The Ten Initial Desires of the Narcissist
I am red of tooth and claw. I seduce, I hurt, I cast to one side and like some malevolent Pied Piper, I play my tunes once again and draw you into my fabricated world. I operate a zero sum policy. I want what you have. If I gain it, I win. I love to win. I must always win. The winner is the conqueror, the strongest and the survivor. This is what I have been taught. That is the reality of my existence. Yet when you have been selected as our targets and the seduction has commenced, we have certain desires that we want to be true. There are initial desires that exist so that we do not have to go down the road so often travelled. We may have ensnared you but might we remain protector rather than persecutor?
We have these wants at the outset of our coupling with you. These are genuine, well-intentioned and considerable in nature. We are imbued with hope, optimism and confidence, every time a new prospect has been embraced by us. We want these things so that the teeth are never bared and the claws remain lowered.
- You are the one
I chose you because you are so special. I truly believe that you are the one, this time, to change everything that has happened before. You are the one who will save us, you have been selected beyond everybody else because you are the one. That is why we have such an infatuation with you at the outset of our relationship.
- You will not betray us.
The world is a cruel and harsh place and we know better than most how that is the case. We are surrounded by those who would strike us down and grind us into the nothingness which we fear. Those assassins lurk and wait, seeking their moment and we must ensure we remain vigilant so we do not fall prey to them. Traitors and betrayers mill about us, but we are wise to them. We know their game and we have them in our eye. We do not want you to be one of them.
- You won’t be like the others
We thought they would be the ones that we desired but they disappointed and dismayed and they left us no choice other than to punish them for their lack of loyalty and their false promises. We had to do so, otherwise a failure to act would only compound the perception of our weakness and we must at all times project to the world our image of success and magnificence. We hope you will not be like them so we need not maintain such a façade and we hope you will prove your worth so that you will not be like the others and let us down.
- You will stop the emptiness
Each and every day we must seek to fill the void that lurks within. It is part of what we are and we accept that this is the task which must be addressed because so much rests on being able to perform this important act. It is the reason for our existence but perhaps you can stop that sense of emptiness for us. Perhaps you can take away that void and provide us with the substance that we crave.
- You quell the fury
It is always there, churning away, waiting to be unleashed and directed at some transgressor, critic or traitor. I have learned to control it, many of my kind cannot do so and will never do so, it is a mark of my excellence and my superiority. I make it work for me, to advance my plans and to smite my foes. I have no choice for it is always there, waiting to be ignited in an instant. I can control it but I cannot quell it. Can you be the one to do this for me?
- You won’t get too close
Perhaps if you avoid getting too close to us you will not then let us down like the others before you have. We hope that you can provide us with all the things that we desire without the need to invade our inner sanctum which must remain locked and shuttered. Do not attempt to enter there for the consequences are too dreadful, for us both. Do not get too close and perhaps we have a chance to achieve the other desires that we wish for.
- You really do love us
They all seem to do so at the beginning but then we find ourselves surrounded by charlatans, con-merchants and frauds. Why does this always happen? All we want is for you to love us, unconditionally and eternally. That is what we only ever wanted.
- You will not wound us
No matter how grand and imperial we are, no matter how magnificent our achievements and our deportment that signals to the world that we are truly brilliant, a leader in our field, a behemoth and a colossus, we can be wounded with such despicable ease by those who send criticism our way. It hurts, it burns and it wounds and we must defend ourselves against such unwarranted and disgusting behaviour. Perhaps you will be the one who will not wound us in this way.
- You will not leave
Don’t leave us. The others have always done so. We do not understand why that is after everything that we have done, all the things we endeavoured to do to please them and then this is what happens. The others leave us twice. They come with such promise and deliver for a time but then they do so no longer and through such an omission they leave us. We want that person to return but struggle to contain the fury which is unleashed from this horrible criticism of us and then you sever all possibility of a return when you walk away from us. Do you know who you are when you do that?
- You won’t make us leave you.
Please do not do the things which force us away from you. The others all headed down that path. It causes us to consider that we are cursed, forever burdened by the fate that we will have no choice other than to leave you in order to secure our survival. Perhaps you can be the one who prevents that feeling from happening?
Each and every time these ten desires loom large when we commence our engagement with you. Some show such promise and for such a time and then one by one these desires are crushed, shattered and obliterated. We know only one way to respond to the destruction of our desires because we are red of tooth and claw.
6 thoughts on “The Ten Initial Desires of the Narcissist”
I am not looking for approval, or anything, but I wanted to say that I am rather taken in by the magnetic quality of the featured photo, and it brings me to the sudden realization why I feel nostalgic when I read many of your posts!
Your writings remind me of Anne Rice’s, high quality, luxuriously poetic words in her book, “Interview with The Vampire”. This featured photo reminds me of Lestat.
Of course, if you do not like her style of writing, particularly in the book I mentioned above, you might take my comment as an insult. Nevertheless, I find the imagery in your writings to be beautifully descriptive, and provoking deep emotion.
Good evening. This statement probably does not belong here but here it is nonetheless. I’ve been on your blog about 4 months, I’ve listened to all your videos, reading your books and learning so much. At first I didn’t know how to take you – you scared me to be honest but my gut feeling told me to “trust him” (your knowledge) and I listened.
I lost my husband 2 years ago – in 2005 he had an accident at work, suffered at traumatic brain injury and was institutionalized until his passing. I stayed faithful and true to him – that was a given – and was always his eyes, ears and mouth – he became my 3rd son and protected him with a vengeance. I’ve dealt with doctors, surgeons, lawyers, courts, had to make some horrible decisions – point here – I never failed my husband but yes I did lose a part of me and do have PTSD. So in all those years I did not pay attention to the “outside world” and how things had changed.
Which leads me to meeting the narc and getting my heart broken. I honestly never heard of NARCS until after him – and I was around and am in the medical field! I was so hurt and ashamed and never understood what had even happened to me much less WHY. Hence I came across your videos (God sent) and all your work – YOU enabled me to understand all those things plus gave me tools for my future!! I have no words to describe the depth of my gratitude for you but please know I feel that and feel that deeply. What you have/are giving to us is the best gift we could ever receive. YOU were the person who actually made me laugh about this mess for the first time with your “Three Empaths” story – I pray you know how special that was for me. As of now shame is what I’m battling now – you guided my broken heart to repair – and that shame runs rampant at times.
I am sorry this is so long – crying and typing is difficult- but I needed you to know! One should always be grateful and I am. Thank you!
You are welcome.