I Cannot Love You More

I CANNOT LOVE YOU MORE

I have always adored you. It is true. You did not realise it. How could you? I kept my adoration confined to something distant and something remote, always living in hope that one day I would be able to pour my adoration all over you. How long has this condition lasted for? I would suggest over ten years. Yes, that long.

It was when you first joined the company. We worked in separate departments but I saw you arrive one day and from that moment I felt this adoration for you. It was strong and powerful and flowed from deep inside of me. I knew in an instant what it was and I just knew that I had to provide it to you. I had no idea when that opportunity might arise, when I might be in a position to furnish you with this potent and unending adoration.

You did not know this but I managed to copy your photograph off the company website and I would lie on my bed or sit in a chair and stare at your picture wondering when I would be able to provide you with what you deserve. I contemplated listening to you lying beside me and whispering my name, the sensation of your hand in mine, the delight in sharing experiences.

This adoration has remained, churning and growing inside of me. I have sustained it and nurtured it for all this time. That surely shows just how powerful it is and just how special you are to me. Yes, I know you had no idea. How could you? I kept it to myself as I wanted to save it all for you. Of course there have been others during those ten years but they were just practice for when I would be able to provide that adoration for you. I was fond of those supposedly significant others but let’s not you nor I delude ourselves; they came nowhere close to evoking the adoration that I have for you.

I was not surprised. I understood that from the instant I laid eyes on you that you were the one. I could not make my move though until I had tested myself. You see, I had been let down so many times before. I thought I knew and understood what true adoration was. I had been deceived by imposters and found that they promised much yet delivered so little. I did not doubt you but I had to be sure.

Accordingly, I kept my distance, adoring you from afar and pushing my resistance. Each day that passed where I denied myself the chance to give you my adoration was another day where I tested whether that adoration would remain intact and it was. I came through the test. I asked many questions of myself and I found that I was not wanting. This time was the reality.

This was true and honest adoration, nothing more and nothing less. I realised as the months became years that the longer I waited the surer I would become and moreover, like a grand whisky maturing, the longer I waited then the more powerful this adoration would be. I understood that to allow this adoration to grow and build, to test it, to determine whether it had any boundaries and shortcomings would ultimately mean that I would be able to dispense adoration like nobody else could ever do so. I could give you what you deserved and in return you would provide me with what I wanted and needed.

This may seem strange but there almost came a point when I thought that perhaps I would never provide this adoration for you. I wondered and considered whether I would be better served by keeping it within myself. Locking my adoration away as I always wondered whether it would come undone after another day of waiting and testing, but then I realised that since I adored you so, I could no longer keep this adoration hidden. What person would I be if I did not provide you with the very thing which you deserved?

I would be failing both you and I. Thus, that is why I made my move. There was nothing distinct which triggered this need to make my approach and provide you with this adoration. There was no catalyst other than the realisation that the time had come.

There was nothing more to be gained in keeping this adoration confined to myself. I had to release it and lay it on you. I had to pour it over you, spilling over you and coating you. I needed to provide this most perfect adoration and allow you to bask in it, delight in and know that this is what I will also provide to you. How can that now be the case?

I have waited so long to give this to you that there can be no outcome other than this permanent state of adoration which will allow us to become one and preserve that state of affairs forever. Ten years may seem like a long time but it is but a blink of the eye when compared to the infinite adoration

I will give you and that shall keep us together. We shall not crumble, we shall not fall.

I promise you this, just as promised the same to her last month and her the month before that and her the same last year.

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63 Comments

  1. H.G. on the topic of song lyrics, have you heard “You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid” by the Offspring? It describes perfectly the manipulation/smear campaign of a Greater/malignant narcissist. I’m adding the link to a YouTube lyric video of it, I highly suggest giving it a listen if you’ve never heard it!

    https://youtu.be/zEZRKgFIkxc

    (There’s something in your way and now someone is gonna pay, and if you can’t get what you want, well it’s all because of me–
    And as you step back into line, a mob jumps to their feet–
    Now dance, fucker, dance, man I never had a chance, and no one even knew it was really only you–
    With a thousand lies and a good disguise, hit ’em right between the eyes, see ’em running for their lives…etc.)

      1. Oprah is a Middle Greater Narcissist. She has similar energy to a Magnetic Empath, but Oprah is a Narc. She “started from the bottom, but now she is here”.
        There isn’t a reason for her to marry Stedman. I would even put Stedman in the IPSS catagory, and put her cult/staff, or even Gaile King in Non-Intimate Primary Source, I would even put Dr. Phil or Dr. OZ before Stedman. Gaile also has her own personal wing in Oprah’s home. Other reasons Oprah won’t marry Stedman: Oprah doesn’t like nor want children- she has stated this multiple times, oprah doesn’t want or need a domestic partnership- she is a billionaire, Oprah says she is past the age of having normal expectation of many women, Oprah is busy and pre-occupied. Stedman probably has a decent life looking good as a hanger on.

