Outrageous
Fury is the instrument of the narcissist. It is a tool that we deploy in furtherance of our aims. The narcissist’s toolbox is a thing to behold. It contains many devices, objects and instruments that we deploy in order to secure our objectives. Other people may use these devices in a similar if diminished form but they will not be anywhere near as dangerous and effective as the ones that lurk in my toolkit. Some of these instruments are used to subjugate, others are deployed to control and yet again there are others that will be used for the purposes of manipulation. The placing of fury in this toolbox recognises its use to the narcissist as one of his prime instruments.
All of our kind bring the fury but what is it? It will be instructive to start by considering what it is not. Fury is not anger. Anger is below fury on the scale of violent responses. Anger is a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure or hostility. It is greater than vexation, it is something more than feeling cross and it is beyond exasperation. Notwithstanding this, it is less than fury. It does not contain the unbridled vitriol that is synonymous with fury. Nor does it contain the violent hostility that one finds with fury. What is most important to know about anger is that it is a normal emotion and thus by comparison, fury is an abnormal emotion, hence why fury sits in our toolkit. Anger is an intense emotional response that is normal in nature and arises as a consequence of real or perceived provocation. Anger in itself is neither good nor bad. It can be used for either purpose and it is down to the manner in which that particular person handles it. An individual may direct it into violence towards another person in order to protect him or herself from a threat. Alternatively, it may manifest in the destruction of property. You as a normal and empathic individual become angry. Indeed, as part of our mission to obtain fuel we strive to provoke anger in you, either through angry gestures or through angry words on your part. This provides us with fuel when you react in this emotional fashion. It is an acceptable and understandable response for an individual to become angry.
It is a normal response to a threat or harm. It also releases pressure that builds up inside a normal person. The expression of anger enables people to dissipate this pressure and thereafter feel spent but better for having been angry, as opposed to suppressing the sensation and allowing the pressure to build even further. Some normal people can only take a small amount of pressure before they blow a fuse whereas other people may be regarded as slow-burners who take a long time before they express anger. In either instance the response is an entirely normal one. People become angry for a host of different reasons.
You may agree that anger certainly serves a purpose and concur that helpful and beneficial consequences can arise from this normal emotion. I should imagine that you will also venture to suggest that there is a downside to anger, that results in destructive behaviour and violence. That is not anger. That is fury. That is when something beyond anger is experienced and this fury is more prevalent amongst my kind.
Interestingly, anger also results in a suspension of empathy by those who behave normally. The individual, through anger, becomes focussed on his or her own needs and requirements. This is not applicable to me. There is no empathy to suspend. That is why we do not deploy anger. We have no need of a device to suspend our empathy because we do not have any. This is a further reason why anger serves no actual purpose to us and why we must deploy fury instead. Anger is a normal reaction. We operate outside of the usual normative values. This normal anger serves certain purposes. None of those purposes are of any use to my kind and me. Anger can be regarded as a force for good. That is not something that we are interested in.
Fury is beyond anger. It is wrath, frenzy and savagery. Someone who is furious has gone the extra emotional mile. One might even consider it to be madness. The wild nature of fury causes it to surpass anger and fury is not to be found in the responses of the normal person. I will emphasise that point. You will not find fury as a response of a normal person. Anger? Yes. Fury? No. The deployment of fury is the hallmark of the abnormal. If fury were a normal reaction there would be chaos as explosions erupted everywhere. Most relationships would disintegrate, more people would be injured, and property broken and destroyed and the repercussions for society as a whole would be severe. The cost in terms of money, emotion and well-being would be enormous. Consider the number of times you have been angry. It has happened has it not? You will also be able to recall when your parents or at least one of them became angry, a friend, a stranger, a colleague or a partner. You have seen anger in everyone and that is because it is normal. They may have used that anger for some purpose, kept it in check or let it flow over them and dissipate with no consequence. For those of you have had an encounter with fury, you will also know it. It will have happened amongst fewer people than the categories that I have just mentioned. This is because the development of people has been such that fury cannot become the norm. If it does then society would begin to break down. You may have seen many instances of fury from one particular individual. That is because that person is not normal. They are the exception.
29 thoughts on “Outrageous”
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Anger for Empaths ,Fury for the Narcissist.
