Sadistic Streak

SADISTIC STREAK

You could be forgiven for thinking that all of our kind are sadists. From your perspective, much of our behaviour, if not all, makes no sense and therefore it could be argued that to behave in the manner that we do must mean that we are all sadists. That is an understandable proposition. After all, if one day a person is kind to you and then the next is nasty to you when you have given them no reason to behave like that, then surely such behaviour is sadistic is it not? The behaviour has no grounding in any logic, the nastiness is manifesting just for the hell of it, is it not? Are we then not deriving pleasure from your hurt and discomfort and therefore that must makes us sadists?

A true or pure sadist is one who derives pleasure from the sadistic act. This often manifests in a sexual arena in that the act of sadism is acted out in a sexual engagement or the sadist becomes sexually aroused from the sadistic act (which may not be sexual in nature). Accordingly, a sadist may derive sexual pleasure from flagellating a bound and gagged individual. Similarly, a sadist may become sexually aroused from murdering the pet kitten of someone else.

Those of you have familiarity with my works will understand that fromm the narcissistic perspective, what we do is not done solely for pleasure (indeed we do not experience pleasure or joy) but rather it is done for the purposes of gaining fuel. It is our need for fuel which is the driver behind all of our behaviours because the emotional response of another provides us with the validation that we desperately require to fill up the void which exists inside of us.

The acquisition of fuel occurs in many, many arenas. It might be gaining a smile from an appreciative stranger as get in a lift with them, from the tears of our partner who is crying after we have held them by the throat and described how much we hate them or from them ecstatic groans of our lover as we provide them with orgasmic relief. In each instance, fuel is what flows, fuel is the aim and fuel is what is required.

All of our kind receives fuel from the emotional response of others. We do not feel joy from inflicting pain on you because we do not feel joy. Your pained expression provides fuel. It could be tears, it could be a smile, it could be laughter. As long as there is an emotional response then we gain fuel.

When you are hurt from our manipulations this is a by product of our need to gain fuel. It is a collateral consequence. Our lack of empathy means that we do not care that you are hurt. However, it goes further than this. The reduced cognitive function of the Lesser (and to some degree the lower echelons of the Mid-Ranger) means that not only do they not care that you are being hurt, they do not know you are being hurt. They see an emotional reaction and that provides fuel (although of course they do not know the mechanics of that operation). They cannot recognise the pain. I appreciate this will be rather hard for some people to grasp – how can he not know I am hurt when I am telling him so and he sees my face twisted in pain and the tears spilling down my face? The fact is, those members of our brethren neither care nor know. Thus when you are manipulated it is done purely for the fuel, it is not done primarily to hurt you. This is cold comfort nevertheless as the outcome remains the same. You are hurt.

Where we have a sadistic streak (and this is more prevalent with the upper echelons of the Mid-Range and the Greater Narcissist) we know we are hurting you and we do not care. The knowledge of your hurt adds further fuel. Accordingly, your emotional response which we witness provides us with the fuel (in the same way as a Lesser or lower echelon Mid-Ranger would) but the knowledge you are being hurt and we are causing this, provides  us with extra potent fuel.

A sadist behaves in the way that he or she does purely for the sake of pleasure. We do not do it. If we have a sadistic streak then we deploy it in our machinations for two purposes:-

  1. The provision of extra-potent fuel as described above; and
  2. For the purposes of punishment and revenge.

Our aim, through this sadism, is not solely pleasure but rather the reinforcement of our superiority. Not all of our kind wish to punish, hence, they have no sadistic streak. The Mid-Ranger who has lost his primary source will feel fury for this transgression but he is far more likely to direct his energies to applying an Initial Grand Hoover to get you back and reinstate the golden period. He has no urge to punish you. Even if that IGH fails, he will then focus on recruiting a new primary source and he will leave you alone. There may be benign follow-up hoovers when he devalues the new primary source, but there is still no desire to punish you He may be looking to ‘win you back’ or just gain positive fuel. If this fails, he may not apply a malign hoover, but instead will leave you be before returning at a later juncture with another benign hoover (if conditions are right).

If you have been discarded by a Lesser but you keep trying to find out why he has discarded you, he will apply malign hoovers. This is not done as an act of revenge, but is rather done to make you stay away so he can focus on his new primary source and so you will not spoil this golden period by telling lies (the truth) about him to the new primary source. He wants you deleted and the malign hoovers are a response to your interference.

