Love may have been explained to you from the pulpit as a higher love, something which transcends all earthly manifestations, a love so powerful and complete that it sacrificed its only son in order to demonstrate its love for humankind. This godly love is all around you, it touches each and all and is mighty in its effects. Love may have been learned from furtive fumbles down alleyways, sneaking into bedrooms when so young, the exploration of warm and urgent body parts accompanied by those every so sincere protestations of love. A haphazard journey through galloping teen years as nothing and everything makes sense all at once. Then again, love might have appeared to you in the form of something small and furry, an unconditional (so long as it was fed) love which was loyal, giving and ever so cute. So many erudite tutors, learned lecturers and wise proponents of what love is. Love thy neighbour, love yourself, love is all you need, woman in love, it must have been love, crazy little thing called love, to know him is to love him, we found love, how deep is your love? Love is all around us, in us, between us, lifting us up and letting us down. It is everywhere and you may well have been taught by many of the above and more besides as to what love is.

However, love most likely will have been taught to you by those who created you, those two people who came together and through their own pleasure created you. Two people who decided that they would shoulder the responsibility of creating life, nurturing it and bringing a new person into the world. Those two people accepted many, many responsibilities from such a decision and act. Chief among them was the responsibility of teaching that person what love is. Through their offices they have furnished each and every one of us with the notion of what love is. A deep-seated and visceral understanding of this is how love feels, this is what it looks like, this is what it sounds like. This is love. From those two people more than anything else we are first grounded in the concept of what love is. This grounding lasts a considerable time and whilst there are other factors to be considered, as I have mentioned above, it is this lesson which is learnt invariably first and the one lesson which resonates beyond all others. So often we are in their hands when it comes to being taught about love. So, what is this taught love? It has so many, many facets.

Love is being told to never trust anybody.

Love is being made to re-write the entire essay because of one spelling mistake.

Love is being sent to stand outside on a cold winter’s day until all three verses of Ode to Autumn are recited correctly.

Love is knowing nothing is ever good enough.

Love is understanding that someone else knows better than you what is best for you.

Love is turning away from the reality.

Love is standing straight against a wall for several hours for speaking out of turn.

Love is for the weak.

Love is being told that when I am gone nobody else will look out for you.

Love is succeeding.

Love is building a wall as high as possible.

Love is trying until it hurts and gaining that final curt nod of approval.

Love is being seen and not heard.

Love is fulfilling your potential and securing that legacy.

Love is hurting you even though it hurts me, but someone in this household has to do it and it won’t be him will it?

Love is reading to yourself than being read to.

Love is living in the shadows and hoping not to be noticed.

Love is being the best.

Love is the preserve of the powerful.

Love is being denied a birthday party because the other children are too stupid.

Love is being undermined in order to prevent conceit.

Love is a begrudged recognition and the injunction to try harder, go further, climb higher, run faster, study longer.

Love is burning your hand but not crying.

Love is don’t tell anybody about our secret.

Love is a righteous beating.

Love is being distant and pretending things never happened.

Love is being sent away.

Love is not being told.

Love is splendid isolation.

Love was taught this way.

113 thoughts on “Love Is A Taught Construct

  1. Quote Of The Day:
    [`Tangerine is back, but you have two tangerine pairs of swim suit? The previous pair had white at the bottom…er…not that I’m paying any attention…. 🙂`] ~~~strongerwendyme

  2. PrincessSuperEmpath says:

    So many children are being violated one way or another in society, and in the end we all pay for it, one way or the other, as well.

  3. NarcAngel says:

    This article is a great demonstration of the ease with which empaths can fall to the manipulation of words outside of this forum. Let the emotional thinking begin and the delicious fuel pour forth.

    1. myriflemyponynme says:

      Thank you NarcAngel !

  4. empath007 says:

    Wow. I have tears in my eyes from that. My childhood was so different, even though my parents did not love each other, my mom loved us so much.

    To add a dash of humour though ( that birthday party excuse was solid 😂 haha! )

  5. Claire says:

    So much pain and sadness are radiated from this article. I know HG doesn’t need my sorrows. But I imagined vividly the little boy staying outside the cold night and my heart sank.
    My ex Mid Ranger had raised without love and despite all hurt and pain during the marriage, I feel sorry for him.
    May God give love to the lost souls.

  6. myriflemyponynme says:

    Sir, I am so sorry you were that gullible.