Thank you for explaining the two HG.
Something else I’ve observed with alot of Ns (not all) is often have protruding veins on the side of their head. Rarely (but occasionally) seen on non-Ns. I wonder whether that is due to repeated ignited fury?
Alexis—I’ve never had a man scream/yell at me to see this. Never—I wish I had as it would have felt “wrong” enough to snap me out of it. Funny how it is the emotional violence I’m used to but another person has told me in the past she would have preferred being slapped over not spoken to. I’d be mortified to be slapped. It’s crazy what we each are used to.
Ah yes, I understand. My sister never, ever gets angry. Not ever. Many do though. From what I’ve read those who have experienced both physical and emotional report that it is the emotional abuse which is far worse.
Lorelei: Kate Spade in business news headlines today. Stock and sales both declining. I never heard if her husband did divorce her or leave her before her suicide, or if he now owns the business, or not….
I thought of you yesterday and our bath/shower discussion! Sitting at JFK for hours. No means of hygiene for almost two days after 18 hours flying and countless delays.. I would have taken a bath with a lesser in a pond of sludge and emerge sparkling like a bottle of Evian! Omg!
Alexissmith2016
Oh those protruding veins are just the main arterial bullshit veins that feed the mouth and are filled to capacity and waiting to discharge. Disregard them and then get out of the way before the explosion.
hahahaha you crack me up NA!
HG you relentlessly and heartlessly harvest fuel to maintain the illusion. If you don’t, the illusion that has carefully crafted and maintained will die. What will we see when that happens. Is it the creature, ie the vulnerable hated self?
Read Fury.
So I’ve finally finished reading Fury. It’s an easy read but I had to take breaks to deal with other stuff. It’s totally fascinating and should really be a bestseller based on this unparalleled insight. I think I now fully understand what you do and why. I felt a little like I was transported into your world. I don’t pity you, but your words fill me with a lot of compassion. I would never want that kind of trapped existence. I’m totally certain that there is hope, however you cannot help yourself. You have to ask the Creator but you will not because Lucifer has you totally hoodwinked. Jesus does not condemn you. He sees straight into your heart, feels all the hidden pain and fears and offers unconditional love. You can live a life of freedom and that is what I wish for you.
For years I had a horrible recurring nightmare about this frightening creature. It was like all my fears and misery were rolled into one and took on this monstrous form that pursued and tried to consume me in the most awful way. I spent a lot of my waking hours trying to mentally block itcinto a prison, but it would invade my dreams at night to torment me. One night in total fright and desperation I cried out to Jesus and rebuked the creature in His name. I was not a practicing Christian, but I was brought up in church. Instantly it disintegrated before my eyes and never returned. So I know there is power in the name of Jesus. You don’t want my prayers HG. I know that, but Satan your enemy is real and doesn’t want me to offer them for you either, because you are right where he wants you to be, however I’ll continue to offer them anyway.
I’m sorry for this long post, it was not my intention. I lot of what I have read on this blog is very unsettling, however I love you just the same . The real you will be better than the construct and it won’t require half as much work, lol.
That should be Fuel.
It’s all starting to make perfect sense. We’ve been cast in parts we didn’t audition for and have no idea we’re playing. We don’t know what the show is about, and every time we think we’ve figured it out, it changes from Shakespeare to Absurdist Theatre or musical comedy, per Durang’s play “The Actor’s Nightmare.” No one will tell us what our lines are, and the ones that were right the last time are wrong this time.
We can’t get it right because we’re not meant to get it right. It’s the Narc’s script, so all the other characters have to be wrong. Also, the Narc is the only lead. That’s right: you’re a minor character in your own life.
The Narc wants you to believe it’s the only show in town. It isn’t.
Violetta
Yes, a puppet show. Read the Puppet On A String article.
American guys are more likely to use “babe” than “poppet,” but it’s the same routine.
“The actress hasn’t learned the lines you’d like to hear” – Evita
Narcs torture us by withholding approval, but for that to work, you have to value their approval. Teachers were less likely to mess with me when I was a rebellious teen who didn’t give a toss than when I was a comparatively compliant kid or a college student. Boyfriends can hurt your feelings if they stand you up or cheat on you, but if you’re not in love, they can’t break your heart.
