The Carrier Empath
The Carrier Empath. A particular type of empathetic individual who naturally gains the attention of our kind. As I have explained before, our kind are drawn to empathetic individuals who fall within one of the classes of empath. Those classes consist of The Empath, The Super Empath and The Co-Dependent.
The Carrier Empath is a particular division of those classes and therefore can be found amidst any of those classes. The Carrier Empath is not a stand-alone form of empath but rather is embodied by exhibiting Carrier tendencies which “bolt on” to the relevant class of empathic individual.
The Carrier Empath shoulders, more than others, the emotional burden. This person rarely talks about themselves, although they have much they could talk about, either as a consequence of their natural intelligence which lends itself to considerable discourse, their ability to connect with people and engage in what could be termed as small talk so people are put at ease or because of their extensive experiences they have much they could share with other people.
The Carrier Empath does not see it as necessary to talk about themselves. All empaths are good listeners, it is one of the empathic traits which our kind look for, but the Carrier Empath is a superlative listener. Exhibiting considerable patience, he or she will sit and listen to the woes and problems of others. They do not jump to conclusions, as many people would, instinctively forming a view of the person they are engaging with, within moments of meeting. Instead, the Carrier Empath is able to resist making an early judgement about this person and will listen to what they have to say, so they can best work out how to assist. The Carrier Empath knows full well that sometimes just being listened to is the best thing for another person.
Those with Carrier tendencies are work-like in their approach, reliable, organised and effective when facing pressure. They regard it as their role to take on responsibility for others and struggle to determine the boundary of when they should not do so. They are unable to avoid taking on other people’s issues and problems and feel a need to assist but to do so through actions and a practical application of their compassion, honesty, decency and understanding.
The Carrier Empath is not a person who overflows with emotion but is certainly not devoid of it. Their emotion does not appear in surges and spikes, histrionic reactions as a consequence of the situation which they find themselves in but rather as a steady and reliable provider of fuel through their evident compassion and supportive nature. Whilst caught in the dizzying devaluation, some empaths will find themselves despairing and having up days and down days whilst they experience the push and pull behaviours, the Carrier Empath adopts a stoic approach.
Inside he or she may be churning but they do their best to maintain a brave face as they seek to remain dependable and forging forward. This person is solid and dependable. They are not a dullard, but they do not shine and glow like other empathic individuals. They are grounded, practical, pragmatic and excellent problem solvers.
The Carrier Empath is unable to leave responsibility with others. They regard it as their task to be responsible for other people and they rarely judge the flaws of others, but rather see it as an opportunity for them to shoulder the burden. They will remain with those who suffer from addictions, seeing it as part of their obligation to remain and fight the fight on behalf of the afflicted.
The Carrier Empath readily takes on the problems of others and will do so even when this becomes a drain on his or her resources, such as time and money. They may have somewhere they need to be but if the telephone call is continuing because the caller needs help and assistance, the Carrier Empath will continue to listen.
There is a strong sense of obligation on the part of the Carrier Empath. Whilst empaths as whole feel obligation, the empath will assist because they feel good about doing so, in a way, they gain a form of their own fuel from helping others. The Co-Dependent will usually help because he or she has to do so, being of a giving nature in order to find validation for themselves in terms of their place in the order of things. The Super Empath relished the challenge that is presented and regards it as an opportunity to exhibit their powers.
Layer the Carrier Empath onto any of those classes and you add a complexion of obligation – the relevant class of empath does it because that is what should be done, that is the right thing to do and they have an obligation to care. They will recognise that the task in hand may be difficult, they will note that it will drain them but their fearsome sense of duty causes them to be the first to volunteer and the last to give up.
This division of empathic individual is certainly compassionate but approaches matters in a practical manner rather than “hearts and flowers” and whilst they will certainly use words to comfort, to support and to show empathy they prefer to rely on actions. If someone is suffering, rather than hand out tea and sympathy, the Carrier Empath will assume the mantle of the problem themselves and tackle it head on. They are especially apt at standing in the shoes of somebody in order to absorb the blast on behalf of someone who is struggling or wants their help. They are the proverbial person who would take a bullet.
The Carrier Empath has significant reserves of inner strength but is unable to regulate the use of this strength, since they tend to be blinded by their need to resolve the problem (often expecting no assistance at all from the person being helped) and therefore they will keep going until they have depleted their resources and a sudden collapse ensues.