  7. Em says:

    My ex lasser narc husband was like that to my kids – I left. He still is but they can see it now. His mother was like it to him.
    I can imaging my UMRN was treated like this to get him fit for a life in medicine. Proud mother.
    His life is crumbling now. Crawled back to the most recent IPPS until she realises. Ended up in small beauty clinics, pushed out of major hospitals – surrounded by women – no colleagues. Couldn’t tell his mother because she worried. Still surviving.

  8. Em says:

    I have read this story a number of times. This is the saddest of all the posts and possibly the most revealing.

  9. mommypino says:

    Hi Veronica, I understand what you are saying. This is actually one of my most favorite ever articles written by HG and probably by anyone. The big reason for that is because I was raised by a narcissist mom and now I am a mom of two amazing kids. I know that this article speaks so much truth and in fact, I think that all parents should read this regardless if they have ever encountered a narcissist or not. Love is indeed taught to us by our primary caregivers. So many scientific studies have shown that our primary caregivers teach us how to manage relationships, how to cope with our emotions, how to have strong self esteem, how to have healthy attachments with people etc. They teach it to us with their actions. They teach it to us with the way that they treat us and the way that they treat each other and other people. HG has cleverly explained to us that narcissists are created from a combination of two things: 1. Lack of Control environment (abuse) and 2. Genetic predisposition. People can be abused in their childhood and will still be able to escape becoming a narcissist if they didn’t have the genetic predisposition. People can have the genetic predisposition but escape being a narcissist if they weren’t abused. But someone who was not abused cannot become a narcissist even if that person has the genetic predisposition. Abuse or actually the best term is Lack of Control Environment is essential for someone to be a narcissist. That’s how impactful the parenting is to a child. And even if a person who had Lack of Control Environment is able to escape being a narcissist because that person’s genes do not predispose them to become one, they are still damaged and has to overcome a lot of distortions and false understanding of what love is and how relationships work and managing their emotions because they have to teach it to themselves. Because they didn’t learn it from their parents. That’s why a lot of children of narcissists who didn’t become narcissists end up being victims of narcissistic abuse. Parents have so much impact on what we become and in so many ways their effect on us can last a lifetime.

    1. Lorelei says:

      MP—I just read it. I’m somewhat amazed my brothers and I are not narcissists. My dad was unkind to them, glorified me by comparison yet never spent time with me. My mom was worn out and looking back it was probably his behavior keeping her in quasi-survival mode. The same survival mode her mother trudged through because of my equally disordered grandfather. I really wish HG would get a fire under his rear to write the material for kids he has mentioned. I think it’s a fabulous time to squash the misery narcissists bring to people’s lives and I don’t want my kids to ever entangle with such a person.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        My to do list is longer than your receipt.

        1. Lorelei says:

          Oh dear man I’m actively shopping again on Amazon. It happens when there are no patients!

          1. MB says:

            Were the taco plates from Amazon?

          2. Lorelei says:

            Aldi. I’m excited as hell about these plates. I’m always looking for the product to change my life! By the way—I had a dream you came to me in my dream!

          3. MB says:

            Lorelei, I’m sorry you’re dreaming about me. Surely, there is better subject matter!

        2. PrincessSuperEmpath says:

          Dearest HG: Now that I see you change your avatars at times, will you please bring back something in red again, in the fullness of time? I really liked that color on you and it was easy to find your posts.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            It was tangerine!

          2. MB says:

            Those shorts being tangerine will never stop being funny!

          3. PrincessSuperEmpath says:

            Dearest HG: Kindly keep your tangerine shorts in the rotation. I love them. I enjoy seeing you looking relaxed and enjoying the outdoors and the sunshine as you enlighten and advise and direct.

          4. strongerwendyme says:

            Tangerine is back! 🙂

          5. strongerwendyme says:

            Tangerine is back, but you have two tangerine pairs of swim suit? The previous pair had white at the bottom…er…not that I’m paying any attention…. 🙂

          6. HG Tudor says:

            Most observant. And correct.

          7. kel2day says:

            It’s hot red now!! And those tan legs are sexy to boot! PSE, you can’t miss him now- in fact we all might need sunglasses!

          8. MB says:

            This is PSE’s lucky day! Maybe she will even get an in person visit. So jealous!

