Razed To The Ground
I am the master architect. I will amaze you as I create golden cities that reflect the magnificence of our relationship. With glass and chrome I create those skyscrapers that soar high into the air as a testament to the sheer height to which I will take you. Clean, sparkling rivers run through the centre of these cities, spanned by intricate bridges. The stonework on the most elegant buildings bears the hallmark of the master craftsman that I am. My technique and brilliance surpasses anything that you have seen before. Carefully landscaped parks and gardens provide a verdant oasis at different parts throughout these cities, a haven for flora and brought to life with the sound of birdsong. Beyond the city limits lush meadows undulate away to the imposing grandeur of mountain ranges. I keep the sky an amazing azure through out the day, save for sunset when I allow a few clouds to wisp across the horizon and contribute to the breath taking hues of red, orange, yellow and violet that I weave through the sky. My empire is vast. It is resplendent and awe-inspiring. It is all my own work, achieved through my careful application of building something worthy of representing our relationship. It is built on the most solid of foundations, from the most reliable and durable of materials. There has been no corner cutting, no use of cheap and suspect stone, wood or steel. Nothing shall fall but instead it will prevail for ever in tribute to you and me.
Yet for all this splendour that I have single-handedly created I will take a match to it and bring about an all consuming conflagration. I want to see it engulfed in the inferno of my making. It makes no sense. There is no logic to burning down what I have created. The wanton destruction of such beauty is abhorrent and flies in the face of any reasoned individual. The flames burn with such intensity that the steel melts, sizzling drops of molten metal that scar the stone which fractures and crumbles. Glass shatters, blackened shards that collapse to the ground, the noise of destruction masked by the roar of the flames.
I will stand and watch this terrible destruction with a twisted grin on my face, my hollow eyes reflecting the shooting pillars of orange flame. You are knelt beneath me as I hold your head in my hands, forcing you to watch this display of carnage and obliteration. Your tears stream down your face, cutting through the soot that has adorned your features, the heat haze shimmering before you and your sobbing inaudible compared to the fierceness of the fire that will burn for days.
I will build you an empire and then I shall raze it to the ground. That is my way and it shall always remain the case.
66 thoughts on “Razed To The Ground”
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Control, HA ! My Narc says I’m controlling,because I’ve dared to demand accountability for his past lying and cheating! He lies so much I never know when he’s telling the truth anymore.
He is the controlling one. Complete control over finances, the things that get done (or don’t, because he’s a passive aggressive POS) around the home…. you name it , he’s got his hand in it one way or another. So many years I never realised the things he was doing ( or not doing) was a form of control . I see it now !
Biggest mistake I ever made ( aside from marrying the bastard) was trusting him.
Every time I started to trust him again, he slowly started right back up with his sneaky shit. Lather, rinse, repeat!
I vacillate between loving, and hating him , and being afraid to leave him, and wanting to scream at him to get the fuck out of my life.
I’m feeling anger instead of angst today. That’s a good thing, the anger helps me to detach myself further from him and his BS.
This blog has made me start thinking about all the things he’s said and done to me over decades. I can’t believe the tsunami of shit I’ve put up with. I can’t believe ( through HG’s explanations) how blind I was to his motives for doing those things.
It’s like someone took a 2×4 and slapped me across the face with it and said, “ WAKE UP !”
HG ,since you like the hot and cold weather ,and see your victims as black and white .
I just heard the song HOT And COLD by Katy Perry and it reminded me of you .
You’re hot and your cold
You’re yes then your no
You’re in and your out
You’re up and your down
You’re wrong when its right
Its black and its white
We fight we break up we kiss and make up
Katy Perry, she is just soooo deep.
So are her lyric writers
The instinctive planning seems like a great excuse! This is the hardest to realize… when not dealing with a greater. We all think and ‘wish’ we were dealing with some person who calculates and expects certain reactions.. that would make it more more plausible and easier for us to understand. It is hard to move forward knowing an individual is acting on instinct. We want them to have some plausible accountability for their actions so we can feel better about our outlook on this strange journey of a relationship.
If I even begin to discuss the victim play and pity play I just heard after no contact (not zero, no physical contact, only text, pathetic yes). Sigh. He said I did not comment on his physical attributes… I did not tell him he was gorgeous enough. Sigh, I hear more compliments from a random stranger to me that he has ever proposed to me.
It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop
than in a mansion with a quarrelsome woman [or narc of any gender].
Prov. 21:9
Don’t eat yellow snow.
