You Should

YOU SHOULD

What is the prevailing mind-set of the Mid Range Narcissist? What is going through the mind of the member of the largest school of narcissism when an appliance has been treacherous and disloyal? Does he manifest the malice that is exhibited by the Greater school or is his response different? What is he thinking when there is treason committed in the Kingdom of Mid-Range? Whether the appliance has escaped him, exposed him, challenged him or some other capital crime against the nation-state of narcissism, the Mid-Ranger’s mind goes into overdrive. This is a glimpse inside to understand what he or she believes.

You should not have done that to me. You should be thankful for who I am. You should be giving thanks to whichever god you follow that you have someone like me in your life, someone who cares, someone who is considerate, someone who only wants the best for you. You should be ashamed of the way you have treated me. You should apologise this instant. You should say sorry to me for the way you have behaved. You should treat others the way you want to be treated and not going around behaving like you are something special. You should realise I am something special and you keep treating me terribly. You should understand that I am a good, honest and decent person and not everybody would put up with your hysterical outbursts. You should know how hard it is to love somebody like you, but I do. You should be grateful for that.

You should know who you are messing with. You should be wary of getting on the wrong side of me you know. You should make sure you keep me happy because you will not like me when I am not happy. You should be looking out for me and not gadding around after other people. You should learn what your priorities are. You should spend more time with me. You should know when to leave me alone. You should be here and doing what I want. You should try giving for once rather than doing all of this taking.

You should be more aware of the way that you treat people and especially me. You should think more about how your actions impact on me. You should take my feelings into account and stop being so selfish. You should realise just what you do hurts me. You should understand that the things you say and do to me have consequences. You should stop making it all about you and let me have a say from time to time. You should stop being so obsessed with your friends’ lives and think about our lives together. You should spend less time with your family, they do not appreciate you in the way I do.

You should stop telling lies about me. You should get your own house in order before you start telling me how I should lead my life. You shouldn’t live in a glass house you know and throw stones. You should stop being such a nasty person to someone who has only ever been good to you. You should stop smearing my name to other people. You should take a look in the mirror. You should take a good look in the mirror actually.

You should stop putting me down. You should do what I want for a change. You should come back and apologise, I am a reasonable person and you should recognise that. You should make things right again because after all this is all your fault. You should stop fighting with me, I do not know why you have to do this. You should stop trying to tie me in knots. You should be more considerate. You should think about me more. You should sort this mess out because you are the only one who has caused it.

You should see how hard I have been trying for us. You should recognise a good person when you see one. You should know I have made the changes you demanded but you should be making some of your own as well. You should realise just how much I have tried for you and me.

You should know what other people say about you. You should realise that I put up with people saying bad things about you and you should be grateful I defend you to them, but I won’t keep doing it forever. You should realise you are not as popular as you think you are. You should be aware that I am a popular person and you won’t come out of this looking good at all.

You shouldn’t treat me like this. You shouldn’t destroy what I have built. You should recognise a good person, an honest person, a truthful person like me. You should learn just what you have lost by behaving like this. You should see just how many people hold me in high regard. You should be so happy to have someone like me, someone who people think well of and they do, just ask anybody and they will tell you. You should take the time to realise that I am a good person and consider what you are doing to me, to us, to what we have.

You should stop hurting me. You should stop getting a kick out of this horrible treatment of me. You should stop being mean to someone who loves you. You should help me. You should love me more. You should show me that you mean it. You should stop with the pretence. You should be genuine like me. You should stop playing the games. You should be the person that would make your grandmother proud. You should be the best person you can be for me.

You should get some help. You should see someone. You should go to therapy. You should sort these problems out. You should stop blaming me. You should stop projecting your problems and insecurities on to me. You should stop the game-playing, I am cleverer than you so I see straight through it. You should tell the truth for once You should stop making up stories about me. You should reflect on what you do. You should get some insight into what you are actually doing. You should shut up and listen to me for once. You should go and see the doctor. You should take your medication. You should stop being such a borderline. You should stop being such an attention-seeker. You should stop dodging the issue. You should address your issues.

You should let me speak. You should give me a chance to make things right again. You should come back because you owe me. You should let me show you what I can do. You should understand sometimes I don’t know what comes over me. You should make allowances for my behaviour because you are worse. You should not focus on the handful of supposedly bad things I do when I do way more good things. You should listen to why I do those things because if you did you would realise there is always a very good reason behind it. You should understand I have to disappear once in a while because your behaviour becomes too much. You should understand I am not sulking, I am just being quiet. You should accept I have to tell people about the way you behave because otherwise I would go mental. You should think about the names I call you and realise I am actually trying to help you because otherwise you will not listen. You should stop trying to blame me for everything that goes wrong and instead be grateful for what I do for you.