          9. MB says:

            So, I’m thinking these might be actually red? Not tangerine? Those legs are tearing my nerves up today. Is it hot in here?

          10. HG Tudor says:


          11. MB says:

            Thank you for clarifying, HG. I’ve turned my fan on high.

          12. NarcAngel says:

            Such a tease isn’t he?

          13. MB says:

            NA, the man does enjoy playing games. I like it 😉 (From a distance of course!)

          14. NarcAngel says:

            Haha. If you turned up the fan from a pic of his legs can you imagine the texts? Especially given his talent with words? Lethal weapons.

          15. MB says:

            Indeed NA. I’d melt into a puddle of glittery goo!

          16. PrincessSuperEmpath says:

            Kel2day: shhhhh….don’t blow my spot up…..I am preparing myself a little tea to celebrate The Return.

          17. kel2day says:

            Lol PSE, good work! Enjoy your, er, tea!

          18. seballerina says:

            My legs are prettier and my view is just as good.

      2. Joanne says:

        There is material in the works that is geared toward children?!

        1. Lorelei says:

          Joanne—he’s also sponsoring a retreat and I’m sending my kids. It’s a summer camp for 2020 and he’s teaching them how to swim, camp.. He’s not permitted to drown anyone.

          1. NarcAngel says:

            HG permitted? Ba haha

            Jesus, can you imagine the craft projects and activities at his kid camp?

            Come One Come All

            Pin the tail on the minion.
            Web spinning 101. (Practice on other campers).
            Blameshifting for beginners.
            Mind games 1 and 2.
            Finger pointing (instead of painting).
            Badges earned in the Big Little Liars Club.

            Each night campers will gather around a raging fire eating Black and White cookies while Uncle Satan reads aloud stories from Narc Tales (no flashlight under the chin required) followed by the Fearful Terror of lights out.

            No spooning. No hugging.

            Hoovers the following year pre-camp guaranteed.

            Angel Assistance available (to facilitate escape).

          2. Lorelei says:

            Hilarious! They can also make voodoo dolls and practice putting pins in them and making weird chants. Waterboarding daily..

          3. Lorelei says:

            NA—if we ever meet the real HG we need to rush up and hug him just so he loses his mind! Act like we forgot he hates it!

          4. HG Tudor says:

            I will hire a “Hug Double” for that!

          5. MB says:

            Surely there is fuel in hugs?!? You wouldn’t want the Hug Double getting all that would you?

          6. HG Tudor says:

            Yes there is fuel in hugs but I can get plenty of fuel without being hugged.

          7. Lorelei says:

            Good idea to have a body double!

          8. HG Tudor says:

            Actually I will go with Body Triple, after all, I always go one better.

          9. MB says:

            HG, you do know what happened to Michael Keaton in ‘Multiplicity’? Do you really want an imbecile on the planet with your DNA? I would reconsider the hugs if I were you. (Of course that was cloning. Not body doubles. Still, something to consider.)

          10. HG Tudor says:

            As if there would be any clone of me that would be an imbecile. To the dungeon for your insolence!

          11. MB says:

            Did you see the movie, HG? Each clone got dumber and dumber. I’m only looking out for you.

            I’ve never been sent to the dungeon before. I don’t know how to handle the exile. NA! NA! Are you still here? I really don’t like spiders.

          12. HG Tudor says:

            No I have not seen it.

            They were not clones then were they?!

            NA is not in the dungeon.

          13. MB says:

            They were clones. But the DNA was watered down with each occurrence. He had one dealing with the wife, one at work, and he couldn’t even let the last one out of the house. He tried to keep him locked in the garage! You would quite enjoy it, HG. It’s an older movie.

            No NA? Who is going to help me with my spider problem in the dungeon? Would you be so kind as to have a minion come get them and take them outside very gently? I don’t want them harmed. And please don’t have them spray any chemicals. I have a nail appointment this afternoon that will need to be canceled if they could attend that please. I’m quite hungry for lunch. I request grilled salmon, please let them know and I like my food to be very hot, so tell them not to dilly dally with my plate.

          14. HG Tudor says:

            Sounds interesting, I have made a note.

          15. MB says:

            Jolly good. It is a comedy. So what time is lunch served down here? I’m not a patient girl!

          16. Lorelei says:

            MB—I need my nails done too. Getting out of bed would be a good first step.