Such individuals are prized by our kind, but by certain narcissists in particular. There is the provision of fuel, that has to always be there, but it does not always fountain from the Carrier Empath. Greaters tend not to choose those with Carrier Empath tendencies as a primary source because the gushing appreciation is not the style of the Carrier Empath, furthermore, the Greater tends to be more resourceful and therefore has less need of this element of the Carrier Empath. Instead, the Carrier Empath is desired by the Lesser and Mid-Range schools and especially so by the Victim Narcissist.
The Victim Narcissist derives fuel from the provision of care and compassion. His less impressive countenance is not one which results in gushing praise and over-the-top appreciation. Accordingly, the exhibition of care and compassion gives him the fuel he wants plus the residual benefits he requires and this is always preferable to the empath who gushes with praise but does little in the way of practical care. Thus those with Carrier tendencies are more suited to the Victim Narcissist.
Furthermore, the Carrier Empath comes with considerable residual benefits in terms of the provision of caring for someone with poor health, dealing with chores and problems on that person’s behalf, providing food, shelter, money and such like and therefore this raft of residual benefits appeals to Lesser Narcissists in particular and naturally the Victim Narcissist from the Lesser School.
The Carrier’s capacity for “taking the bullet” results in them also having appeal to the Mid-Range Narcissist. The passive aggressive Mid-Range Narcissist who finds that he is not able to get his way with a third party will invariably turn to the Carrier Empath to step up on his or her behalf and get the problem sorted. If weakened from a lack of fuel and potential criticism from this third party, the Mid-Range will turn to the Carrier Empath to make everything alright again and the Carrier Empath will dutifully attend to his.
During devaluation the Carrier Empath is wounded and confused by the manipulations used against him or her, but their sense of duty carries them forward and they will often fall victim to the narcissist’s capacity to blame others. Accordingly, if the narcissist blames his outburst on being overworked, the Carrier Empath will accept this explanation and will look at ways of alleviating the load on the narcissist, by taking more on him or herself or even going so far as to challenge the boss of the narcissist to secure a reduction in workload. The narcissist knows that with a Carrier Empath he can in effect point that person in the direction of a problem and the Carrier Empath will march into battle on his behalf. Again, this is why the Greater has less of a need for those with Carrier tendencies and why those of a Lesser or Mid-Range school have more reliance on the Carrier.
Devaluation causes those with Carrier tendencies to battle on in the hope of resolving the narcissist’s problems. The Carrier is less inclined to blame themselves. They do not see themselves as the cause of the problems which the narcissist alludes to during devaluation, but rather only blame themselves for not resolving those problems. The Carrier is blinded to understanding that there is no fix, but regards every problem as having a solution which will, with the right application of energy and resource, eventually present itself. The worse the narcissist becomes during devaluation, the more those with the Carrier tendency will apply themselves to trying to sort the problem out and usually identifies an external source (wrongly) as the source of the problem and is ultimately sent on a wild goose chase trying to tackle this external source whilst the problems continue unabated.
If the relevant narcissist does not have a primary source with Carrier tendencies it is likely that one will be recruited as a secondary source. This is more likely with the Greater who will prefer the primary source to be fountaining with fuel (rather than providing a host of residual benefits) and to have a secondary source who can be turned to as and when required, perhaps at moments of crisis, to be utilised for their Carrier traits. Whilst the Lesser and Mid-Range narcissist and especially the Victim Narcissist cadre of those two schools will want a Carrier Empath as a primary source, the Greater will position one as a secondary source since they make excellent Lieutenants.
It is common to find that the scape-goated child of a narcissist, if they avoid becoming a narcissist themselves, tends to exhibit strong Carrier tendencies because they realise that by getting things done, having to attend to their own needs because the narcissistic parent has abandoned their duties at an early stage and also having to parent the narcissistic parent, is the most effective method of surviving. They care but do so without “showiness” and deliver in a practical and dependable manner.
It is also worth noting that as some narcissists age they will gravitate more to securing a primary source who is a Carrier Empath. Though fuel remains important, the need for the residual benefits becomes increasingly important for those narcissists who see their looks fading, their mobility decreasing and therefore suffer a reduction in their ability to charm and attract. Of course, this is not applicable to all of our kind, since many become distinguished with age, have the magnetism that comes from financial power and their innate charisma and sharp mind remain undulled. However, for those that see the waning of their powers, the Carrier Empath becomes more attractive to them.
