Point Askew



In a discussion with Dr E we were engaged in one of the sessions where he invites me to consider the situation from the point of view of those that I interact with. On this particular occasion we were discussing situations where a victim wishes to cease interacting with me and he wanted to know if I could understand why they might form that view. Since I am a clever chap I am able to work out how people might feel about being on the receiving end of my behaviour. I understand that anxiety and hyper vigilance, misery and upset follow the way I treat people. As you know though I do not care. People make the mistake that I am dismissive of the way people feel. It is not that. I can see that they are upset. I can see that they are angry. I know all of that. What people often fail to realise is that my needs have to come first. I need my fuel. If that means you standing there sobbing at me then that has to happen so I get my fuel. If there was a different way of getting that fuel then I would use that method. If that alternative method did not leave you upset then I would take it, but there is no other way, not when I grow tired of you. I need the fuel and that means you have to suffer as you supply that to me.

I do understand how you feel because I have seen the reactions over and over again. I know what anger looks like, I know what misery is and I have seen despair so often. I can understand your point of view when you stand arguing with me, but I will not concede to it. I want you to keep arguing as that gives me fuel. I will deploy a circular argument to keep the drama going. I want you to explode through frustration and shower me with your attention as you do so. I hear everything you say to me (although I will wind you up by saying I cannot hear you, so you speak louder and become exasperated). People suspect that I cannot appreciate what your view is. I do but it must always be subservient to my desire for fuel. Of course, by telling you this I can extract even more fuel from you because now you know that I understand your views but I wont pay any heed to them and that will infuriate you all the more.

26 thoughts on “Point Askew

  1. Loti says:

    HG how long does challenge fuel last? Even though I have challenge fuel I’d like to think it didn’t last long and that any fuel he’s getting or has isn’t coming from me at this point

    1. HG Tudor says:

      For as long as it is provided.

      1. Lori says:

        So it’s just for that moment when it’s happening and it doesn’t turn into thought fuel knowing they got you to react ?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          When what is happening Lori? I cannot see the previous comment so you will need to be specific please.

          1. Lori says:

            Meaning at the moment you did something to provide challenge fuel. The fuel only lasts at that moment in time when you provided it. It doesn’t last for days or weeks afterwards.

          2. HG Tudor says:


  2. Veronique Jones says:

    HG what would happen or how would a narcissist feel if the empath ignored the things that the narcissist was doing to get fuel ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The narcissist would be wounded.

      1. Veronique Jones says:

        Is there anything we can do to not let them hurt us without wounding them or is everything taken personally GOSO excluded talking about if we happen to see them out or if they think of us and contact us? I don’t like hurting anyone

        1. HG Tudor says:

          That’s emotional thinking, you apply total no contact.

      2. Lori says:

        Oh so wait so you mean my not reaching out to him when he unblocked me is what wounded him and that’s why he reblocked me ?

  3. Abe Moline says:

    “Now you know that I understand your views but I wont pay any heed to them and that will infuriate you all the more”

    Heheh, no it won’t. On the contrary, now that I know, this gives a somewhat funny tint to the entire situation.

  4. Lori says:

    Question. Probably not quite relevant to this post but I believe I accidentally caused a narcissistic injury. I know you think how the hell to do you do that by accident? But believe me it was. If I could get it back I would but I can’t. In any case he now knows that I know what he is.

    This came on the heels of his provocation of him unblocking me on fb but still refusing to speak to me. when I failed to react he blocked me again.which is fine I really don’t care but would him finding out that I know what he is cause and injury and will he feel the need to punish me? All i know is I’m blocked from all of his fake profiles now too even ones I suspected were him but wasn’t sure (well now I know my suspicions were right) it almost seems as though he cannot even tolerate seeing my name. Does that sound like narcissistic injury ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You will have to describe what you did for me to ascertain whether you wounded or not.

      1. Lori says:

        I basically had a conversation that he was privy to that said I knew he had unblocked me that he just wanted attention and I knew he had a disorder and saying what s pity it was and that I it was interesting to observe the behavior. Some displaying comments about the new supply and that maybe he’d just leave me alone now. Total accident. I never wanted him to know I knew what he was but it’s done now and I can’t change it. All I know is I’m now blocked for profiles I didn’t even know were his but gave now put it together that they were him. It’s almist like he can’t even tolerate seeing my name which is all fine but I read somewhere you have to worry about retaliation when you cause an injury

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Challenge Fuel.

          1. Lori says:

            Thank you. I just don’t want him coming after me. If he got challenge fuel so be it but why would he be blocking me from profiles I didn’t even know were him?

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Why are you even looking at the profiles if you do not want him coming after you?

          3. Lori says:

            Because a mutual friend mentioned this person and I could see I was blocked and then I put it together that it was him all a long. I thought it might be but had know way of knowing. I can’t assume every suspicious profile is him but apparently this one was. Now I know before I didn’t so that’s how this came about. I don’t care that he’s blocked me. I don’t. Honestly it’s way easier now but I was worried about the other and believe me I wish it hadn’t happened and that’s whati I get for even talking about him. I have actually been doing much better. I don’t text him etc. I know it’s all a game whereby he looks for reactions but what is the damn point of blocking me ? If he blocks me he’s got zero chance of any reactions?

          4. Lori says:

            And btw HG I thank you for your candid comments and advice. I have found you lose helpful and as I have said in the past I don’t know how you do it all. I don’t come here we often anymore as I don’t need as much help as I once did. I tend to only come now when there has been some sort of “incident “ thank god I’m not in the throes of the daily pain anymore. The incidents are coming few and further between and their impact is less in duration. I don’t feel the need to win so much anymore because I have finally grasped that you win when you stop engaging and walk away. It seems counterintuitive that winning means walking away but otherwise it seems the game is perpetual.

          5. HG Tudor says:

            You’re welcome

  5. Pati says:

    H.G. now I understand Cognitive Empathy more.
    Thank you!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You’re welcome

  6. Pingback: Read this | I Won't Take It
  7. Desirée says:

    “now you know that I understand your views but I wont pay any heed to them and that will infuriate you all the more” – does that mean you let people in your real life see how much you don’t give a damn (secondary or tertiary) to draw more fuel or do you only let the IPPS see it to keep your facade intact?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It varies on circumstance.

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