          17. MB says:

            It seems my nails nor my growling stomach is of concern whilst consigned to the dungeon. This place is not for the glittered. I am using my learning in order to hatch a plan for release.

          18. HG Tudor says:

            Or you could just beg!

          19. MB says:

            Begging hasn’t been successful with narcs in the past. So it didn’t occur to me. It seemed to be a sure fire way NOT to get what I want. Now what DID work…

            Never mind I can’t do that in this situation!

            Wonder what the other unicorns did when they were captured? Wait! Oh no! I knew I smelled a rotten stench down here. Ewwwww.

            Please, HG, let me out. I’m hungry and bored. I’ll forever be a loyal follower and I’ll behave. I promise. At least send me somebody to talk to. I’m an extrovert. I’m dying here! Please HG, please. I never want to be here again.

          20. HG Tudor says:

            Did I hear something? Must have been the souls groaning in the Asylum….

          21. MB says:

            I knew begging wouldn’t work! You really are looking quite dapper today, Sir. That color suits you. It really brings out your eyes. Wow! What a beautiful watch. I love those brown shoes and it’s so sexy when a man wears interesting socks. What is that scent you’re wearing? It is absolutely divine!

          22. HG Tudor says:

            Now that’s just insincere, you can’t see me from The Dungeon!

          23. MB says:

            Could I trouble you for a bedtime story and a cup of chamomile tea around 9?

          24. HG Tudor says:

            You can the story but I hate daisies.

          25. MB says:

            You’re a doll HG.

          26. HG Tudor says:

            No, I am not.

          27. MB says:

            I meant for reading me a bedtime story. I’ll change it to “You’re the best!”

          28. HG Tudor says:


          29. MB says:

            Those “Ken” legs aren’t helping your case much for NOT being a doll! Ha Ha

          30. HG Tudor says:

            Ha ha, easy tiger.

          31. NarcAngel says:

            Haha. Good one.

          32. Lorelei says:

            Goodness eat something!!

          33. MB says:

            There are only unicorn carcasses and burned out rainbows down here. He said he was coming for the glitter and he has made good on that promise. He’s not even giving me any crumbs of comfort to snack on. I can only hope a minion will have mercy on me or that somebody else will be exiled so I’ll have some company.

          34. Lorelei says:

            MB! Is it like Silence of the Lambs with the lotion? HG has promised to let me bring my own moisturizer if I get thrown in.

          35. MB says:

            NA, you’re hilarious!

            I’d sign up for campfire stories with HG any day!

      3. mommypino says:

        Hi Lorelei,
        You’re all very fortunate that none of you got the genetic predisposition. That’s really interesting that you have noticed that in several generations of your family. I am with you on breaking the cycle and protecting our kids from getting entangled with a narcissist. I am 💯 decided on sending my kids a copy of HG’s book Red Flags and Manipulated when they leave the house to go to college. I would very much prefer that they learn about HG Tudor from me than from being heartbroken by a narcissist and searching for answers. I am really interested in that material for kids. I’m perfectly sure that HG will be able to pull it off.
        Haha but his to do list is longer than your three foot receipt! I love his Hunter boots!

        1. Lorelei says:

          Yes MP—there is a story to the three foot receipt. The children’s father neglected to cap expenses be is legally responsible for. Why was this oversight slipped in? Narcissists (I believe) are susceptible to tunnel vision while seeking control or seeking to avoid being controlled. I insisted he not be permitted to allow his less than stellar lady friend to their medical/school appointments. She is essentially a classless woman—I would readily equate her with perhaps an upgraded double wide in a field somewhere on an uncle’s land. (Forgive me dear MP—it’s just my thoughts)
          Anyway—he was captivated by this one detail and he was too stupid to look at the bigger picture. He is also cheap because he likes to gamble—it leaves no money for anything. So it’s a win/win. Sure, he can take me to court but it’ll be a slam on his facade to tell my girls they can’t get their hair done at a premiere salon, etc. Plus he will have to pay his pricey attorney. He can essentially kiss my ass!

          1. mommypino says:

            Thank you Lorelei for telling me the back story. I thought that you were talking about a receipt from a store like CVS. I get 3-5 foot long receipts from CVS all the time because of their coupons that I never need. Although sometimes they have coupons that are as good as cash like the Extra Bucks which I always look out for because they have expiration.

