Why The Narcissist Targets You


When we set our sights on acquiring our appliances to fuel us, it stands to reason that we dedicate the greatest amount of time to the person who is going to be our primary source of fuel. Of course the amount of time dedicated to this depends on the relevant narcissist but all of our kind are looking for certain traits which are prevalent to empathic individuals.

There are certain core traits which exist in empathic individuals. Normal people will have some of these traits, probably not all and they will not have the traits to the extent and degree of an empathic person. Thus, this is why normal people are rarely made our primary sources. There are also traits which are known as class traits. These are the traits which appeal to the relevant cadre of narcissist, be that person a Victim, Somatic, Cerebral or Elite Narcissist.

The core traits are hugely important to us. Their existence provides us with the three key elements that we take from our victims. Firstly, these traits means that the fuel provision will be high because of their connection to the emotional output from the victim. Secondly, there are certain residual benefits that come from these traits which we want. Thirdly, by attaching ourselves to somebody who has these traits we can pretend we have them too. We do not have these traits. Therefore we want to take them from you to apply to our construct and pass them off as belonging to us. Since we are experts and copying, we do not have these traits for ourselves and we do not feel them, but we are able to replicate what they look like by studying how you behave, because you have these traits. We then apply this to our own behaviour in order to maintain the façade. This fools other people into thinking that we are honest, decent and loving. It also enables us to mirror your traits and reflect them back at you so that you think we have them also. This makes us all the more appealing to you and ensures that you are bound closer to us. Accordingly, identifying these core traits in our victims is extremely important. The more of these traits that you have, the better. The more of these traits that you have, the greater the likelihood of being ensnared by our kind. A combination of the core traits and the class traits appearing in the way you behave and act draws our kind to you. We sense and see these traits and lock our sights on you as a prospective primary source.

There are ten of these core traits. The ideal is to find a victim who has all ten core traits and exhibits them to a considerable degree. We would then also want them to exhibit the relevant class traits which match with the type of narcissist that we are.

The Lesser Narcissist is unaware of these traits but like a hungry wolf sniffing out food he can sense the existence of these traits and know that the person exhibiting them is somebody he wants with him.

The Mid-Range Narcissist recognises these traits as admirable traits for a person to have. He sees them as plus points in the same way as someone might regard someone who is interested in art, travel and classical music, as a good match to start dating. The Mid-Range knows that he values these traits but he does not know the fundamental reason why he is drawn to them.

The Greater Narcissist knows what these traits are and why they are important. He knows the function that they play, he knows better than anybody else how to detect them and the places where (“the hunting grounds”) people can be found who will have these core traits and also the class traits. The Greater can sniff out the existence of these traits and match the target to them before moving in to ensnare that person.

So, what are these traits? Well, here are five of the ten by way of example. It is highly likely that you will have all five of these traits and you will have them in significant amounts because that is why you were ensnared by a narcissist to begin with.

Love Devotee       – we require our targets to be committed to the concept of love. You want to find love, experience love, love and be loved. The idea of love is central to your existence and you truly believe that our purpose on this earth is to love others. Not only does this mean loving those around but above all else you believe in the fulfilment that arises from having that one special person who you are committed to, who you will do anything for and who you will make sacrifices for. The existence of love is a reason, to you to exist and therefore you must find it and once located, obtain it and maintain it. We want love devotees because your dedication to love often blinds you to so much else and accordingly by pretending to give you love we can hook into this trait of yours and it allows us to ensnare you all the more readily.

Compassionate – our target must exhibit compassion. This compassion must be mainly for us although we are content for it to be exhibited for other people and objects such as animals, in order to detect it. If we identify that someone cares more about animals and things and not people however we do not consider that this fulfils our requirement. At an early juncture, if we see evidence of compassion for animals it generally (but not always) follows that this person will be compassionate towards humans as well.

Decent – We look for decent people. People who are well-mannered, polite and understanding. People who have consideration for others, wait their turn in speaking, allowing others to take a slice of cake before anyone else, giving to charity and conducting him or herself in a dignified manner. Decency is an attractive trait because it tells us that you will adhere to certain standards and that you also expect us to do the same. This matters because we know that this is often indicative of the fact that you are therefore unlikely to give up on us when the going gets rough.

