The Five Disengagement Triggers




The seduction is mesmerising and as part of its allure we of course tell you why we chose you with a thousand different sensual sentences. Some may seem over-the-top; others make sense to you but either way you are given the basis of understanding why we have been drawn to you. We do not tell you the real reasons why we chose you but we do provide you with some.

The devaluation is tortuous, horrific and unpleasant. You are unable to ascertain why we have suddenly knocked you from your pedestal. It is bewildering and confusing and only serves to add to your pain. You may have some reasons hurled at you but they will not make any sense to you and this is by design, to keep you confused and where we want you. Reasons are given, they just do not make sense.

Then comes the disengagement (discard) and more often than not you are left sprawled in the dust, exhausted, bereft and shattered with no explanation given as to why you have been thrown to one side as we stroll off into the sunset walking away nonchalantly. Why has it ended so suddenly? What did you do wrong? Why have we not told you why this has happened? The pain of being rejected is magnified by the failure to provide you with any explanation. Naturally, this refusal to explain is part of our design. We feel no need to explain because we can do as we want. We feel no need to give reasons because in our eyes you deserve no reasons because you have failed us. We offer no information for you to consider and process because certainly amongst the lesser of our kind they do not know themselves why is has ended, but it had to. This is the way it has to be.  There are however reasons why you are disengaged from. These are those reasons.


  1. You Have Wised Up

You have worked out, usually as a consequence of some external assistance that we must provoke you and make you react in an emotional fashion. You may not entirely understand why this dynamic occurs, you may not realise why it is so important to us, but you know that we want to make you react and you have stopped doing so. You have learned to respond in a neutral fashion and thus deprive us of our fuel. We apply our machinations in a harsher fashion, increasing the pressure to cause you to react as we feed on our secondary sources in the meanwhile but your resistance is substantial. You have not walked away, perhaps you are unable for financial reasons, children or the inconvenience of seeking a new home, but you have turned off the tap and we realise that it is not going to be turned back on anytime soon. We do not want to be in this weakened state and we do not wish to apply the energy we need to finding or embedding a new primary source to be used up on trying to squeeze fuel from you. Thus you are dropped.


  1. The New Source Is in Place

We began our devaluation of you as we sought a replacement for you. This explains the repeated affairs and now we have settled on your replacement as a primary source of fuel. He or she has been seduced and embedded into our supply chain. We are confident that they are functioning well, pouring forth delicious positive fuel in significant quantities and in a reliable manner, far better than you ever did. We have been fuelled by your negative fuel but there is no longer any need to keep you in play now that we have our new bright and shiny plaything. On to the scrap heap you go. We will come back later for a hoover of course, but for now it is adios.


  1. You’re Broken

Although it may seem during devaluation that we are trying to destroy you, that is actually not the case. Yes, we are driving you downwards through our repeated application of horrible manipulations but we do not want to finish you off. Just like somebody’s head we are holding under water, we will let you surface spluttering and gasping for air, by way of a respite period before plunging you into the icy water once again and holding you under. In and out, up and down, push and pull. We will have you bouncing along the bottom but not destroyed. Sometimes we go too far and the avalanche of abuse takes its toll on you resulting in you becoming broken. You are left numb, barely functioning or even hospitalised as a consequence of a break down. You provide us with no reaction any longer. Unlike the first instance above, this is not by choice, but as a consequence of our behaviour breaking you. Knowing now that you will not provide us with any fuel, we show our callous nature by taking no interest in your broken state but instead we shift our focus to embedding the new prospect that we have been cultivating and drop you.


  1. Major Exposure

You may have us worked out but your shock and horror at this, along with your desire to actually try to help and change us, means you continue you to spill out fuel towards us. You have the knowledge but you are not using it effectively, so we see no reason to go elsewhere. You may be trying to tell other people about our terrible behaviours but we have got in first, launched the smear campaign and maintained the façade. It is business as usual. Occasionally however you might just outflank us and manage to tell other people what we are like before we can do anything about it. These people see some incontrovertible evidence that you have obtained (admittedly usually obtain when dealing with the lesser and mid-range of our kind) and take your side. News spreads and those people we thought we could rely on either turn their backs on us or worse take your side. The façade is crumbling. The fuel has stopped and the energy required to change people’s minds (with no guarantee of success) is too great. We have been exposed in a major fashion. Rather than face the music and allow ourselves to be destroyed we drop you like a stone, saddle up and ride out of town in order to find a new place which hasn’t heard about who we are.