            No need to apologize about your thoughts on that woman. I totally understand you. He is using her to provoke you. She is just another appliance to him and unfortunately for her she has no idea what is coming her way. And also unfortunately your kids get affected as well by all of this shit show that he is doing. It sounds like he is really quite destructive especially financially. He is not going to have a good future, all of this will eventually catch up to him just like it did with my MR sister and he might not have a good ending.

            You’re so right about their tunnel vision. It really is quite funny and sad at the same time. It’s one of their self destructive behaviors. Only the Greaters don’t have it. HG did a great job explaining their mindset when they behave like that, they are more focused on asserting control immediately than looking at the long term consequences of their decisions.

          2. Lorelei says:

            You nailed it—assert control immediately! I know the girlfriend could be worse but I would jump off a bridge before I would sleep in bed with a married man a few weeks (or ever) after meeting him and his kids were in the house. I have shit for boundaries but good gawd. It’s ridiculous. I’m embarrassed he is so appalling. Interestingly his normal family members sent Christmas cards and a birth announcement around Christmas last year. I still blocked them all anyway on social media but they know who the true nut bag is. When he moved out he got a nipple ring as the kids told me he walked around in it. In our house such shirtless shenanigans would never happen—only at a pool for instance. Basically he was mirroring a more typical value set when with me and now that he’s with Ms. Double Wide trailer he’s gone white trash. Did I say embarrassing? My attorney was just rolling his eyes and coincidentally his attorney and mine are acquaintances and it was non-verbally conveyed to me that he is regarded as a complete ass. He also hangs around the girlfriend’s lesser felon brother who doesn’t have a full name—just initials to make spelling easier. He needs hooked on phonics. Meanwhile I’m amused despite the rise to my ET perhaps. I am never dating a narcissist again.

          3. MommyPino says:

            OMG Lorelei, what a nightmare and a comedy! I’m sorry for my late response, I had a lot of stuff happen at home with my son now going to school and my daughter being melancholy about missing her brother. I had to get stuff in order at my house first because I was starting to get stressed out. Been busy sending out applications as well. I’m also amused by your stories about your husband’s transformation and the new people that he is mirroring. I didn’t realize that mirroring can go to that extent where if he is around low lives he would act as one as well. It is really interesting. I remember HG’s article about narcissists dating someone inferior but only because they had a fuel crisis and if they find a suitable replacement they will drop that new IPPS immediately. In my EMMRN sister’s case, she didn’t ever date anyone of lower class than her. Instead of getting an emergency IPPS whenever she broke up with one, she went to hang out more with our dad who was an empath (I think a Super Empath) or her male best friend who was in love with her and acted like her codependent or me who is a Geyser Empath which is an easy source of fuel. I guess your Narc ex doesn’t have that alternative. I wouldn’t want to live with somebody who walks around with no shirt on around the house. My husband puts a white shirt on when he wants to be comfy. I also don’t think I can have sex with someone who has a nipple piercing. It would turn me off as soon as I see it. I don’t find it attractive. Tattoos are ok but a piercing on a guy isn’t very masculine for me. But that’s just me. And also about boundaries on dating, a few years ago, things like that didn’t occur to me because there’s no divorce in my home country. I had two narcissist friends and they did that and I was oblivious to it but I remember my husband pointing out to me that he’s not impressed by those two friends of mine dating while their divorces were not final yet and with guys who were also still married. My husband didn’t invite me to live with him until about a year after we started dating and during that year or so, he had done a lot of effort to make his kids accept me on their own time (which never happened). But what you told me about your Narc ex just makes me differentiate in my mind the behaviors of a narcissist versus a normal or an empath.

          4. Lorelei says:

            Omg MP—if I were with a guy and he took his shirt off to reveal such bullshit I’d run. It’s ok for a college kid, not a middle aged man unless it was his “thing” all along. If that were the case one would know this from the get go.. I would never live with someone walking around shirtless either. It’s white trash behavior.