If you find yourself in a situation where you know that your particular narcissist has a new primary source, you are doing nothing to enter the spheres of influence but your narcissist will not leave you alone and is applying malign hoovers against you, this is evidence of the sadistic streak. It manifests as a malicious obsession which causes you to enter the sixth sphere of influence (see the relevant section in What is Making Him Come Back? ) and then the Hoover Execution Criteria are met.

The relevant narcissist may not actually receive any Proximate Fuel from you as you are treated to these malign hoovers because he cannot see your reactions, so you may wonder, why would he do this? The reasons are as follows:-

  1. The sadistic streak means that he is willing to sacrifice the fuel he is gaining from the new primary source to carry out this sadistic, malign campaign against you. Usually, the narcissist will want to gorge on this positive fuel from the new primary source and keep his attention on this person, but where there is a sadistic streak, he is willing to use some of this fuel to power the malicious campaign against you as the discarded or escaped former primary source.
  2. The sadistic behaviour allows for the provision of Thought Fuel as the sadistic narcissist contemplates your terrified reactions and it is his perception of how you feel (even though he cannot see it and thus it is not Proximate Fuel) . Ordinarily, a non-sadistic narcissist would not bother to apply the energy to gain this weaker Thought Fuel but a sadistic narcissist will do so.
  3. Our superiority is maintained by doling out punishment and revenge. A non-sadistic narcissist would seek that reinforcement with a new primary source (because it is easier to gain that positive fuel from them and to focus on them solely). The demands of the sadistic narcissist are such that he requires this ratification and validation from both current primary source (positive fuel) and discarded former primary source (negative Thought Fuel and the power felt from the application of revenge).

Accordingly, when you are entangled with a narcissist, so that the Formal relationship is continuing and you are being devalued, and he exhibits sadistic behaviours towards you, this is for the purposes of gaining extra potent fuel. If the sadism occurs post escape or discard, this is done to punish you. If Proximate Fuel arises, so much the better but if it does not, this is not a massive concern to the sadistic narcissist because we are willing to sacrifice the fuel gained from another source in order to power our desire to achieve revenge over you.

Since you look at matters from your perspective and not ours, you may find it difficult to truly distinguish when sadistic behaviour is being used against you during the Formal Relationship. It is, however, at its most recognisable when you have escaped us or have been discarded. If you know we have a new primary source but there is a campaign of hurtful behaviour being used against you – slashing the tyres on your car, putting bricks through your windows, posting unsavoury comments about you online, handing outflyers accusing you of child abuse and such like – this is the sadism being manifested. This is not a smear because the smearing happens prior to your discard (so we have got in first) or if you have escaped, the smear will happen before we get another primary source. The key determining factor in knowing that you are facing a sadistic narcissist is that we have a new primary source and instead of relishing solely in the golden period with them, we are lashing out at you again and again.

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59 Comments

  1. I remember my mother making my daughter cry by saying that she didn’t like her. My mother would watch almost in wonder as my daughter’s tears fell down her face. Disturbing is a light way of describing it.

  2. I remember my father watching me suffer from pain instead of calling a doctor in the hospital. He raised his voice and threatened to beat my mother when she asked: why don’t you do something? Go and call the doctor.

  3. Such informative site, thank you HG.

    I’ve been reading your blog posts for quite some time now, and everything here is so on point 💯!!!

  4. Oh I’ve definitely come across lessers and lower mids who are sexually sadistic.
    It makes me cringe when I come across “feminists” who believe that extreme BDSM is empowering and sex positive as long as it’s “consensual.” The whole “community” is obviously infested with sadistic somatic narcissists

    1. Witch: There is a reader that visits here from time to and she really lays out some hard truths regarding what is happening to women in general in that BDSM community. I am sure many in that community would be upset with her, but I believe her. I wish I could remember her avatar name.

      1. Hi princess, there was a BDSM article I’ve read about “how to take care of your sub” (after a session.) It pretty much described trauma bonding but the writer attempted to present themselves in an empathetic way

      2. Princess—I hate to say but I imagine the community you are referring to is a very high percentage of narcissists. HG says typically 1/6–wouldn’t you think it is maybe 80%?

        1. Lorelei, at least 80% Narcissists, yes? With a few normal or empaths haplessly caught up in BDSM for a while, consistent, probably, with that same percentage, that HG speaks about, of normals or empaths that sometimes haplessly get caught up with the male Pick Up Artistry crew, for a while. But, I was not and I am not interested in the least in the men in that world, but I was interested in what was happening to the women involved in that world, and that is what HG`s reader, I believe she is called Madamexdomina, spoke about. The women involved.