You should give it a rest now because you are giving me a headache. You should go and let me rest because I have been working hard all day. You should rub my back. You should make me something to eat. You should be there when I come home. You should stay out of my way when I am fed up of you. You should ask me how I am and not keep telling me about what you want. You should stop telling me how I should behave. You should see what I have to deal with. You should try being me. You should understand how much pain I am in from my back and not complain about your own supposed ailments. You should show some consideration for me now and again. You should get off your high horse. You should give it a rest. You should try walking in my shoes. You should try being me for a day. You should look at it from my point of view. You should make allowances. You should be more tolerant.

You should do it because you want to. You should do it for us. You should have more faith. You should have more discipline. You should have more resolve. You should let me in. You should keep out. You should learn when to speak. You should learn when to stay quiet. You should be seen and not heard. You should follow me. You should watch what I do . You should learn from an expert. You should stick with me. You should be mine. You should stay away from him. You should not speak to them. You should know what is best for you. You should know home is where the heart is. You should know where you bread is buttered. You should know how lucky you are to have me.

You should come back.

You should because I say so.

You just should.

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42 Comments

  1. “You should get some help. You should see someone.“
    They(“family”)really thought i was the crazy one and even had my brain checked.

    You should not go out with them. They are not decent girls.

    You should be more feminine. Girls should not laugh out loud.

    You should drink this. (Me:i don’t want to). You should. I don’t feel respected when you don’t do what i tell you to do. Drink it !!! I am worried about you.

    You should listen to me when i criticize you.

    You should help your brother otherwise you are not going anywhere…

  2. It’s very sad, but when I first watched your video of this (which I urge others to watch if they haven’t already done so) I found my anxiety rising as I was transported back into that period where my ex boyfriend was berating me and belittling like this as I felt myself shrinking into my own emptiness. Watching the video was a little traumatic just because you are so good at what you do HG, but it is exactly what I needed to remind me that I should.. never go back to that. Thank you for all your hard work.

  3. HG,
    I read it again and realised I have said many of those things to my narc in response to his treatment of me in the past, although never framing it as “ you should “ . I was pointing out factual instances because I couldn’t understand how he could treat me so poorly after all years I’ve been so good to him.
    It’s not wrong to point those things out after being accused of not being a good wife, is it ??
    It’s as though he erased every good thing I’d ever done from his memory, so much so I felt he must have something wrong with his brain. Or was it just self preservation to justify in his mind his whoring around?

    1. No, it is not wrong.

      What you must understand Lamb that narcissists and non-narcissists will say and do similar things (not all of the time, there are differences). The important point is the prism through which the words and/or behaviour are viewed once an individual has been established as narcissist or non-narcissist. Thus a narcissist saying “you should” means something different to a non-narcissist saying it.

      1. HG,
        Thank you.
        No man has ever made me feel this way. I haven’t been able to read here for a few days, too upset. I feel paralyzed, full of anxiety, no appetite, head spinning. One minute I’m telling myself, “ fuck him , I can survive without him “ , next minute I’m a crumpled mess.
        He’s vacillating now between screaming at me over simple innocuous questions, to ignoring me. Sometimes I yell back, sometimes I ignore.
        I never know who’s walking in the door, Jekyll , or Hyde. Hyper vigilance has taken over my life, it’s killing me. I jump when he opens the door, and my heart starts racing anticipating his arrival home. I don’t let him see my distress. I try to appear completely calm , although I’m dying inside.
        I read and read some more, I don’t think it will ever sink in, that this man who I have loved and cared for , raised children with for decades, how he can treat me this way.
        I’m dreading Christmas morning, I anticipate receiving nothing for Christmas in light of his recent behavior. We were never big on gifts for each other , but always exchanged a little something. I’m praying I won’t burst into tears in front of him if that’s the case .

        I’m shattered. :(

        1. 1. Undertake a Narc detector Consultation so you know, precisely, what you are dealing with.
          2. Consult with me to implement your no contact regime.

          Consideration of how you will feel on Christmas morning whilst understandable is the wrong focus. Getting Out and Staying Out is your focus.

          1. HG,

            Hopefully consult after the new year.
            I feel like I don’t know how to live without him, but can’t live like this either.
            I WISH he would have done this to me 30 years ago. I could have been in a loving and mutually respectful relationship with someone else.
            Instead he’s STOLEN the best years of my life from me.

          2. Indeed, you recognise that but there is little point repeatedly lamenting that fact, it serves no purpose.

            Do not hopefully consult after the new year. Do it now, there is no reason to delay and every reason not to.

          3. HG,

            I wish I could do it now , lack of $$$$ prevents me . If I were wealthy, I’d pay for you to come hold my hand and walk me through every step of this nightmare.
            Finances will be better after the holidays.