Book of Wisdom
What is yellow snow? The only snow I know if my dog pees on the snow and it turns yellow.
Pati: That’s exactly what he means.
Thank you so much Violetta!
Dearest HG: “Don’t eat yellow snow. Book of Wisdom“. HG, I have to add that quote to my collection, if you do not mind: Hahahaha!
I am a great lover of certain types of Snow. Madly in love with certain types. It has been years since I have enjoyed my favorite type of snow. That pure clean whiteout snow that accumulates quickly and is dryish yet makes great snowballs, etc. as well, and covers the landscape and the city with a look of purity and softness, whether or not the city is thankful for such beauty, even for a moment. And it is not super cold outside. And it accumulates swiftly so all the trucks and salters can not move quickly enough to ruin it, for quite a while. Once, I collected some, while it was still falling, and kept it my freezer. That is how bad I have it. And one of my avatar names is Diamond-Winter. Diamond-Winter, Because I love MLB that has a baseball diamond, although people always think it refers to the gem diamond, not a problem, and I love certain types of snow that falls in the Winter, but really it is the fact that certain types of snow falls in the Winter, not so much the entire season itself of Winter. No matter, I know what the name means to me. And, one of my favorite books is: Smilla’s Sense of Snow. A sort of thriller. I think that is why HG`s wise saying was so funny to me: `Don’t eat yellow snow!` Hahahahaha. It is good to know these things, yes? When walking about an exploring a landscape, right? Indeed!
I very much like the snow.
I very much like your recording of snow on snow. Snow on snow…
https://youtu.be/M6eo2NI5gVg
Thank you MB.
I just listened to this, your voice is calming and soothing goes well with my essentials oils
The best part of the snow is when nobody steps in in and it is fresh. You make snow Angels,and throw snowballs. Its fun playing in the snow.
If i never see snow again thst would be fine with me! We get snow most of the year and i really hate it. I cant stand the snow. It looks pretty but brrrr im a palm tree and sun sort of girl 😄 im envious of those that can garden year round and grow exotic plants.
Ever considered moving?
Hi HG….thats my hope one day to move! Right now due to our careers we cant but that could change within the next year. I want desperately to move but also cautious. Theres many factors to consider. Its a bit scary too as ive never moved very far but the snow can rid me of that 🤣
I move around a lot. Not only is it necessary it is very interesting. I alternate between hot and cold, but then again, you all knew that already.
Hehe
Hi HG…youre right lifes more exciting if you move around and experience different places! Im more of a homebody and as i get older i dont take risks like i used to. I do know i dont want to live out the rest of my life shoveling snow and freezing my ass off! 😄
On a more serious note my thoughts and prayers go out to those in california with the fires ❤
Chimum
I hear you on the snow. It can be pretty and enjoyed, but a hard winter and digging out as fast as its coming in just so you can go to work can really sour that pretty quick. We need to pack up and move to B.C for a respite.
Yellow snow! But what if it was really just sprinkled with honey? That’s how my mind seems to work.
That would be amber.
Such a stick in the mud you are! Always ruining a good thing!
Pah!
Snow is symbolic for hiding many of things
Yes. Snow hides many things. Mostly your car when you’re in a hurry.
Exactly , I would like snowball fights .hopefully I can aim at my Narc. BULLS EYE!
There is a Book of Wisdom in the Catholic Canon, but I take it your favorite Church to ignore is the C of E?
Ha ha, I will ignore any church if it suits my purposes, but the CofE holds a special place in my cold, dark heart.
Bahahahaha. Ever pee in the snow? It can get so cold that literal ice crystals emerge out my twaddle-area. It is amazing.
I am the cold, dark princess of pee.
Guess that makes you frigid, Bibi!
Haha. Maybe so.
I’ve never peed in the snow Bibi—am I missing something? I like the word twaddle.
When you gotta go….at least no one is likely to see ’cause you got your coat there covering your crack.
Just make sure the stream doesn’t hit your winter socks tucked within your boots lest it will be an unpleasant walk back. But when it is really cold it just freezes upon evacuation. It is an amazing golden ray of nitrogen.
Twaddle is good. I have a number of names for that secret place that is not so secret.
HG, that film I recommended is Dutch not Norwegian. My bad. The actress looked a bit like Liv Ullmann so my mind went there.
Yes, I noted that change in origin.
It’s really hard to pee in a straight stream into a distance downward. You can’t spray and you can’t push too hard or the urine splashes. It’s a chore.