27 thoughts on “The Carrier Empath”
Yeah I don’t really know which one of these cadres is most applicable to me.
I definitely have traits of the carrier and feel frustrated when people don’t apply good practical advice. But I’m also good at giving verbal emotional support.
I’m a little bit of a magnet but not significantly. I’m not geyser because I’m more introverted.
I have saviour qualities to a certain degree but at the same time I know when to stop and “give up” on people.
I’m waiting to read more on the contagion school, because I do tend to be able to feel people’s moods especially when it’s dark and negative which can increase my anxiety at which point I don’t even want to be in the same room as them.
giving up on someone is a term i discovered 7 months ago, before that if you come to me with a problem, not solving it is not an option, you WILL do it, because now it became MY probleme and i can’t afford to run around with an unsolved problem, and if you dare even consider giving up, we will not be friends.
I volunteered as a Samaritan for 2 years. We were trained to be active listeners but we weren’t allowed to give advice and had to be comfortable with self determination i.e accepting people’s decisions even if we didn’t agree with them.
It is very challenging to relinquish that desire to control out of care and concern for the other person. But I learnt how to adapt and apply it. Empathetic people can also be controlling with good intentions, but nonetheless we too should learn how to let go.
it seems indeed a dificult taske, congratulations for volunteering and for accomplishing the mission.
I am mostly contagion, Cartier which is my profession as a licensed attorney in 3 States, martyr ( not sure what this is but perhaps arises from my deep faith???) super, co and geyser minorities. I found the description of someone feeling those emotions from film applicable. I have always been extremely affected real or fiction. I hate slasher gore films. Never got the thrill and it’s just fake. Love good conquers all especially epics whether BraveheArt or Hunger Games or Handmaiden Tales etc…books to… they fuel me. I am far from alone. Films on evil haunt me. Even as a child…. I recently donated to Australia Koalas after seeing an internet video and often do this in addition to my charities as I can’t see it and do nothing. I find it overwhelming to go to a shelter whether animal or homeless. I have but it overwhelms me. In third grade I decided to be a lawyer as to me that was a DA who puts bad guys away and protects the world. I got that wish but left as dealing with the darkness of society everyday effected me emotionally. I did better in multimillion dollar cases Against insurance companies or what I do now. My former past boss once said to me “your a lawyer not a nurse.” But I think my strength comes from my empathy. I am fulfilled by helping opposed to just making money. While it makes me less money I still ok and have a wide clientele that is loyal. HG descriptions hit home even in the details. Like movies. But if that is my core, how do you stop? I may be with a mid ranger or a man whose mother is a definite obvious narc. Will consult HG again as my husband arrives from UK to Cali tomorrow. He and I have been separated. My boundaries. Not no contact but legalities in order with HG input. He left within a day of hearing that our dog got an eye injury and he “will do anything, time and money, to help me and his baby.” Also wants to be a “better man, not selfish, whatever it takes.” Sigh. I write too long. To be continued…
As a scapegoated child i had to learn how to act as an adult very early. My feelings were never validated. I was taught by my eldest brother to be solution-oriented. I was gaslighted a lot. My matrinarc still gaslights. I am stoic. I wasn’t allowed to cry. I was labeled as weak. I couldn’t complain even to my mother since she would say that she experienced much worse and still continued to live as if nothing happened. She was busy with her own hardships.
Both my brother and mother would ask me sometimes to deliver their messages to my dad.
Despite the fact that i was female and could get hurt in the process at those times i did my best to physically separate and stop my family members when there was a fight. (Fight between my siblings and my dad with my siblings). It was too painful to watch it. Emotional pain is far worse than physical one.
In a nutshell i can say that old me had few carrier tendencies. Now i only care about myself.
I really relate to none of these (no oh yes moment). It’s funny they are all posted after I was thinking about how to get rid of “the what is wrong with me!” I am not viewing this empath thing as helpful. It is simply the hand maybe I was dealt but I would not say it’s been a serving of something fabulous. I think “normal” is probably a better goal.
Have you read the Geyser Empath article?