          5. MommyPino says:


    2. Veronica says:

      Largely I do agree with this article but it’s not love thought The difference between right from wrong is ,love gets corrupted by abuse and narcissist are created .
      I believe narcissism is taught But does not need abuse I think when you start looking at someone who is a narcissistic sociopath or psychopath then you’re looking at emotional damage as well I know some narcissists that haven’t had severe abuse but were raised with the idea that they are More in entitled either through status position money society and those people don’t care what they do to other people and I believe that is the difference between a narcissist and a narcissistic sociopath or psychopath Before we turn 25 I think is our brains actually haven’t developed a so childhood abuse actually Affect the function of the brain and spoiling behave that way towards other people as a form of abuse I guess because it doesn’t equip Then with the necessary tools to be able to function in society and quite often can’t have successful relationships.
      I have a lot of narcissist in my family my mother my father my brothers I think I was the only empathic person I was everybody physical emotional and sexual victim when I was young.
      I have broken Ties with them they’re very unhealthy for me for a long time I didn’t know what was actually happening I couldn’t understand why somebody would do things I didn’t know what was until I found HG And because this was my norm it’s what I Attract into my life both in sexual relationships and friendships with males and females I have read a number HGs books and hearing it from his perspective as a narcissistic sociopath helped me understand my responsibility in the relationships that I’ve had and how my lack of self love allowed these people to think that they had a right or ability to be able to get away with it Not to mention the amount of chances I gave people that have done on speakable things my brother was the first person I pulled away from because he started hurting my children and my love for them was what made me wanted to protect them from anything including my family and even though had abuse me terribly I still loved So trying to fix the relationship or something that I continuously kept doing until I had a greater reason my brother took it so badly that he could not control me any more that he actually lost control of himself and his entire life because I walked away and refused to let him back He went through a really bad stage after that what he did to his girlfriend was awful did things Like spent $5000 on prostitutes and write it up on his girlfriends computer so that she would find out what he told her that she was disgusting couldn’t stay with her he’s really cruel to her afterwards because he couldn’t get the fuel from me any more but I still didn’t understand what happened I just thought he was a wanker he was also abused by my mother and with the genetic traits I believe he is a narcissistic psychopath as he killed my guinea pig when he was 11 because I loved it I was definitely his primary source his emotions for me were very twisted now that I understand what they are easier to forgive them because I understand they don’t have control over themselves But with everything I went through I didn’t turn out that way we have the same parents we were both abused me more because I never abused anyone so they would take turns at ganging up on me I raise my children with love and I taught them to treat people the way they wanted to be treated but at the same time not be a doormat and they are amazing people I believe that a lot of this is taught I don’t believe love is

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Thank you for your observations Veronica. If you want to understand how a narcissist is created , do read To Control Is To Cope.

        1. Lorelei says:

          HG—I just realized you go by initials on here. Is this so you can spell it?!

          1. HG Tudor says:

            No it’s because I’m important.

          2. Lorelei says:

            Not entitled or grandiose at all!!

          3. HG Tudor says:

            Just truthful.

          4. NarcAngel says:

            Is that a naked guy looking in a mirror over your shoulder and in the background?

          5. HG Tudor says:

            Ha ha.

          6. Lorelei says:

            It’s a stupid picture lol!! She is wearing a strapless dress! No naked men are allowed in the house until I’m not a nut case anymore. It’ll be a bit.

          7. Lorelei says:

            I’m more important!

          8. MB says:

            Welcome to the dungeon Lorelei! Thank goodness. I need somebody to talk to. Ha ha

          9. Tammy says:

            I predicted that response from HG. Haha!

        2. Veronique Jones says:

          Thanks will do

      2. Veronica: If you would make a guess and label them all in total, would you say that some of the people you know, including family members were more Narcissistic Sociopaths and some were more Narcissistic Psychopaths? If you were forced to put each person in a category of one or the other, what would you guess the number would be for Narcissistic Sociopath vs Narcissistic Psychopath? I am working on my own personal way to think of one versus the other in my observations of people and I want to hear your opinion as well, if possible.

        1. WokeAF says:

          HG I’ve meant to ask . Where does Narcissist turn into Narcissistic Socioopath/Psychopath. What’s the dividing line in your view?

        2. Veronique Jones says:

          My brother and uncle I believe were psychopaths very dangerous intelligent sexual predators and violent they can manipulate anyone to do as they want and could roll through manure and come up smelling of roses so a small percentage
          My mother and a others sociopathic I have a very toxic family escaping them and rebuilding my life was the best thing I ever did I even moved 4500 kms away from them so they wouldn’t just turn up at my house anymore

          1. PrincessSuperEmpath says:

            Thank you. It is almost unbelievable, but i believe you. I am so glad that HG Tudor is an Ultra. If you ever have trouble with these people you know whom to call. I hope you are safe now. Distance is an irritant and energy consumer to some people, at least.