          1. It’s mostly women accustomed to abuse omg. It just occurred to me by what you wrote. So sad. Some of it is so extreme it’s hard to understand. I guess if someone is accustomed though they may enjoy it which is fine—zero judgement but it is a potentially dangerous place.

  5. The question though, is why do narcissists require fuel?

    I understand the consequences of them not having fuel, but what I’m still a little unclear on is why such consequences would occur.

    Is it like there’s no point in them even existing if there’s nobody emotionally reacting to them, in the same way that there’s no point performing a play on a stage if there’s no audience to watch it?

  6. When I told the MMR Somatic he was hurting me he said “I know” and I told him again and he said “it’s supposed to hurt”. It must have been potent fuel. (I’m gonna call him UMR Somatic now because you said he was either MMR or UMR)

    The LMR Somatic winced if I was hurt. He was gentle and soft with his touch. If he hurt me slightly he was SO sorry. But he loved fighting other men.

  7. This is a great explanation. Does your mother have a sadistic streak HG? Did my father if killing my cat was his “go to”
    for control? I’m a little confused as to what counts for sadism. I always thought it was sexually oriented but it appears not to be the case.

      1. Would a cerebral narcissist engage in sexual intercourse with children? Would such behaviour generally be indicative of a sadistic streak or does it depend on the approach the narcissist would take?

        1. I’m almost interested in knowing more about what my father’s precise brand of narcissism was. I just keep thinking of more dysfunctional stuff and saw a photo of him today and was nauseated. Before, I wasn’t nauseous because it didn’t register due to it being normal. Actual nausea. What a sick person. Not just narcissism but twisted. He liked to beat all of us with no pants—in public. Gay porn. Porn out in the open. Then went to work to a nice office as a chemist. What a total disconnect I’m having. Someone should have drowned him before he finally fell off the tree.

          1. Well HG it’s really crazy I didn’t even know it as a ghost! I’m thinking it’s insanity!

          2. Hi Foolme—truly my astonishment isn’t one of total emotional upset per se—it’s the manipulation I have had of my own reality. For instance, if five years ago you were a friend asking about my father (deceased) you would have heard this: (automatically and with no intent to be dishonest) “He was very bright—always the brightest!” I’d have gone on—wine connoisseur, gardener (the best), good son to his mother who despite abandoning him in his youth took care of her as she aged, good provider—never a financial care in the world. Education paid, all the stuff anyone could want.. I had friends that would have given their right arm for this intact family and an 8-4 working dad.
            So flip the coin. What was reality? Reality was an exhausted mother who was rendered incapable of parenting or providing emotional support or fanfare for anything I did, a father constantly making sexual comments, inappropriate behaviors such as cracking his door undressed, pornography, whatever.. Constant questions re, dating etc. Bizarre extreme punishments, killed the family pet yet the other pets were acclaimed to be near Godly. Hated people and treated them poorly with no reasons which made sense, he solicited concern that he was sexually abusive by means of something unusual to an authoritative figure—his own behavior, nothing I said. I could go on. What I recognize is there is no value crying over milk that has spilled. The value is looking at my own ability to re-write a daily narrative to my detriment. I knew it was bizarre and I take that initial feeling and locked it away. Smother the truth. Carry on as if all is delightful. It’s exactly what I’ve done and why my marriage went on and on—it helps explain the stamina for flagrant mistreatment I tolerated endlessly. I deny the truth because it looks bad, is unpleasant etc. We have to look good, we have to be on stage. I’m on cue—I have a presentation to give right? To a room full of professionals I have a presentation so I can’t falter because my husband hadn’t spoken to me in two months. Keep going and going and they aren’t always the salami slicers—I did it to myself just as much. It’s no wonder I finally collided with exhaustion to the point I was. So, it’s reading a story backwards really. Being at the end and learning where the beginning was. See what I mean?

          3. Lorelei I know exactly what you mean. I believe at times we think it is easier to just ignore the obvious and carry on pretending all is wonderful with the world! At some point and time through all of this I became a CoD and I really don’t know why or when this happened? I understand the fear that I had and why, but I’m pretty much tired of figuring out the rest. Even if I did find out the answer to those questions, it would not change anything at all.

          4. My value for this is in the application of where to go now. I can’t ignore reality in the same way—but getting comfortable with a new reality and new rules is on the agenda. The new reality isn’t really always tasteful because it’s strange. I love arrogance in a man for instance. It’s as ingrained as that I love wearing black and grey. I’m not attracted to normal people. This is quite a long haul situation on many levels. That was just an example.