  1. Wounding with Intent

You’ve brought your A game on this occasion. Not only do you know what we are, the revelations that you have been provided with have caused you to now understand how you can hurt us. You know to turn off the tap but you know how to obtain the ultimate revenge against us and your emotion-free criticisms are launched at us. These criticisms wound us repeatedly, burning and hurting us and with no way of getting fuel from you, we are being beaten. You have been well schooled by somebody and applying those learned lessons you are starting to attack the very pillars of our existence. We are under a serious attack and fighting back is not an option. We need to flee and quickly. We don’t want you any longer, we know we cannot succeed at this moment in time and therefore we need to beat a retreat and promptly. You don’t want to let us off the hook because you want answers and you want to punish us for what we have done to you. You are not going to end our connection. We are not going to hang around however and we will discard you as we beat that retreat so we can recover, replenish and then look to strike back at a later date when your guard may be down.

16 thoughts on “The Five Disengagement Triggers

  1. Pingback: Hvorfor dumper narsissisten deg? - Psykopatene blant oss
  2. Jen L Dawe says:

    And those are the EXACT things I did for the final, permanent discard!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No such thing as a final discard.

      1. Freedom says:

        Mr. Hg, always says that there is no final disposal, but a narcissist who blocks and has another source, even telling him not to look for me and if he sees me somewhere, do not know me,can he come back? I appreciate if you answer me, I am not sure if he is narcissistic, because he did not play all the games, which gives the strong indication that it is discard, people who are not narcissists discard?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          If he is a narcissist, there is always a risk of a hoover.

  3. WokeAF says:

    HG do ALL narcissists leave their marriage/IPPS for a replacement? Even the Anchor appears to actually leave . My MMR would never have left his wife nor do I think he will ever leave his gf, and perhaps this is bc he doesn’t have the ability to secure a “better” mainstay .

    1. HG Tudor says:


      1. WokeAF says:

        Ok thanks

  4. Antonia says:

    So I made a boo boo and contacted him after 2 months (I was doing so well… duh!)
    He engaged but when I made it relatively clear there wasn’t going to be any sex if we met (I was trying to make a shit work situation better by reaching out), he blocked me on WhatsApp, then on his phone, but unblocked his phone again over night. Still blocked on WhatsApp today. The blocking came with no explanation. So another discard, but really before there was any commencement of anything. I’m a bit stunned. Fine, but stunned.
    Why would he react in this way? Just to show me how pissed off he is? I don’t get it…

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You should be asking yourself why you contacted him in the first place and why you were able to do so, how did you contact him? By telephone? By email? In person?

      You have not been disengaged from.

      It has been done to assert control over you because your refusal of the provision of sex amounted to you rejecting his control over you and he is duty bound (although he does not consciously realise this) to assert control over you.

      1. Antonia says:

        i reached out b/c I was sick of going to work with a pit in my stomach; sick of avoiding him.
        Yes, I texted on WhatsApp. I told him we could meet–it was my idea, but not for sex. To “reconnect”, specifically to get over this (can I swear?) shit between us that’s making me feel bad. I did it for my sake.
        How have I not been disengaged from? He has blocked me on WhatsApp, blocked–and unblocked–from his imessenger and am being Ignored… You telling me, if I woulda gone along w his “flirting”, he would have met me? I was considering it and then making it clear to him in person that that isn’t going to happen.
        It just seems so silly and futile. So I have decided to pretend nothing ever happened between us ever and just be pleasant/polite… we’ll see where that gets me 🙄

  5. ceyceyc says:

    is this about only primary source?
    “… we need to finding or embedding a new primary source ”
    “…and now we have settled on your replacement as a primary source of fuel.”

    because i saw all of them as an ipss . especially 5 is very valid reason for me. i don’t know why he waited for 2 years why he let it happen .

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is written with regard to the IPPS but does have applicability to other appliances, CC.

  6. Erica says:

    Very interesting. Please give us more information on how to beat the narcissist and/or how to manipulate the narcissist effectively.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You cannot manipulate a narcissist successfully. To succeed you apply a robust no contact.

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