The Player of Games
I love playing games. As I have written before, the games are always being played. I only ever play to win otherwise there is no point. I cannot lose and sit back and smile and accept it was nevertheless an enjoyable experience because if I was to lose then it could not be enjoyable. I would be accepting that you or someone else is better than me. You are not. He is not. They are not. I always have to win. In order to achieve this I operate by a particular set of rules. You think you know what those rules are because when we first come together I deign to play by your rules; I agree to operate by the systems and conventions of your reality. That is easy for me to do because everything is going swimmingly. I am seducing you and therefore you are letting me win because it feels good. I am content to go along with the pretence of agreeing that these are the rules of engagement. You think you are winning because you are getting this wonderful, generous and loving person. In reality, I am winning because I am receiving plenty of positive fuel from you.
It is thereafter that the rules alter because I decide (and it is always my decision) that we will now abide by the rules in my reality. You are not given a rulebook and you have to guess what those rules are. As soon as you think that you have grasped them and got a handle on them, they will suddenly change. It is akin to playing a game of football and I am winning three nil. You score two more goals and you are in the ascendancy and likely to equalise. There would normally be fifteen minutes to go but suddenly I change the rules so there is just one minute left. You fail to score and I win. You protest stating that is not the correct time but it does not matter because here I am the referee, the assistants and the fourth official and what I say goes. If you do not like it, tough. I will just pick up the ball and go home with it. It is like a game of darts where you have to start from 501 and end with a double. I on the other hand start from 51 and do not need a double. You claim it is not fair but why should I care about it? I have to win. Thus, you may realise that I enjoy a lie-in on a Sunday morning so you do not disturb me. I will purposefully set the alarm early and get up waking you early. Or if I do have a lie in, I will concoct some mystery appointment that I have missed because you let me lie in. When you wake me early the following Sunday I will erupt at you for being so selfish and not letting me sleep.
When you think have ascertained what the rules are they will alter. You will do your best to try and keep up but it is exhausting and frustrating. Yet, this manipulation of the rules to allow our kind to win does not end there. Goodness me no. Our driven desire to always be the winner means that not only will we sucker you by pretending to play by your rules and then change them; we will then change the game. One moment you think you are playing Monopoly and then I am telling you it was Professor Plum in the Study with the Candlestick.
“But that is Cluedo,” you will declare rather puzzled.
“I know,” I will smile in return.
“But we are playing monopoly.
“No we are not.”
“Yes we are, look this board has streets from New York on it.”
“No it doesn’t, those are rooms in the stately home.”
“What are you talking about? See here and here, street names.”
“Are you blind? Those are snakes and ladders.”
“What? You’ve changed it again.”
“No I haven’t. You are just making a fuss because you are losing.”
“What are you on about? I am not losing, I was winning.”
“Not at all. Check mate.”
Our phenomenal capabilities for lying, blame-shifting, denial and reflection all mean that the game will change. You are wrong footed, unsure of yourself, confused and we keep on doing it. We must win, always and you have to lose, at your cost. We will apply all our methods of manipulation to ensure we are victorious and you lie sprawled in the dirt, broken and defeated. Our success has to be at everything and I mean everything, from the trivial to the substantial, Defeat is never an option for our kind and we will bend, twist and snap the rules and alter the game in order to achieve this. Now, let’s play a game. It is my favourite. You may know it. It is called Guess Who? You have no chance.
28 thoughts on “The Player of Games”
I never needed to win. It was no game to me. Just lovely time with another person.
The world can be kind of lonely sometimes and it’s just so wonderful to have time with someone who you get along with really well.
Closeness and friendships shouldn’t have to be a game. There should be no deceit.
No matter how much I read about all this, I can’t grasp it.
I can’t stand that people are out there, right now, hurting others for fun or sport or with malice intent. It’s just so wrong. It’s so awful. It tips my f*cking heart out!
Why a game?
Why a need to trick?
Why a need to win?
Why can’t people just be nice to each other?? Why not?? Why is that so awful?
I’m making a claim..
Maybe I should also run for President of the United States of America..
I have a question about playing games in England:
What are the rules to decide who wins the Throne?
Is it a DNA blood test???
Nobody wins it. It is governed by the laws of succession.
Though one can easily lose it…when, abdicate…if one chooses Narc over throne.
*ehem not “when”
I hate autocorrect.
Interesting… wonder which one was the narcissist out of Wallis and Edward VIII?
I challenge those dumb rules!
