What Have You Done For Me?
Ah, you recall those heady days during the golden period when nothing was too much trouble for me? Breakfast would be brought to you in bed. I would take your dog for a walk without being asked. I would leave those little love notes hidden around the house for you to find after your trip away. I would walk into the countryside and pick flowers for you to hand over to you with my dimpled smile. Something upset you? I would listen on the telephone or drive across to listen as you cried and emptied your heart. I was on hand, on time and on your side.
After a few months, longer if you are really lucky, my helpfulness and ever present assistance has eroded. If you ask me to do something you will be met with a sigh and a roll of the eyes and I may just do it. More likely I vanish when chores are required. I never answer the phone when you desperately need to speak to me to discuss your bad day at work. I flat refuse to do the things that I always did for you and indeed I will even deny that I ever did them. To reinforce this stark withdrawal of my services I will then always query what have you done for me? I will trot out the list of things that I have done for you (adding some fabricated ones in for good measure – go on, try and suggest I am making them up and see what happens next). Isn’t it curious how I have a foggy memory about agreeing to pain the fence yet I can recall with amazing recall the date, manner and duration of each and everything that I have done for you. I only ever did it so I could hook you and then throw it back in your face. Of course, as with everything I do, you frantically try to fathom out what has happened and to steer us back to my useful and helpful period. Thus the dance goes on.
9 thoughts on “What Have You Done For Me?”
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Is there anything a Narcissistic father can offer his daughter?
Yes.
I have said this before but my ASD father of my daughter was ok. I won’t say great. He showed up, often took her accomplishments as his own. She is a super star. Straight As all her life, full scholarship at an 89,000 year school, majoring in computer science as although it is a bit boring she can do the high math, and doing a 60,000 summer internship in computer science. She has succeeded in the arts and sports too. Nothing she didn’t try. She has many friends and is quite compassionate but his ASD has checked my empathy. While she says she fears nothing as I will always make her feel better and is a good friend, daughter, sister, she has his steadfast business acumen with money. He drilled this into her. She weighs, considers and researches every financial decision. She sees us clearly too. She knows her fathers limits and mine. She picks and chooses the best of both I feel. Her father is driven at making money. He is very rich. I am driven by passion and helping others. Lily told me quite succinctly that she would not spend her life handling others problems. Lol not a doctor or a lawyer in her. We feel CEO but she has both. Me and him. I would not say he was a bad dad. He lacked empathy and nurturing. I had 80% custody so no danger there. But the child court appointed therapist said that criminals can be good dads. He was ok. He was great with discipline and rules. Lily hated washing his rolls Royce’s but I smile as it is a good lesson to learn. She never washed my cars:) she has a good relationship with us both. It’s an odd balance. As a twenty year old I think we both bug her. Our limitations are annoying but she loves us both. I honestly don’t think my ex is a narc but he was diagnosed ASD and it fits like a glove. At the time I was horrified and angry at the court appointed psychologist! How the hell is a criminal or ASPD good for a kid? But I took the high road, supported their relationship, and she was daddy’s princess. The child he most favored over the two from his past relationship who did not do too well. One is bipolar on disability and the other in and out of jail and sober living places. I am close too both. I include my step kids in my love and we have good relations. Everyone admires Lily. Her cousins say I am the reason for her success as they hate my ex. Only relations left in his family. BUT lily unlike her siblings, doesn’t rely on her fathers money. She says “ Dad I will make my own.” And she will. She calls me her “ badass mom”. She writes me letters on Mother’s Day that make me cry every time. BUT I see her logical determination and business acumen and math ability ( ok my mom) but I see the Dad and it’s great;)
Yasmin, I was offered the opportunity to fuck off. I am returning the favor.
N1, as a volcano of energy and a man constantly looking for something new – takes his daughter at least several times a month to various interesting and unusual places, domestic and foreign trips, great fun, concerts, monuments, monuments of nature. They travel a lot. On a daily basis, she is brought up by her mother – alone.
His daughter also has the opportunity to meet his family, which is wonderful and empathetic. They are naturally cheerful and happy people.
Surely his daughter is safe with him. I hope she won’t be “spoilt” by his glow, which partly flows over her and gives her great self-confidence. She seems to be an empathetic girl.
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N2 only gives our daughter money (now). He can’t afford anything else. Sometimes I have the impression, there are moments (very few), that he would like to give her something more of himself; but he can’t, he doesn’t believe that it will work, he doesn’t have the strength, he runs away. It’s a pity – but it’s too late anyway (our daughter will soon be an adult). He slept through 15 years of her life. I don’t insist and I don’t want him to give anything else. Now… he can only give money.
My daughter lacks a father, who would introduce her to the wide world with a steady hand.
I raised her successfully as a mother and father for 17 years, but this one thing I can’t handle.
She has to carry too much weight 🙁
Hi HG, a little off topic and being a bit cheeky here….but did you happen to see the interview between Piers Morgan (Narc) and Jennifer Accuri (definitely a Narc!) yesterday on Good Morning Britain. With all my Narcissism awareness skills, it made for very interesting viewing. Piers was sucking up to her like crazy and she was blame shifting, deflecting, lying, evading etc….
It was like watching 2 greater narcs in a dance….simply fascinating.
Ok, back on topic now…LOL
I agree that both are narcissists, although I did not watch it. Well done for applying your skills to this instance though.
Yay for me…..I’m starting to feel like the ‘Narc Hunter’. I reckon I can spot them a mile off now 🙂
Thanks HG for providing all the materials to get me to this healed stage…
HG every article I read it all makes sense .
My husband will go above and beyond for me. Then he will throw it back in my face .
The next day he says to me what have done for me ? I would say give you fuel but I wouldnt because he would never understand .