I really do not need to know.
You probably already knew. It’s hard because before I left my prior destination there are many floor commodes and it’s a whole thing not to pee onto your socks and shoes.
New skill set for you to learn you pee, I mean, see.
I never made my socks or shoes wet.
Do you want a badge for that?
Do you know how much laundry costs to be sent out? It’s not like I’m at the motel with a dingy wash room that takes quarters. Now I’m signing off to the Sky bar. I’m hooking up with Bradley Cooper tonight.
He is one of ours. And you were doing so well.
We’ve discussed this matter on the blog re, Bradley—I’ll leave before the sunrise. Have you been to the sky bar? It’s rather interesting and promotes the lower lessers stay home.
I was just wondering the same thing Lorelei. Are we missing out Bibi?
hmmm I’d like to know more…
He who *passes gas in church sits in his own pew. – Confucius (at least that’s how I heard it)
He has also been quoted to say,
He who eats jelly beans *breaks wind in technicolor.
*Certain words have been substituted because MB is a lady.
Yes I totally agree with what you had said I’ve had my best meals in high-class places all over the country I can pay with my own money , at that time and everyone else’s bill . life was starting to get good for me and I had the most Exquisite meals with champagne excellent cognac excellent steaks the best . I would be with an argumentative person either male or female that was trying to outdo me either in clothes or makeup or hair or Price or menu or whatever and they would completely turn my stomach into acid . sometimes I’d be in tears trying to finish a meal which I would later save for them and I’ve had the worst Food horseshit and nobody would be around me I’d be eating in a corner in a restaurant shabby little place or at home in a rented apartment not being able to pay the bills not knowing where I would turn but still the food was almost like pearls in my mouth because nobody was biting at my ass I totally agree the narcissists do a job on us that’s why I have a hiatal hernia that’s why I have some really bad stomach problems that I have to attend to that’s why I have a tumor in my stomach and that’s why I’ve been so sad so many times because I had to deal with my parents
Fighting always at mealtimes . I LOVE MEALS in my own yard under the trees the birds ,the squirrels the little kitty cats I feel at peace I’ve got water there trees flowers animals I’m at peace until some son of a b**** starts banging on my door banging on my fence. peace ,calm ,God.
You *can* walk away.
You *will* if and when you decide to do so.
I am off my knees and standing now after 4 1/2 months post discard but I am still mesmerized by the smoldering ruins and cannot turn around and walk away.
Prajinta: Dig in and wait it out. The image fades over time. Time is a mysterious friend. Shock is as well. Use them both when you need to. A day at a time. And if that is too much. Moment by moment. At some point in time the good moments can outnumber the bad ones.
They are constant contradictions. I used to wonder why the narc was self-sabotaging, that he was so good but a bad streak in him always ruined things. The part in this story where the narcissist smiles at the destruction just shows their true nature. They build to impress others and delight in the praise, but they destroy not only for negative fuel, but because that’s what makes their real smile come out.
kel,
“I used to wonder why the narc was self-sabotaging, that he was so good but a bad streak in him always ruined things.”
Me too until HG clarified this behaviour. They have a very strong need to feel powerful and in control at all times even if this is done to their own detriment.
They grew up feeling powerless and helpless the hands of their Matrinarc or other narcissist for so long. They became extremely sensitive to lack of control. What they do is coping behaviour.
This is a key article: “To control is to cope: Narcissism and its creation.”
Excellent metaphorical story of what a Narc relationship is like. They build this wonderful relationship for no reason at all, just to tear it down. It’s crazy. The only thing crazier is staying to watch. Uck.
What a perfect description of devaluation.
I believe only Greater Narcissist do it so smooth this way .
Mine is Upper Mid Range and he was able to completely dupe me, so there is no underestimating any of them!!!
I think the UMRN are most likely to use a bit of scheming and plotting since they are near the Greater category. Matrinarc is that catergory also.
Instinctive planning.
Thenk you for clarifying . So I take it LMRN does everything instinctive since there is some cognitive function . So when we are in devulation they dont know what they are doing .
See ‘Does The Mid Range Narcissist Know What He Is Doing’
Mine is LMRN , he devalues me but has zero romance in him .
This disregard for anything that had been achieved, anything that had been worked towards and strived for – and disregard exhibited towards things that should have been cherished – resulted in a series of small horrible epiphanies that, for a while, I refused to see. That I didn’t want to acknowledge so I did not have to see that there is nothing off limits for the narcissist’s match.