          2. Veronique Jones says:

            I am safe from them I have completely cut contact in the mood four and a half thousand k’s away I still seem to attract these people into my life though it’s why I follow H G he is the only person who is actually given me any actual insight into the narcissistic mind I’m trying to put my life in place where I don’t attract these people I want healthy relationships with people who don’t need to abuse me to feel powerful

  10. Veronica says:

    You can not teach love it is inside us a part of who we are I didn’t even start watching TV and until I was in my 20s I didn’t have one as a small child we did have one in the house but I wasn’t allowed to watch it love can be corrupted by people who are abusive And that is taught but you can if you choose to decide not to walk down that path on one hand you have love in the other you have fear most narcissist are paranoid in my experience also obsessive most of their reactions If not all are and actions are based on fear ,Fear of rejection fear of abandonment of isolation and fear of exposure Fear of loss fear of old-age fear of death learn acceptance in you Will experience love
    I am super empath As you call it I also have the ability to feel other people’s emotions to be honest with you I think we all do , The thought of harming someone else deliberately just to get reactions were feeling control of someone else I don’t understand I don’t think I ever will because I don’t have it in me I have experienced it many times from other people And until I found you I didn’t really understand what it was however your get out and stay out rule can’t work if we consistently attract narcissists because of the way we are it’s not going to make any difference to whether or not it is the narcissist that is current or the next one that comes along they will always keep coming all of my life since I can remember I have had narcissists In my life they do target me in a way that they don’t with other people I get put on a pedestal and when they realise they cannot control me to become abscessed with cruelty that only has an affect on me for so long I don’t want to take the risk of another one but we can’t run away every time we faced with these individuals and empathetic people tend to get narcissists all the time one after another well that has been my experience I’ve managed to keep my mother and brothers completely out of this and the last attempt she used inheritance Money has no power over me and I know it’s not worth the bloody paid and for it I’m assuming she will keep doing this until she dies I just ignore it My most recent narcissist I’m still do run into occasionally and he still busy playing his games and that’s fine because he’s playing on his own I have no care factor for what he thinks about me or for his minions I know they believe the lies he has told in that’s okay if that’s what they need to do to survive this relationship with them that’s their issue I have found a lot of your writings and books Very informative and helpful but they are all fear based I refuse to live my life in fear of anything or anyone i’m sure that the only time he actually worries about it is when he sees me or knows I’m coming to the same place he’s going to be at I have already forgiven him but that does not mean I will let him back in my life closely enough to be able to affect it I don’t pity him any more are used to I still see him is pathetic though he harmed me humiliated me set me up for rejection Smeared my name I’ve had the whole devils tool kit he very nearly broke me but he didn’t I’ve had enough time to put myself back together and I see him in a completely different light to how are used to I’m grateful for the lessons And no he can only affect me if I let him excepting the loss was difficult I didn’t want to but I have because I realise it’s not actually a loss you can’t lose something you never had

  11. Tammy says:

    This hurt my heart to read.

  12. Whitney says:

    I wish I was there to love and protect you

  13. Narc noob says:

    Love is…

    Being told “it is none of your business” and
    “this is for your own good”. Its anything else but intimacy.

    Interesting how all family members receive the same treatment, or mostly, and yet individuals filter it differently.

    Your mum and you had “secrets”? Geez!

    1. E. B. says:

      Narc noob,
      It is a misconception that all children of narcissists are treated the same. Also, they are assigned different roles. Becoming a narcissist, a co-dependent, a scapegoat is not a choice.

  14. nikij44 says:

    What happened to you, that turned you in a narcissist?
    How old are you?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      My family.

      1. nikij44 says:

        💔 thank you for your help!!

    2. Tammy says:

      Nikij44, I was waiting for HG to tell us how old he is but I didn’t think it was going to happen. Lol.

      1. nikij44 says:


      2. Narc noob says:

        Perhaps if you asked how young he was, he would answer? 😉

        1. NarcAngel says:

          All together now…HG is:

          “Old enough to know, young enough to do”

          1. Tammy says:

            HG, how young are you? Just give us a range. 😘

          2. HG Tudor says:

            I am aged between 1 and 200.

          3. Tammy says:

            Smart ass eh? Haha

          4. HG Tudor says:

            Just smart.

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