          5. Once again I understand what you are saying. I find being good very f…..g boring! Put me in a crowded room and I can find the narcissist every time! I’m just as attracted to them as they are to me. That’s one of the reasons why I continue to stay here, I’m not sure if I’m ready to go it alone yet? I just don’t know if I can refuse that dance? Honestly there are times that I feel like a caged animal, wanting desperately to break out and go back to what I know. It is days like that which scare me enough to stay right here with HG and the rest of you.

          6. I’m starting to see some value in the same Foolme—-I was in a rush to get away from all of this but maybe I don’t need to be. It’s basically replaced FB!

          7. Perhaps someone for you would be narcissistic, but not a narcissist? I have no clue? I can’t even figure out what I want half the time. Smh.

          8. Funny you say this. I have thought this is a better match. This dreamy eyed goofball thing is not going to get my pants off.

          9. I don’t mind slapping them at all. On the face. I wouldn’t smack someone’s rear end—that’s a little beyond the scope of my “to do” list. I have no problem slapping a man in the face though. They can’t smack mine though. I have a headache now.

          10. I have zero anything to do! I scrambled in late as usual with no need for my haste.

      2. It’s no wonder I’m not in an insane asylum after growing up with that man. He took
        me to the mall once and I was creeped out by how manufactured his effort to be oddly nice to me was at a really young age. Generally he ignored me but sang praises I was the best one and that my brothers were “of no account.” He said this!! All of the time! My first husband liked fires and tried to scare me in the car (succeeded—I filed for divorce), my last one laughed over killing things as a child. (He slipped up once & creeped out my mother) I feel like I’m in the twilight zone. And these men are (or were) all well regarded in society and not rambling through a mobile home park wearing sleeveless tops with bad dentition. This vision is given and everyone says, “Well no surprise there…” I need a reset button and it’s time to bleach my teeth. It’s a good morning for some dental care.

          1. I’m increasingly disturbed by how I grew up in light of the actual sadistic element. It’s becoming upsetting verse just knowledge acquisition.

    1. This is interesting.
      I think this is why I sometimes think my mum is not “that bad” because she isn’t sadistic.

      1. Witch I sometimes feel the same re my sister too, but one day she really showed her true colours. The sad thing is I would never have realised had I not already had an awareness of what she was. Don’t underestimate your mother because she is not sadistic.

        1. Yes you’re right,
          I can tell you a story.
          My mum and her boyfriend came back drunk. I was 14 at the time. Her bf started chatting me up right in front of my mum. He kept saying that I’m so beautiful and that he would do anything for me, anything I asked he would do it. It was creepy. He said a couple of times I was beautiful when he was sober but it didn’t sound as sinister as when he was drunk.
          He was pretty much admitting that he fancied me.
          My mum didn’t say anything. I didn’t say anything. I was shocked and scared.
          The next day she came into my room and said “when T was talking to you I wasn’t there was I?” I said “yes you was, you were in the room” and she said “no I wasn’t” I said “okay mum.”
          She wanted to cover it up.

          1. That’s just awful witch! That must have been so scary for you. What a creep! If I was your mother I’d have protected you and hoofed him out on the spot x

          2. Thanks Alexis,
            I think he was narcissistic as well and trying to play on her insecurities because he knew she was an insecure unstable wreck.
            He never tried to touch me. Things went back to normal after that. And by normal I mean them arguing everyday.
            My mum apologised years later for continuing that relationship, although at the time she was extremely preoccupied with him and didn’t seem to be concerned about how it was effecting us.
            I wouldn’t dare bring up this incident with her cause I know the guilt tripping will start with “so I’m a bad mother” or she will conveniently “forget” that it happened. Sorry no, first it will be deny with an angry outburst, then claim memory loss, then self deprecation, then “I don’t remember that happening but if it did, I’m sorry I was stressed at the time”
            Something along those lines.

  8. Dearest HG: Is the Sadistic Streak genetic? Is malice and sadism the same or cousins? Some lowers are Sadistic as well, and dream of killing and murdering etc, and not just during a NOW event, and only the thought of being incarcerated prevents some of them from acting out their sadism, if in fact such thought has actually prevented them, or they may have carried out their more violent activities of sadism and violence and have managed to never have been caught nor reported. Is the malice first and the sadism a result? And one can not have one without the other?

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