Moral Compass –  we prefer a person with a strong moral compass, somebody who would hand a wallet to the police with the contents intact if they found such an item in the street or they would alert the shop assistant if they were handed too much change. This person is monogamous and faithful and believes others should conduct themselves by a similar moral code. Again, this tells us that you are far more likely to hang in there once devaluation starts and our behaviour will offend your moral compass so there will be the accompanying emotional reaction and thus copious fuel.

Caring – an individual who will always look after somebody else. Whether it is through working to provide for us, running the home in an excellent manner, looking after us when we are ill and being concerned about our well-being, the caring trait is very important and must be evident in our primary source especially. Not only will this tell us that you will want to look after us but it also signals to us that when we begin the devaluation of you, you will want to fix us and heal us and therefore you will keep plugging away, trying to do the right thing. It also tells us that we can expect considerable residual benefits from you in terms of you looking after us, which accords with our view of how you should be, subservient and obedient.

Learn more about why the narcissist targets you in Sitting Target


H.G Tudor - Sitting Target e-book cover

Why did the narcissist choose you? How did he or she go about deciding that you were the ideal target for him to launch his campaign of seduction upon? Did you do something to attract the attentions of this dangerous foe? This direct and comprehensive book will enable you to understand what it is that the varying types of narcissist look for when they are searching for victims. Whether you wish to prevent it happening again or you need to understand why you were chosen, this book will deliver the answers in an uncompromising and straight forward manner. What are the things that various types of narcissist look for? How do they go about establishing their targets satisfy those traits? What are the Special Traits which attract all narcissists? Where are their hunting grounds and which is the most dangerous? Who does the narcissist go after and why are certain people left alone? What does the narcissist mean when he or she is looking for green lights? These questions and more are answered in this hard-hitting and unsettling look into why the narcissist chooses you.

US e-book here

UK e-book here

AUS e-book here

CAN e-book here


KTN Sitting Target Book Teaser

10 thoughts on “Why The Narcissist Targets You

  1. Anna says:

    Narcissists are predators seeking out their prey. Like vampires they feed. They see the light and wish to absorb it like a black hole does. A destructive powerful force. They are like vultures circling. Created by sour milk, they had no taste of the milk of human kindness when they were infants, but instead had to become the way they are to survive. Sadly empaths are drawn to them like a moth to a flame, they see the wounded inner child that the narcissism defends, and seek to try to heal that inner child. The narcissism however is a great wall surrounding the inner child. There are no doors, there are no windows, just a moat of acid that noone will ever cross. Sadly no amount of love will heal. The only way is prevention in the first place.

    1. A Victor says:

      Hi Anna, your list two sentences are very perceptive. I enjoyed reading your entire comment very much.

      1. Anna says:

        A Victor, I am glad you enjoyed it. I love writing poetry. Music is also very enjoyable. Without it life would be dull indeed. Have a good week.

  2. K says:

    Yes, the other five traits are listed in Sitting Target.

  3. Mary Robinson says:

    HG do really live like this?

    1. Nero says:

      Does physical attraction play a role in their selection process? I’ve almost exclusively attracted narcissists as partners and now with my self esteem on the floor, I wonder if they were ever even physically attracted to me. Would the traits you have listed over ride a lack of physical attraction because of the potential for securing such good supply? Did they ever think I was beautiful (as they often professed during love bombing) or was this part of the facade?

      My lesser exH would often use criticism of my physical appearance as the default insult when enraged with me. Did he really think all of the horrible things he said about how I look?

      1. HG Tudor says:

        1. Read Sitting Target.
        2. Compliments about your beauty are benign manipulations, criticisms of your looks are malign manipulations. It depends one whether you are painted black of white. Thus, when you are painted white “Oh, your nose is not big, it is noble, splendid and suits your face so well. You are beautiful.” When you are painted black (which could be 5 minutes after the compliment about your nose) “God, your nose is big, oi Pinnochio, wouldn’t want to snort cocaine with you, you’d hoover it all up in one go.”

        1. Nero says:

          Thank you HG! I have just been reading sitting target and this has raised more questions. I believed my exH to be a lesser but he most certainly fits with a somatic too and I note you say somatics cannot be lessers. In the book it states they wish for their partner to be beautiful, a trophy. Therefore there must be an objective component to who they believe is beautiful enough, which is not governed by how the victim is being painted in that moment or for the purposes of manipulation.

          You also write on here that S maiden is “beautiful”. Is this something you believe to be true despite whether she is in good favour or does this belief change for you internally depending on how she is painted at the time?

          1. HG Tudor says:

            She is very beautiful.

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