It’s ironic, if you think about it. They hate not being respected, but the more you respect their opinion, the less likely they are to respect YOU. Pick-up artists are enraged at the Stacies who would never go out with them, but despise the Beckies who might (although they’re indignant when even the Beckies turn them down).
Violetta,
To your point that, “They hate not being respected, but the more you respect their opinion, the less likely they are to respect YOU.”—that is Narc Self-Hatred in a nutshell.
They will never feel worthy.
Violetta—I heard my ex call our oldest child “babe” once and I asked him f he had lost his mind to speak like that! I told him it was trashy and the speak of a loser. He never did it again.
Vi, I like your analogy. HG says, get off the battlefield, you say, get off the stage.
But only that stage. You don’t have to give up performing or personal relationships, although the narc will do everything to convince you you’re no good at them. Find better shows, find better colleagues.
One thing I didn’t used to understand is that very few narcs can maintain the public facade as thoroughly as HG. Most of those horrible bosses, soul-crushing teachers, and soul-sucking lovers start to get a reputation. The boss keeps having to replace and retrain staff, school teachers have kids who act up in their class but no one else’s while college professors have students switching to another advisor; the narc goes through one bad relationship after another. The theatre company folds, while some church basement groups go on for decades. The society bitch with the exclusive club can exclude people only if they apply for admission.
They may have loyal fans who stick by them (until it’s their turn), but you might be surprised how many people will take the Narc’s malice campaign against you with a grain of salt. Many have seen it before. They will certainly see it after you. Word gets around that this professor is “difficult to work with” or that director gives pets (or company donors) all the best parts. The Narc Who Broke My Heart told a friend (and former-coworker of both of us) who had lost everything in Katrina that she was “stupid to live in New Orleans.” As GH has pointed out, those who come after us will NOT be treated better in the long run, though they may seem to be from the outside.
Narcs gonna narc.
MB,
Narcs are great at “staging” battles, that’s for sure.
Perhaps Love is a Battlefield only when “love” involves a narc.
Lisk: Hahaha.
Violetta and MB: I like the analogy. Did that happen in a certain play, Violetta? And the actor could not find their lines, or something like that??
Many actors have had anxiety dreams about not knowing their lines, missing props, going on in the wrong costume, etc. There are occasions where people drop a line or a prop, and other people in the scene try to cover for them to get it back on track. Christopher Durang wrote a short play basically amplifying this to the production from hell. The main character says he is an accountant, not an actor, and doesn’t understand why he is there in the first place.
Violetta: I understand. Mine was regarding College/University. I often had dreams that I was back and had to make up a class, or I did not have enough credits to graduate, and had to go back for awhile, and I would be back, and these dreams would persuade me, although I would argue with the dream while in the dream, with logic and examples, that I had graduated already. But I still would always fail somehow to win the argument against the argument that the dream would come up with, and so I had to go back and then I would be back in University. lol. And then at some point, after the logic battle that I had lost to the dream was complete, I would awaken. Free from the University, of course. This happened to me in dreams for quite a few years post graduation. Whew!! It was incrediby tiring and Weird.
I’ve had those dreams too. Unlike you, I don’t remember having graduated: I realize that it’s the end of term and I forgot to a) hand in any papers; b) take any exams; or c) go to class at all.
So relieved to wake up! In a way, those dreams are reassuring: you feel like you can’t get through a challenge, and the dream reminds you that you already did.
I once dreamed I just been cast in a show, arrived at the first read-through, and discovered the director was Debbie Disemboweler, the woman who’d rather eviscerate actors than have a successful production. I don’t remember how I handled it in the dream, maybe I woke up before I had a chance to make a decision, but I remember my relief on realizing that this was real life and I didn’t have to work with her ever again.
Ah, MB, but “All the world’s a stage,/And all the men and women merely players.” Even if you think you’re not part of it, the narc will keep you off stage in case one of the main actresses gets her vocal cords damaged (wait, am I having a déjà vu? Where did I read this actually happening?).
And just before you make your first entrance, the narc will wish you “Good luck,” mention The Scottish Play, and throw a black cat in your face.
Haha, Violetta, I’d rather be one of the three witches than his poor, empty, fake being.
Yes Violetta, I felt like waiting for Godot many a time.