You know, lately, I can’t help but to think if I would’ve answered your throwing of rocks at my window in June, what you would’ve said.. Or what you would’ve said if I called you directly after you sent your “Rebekah..” text messages in July, shortly before I gave birth.. Would you have even answered? And would you have been there?
I can’t help but to think of where it all went wrong.. Like what did I do that was sooo bad that warranted you actually forgoing the development and subsequent birth of your child? Your child.. You know he’s 2 months now..
Sometimes I wonder why me? What is it about me that led to all that transpired over the past 4 years? I’ve been burned, physically, for life. Been stranded over 600 miles from home, left to fend for myself and find my own way back.. Had money stolen from my bank account.. Got dumped over and over again.. Been hung up on, in my face, countless times.. Been given the silent treatment and ignored.. Been talked about.. Been lied about.. Been accused of things I didn’t even do.. Been taken advantage of.. Been hurt emotionally, mentally, and sexually.. Been disrespected.. And been abandoned and disregarded in several serious times of need..
What did I do?
I really would like to know.. Why did you do this to me? Why do you glorify and spend energy on everybody else, (and I mean EVERYbody else), yet me and our children together get treated like the red-headed stepchildren? Why do you show everybody else the seemingly good parts of you, but I get the savage?
How could you do this?
I’ve tried to stand up for myself many times.. Especially now, since there’s no incentive to bite my tongue or roll with the punches anymore.. I’ve tried to get help from others.. But my pleas for help.. assistance.. support.. all fall on deaf ears.. They all believe I’m the crazy one, for some reason.. Or that it’s all my fault.. Why? And I’ve tried to get help from you.. But your stonewalling technique is out of this world.. And so I’m left all alone.. Isolated.. Why have you treated me worse than any other female.. any other “friend”.. any other family member.. any other *person* you have ever encountered in your 31 years? Just why?
I look back at all of our messages from 2015 onward.. And I just wonder where did it all go wrong? What did I do? Why did you change? And who are you now?
Who are you??
You told me, as a man, you would make this the most enjoyable relationship I have ever experienced.. And that you would never hurt me.. But without a shadow of doubt, you will go down in my personal history book of being the one and only single person who did just the exact opposite..
~“If you never loved, you could never hate..”~