Succession from WHICH person exactly? WHO is the right person?
What are the RULES?
Who sets these rules?
Hell yeh… It was all game. There was no substance to the narc whatsoever.
And right now… They are wondering what game they can utilise to discard the current supply (as they are clearly bored).
Meanwhile, the 3 previous supplies have talked. None are available for hoovering.
Poor little narky parky!! 😂👍
Dear Mr.HG did you ever play a card game called Eleusis?
if not, please try it, i’m sure you will love it and hate it (depending on your position in the game, although knowing your personality i bet that you will always manged to be the god).
I haven’t. I’ll look into it, The Shieldmaiden likes card games.
I think he is sensing that this time i had enough
of future faking, false apologies, and faked promises, i am so hurt and fed up that i am acually feeling also physically sick.
Therefore I am perceiving that he is now starting the smearing campaign against me.
What shall i do?
Consult with me.
Speaking of family, and narc games. Below is my Sunday interaction on WhatsApp with my father. Please, notice his customary bar is closed on Sundays, so he probably needed another sort of fuel.
He: Remember to look at the Dockers website for vests. I want you to bring me a pair when you come visit for Christmas.
Me: let me send you the link, I think they are on sale.
He: (after looking) I want this one and this other one, in my size.
Me: Ok, I’ll get them this week. Don’t worry, it’s my Christmas gift.
He: No, no, I’ll pay, this is not a gift, I just need them.
Me: But this will help me in finding a gift for Christmas!
He: No, I’m paying.
Me: OK, then. Tell my brother to show you how to use PayPal, it’s fast and convenient.
He: I‘ll pay you when you come in December, don’t be stingy.
Me: But It’s so easy!
He: Why are you so stingy?
Me: Stingy? I think I offered to buy them as a gift!
He: you know what, forget it. I’m not gonna get ashamed for a pair of vests. How can you be like that after all I’ve done for you.
Me: (already infuriated) You know what? I don’t care about your shenanigans; if you’re bored because the bar is closed today, make a sudoku.
He: silent treatment.
Fuel obtained, mission accomplished, Sunday is saved. Now comes the smear campaign to my family, SP is stingy. Home, sweet home.
PS: I’ve seen him doing something similar to my brother and my mom (never to my sister, who I suspect is a narc) while he giggled and seemed to enjoy it. It’s definitely a way of entertainment for him.
Sweetest—if I recall you too came upon this understanding of your father’s disposition since arriving here? Same. Not sure how I blocked our years of bizarre behavior and sexual overtures that were at times aggressive. How unfortunate these were to have been our role models. And he was—he was very smart. Class valedictorian and a chemist with robust hobbies, and yet he killed my adored cat and made me incredibly uncomfortable. The behavior that alternated between strange and then at times victorious allowed a platform of (my) coping with straight up denial as my main strategy. I never felt right and recall picking up on artificial emotion. Distinctly.
My dad is just selfish and passive aggressive. Silent treatments are an everyday thing. I feel sorry for my mom but, after so many years watching their interaction and hearing her complain without making any changes, I suspect she’s codependent. I used to feel sorry for living so far from my family, but the toxicity is much more palpable now when I visit because I’m not immersed in it all the time.
“Just silent and passive aggressive” is a brand of torture in and of itself. It sucks. 💕
It certainly does !
It doesn’t affect me, I love silence. I actually never turn the TV on when I’m alone and love being underwater to not listen to anything as everything I hear creates a visual stimulus. My dad also had rage tantrums and that was worst. He never was physically violence to us or my mom, but things got broken.
Sweetest—I can swim well but being underwater gives me great anxiety. I really don’t enjoy swimming.
“A person who can betray her family will be able to betray another person”- haha. I had no idea that the player was talking about himself that time. Because he is capable of betraying anyone. I opened up because i wanted to feel understood and get support not smear my family. What is the point ? They are my family no matter what kind of people they are.
I might have lost the battle with him but not the war!
It is no fun to play games with someone who is inferior to you and doesn’t know the rules of the game, but with worthy opponent who knows, it is enjoyable- it is my opinion.( is it fun to play chess with someone who has little experience in playing it, i don’t think so)
Except Calvinball is mutual…until it isn’t:
Oh Lord we always need to play by your rules because the world has to evolve around you . Heaven forbid we do not do what you want there will go another silent treatment or give a temper tantrum just like a child. We will let you win and give you a metal for doing do. Geez!
I wish the world wouldn’t revolve around me or my sunny disposition.