Sex : How the Narcissist Views Sex and The Role It Plays In Your Entanglement
No holds barred and no strings attached
The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform
Read about how the narcissist views and uses sex and how you are central in that
Also available in paperback on Amazon
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28 thoughts on “Sex : How the Narcissist Views Sex and The Role It Plays In Your Entanglement”
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Question for you HG.
After our first date ended in a kiss, I almost had a sense that our intimate encounters would be awkward. This is TMI but I envisioned him “finishing” early/abruptly and feeling ashamed/embarrassed. Would this idea have been born from the fact that early on, he had built ME up so high, while somewhat putting himself down?
It is speculation.
Gave it a read but was wondering about cyber/virtual/phone sex which I did not see much of covered in this eBook (maybe worth revising to reflect this?).
Could you speak generally as to how narcs perceive these as fuel (quality etc)? I assume that like contact / no contact, the distance reduces the fuel (am thinking that like writing/emails/texts are the lowest grade & least satisfying forms of fuel to a narc, at best sexting / textual erotica is low grade fuel, voice phone calls slightly higher grade, Skype/FaceTime calls which include a visual component as well as an audio component still higher but none of these would be as potent or prized as in person sexual contact).
If you have pointers to blog posts / YouTube videos those would be useful. Thanks!
Please see the book Fuel and this will explain how such interactions amount to fuel. Your analysis in your second paragraph is accurate.
The best part about this book is how quickly it extinguishes your fantasies. In my case, I was still romanticizing the narc and the electric, cosmic, physical attraction which I believe we shared 🙄 My mind knew it was over but my body was not there yet. This book was a real wake up call that I needed in order to let go of those fantasies. If not for what I learned from this book, I feel I might have given in to his Hoover attempts. Knowing what I now know (thanks to SATN), there is no way I could be with him in any intimate capacity, ever again.
Good and therefore part of the purpose of writing this book has been achieved.
Same here, Joanne. Word for word. Certain phrases stand out after reading, such as “in a storm, any port will do”, and the realisation of what underpins that statement is repulsive. I too could never be intimate with him in any capacity ever again.
Yes, such phrases dilute the danger that people are getting into.
BU
REPULSIVE! That is exactly the word to describe it. And that phrase is so utterly offensive, it is just unforgettable. I am not “any port!”
Joanne—correct. I could never be with that man again. He is basically an automaton who is on autopilot 24/7 harvesting control however he can. He’s got a particularly bad case of it even compared to the others I’ve been around. As far as sex—he was only good at one thing anyway. Just being logical. It wasn’t like he was over the moon and stars glistening bright.
Lorelei
We didn’t get to have sex, only one very awkward encounter (I cringe to think about it now). But a little while after things ended, after the “charmer” was replaced by some other “being,” we had a text conversation in which he raved on and on about his “abilities.” By this point I had read SATN and was deeply immersed in the blog. I just sat there reading his comments like, “ok, sure, right, wow 🙄🙄🙄” He could’ve been reciting the alphabet for all it mattered at that point.
Reaching a stage where your body doesn’t betray your logic is MASSIVE!!
To be entirely honest—I’m not going to say all sex was bad with these aliens of course. Yet, only one person was worth their weight in pure gold. He was a horrible person.
Lol, mine thought he stellar on the sex front too, when in actual fact it was like going back to school and being with a boy who had no clue what to do and was clumsily acting out what he thought he should be doing. It was just a fantasy too far! 😂😂😂
BU
I felt that too! A nervous, awkward high-schooler was the vibe I was getting. Of course at the time I thought it was *so charming* 🙄🙄
Yes, me too, until you realise it’s complete ineptitude!! In hindsight, it’s a blessing. It could have been so much harder to break away if they really were the legends they thought they were!
Joanne, this book also saved me from desiring the narc handyman. It made me think that I made the right decision to not get involved with him when I was second-guessing myself that I may have been missing out on my soul mate or at least an amazing sexual experience. The energy that he was putting out made me think that the sex will be otherworldly because he was my perfect match. Among other reasons, I refrained because there was a tiny voice in my head whispering that he may not be trustworthy. I decided to be prudent and listened to it. This book gave so many examples of why that tiny voice was right and assured me that the path that I was taking which was to not engage was the right path. The assurance gave me more strength to keep it up. Now I honestly can’t believe that it has even become an issue with me and that I was attracted to him. 🤢. It also made me do an introspective examination on the level of my self esteem at that time to be allured by the attention that a handyman (even though he was handsome) gave me.
MP
“I may have been missing out on my soul mate or at least an amazing sexual experience.” Ugh, the soul mate thing! The perfect match! How I felt that too 🙁 Crazy! I had that little voice too, something in my mind that made me feel that at any point he could blow me right up and ruin my marriage. Maybe that was just my guilty conscience but it did feel deeper that that. A protective voice from deep within.
For me, the examination on my self esteem wasn’t too extensive. I have always been greedy for male validation, though never enough to allow things to happen. I’ve always needed to be “noticed” (owing to my narc traits, I guess). Maybe he could sense that in me too. At least now I am able to readily admit this to myself, and am working on it.
Good to see you, MP 🙂
It’s always good to see you Joanne!! The voice might be the logical thinking that the emotional thinking was trying to drown out. It was our protective voice inside telling us that something was off. I’m so glad that the emotional thinking is over for both of us! And now we have more tools to make that tiny voice louder at all times. 💕
“The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform”.
As the requests became more and more freaky, I would say that statement is pretty accurate. I don’t know if it’s for more fuel or the shock element but the narc never stops surprising me.
I need to re-read this book. As I learn more and more, your writings make more sense. Thank you, HG.
You are welcome and re-reading is always a useful step to maintain your logic and stay free of the grasp of our kind.
Dear HG, is this the same as “Sex and the Narcissist”, thank you 💝
Yes
Thank you HG. It’s an incredible book. It helped me put the puzzle together. I understand your kind in a way I would’ve NEVER. This knowledge keeps helping me. It’s ESSENTIAL for anyone who’s been with a narcissist. I don’t have the right words to do it justice HG. It was incredible.
Thank you Whitney.
It would be foolish to pass up the information you want and need for the price of another latte and scone you don’t. Hit the link.
Hg approves
NA, but…but…pumpkin spice! OK, I’ll drink it while I read ‘Sex’ (again)
I read it twice with different take-aways. I was less disgusted the second time and more “forensically discerning” with my feelings. Being upset by HG’s admissions or illustrations is silly when the truth is required in this setting. The truth is freeing.