          4. Lamb. Please use Angel Assistance. It is there for help when you can’t afford it. You really at this point can’t afford not to take advantage. You are logical enough still to know you need to get out. Please reconsider
            Hugs

  4. “You should know what other people say about you. You should realise that I put up with people saying bad things about you and you should be grateful I defend you to them, but I won’t keep doing it forever. You should realise you are not as popular as you think you are. You should be aware that I am a popular person and you won’t come out of this looking good at all.”

    None of my boyfriends, but I can think of more than one teacher. People who got beat up by nuns were lucky.

    And then there was my Bestest Friend in Jr High….

  5. Now this is a funny thing. I’ve only ever really seriously entangled with one Middle. He was an Upper but for a long time I wondered if he was aware. No he wasnt. And it was HG actually who took a corcumventious route on informing me of my mistake.

    A lot on here greatly enjoy iA Narcaassit’ series. As light relief, I started to watch a Netflix program. I discussed it at the time on here. It was The Windsors. Netflix.

    There are many treats in those series. Many. But one was an imagined scene where Prince Hal is strong armed into a duel with a man who calls himself a psychopath. Except he wasnt because when the gun was pointed at him, well, he didnt behave in a becoming way, shall we say..

    HG pointed out, THAT is a middle masquerading as a Greater. I get that.

    When I threatened the UMC with exposure, I could not only sense but hear the utter panic in his voice. A G would never allow that. He was utterly a middle. And on a five figure salary too which he was largely spazzing up the wall to maintain the facade. No pension. Not paying properly the mortgage. Taking expensive foreign holidays and to top it all off, insisted he could ski for 30 miles. Cross country. He had a tiny cock too despite being 6’1″. If I’d been really trying? Five mins tops to blow him off.

    He was never able to make me orgasm without a vibrator. Ever. My self esteem must have been so poor to allow this situation to continue for as long as it did.

    I wouldn’t say I got him in the end. But if the opportunity presents itself…

  6. These types of photos are just gross. I hate to look at them and scroll quickly past them.

    I wish i would have seen them before I met Narcx. I would have realized that he is just gross.

    1. Policy

      They are, aren’t they? The pictures I mean. And I love HGs camera work on IG and the encapsulating pictures on here.

      But by gum. He does challenge at times.

      Keep on challenging, HG.

  7. You should…you should. I hate those words. They imply such guilt. Mine was not a MR, but his favorite saying was you should. You should have done this, you should have done that. It was constant and very annoying.

  8. Well, I think I just demoted a lower greater to an upper Mid-Ranger. I suspected lately that he wasnt a greater and that I have just been overwhelmed by his behavior dt emotional thinking. This makes it clearer.

    1. Yep. I use to think Narcx was a Greater, too. HG’s articles have demoted him a couple of rungs, for sure. I should be collecting the relevant articles to see how far he has been demoted since I first arrived here.

      1. I think it’s easier to know that they have no self awareness. It makes me feel less intentionally violated—they are essentially blind and if a blind person bumps into me it’s less personal.

        1. ??? We were on the subject of demotion to Mid-Range of what we thought was a Greater.

          Until we know/realize they are a Mid-Range, we won’t be inclined to practice the “easy” method of knowing that they’re blind.

          1. Lorelei yes, to know they are mid range or lesser and aren’t intentionally behaving the way they do is also of some comfort to me.
            It defin makes it feel less personal.

    2. Susan

      Well done. A upper middle can come off as a Greater. It’s just cognitive awareness.

      But they are not that aware.

      You OK?

  9. Yes HG, this was my life. Was. Past tense. Free. Much thanks to you. Slowly recovering financially. I will be fine. He will, however, always be this thing. His pathetic needs and personality will only mold and wither and degenerate over time. His is losing his looks. His personality is becoming obviously infantile and juvenile to all of those around him, including his family. Glad I am me not him. Thanks again HG.

  10. this you shoulld thing is really getting on my nerves lately, and to make it worse even thought my minde understands that it shouldn’t care my emotions refuses to follow suit.

  11. I doubt if mine would want me to go back to him after getting him fired (lost his premium fuel supply) would he?😳

  12. Here is one for the mid range Somatic Narc / Sociopath – “You Should Bugger Off” – thankfully it has at the moment, and I am disengaged, even though I told him I wanted nothing more to do with him – last straw was when he asked me for money for his unpaid business bills, he has to of course in his mind be the one that ended the chirades.

  13. It’s pretty accurate. I have heard a good amount of this, though not the part where I should see a professional. The rest… yep

  14. WOW! Ouch Ouch Ouch! I Should Have Known Better . I Should Have Listened to the first three Red Flags! Ugh! Thank you, HG for articulating so eloquently simple.

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