  2. Dear Mr Tudor,
    Our ” greater ” friend just sent me almost the exact same piccie of your legs whilst he n his wife were on holidays (he normally sends pics of her, them as a couple or food n wine)
    What the ? Is there are meaning behind this that I should be aware of ?
    Thank you Mr Tudor
    Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      1. Please forgive I now know what I do.
        Please forgive me I cant stop loving you.
        Dont deny me the pain I am going through.
        Please forgive me if I need you like I do.

    1. Haha Pati!

      It’s certainly puts “I’ll be there for you” and “runaway” into a new light!

          1. STBS, thank you same here .
            I am sure there will be something positive out of all this .At least I hope.
            Hugs xoxo

          2. Pati.

            Thank you.

            I hope so, as oherwise we got an emotional baseball batting for nothing. We’ll learn at least!

            Hugs to you too! Xoxo

          3. STBS, the emotional part is the worse of it. The other part is no one understands except the people here. I feel better already.
            Take care 💓

          4. Hi Pati,

            Agreed and thank you! You too!

            Thank goodness for the people here. Kindred spirits and he who shall not be named who provided it!

            I feel better too. Xoxo

    2. Pati—I loved Bon Jovi when I was 13. (?)
      My father went on a rant and wildly tore the poster out of my room and said they were inappropriate and I wasn’t permitted to ever watch MTV. He then meandered to his room and probably took nudes with his Polaroid to leave laying around to mortify me. See how fucked up these people can be? Unbelievable.

        1. MB—I wasn’t permitted to watch MTV or VH1. Wonder why I snuck out at night!? I got caught and shipped away 10 hours to school! I had a horse to ride at school. I hated that horse and she hated me.

          1. Lorelei, I didn’t watch it either. We had two channels. Three on a clear day with aluminum foil wrapped around the antenna. No cable.

          2. I laughed out loud. My friend keeps killing me over no cable! I ordered a few more board games! Twister (twice the size edition) for more stretching and Pictionary.

          3. They made me clean up after her and I didn’t like all the brushing. She smacked me all the time with her tail. She tried to throw me off on hills too.

          4. Oh no I did not! She hated me and her name was Sugar. I had to clean out her hooves too. I hated it all.

          5. Lorelei,
            I’m sorry I missed the nasty comment about you! It could not be any further from the truth! I know who and what you are and I love you! Thank you my friend! 😘💞

          6. I’m now classified as a lower middle according to HG. He changed his mind. Who knew? It was the fuel matrix I carry. He decided it was irrefutable at this point to carry on under the empath headliner.

          7. You can fool some people, you may even fool HG?! But you will never convince me of you being anything but an empath with a big heart that likes to sound tougher then she is!! 😘 love you my friend! 💞

          8. HG is still taking notes perhaps! I would hope not to carry on in such a manner on here as to insult other readers desire to help contribute funds to others while remaining anonymous. (For example)
            It’s a non issue for me really. I’m imperfect and a total ass at times but there has to be a point where enough is enough and she keeps firing back at people and it’s counter-intuitive to getting help. Here for help or not? Not my concern really. My main concern is eating breakfast and sipping on coffee right now.

          9. Lorelei:

            Horses usually handle much better when you groom them. I used to think they liked having their backs scratched and their muscles curry-combed, but there’s more to it. Their mothers comb their manes with their teeth.

            If you bond with the horse, mucking out can be very therapeutic. You get used to the smell, and you say whatever comes into your head to the horse. They’re like taxi drivers or bartenders: they’re not shocked and they won’t tell. But it sounds like you were already too angry to bond with your horse. If she tried to throw you, it sounds like neither of you could win over the other.

          10. I was angry. I got kicked out of my house for my behavior and sent 10 hours away! Haha. I had to wear horrible uniforms and behave myself.

          11. Lorelei – I’m not sure if you saw my comment on another thread, but here it goes again: happy birthday, sparking one! November 18, isn’t it?

          12. Yes ma’am! My daughter and I both. I appreciate your bday wish! Weather will be conducive to meeting her wishes this evening after school.

      1. Lorelei,
        They are totally screwed I know.
        I had a picture of man I took with at my 21st birthday party ( me a strip club) my friends took me for fun .it was a Polaroid. My stupid ass husband made me RIP it. I wasnt with him at the time .
        There goes that memory and every other memory in sight .

        1. Pati—strip clubs are so cheesy!! I’ve been there. I did a little number for my then boy interest at the time but I was young and dumb enough to do it. Omg. I can’t believe how silly that was. There is skill on that pole though. It’s a lot of work.

          1. Lorelei , Very cheesy , I really didnt want to go but my friends insisted at the time . It was fun though, We all died laughing when I got a free lap dance ( they made me wear a badge saying Birthday girl .) Those were the days. Now back to reality of the Narc World .

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