I think whether or not being an empath is “useful” depends on your purpose in life. Once I started to understand myself better and gain some control over my ET, things have been excellent and I am now able to achieve things and inspire others in ways I don’t think any normal ever could.
That is not to criticize normals, the ones I know seem to enjoy their lives and tend to be quite contempt overall.
I have not read it Desiree but excellent feedback on looking at what is perhaps useful and making something better of it. I guess I was having black and white thinking and not looking out of the box. Things are better indeed—but embracing this as a positive makes me queasy based on my history. Essentially, it has caused a great deal of nonsense in many regards. I understand why HG states he would not change based on his view of our misery.
That’s funny! Someone else mentioned looking outside of the box to you. Lol
Looking out of the box is triggering my hypothalamic pituitary adrenal (HPA) axis about right now.
Low cortisol level?! Yay!! To early for this! That hurt my brain!
I understand where you are coming from. Caring too much about other people’s feelings and point of view has often caused issues for my own happiness and peace of mind. At times I wish I didn’t care so much about other people. It just seems like the only people I ever attract are very toxic. It would be nice for a change to have people in my life that cared as much about me and didn’t cause so much drama. Right now I’m at a point where I just want to isolate myself….board up the windows….locks completely up and down the doors….guard dogs surrounding the propery…no one’s getting in! A mote and drawbridge would be nice.
I think we just need to be able to figure out how to surround ourselves with other caring people that will let our compassion and empathy shine without taking advantage.
If you figure out how to do that let me know😉
GH, you ARE doing it! You are here, reading and learning. You are identifying toxic people and exorcising them from your life. In doing that, you will draw the kind of people that you DO want toward you. The people who understand give and take, rather than take and then take more. Narcsite is a special place, we are all very fortunate to have found our way here.
don’t worry too much, that feeling will not remain forever, it’s like when you fall from a horse, the pain makes you think that the only thing you can do is fall agin, and you forget that that apart from that single event you were doing fine. so i suggest that you focus on all the moments when you were doing good.
as for arrtacting toxic people, it is true that you can’t chose who you attract, but you can chose who you keep, and i’m sure that what you learn in this blog will help you make wiser choices.
here the saying that helps me the most “even this will pass”.
I am really working hard to be less polite to assholes Gypsy. What a strange thing to think of doing. I have loads of normal friends. It’s just mainly the relationship pull to the worst humans and of course crap women on occasion. My goal is to have HG receive a narc detector on me one day because I get so good at GOSO that the victim isn’t really the victim when I ghost them. I’m don’t have to ghost politely—just vanish. Isn’t that what ghosts do?
Desirée—I read it. I have higher energy but I’m not overly emotional. I think shards of each classification is what I see.
I am so glad I found this site! HGs work is the best I’ve found and everyone on here is so supportive and understanding. Thank you all.
Im glad you have a lot of normal friends. I used to have a lot of friends but became isolated from them with my ex husband. He pretty much chose who was in my life and surrounded us with his friends. Funny I never truly felt like they were my friends. a lot of them very narcissistic themselves. I need to work on being less polite to assholes too. That would make a big difference. Just need to look at it as I can choose my friends rather than them choosing me. Good luck with the assholes! Put them in there place.
Thanks Gypsy. Yes, a lot of normal healthy friends but I always take home the sick puppy. The one with fleas, mange, etc. I’m glad I am not isolated to this craziness. A woman I adore last night shared with me she left her physically abusive spouse of 30 years. I adore adore her. I had no idea Gypsy—none. Her story was so sad as all of these/mine are. It’s interesting how the conversation unfolded but even a few years ago I (as beaten down as I was emotionally) would not have related because I was oblivious. I felt I was too good to end up how I saw other people—and we call them the narcissists but it’s really just a form of defense mechanism of my own—to be above it all. I was already buried and didn’t know.
You are not geyser! Hahaha. I adore you but if you are a geyser then I am a narcissist! Lol😘💞
I’m so ecstatic! Wayfair has teal velvet grommet panels 75% off Foolme! And red ones! Still reading to stay awake.
I told you you’d find them some place else! Yay! Professional shopper is what you should be! 😉
They aren’t vibrant enough. West Elm has classier ones. My initial enthusiasm died..
This is me! Even the picture is me! Finally. HG, we carriers need our own mug…. just saying.